Trying something new and on my own (love you dearest Aria). This idea has been festering in my head for awhile... and I'm finally giving into it.

Warnings: RIREN RIREN RIREN! Oh and did I mention the Riren pairing? There also may be moments of depression and loneliness in case those may be triggers. Eventual romance. Uhhh... I dunno - stupidity? Oh! Probable language later on.

Bold and Italics is Eren's journal which is written in first person. Italics are thoughts.

Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin belongs to Hajime Isayama - not I.

"Eren Jaeger," the receptionist called.

He stood and went to her desk, "Yes ma'am?"

The girl froze as she looked at him. There was vague recognition in her eyes.

A stab of remorse went through the other as he took in her look but he forced himself to remain level headed. It was incredibly unlikely that she would recall her past life.

"I'm sorry… but d-do I…?" She trailed off, as if trying to place where she might know him from.

Yes, he wanted to say, we were on the same squad at one time, though you don't remember. Instead he squashed any hopes that she might remember and instead gave her his best curious look, "I'm sorry?"

She blushed furiously, "My apologies! It's just… that I - you remind me of someone.. but now I sound like a stupid person… sorry.. again."

Eren chuckled lightly, "That's alright, Mina, no hard feelings." He paled a bit when he realized what he had said, he hadn't given her a chance to introduce herself and he had said her name. He cursed himself as his eyes searched for a name badge of any kind. Nothing. He waited to see if she would notice.

Mina gave a grateful smile, "Well, he's ready to see you whenever you're ready."

"Alright, thank you," he replied quickly, eager to make an escape before she could notice his slip up. Eren managed to duck behind a corner when he heard her small gasp of realization. He gave a heavy sigh and continued onward to his destination.

That's how it usually happens, I run into my past comrades only for them to not remember anything of their past lives. Most times I slip up and call them by name and then have to make a quick escape before they fully notice it. I had long since given up hope that any of them would remember. I remembered because I had never died, so how could I expect their reincarnates to recall such a past? It almost seems cruel of me to wish for such a thing.

The brunette continued through the halls until he reached a particular door. He ran a hand over the letters on the door with a faint smile before knocking. When he was permitted entrance, he opened the door quietly and shut it behind him without so much as a click.

"Eren.. Jaeger, is it?"

He smiled kindly to the older man at the desk, "Yes, sir."

The older of the two waved a hand at him in dismissal, "Ah call me Pixis - being called sir makes me feel terribly old."

"As you request, Mr. Pixis," he replied cordially. He found it incredibly difficult to speak to his one time superior with such an informal title.

Pixis gave a heart laugh, "I see you're fond of formalities, very well have it your way. So what can I do for you there, Jaeger?"

Eren straightened, "I had wondered if you might be able to tell me more about the book you had written. At one point you mentioned having dreams of these monstrous beasts that were taller than buildings and it intrigued me."

"Yes, I believe I remember them being referred to as titans which goes hand in hand with the fables of the past," he replied with a distant look in his eyes. "Makes you wonder, doesn't it? I mean we have proof of the existence of those civilizations, we even have remnants of the former armies… Yet no proof has ever been found of the titans. It's most curious."

He hesitated, "Do you truly believe those to be fables, sir?"

With a wily smirk, Pixis shook his head, "No. But others would argue they are merely tales made up from the people of that odd time period. I find the whole thing rather intriguing myself. Which was why I went a made a trip out to see the museum and remnants of the Walls, so I could see the past with my own two eyes. And that is when those dreams came to me."

"The reason there is no proof of the titans is that they all disintegrated, even their bones," Eren murmured, "everything would practically evaporate, blood included."

Dot looked at him with a curious gleam in his eyes, "Is that right?"

Time for the next step. "Do you believe in reincarnation, sir?"

"I believe in the possibility of having past lives, not necessarily in reincarnation." He poured some wine into a glass absentmindedly. "Why do you ask," he prodded.

"Allow me another question before I respond," he replied with an apologetic expression. "Do you remember anything about a cadet being able to shift into a titan?"

Pixis quirked a brow, "How very specific of you to ask that… Yes I do. It's faint but in those dreams there was someone that 'I' decided to spare and test. 'I' decided to see if they could control their ability to become one of those beasts."

Eren couldn't help but feel a bit optimistic at that, "The cadet's name, do you remember?"

A look of concentration appeared on the older man's face as he thought about it. Finally a look of realization appeared, "It was you…"

It was, he wanted to say. "Well not me per say but my past self - yes." He leaned forward a bit, "I remember my past life… I remember the titans… And I remember you, Commander Pixis." I'm lying through my teeth, he thought sadly, I'm no reincarnate; I'm the real deal.

The silence that encased the room was deafening. Then it was broken by the other with hearty laughter.

"Well, how astonishing, I never could've imagined that this was how this day would go," he exclaimed, "but how good it is to find someone else to validate my feelings." Pixis offered him a hand, "A pleasure to meet you again, Eren Jaeger."

The relief the younger felt at such a statement couldn't be expressed in words. He shook the hand firmly, "The pleasure is all mine, Commander." 2000 years and finally he had found someone who actually remembered. "I'm just as glad as you to have found someone who recalls the times of titans."

He smiled kindly, "Yes I suppose you do. Having such memories while others believe you mad is hard. But I guess this makes us both mad, eh?"

Eren nodded with a smile, "I would say so, sir."

"Such formalities," he observed, "but at least I know the reason now." The man took another drink of wine, "Tell me, have you come upon any of our comrades?"

His face fell, "Yes, sir, but regrettably none recall our time together."

Pixis reached across the desk to place a hand on the boy's shoulder, "Don't give up yet, Jaeger, surely someone else remembers - you just have yet to find them."

"The ones I need to find are Levi, Erwin and Hanji," he replied, "and I'm running out of places to look, perhaps they haven't been reincarnated yet."

The aged man gave a pat on his shoulder, "Nonsense, they're out there and you'll find them like you found me." He glanced at his watch, "Ah, seems time has passed all too quickly, I have a meeting I must get to." Pixis stood and handed him a business card, "In case you need to get ahold of me, this is my personal contact information. Don't hesitate in calling if you need to talk." He shrugged on a suit jacket, "I trust you can show yourself out. Until we meet again, Eren."

With that, he made a swift exit.

Eren stood and left a card with his own information on the desk before he too left the room. It was a short walk back to the main entrance of the building, one that he made while skillfully avoiding Mina at the reception desk.

Finding Pixis was actually a huge step for me. He was the first one that I found that actually remembered his past life. It actually brought back the hope I thought I had eradicated.

The first I ever found was Jean. He was working at a bakery of all places. It was completely an accident that I ran into him. I got so excited that I shouted out his name and went up to him, eager to converse with him. But then I noticed he was staring at me strangely and I figured out that he didn't remember anything, least of all me. It tore me apart, especially when Marco appeared at his side a bit protectively. That was the day the cruel reality was thrust into my face - my comrades were reincarnated finally but they wouldn't remember anything.

I used to think my titan shifting abilities a gift; it was something that I could use, a way I could finally be worthwhile. Now I see it as nothing but a curse. I have wished many times to die. Tried to kill myself a few times before I realized that I would heal from practically anything. I wanted nothing more than to join my friends in death but I wasn't dying. After I reached the age of 23, I realized that I had stopped aging as well.

I need Hanji to be reincarnated and for her to remember the past. That's the last hope I'm holding on to. I can only pray she can help me figure something out. If I'm cursed to forever roam this world, without anyone… without Levi; then I will surely go mad. Perhaps I can try and drown myself, one of the methods I hadn't tried yet. But maybe it won't come to that, maybe she will be able to figure something out.

The air was clear and refreshing compared to the cramped building he had just been in. Eren took a deep breath and took in his surroundings. His vibrant eyes scanned the crowd of people moving about the city with mild curiosity. A familiar crop of blonde hair instantly drew his attention. He focused on the owner of it, feeling his heart leap in his throat; it was Armin and standing beside him was Mikasa with a red scarf about her neck.

He felt the breath leave his lungs. Eren wanted so desperately to call out to them and embrace them. He had missed them dearly. But he didn't want to face the bitter disappointment when they looked at him as a stranger. He didn't want to be heartbroken again.

His eyes filled with tears as he watched them walk away. If they remembered, he would never know. It was best that way; he wouldn't interfere in their lives and he wouldn't be ripped apart by their lack of memory. It was better like that - wasn't it? Eren's mind said yes but his heart disagreed.

Bitterness filled him as he stalked the opposite way, back to the hotel he had paid for.

This was the price he had paid for being gifted with the shifting abilities. Eternity was a long and lonely task laid out before him, one that he wasn't sure he could complete; especially if he wasn't able to find his long lost lover.

He ached for the man's presence, his body yearned for his touch and his heart cried at his absence. They were two halves to a whole and yet he was having to go through life without his other half. Time was cruel and yet only it could tell if he would ever reunite with his beloved Corporal.

Gimme thoughts - gimme feedback! Just no flames please, that would be much appreciated. I have a complete story laid out for this, guess I'll see how it goes. R&R if you want!

Also, if you spot typos, lemme know please!

~Ghosties