Fanfiction! Alright, let's do this. I recently noticed there were no Artemis Fowl/Gravity Falls crossovers, and this struck me as a tragedy. So I decided to write one!

(Okay, I woke up at 3 in the morning, and this idea wouldn't get out of my head. But that's close enough, right?)

Anyway, this is my first-ever fanfic, so please review! I could use all the pointers I could get.

It was supposed to be an ordinary mission. It was supposed to be short and smooth. It was supposed to be simple, for crying out loud.

But, D'arvit, nothing seemed to go right around Holly Short, did it?

Apparently, some weird things had been happening in a tiny town called Gravity Falls. Random attacks from suspicious creatures, locals acting berserk, and some really odd energy readings (or so Foaly told her). The LEP didn't want to risk losing an officer, so the orders were to scout around the town, look for anything suspicious, nothing dangerous. Holly had soared over and around the city, looking for anything odd. But it's hard to find something when you don't know what it looks like, what it does, or if it even exists. Holly had tired of flying around the city in the summer heat, and so touched down in the nearby woods, hoping to find a source of clean water.

And that's when this monstrous creature had started trying its very best to rip Holly to shreds.

It was as big as a troll, but colored a swampy green with spikes jutting out of its back, and… were those mushrooms on its shoulders? The creature roared and swiped at Holly's helmet, leaving thin grooves on the slick coating. She dived out of the way of the other huge paw and drew her Neutrino, flicking the knob on the side up. Now there was enough power coursing through the gun to send this creature running for its mommy. She shot directly at the creature's chest, but it was faster than looks would imply. Dodging the beam, it cut off a large branch from a nearby tree with razor-sharp claws and swung at the captain with its makeshift weapon. But Holly ducked out of the way in the nick of time, and the creature staggered, suddenly overbalanced by the missed blow. Smiling, Holly shot the creature in the back a few times. Just enough to send a message, not enough to harm it. It started at the sudden pain, and ran back off into the forest. But unfortunately, now it had no use for the branch, and so proceeded to throw it…

...Right at Captain Holly Short.

Now she was stuck, pinned underneath the gargantuan branch, and praying that these woods didn't contain any humans.

But, apparently, the universe just hated her today.

Holly had barely started to heal her injuries when she heard the whistled song that echoed through the forest. Cursing under her breath, Holly hissed into the whisper-sensitive mike attached to her helmet.

"Foaly. I'm pinned under a branch, and a Mud Girl is coming. I hate to say it, but I could really use some centaur genius right now."

A whinny sounded over the comms. "Whoa, don't look at me. Genius I may be, but I'm not all-powerful. This is one heck of a situation you've gotten yourself into."

Internally, Holly groaned. The paperwork itself would take weeks, and Internal Affairs was going to have a field day. "Yeah, yeah. But what am I supposed to do?"

Foaly hummed for a minute as he thought of potential plans. "Well, my best advice would be to stay quiet, and don't show your face. Apparently these woods are populated with all sorts of strange creatures, so maybe she won't notice you, or care."

"Hello? Hello?" The calls were getting closer, and even Captain Holly Short, the fearless legend, was beginning to feel a bit stressed.

"With the luck I've been having today, the chances of that are exactly zero." Holly muttered, but quickly stopped when the Mud Girl called out.

"Hello? I heard fighting over here, and a gremloblin just ran off, so- oh!"

Holly felt a bead of sweat trickle down her forehead as the Mud girl addressed her.

"Hi! My name's Mabel. What's yours?"

Silence.

"Huh. Can you, like, not speak, or…" The Mud Girl, Mabel, paused for a second. "Wait. You're really short. And that's not any outfit I've ever seen before…" Then she gasped as realization hit her full in the face. "Oh my gosh, don't tell me. You're an elf!"

"What?" Holly blanched as Mabel threw out the secret that the People had worked so hard to protect.

Foaly was muttering in the Ops booth as well. "How is that possible? The only Mud Men on record that weren't mindwiped after dealing with the People are Fowl and the Butlers. And there's no records anywhere of this girl." Foaly spoke as his fingers flew across the keyboard, searching old records of interactions between Mud Men and the People.

However, their questions were answered as Mabel continued blabbering on. "I've never actually seen one, but the pictures in my brother's journal always looked so amazing! The ears especially…"

That was it then. A journal. A journal that had devastating secrets, that could destroy the People's way of life. Somehow, Holly needed to find this journal and burn it.

"... But all that's not important right now. Right now, let's get this log off of you." Mabel smiled as her chattering came to a stop. She called out into the forest: "DIPPER! DIPPER, THERE'S A GIRL HERE THAT'S IN TROUBLE!"

Holly winced as Mabel kept shouting. Man, that girl had a set of lungs.

Soon, a boy stepped into the clearing. He was wearing a puffy vest with a red shirt underneath, shorts, and a hat with a tree on it. "Mabel, could you stop yelling? I think my eardrums are bleeding." He rubbed his ears as he walked over to the branch, and quickly assessed the situation. "Okay. Mabel, grab that end, and I'll lift this one. " The pair worked in tandem, slowly nudging the branch off Holly's legs. Once she was free Holly lifted herself up, trying hard to suppress the obvious sparks that would hop from wound to wound.

"Are you okay?" Mabel asked concern filling her eyes.

Dipper, on the other hand, seemed much more relaxed. "She's got magic, Mabel. She'll be fine." He then turned toward Holly. "If you need to refill, there's some old oaks downstream. You should be able to replenish your magic. Otherwise..." He scratched his head. "Uh, we'll just leave you alone."

Holly felt a nudge of guilt for wanting to destroy something that belonged to these children, kind as they were, but she stamped it down.

It's for the good of the People, Holly told herself. But she could not stop two words from slipping between her lips, aimed at her saviors.

"Thank you."

And then she was gone, her shield and the speed of her wings making it seem like she had disappeared.

As Holly sped off, Foaly once again started speaking into her ear.

"Well, that didn't go quite as planned."

Holly stifled a chuckle. "That's the understatement of the year."

Foaly laughed along, but it was without any feeling. The knowledge that their way of life was in jeopardy once again was jarring and not at all welcome.

"But for now," Holly continued after the fake laughter died off, "I'm going to need some help. Those kids, and probably their friends as well, will need to be mind-wiped, and that journal they were talking about needs to be destroyed."

"Too right." Foaly muttered. "I can't believe that this was happening under our noses! How many Mud Men have these children told?"

"It's a fiasco all right," Holly sighed, before realizing something. "I never finished my original mission."

Foaly stopped. And then slowly, he started to chuckle, bringing it up to a full laugh. Holly joined in, and the pair laughed and laughed as Holly zoomed out of ordinary, inconspicuous Gravity Falls.