No Longer His Servant, Not Yet His Wife

Slightly updated version after some lovely reviews. Thank you so much! xxx

I could feel Ross's hands steady around my waist, grasping the reins as we rode back to the cottage. The sun was setting now, fiery orange on the horizon and a silence hung from our lips. In truth I didn't what to say. I didn't know what to think. Me…a wife? I'd never even dreamed of my position as a kitchen maid, but a wife? I could scarce gather my wits about me.

Not that I was under any illusions of his love. He'd shown me something similar last night. I'd had glimpses of it before with other men. Groping hands pushed away. Stolen kisses taken from virgin lips. Nothing like last night though.

I blushed to remember.

We had reached the cottage now and I trembled as Ross took my hand helping me from the horse. He seemed to sense my unease and gave me a gentle smile, I could only look away.

Gathering up my bundle I began to walk towards the kitchen door, Ross fell into step beside me. I sucked in a breath as his hand slipped into mine, neither of us said a word. He seemed about to speak when a quiet but heart wrenching sob reached both of our ears. Ginny. We heard the soft cries of her baby and the deep murmurings of her father from little garden shack. I turned to Ross and saw his face harden. Letting go of my hand he stormed into the house slamming the door behind him.

Supper was soon ready and I set out a tray for Ross. However it was almost a full five minute that I stood at his door, limbs trembling. How could I have been so bold yesternight and yet now I stood shaking like a child! I let out a sigh then almost but dropped the tray as I heard Ross' harsh voice "Demelza just come in!". His face, however was softer than his words when I looked up to see me enter.

"Are we not to eat together tonight Demelza?" He asked, setting aside his papers for me to put the tray down.

"No Sir, I thought you should like to be left alone…"

"Do you think I asked you to marry me so I could be left alone?" He was almost smiling now.

"Well no Sir…it's just you seemed upset and…"

"Come sit" He interrupted "Have you eaten?"

I nodded and he frowned, I looked away.

"Are you yet afraid of me now?" He inquired, "Has so much changed since last night?"

I blushed deep red.

"Demelza, you need not be ashamed…"

"Oh no, Sir it's not that..I suppose I just feel..I am no longer your servant yet I am not yet your wife"

"The banns are to be read in a few weeks hence…are you worried I should disregard their meaning and want you abed before the day?"

"Oh no! I shouldn't mind that I-"

At this he roared with laughter and grasping my hands he pulled me onto his lap. He kissed me deeply.

"I'm glad I have so pleased you, Lord knows how you shall please me" He whispered in my ear.

"Yes Sir" was all I could think to say

"I suppose you should call me Ross now" He smiled.

"Ross" I said and in my nervous state it came out as a breathless moan.

His breathing hitched and soon he was kissing me again. The candles shine shone bright on the mantlepiece and I could see his hands before they pulled me closer.

This kiss was different to last night. Last night's kisses had been filled with wine, sadness and desperation. This kiss held a promise.

Wife...

...Husband.

Not just somewhere I belong, but someone to belong to.

Yet right now his hands felt hungry though his supper lay untouched on the desk. I'd come to the room hoping to help console his pain over Jim's sentence yesterday. Instead he seemed more interested in continuing the latter events of that day. Perhaps I was comforting him as I sat atop his lap letting his hands skim over the coarse fabric of my day dress and his lips everywhere they could reach.

Perhaps this is simply what I am.

A distraction.

Why should I be anything more?

I wondered what Ross was about when he quickly stood up causing me to slide off his lap. He strode across the room and quickly bolted the door then turned to me again.

"Just making sure there are no intrusions..." He said and slid his hand under my chin.

"Demelza we are equals now, as we have always been." He continued.

"Yes Ross..." I said breathless, yet slightly confused.

"So, I think perhaps you should kiss me now..." He smirked.

I hoped Judd and Prudie couldn't hear the low groan he made as I placed my lips on the corner of his mouth and curled my hands into his hair.

"T'int right, T'int fair, T'int proper" Judd would say.

And heaven knows, he'd be right.