Jude

I woke up and rolled over to grab my phone. It was only six in the morning. I still had six hours before I had to be on the train to see Connor. This day was going to drag more than any other day in my life. I was going to Los Angeles for the whole summer. In the two years that Connor had been living there with his mom, we had had weekends here and there and a week or two when school allowed. Keeping up this long distance relationship was hard, but we had lasted longer than anyone thought we would. It would be three whole years since he left. My siblings had actually taken bets on how long we would last once Connor left and we had outlasted all their bets.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I glanced at it. It was a text from Connor. Today was his last day of school before summer began, even though we had been out here for a week now. I thought about seeing him again and started to get excited. We hadn't seen each other since March when we had been lucky enough to have the same Spring break. I opened my phone and read his text.

Connor: good morning sexy just wanted to say I love you and can't wait to see you

Jude: I can't wait for you to see me either

Connor: oh here you're up

Jude: in more ways than one

Connor: really? Looks like you need someone to take care of that

Jude: are you volunteering?

Connor: maybe

Jude: if a maybe is all you can offer I may have to take care of it myself

Connor: I have a big surprise for you when you get here

Jude: really? How big?

Connor: God Jude! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Jude: I remember how big it is

Connor: are you seriously trying to sext with me this early in the morning?

Jude: yeah

Connor: I can't start this I gotta go catch the bus in a minute

Jude: it's okay in a few hours I'll have the real thing

Connor: I can't wait to kiss you again

Jude: among other things

Connor: yes other things are nice too. I gotta go. I love you

Jude: I love you too

As I laid in my bed, I thought about those other things and back to the night this all started to go downhill. The night that had started this chain of events, which had become my life, in motion. It had all started out innocent enough. We were watching a movie in Connor's room. The reason I liked hanging out at Connor's was because there wasn't a no closed doors policy. Adam pretty much left us alone for the most part.

Connor and I were lying on our stomachs on his bed facing the TV. I wasn't really paying attention to the movie. I was watching Connor out of my peripheral vison. So far our make out sessions had been innocent, just a kiss here and there. I thought about pushing it, maybe trying to take it to the next level, but I was afraid Connor didn't want that. Then again what if he was waiting for me to make the first move?

Connor rolled over on his back as the end credits of the movie rolled. I looked into his eyes and we smiled at each other. Connor brought his lips to mine and kissed me. I moved closer to him so that my leg was wrapped around his. He deepened the kiss as he ran his tongue across my bottom lip. As his tongue slid in my mouth he moaned. I ran my hand up his leg and he shivered as I grazed his crotch with my hand. He pulled me over so I was straddling him.

I pinned his hands over his head with mine. He was stronger than me so I knew he could get out of my hold easily if he wanted to. But he just let me have control, which was unusual. He usually wanted to be the one in control. I was feeling brave so I sat up and let go of his hands. I put both my hands on the hem of my shirt and slipped it over my head quickly before I changed my mind.

Connor ran his hands down my chest and when his fingers made contact with my nipples I said his name breathlessly. He flipped us over so he was on top of me between my legs. He ground his hips into mine and I could feel how hard he was. I knew he could feel my hardness against him too. One of us needed to stop this before it went too far but I couldn't speak.

I watched as Connor sat up on his knees and took his shirt off. He tossed it and then he was kissing me again. We were skin to skin. We'd never had an article of clothing off before. This was uncharted territory for us. I had to admit I like the way being chest to chest felt. I wanted more.

Connor continued to kiss me as he rolled off of me. He pulled away from the kiss and started kissing down my neck, sucking lightly at first. I moaned his name as his tongue flicked out and licked the spot just above my collarbone. As he ground his hardness into my leg, he reached out and touched me. I was shocked at first and I wanted to push him away. Then as he palmed me I started to moan and bucked my hips into his hand. Then just as he reached to undo my pants Adam walked in.

"What the hell is going on here?" he yelled.

Connor looked up at his dad with scared look on his face. I had never seen him look so scared in all the time I had known him, not even when he got shot. Adam came over and pulled Connor off the bed by his arm.

"Get your shirt Jude. It's time for you to go home," Adam said.

I did as I was told and followed Adam out of the room leaving Connor standing there staring after us.

I threw the covers back and sat up on the edge of the bed. I took a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down before I went downstairs. After a few minutes I got up and went down the stairs to the kitchen. I decided on just a bowl of cereal since everyone else was still sleeping. I got the bowl, cereal, and milk and sat down at the table. As I started eating mom came in the kitchen in her police uniform.

"Good morning love, what are you doing up so early?" Stef asked.

"I couldn't sleep," I answered.

"Are you excited to see Connor?" she asked.

"Yeah," maybe a little too excited but I didn't tell her that.

"Love, when you're done with your cereal momma and I would like to talk to you in the living room," Stef said as she left the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hand.

Great, I thought to myself, another sex talk. That was what it had to be right? I sighed as I got up and went to the sink with my bowl. I rinsed it and set it in the sink. I stood there for a minute mentally preparing myself for this. I had had the sex talk with momma when Adam had caught Connor and me with our shirts off and it had been kind of embarrassing. I sighed again and walked into the living room. My moms were sitting on the couch and looked up when I came into the room.

"Have a seat love," Stef said.

I did as I was told and watched them for a second. I loved my moms but this was so awkward. Why was this necessary? I knew all of this already. They had been drilling it into my head ever since I was thirteen.

"Okay we know that Beth is not going to be able to be with you and Connor all the time as she still has to work. There will be a significant amount of alone time when it is just the two of you because of this we were reluctant to let you go," Lena started.

"Connor and I aren't having sex. I am still a virgin," I assured them.

"But you're going to spend the whole summer there. Things could happen. Just don't let Connor force you into something you're not ready for," Stef said.

"Then again don't force Connor into something he's not ready for either," Lena added.

"Honestly I hadn't planned on giving up my virginity anytime soon," I told them. It wasn't a lie. Connor and I had been messing around for a while now but had never had actual sex. We had come so close Spring break but I had said no at the last minute. I was scared and knew I wasn't ready to take it to that level. The other things felt so good. What if sex wasn't as good?

"That's good love, but just in case I put a box of condoms and some lube on your bed for you to take with you. We want you to be safe and be prepared if you decide to go all the way with Connor," Lena said.

"Okay, are we done now because I still need to pack," I lied. I had been packed for days now. I just wanted to get away from this conversation. I didn't want to discuss my sex life or lack thereof with my parents.

"Sure you can go," Stef smiled.

Once in my room I picked up my phone and sent Connor a text. I knew he was in school and probably wouldn't answer me back.

Jude: please just kill me now

Connor: what happened?

Jude: I just had the most embarrassing conversation ever with my moms

I stared at the box of condoms and the lube sitting beside me on the bed. What the hell I thought to myself. I guess I should be prepared for anything right? I got up and put them in my suitcase. As I sat back down on the bed my phone buzzed.

Connor: about what?

Jude: sex

Connor: yeah my mom talked to me last night about it

Jude: they were concerned with us being alone so much when your moms at work

Connor: she even bought me condoms and lube I was mortified

Jude: lol our parents are on the same wave length

Connor: let me guess your moms did the same thing?

Jude: yep it's in my suitcase

Connor: I gotta go now we'll talk about it when you're here. I love you

Jude: I love you more

I set my phone down and stared at the floor. We'll talk about it when I get there. I played those words over and over in my head. I loved Connor more than anything else in this world and I knew one day I would have sex with him. But was I ready for it now? Was he ready?