Kirk's POV

"The ship's dead, sir. She's gone"

Over my dead body.

"No, she's not."

I sprinted along the corridor to the warp core chamber. I wasn't thinking straight, I know, but my mind was fixed on one goal and one goal only, and we were running out of time. I didn't hear Scotty prattling along, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going in," I said as I keyed in the Captain's override to open the chamber.

"…that door is there to keep us from getting irradiated. We'd be dead before we made the climb!"

I stopped what I was doing as I let that sink in. I wasn't going to let Scotty die because of the blunder I made of not listening to him in the first place. "You're not making the climb," and I landed a good strong right hook on his face, instantly knocking him out. I dragged him over to an empty seat before I made my way to the chamber when I could feel the ground lurching beneath me. I remembered Scotty and I quickly made over to him to buckle him in.

I turned around and headed to the chamber yet again. I unlocked the secondary door that served as a shield from the radiation seeping to the entire ship and went inside unhesitatingly. I knew my body wouldn't allow me to go further if I stopped to think of the consequences. I opened the primary chamber door and was met with a blast of burning hot air. I stepped inside an oven, for there was no better word to describe it.

Heat, oppressing and unforgiving scalded my body as I ploughed on. The ship jolted underneath me and I had to go in on all fours. I couldn't keep my hands on one area for more than a second, my hands burned but without any visible damage to my skin.

I crawled out and I came before the looming structure of the heart of the ship. An alarm sounded somewhere as I considered the feat before me. It seemed almost impossible to climb when my vision had started to cloud around the edges. Sweat drenched my body to stave off the worst of the heat doing any damage to my internal organs, but it was only so long before they would eventually shut down.

I didn't have time to waste considering what I was going to do.

This is it.

This was going to be my legacy and I was damn well not going to go down after getting inside the warp core and fainting before doing anything to save my ship.

I started the uphill climb and I felt my ship go for another round of somersaults. For a good ten seconds, it was quite easy to climb when the vertical climb had become horizontal, but the next ten seconds passed with me trying to climb the thing upside down. Blood rushed to my head and I felt nauseated. I stopped when I started to panic – I couldn't breathe well anymore. My breaths came out in painful gasps and I felt unconsciousness closing in on me ever so slowly. I had to do this quick.

The ship righted itself and I got to climbing again. My arms and legs burned both with the build-up of lactic acid in my muscles and also from the radiation. My body felt very much ready to quit, but that one small part of me that believed in no-win scenarios screamed for my attention – to not give up after coming this far. I held on to that as I made to the top. I searched for something to grab onto above me and got a good hold of the metal above as I swung my feet to slam the bottom part of the core into place.

The first hit jarred my bones and I could feel the whiplash up to my skull. The thing hadn't moved an inch. I tried again, and again, and again. After about six to seven kicks, I could feel the core creaking, straining under my force. That was good, because my arms were going to come out of my sockets anytime soon. I kicked again, with renewed energy when I saw that it was working and with one final kick, the thing jumped into place, a brilliant flash of blue the last thing I saw before I dissolved into darkness.

oOo

The vibrating floor awoke me as much as it soothed my aching body. My brain felt sluggish, slow to comprehend what was happening. The even humming of the engines could only mean one thing – my ship was safe. I had done it.

I wanted to lie on that floor forever but I knew I didn't have time. I wanted to get out of this place so I made my way to the entrance, disturbingly slow. I crumpled on the floor during my last few steps and I had to drag myself to get to the door.

Heat burned my body, my uniform not giving a lick of protection against the radiation. I felt nauseous as my abdomen ached unpleasantly and I put a hand on it to alleviate my pain. My head felt like being pounded by a sledgehammer in rhythm to my erring heart beat and I found the act of blinking too painful to continue. My arms and legs were like lead, weighing me down as I slowly tried to sit up.

I have always been used to pain; a broken nose, concussion or smashed ribs were as much a part of my weekly dosage. But this, this was too much.

I tried to catalog my various injuries that were unattended since dealing with Khan. I'd already sustained two hairline fractures on my ribs and my jaw from the number Khan had done on me. Not to mention minor fractures in my knuckles from punching that bastard's face on Kronos and severe bruises and lacerations from the fight that had ensued with the Klingons. I had been able to get on with that pain just fine but now they only added to my body's suffering altogether.

I tried to stop thinking of unpleasant thoughts that added to my pain when I noticed somebody crouch next to me. I looked out of the corner of my eyes and saw that it was Scotty. He looked frightened as he exclaimed, "Cap'n!"

"Hold on sir, I'll open the door now!" he said and made to get up. I didn't want him to leave. I knew getting me out was quite useless. I could already feel my legs below my knees starting to go numb.

"No!" I said, which came out as a rasp. My throat was parched and I couldn't seem to produce enough saliva to moisten my mouth. I swallowed and said again, "No, the radiation… needs to be contained". I felt my breathing become difficult as I tried to suck in oxygen slowly.

"But, sir…" Scotty protested. I cut him off, "That's…an order"

I was already scared enough by my decision and I didn't want anybody making it difficult for me. I wanted to see Bones, to have him next to me. God knows, I was gonna miss him like hell. I couldn't imagine what he would do if I died. But having Bones next to me, making him suffer by watching me die would only kill me faster. No, I'd rather have Spock here. Maybe his calm demeanor was all I needed to face my fears.

I said to Scotty, "Get… Spock." It came out as a whisper.

He nodded and said, "Aye Sir," with so much respect in his voice that I almost choked in the tears that threatened to fill my eyes.

He moved away as he spoke something inaudible into his comm unit. I felt myself drifting. I couldn't keep my eyes open; they begged to let themselves rest. Just when I felt like I had conceded to its request, I could hear footfalls coming closer. I saw a man standing just outside the chamber door but I couldn't lift my head to identify the newcomer. A voice hitched, "Open it" and my eyes widened. Spock.

I heard Scotty say with a slight tremble in his voice, "The decontamination process is not complete. You'd flood the whole compartment. The door's locked sir."

Oh shit! How could I have forgotten that? I felt for the lever above my head on the wall and pulled it down to close the primary chamber door. A mild hiss could be heard as the decontamination process started and I gasped. My lungs were still burning, I didn't know how long I could do this, to fight death.

I turned sideways to see Spock crouched in front of me, too lost to look like a Vulcan. I immediately felt a pang of regret for having caused him sadness, one emotion I never wanted him to feel, of all people. I wanted to console him, that it was alright, but the most pressing matter had to be gotten away with first.

"How's our ship?" I gasped out.

"Out of danger" he replied with a wavering voice, almost surprising himself. "You saved the crew."

Saved the crew? 'Led them to their deaths' would be the appropriate phrase. This was the first mission I had lost crewmates and not in single digits. I knew if I said this aloud, Spock would justify my actions, so I moved on. "You used what he wanted against him. That's a nice move."

"It is what you would have done," he said simply.

"And this, this is what you would've done. It was only logical."

It was true. I was one hundred percent sure that if the roles had been reversed, Spock would have done just the same. He had already demonstrated that in Nibiru, how he had fearlessly stood his ground to give up his life for a species that would never even know his name, let alone what he had done.

Why then was I scared for doing the same and for my crew no less? I felt ashamed, but I admitted it to the one person that I trusted, who would not find it wrong, for he had confessed that he had experienced the same fear on Nibiru.

"I'm scared, Spock. Help me not be… how do you choose not to feel?" I wanted to know his secret, how he could stand by and watch himself giving up his own life.

My heart ached when I saw I had hurt him with my words. Tears flooded Spock's eyes as he sniffed.

"I do not know" he said, perplexed himself. "Right now, I am failing."

I was devastated when I heard those words. Spock, his perpetually calm First Officer who never admitted to feeling was breaking down in front of me. I had always been intrigued about his emotional control. Hell, I had even tried to get a rise out of him just to make him admit to emotions for once. But I had never wanted to see him like this in my life. I wanted to make amends, make him feel how valued he was in my eyes.

"I want you to know why I couldn't let you die, why I came back for you…" I said pausing to breathe. The numbness had crawled up to my abdomen now. I couldn't fathom if that was a blessing or a curse – I wasn't nauseous anymore and the terrible cramps and aches had fizzled out to nothing.

I didn't have to continue anyway as Spock said, "Because you are my friend" and a single tear rolled down his eye. I felt a pleasant warmth spread through my body (the parts I could still feel anyway) and I realized it was subdued elation. I was overjoyed that he had finally realized it when he had never admitted to it for so long. But my body was in no condition to whoop and jump so I settled for a slow nod of my head.

I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for putting him through these emotions, but no sound escaped my lips. I gasped for breath, and tried again to no avail. The numbness crept up to my chest and I knew my time was coming. I was so damn scared I wanted to fall into someone's arms, for them to tell me that it was going to be okay.

I reached out to Spock, and my hand met with the glass door. Oh, how I wish the door didn't exist between us right now!

But Spock too reached out and put a shaking hand to the glass. I realized he was forming the ta'al, a final display of respect. Live long and prosper. I felt amused at the irony; I couldn't help but smile a little. Spock looked up at my face, searching, longing. I smiled, unable to believe how lucky I was to have him as my friend.

Almost, suddenly my whole body became numb, and I was aware of my dwindling heartbeat. My vision clouded and I felt the last lub and dub of my heart as it finally got a well-deserved break.

A/N: And that's a wrap! Thank you all for the faves follows and reviews. Do leave me a review if you liked it.

EDITED: 03/03/2019