xX Talking Body Xx

Xx Chapter...Hm: 21 Questions xX

"Do you think our dads would get along?" Lucy asked.

"Swimmingly," Natsu answered.

It had been a week since Igneel showed up at Natsu's place unannounced. Lucy was a bit disappointed that she didn't get to hang out around Natsu as often since most of his time was being taken up by the older man, but she couldn't fault him. It was his dad, after all. To be honest, she'd probably do the same thing if it was her mother involved.

Igneel had mentioned that he wanted to talk to 'his-future-daughter-in-law-if-Natsu-grew-a-pair-of-bull-balls' once more, which was probably why they were hanging out again. Natsu had told her to meet them at the shitty café next to the old gym because apparently his father didn't deserve a three star lunch, but she had argued that she was still trying to get on his good side so 'let's go to IPOP!'

("He's not good enough for that. We're taking him to SubRay." "Natsu, seriously. I like your father and I want him to like me. We're going Bronze Corral." "You're fucking kidding. You think I eat a lot? That man would eat the rotting flesh of a zombie and be like 'this is a chef's work'. No.")

They ended up taking him to Ivory Garden because of the breadsticks. Natsu greatly disapproved and slightly approved.

So as Lucy munched on the sticks of bread that she was so glad were free, she watched her boyfriend and father bicker back and forth loudly. The patrons looked on curiously and a bit disturbed and Lucy ignored them. She was used to this behavior.

Look at who she was dating. Of course she was used to this.

"And I'm telling you that Octopusses-"

"Octopi," Lucy corrected Natsu, which he ignored.

"-Are dumber than dolphins!"

"My son," Igneel said sagely, and where did those glasses come from? "I will not lie and say that dolphins are unintelligent, but Octopussy's-"

"Octopi," Lucy stressed.

"-Are much smarter than them. Despite my age, I do frequently use the internet."

"Yeah! To watch porn and wank off your old dick!"

Lucy almost fainted.

"Why would I do that when I have your mother?"

Natsu almost fainted.

The breadsticks from every table in the restaurant were pushed to the center. A baby started crying somewhere.

Lucy decided to put the argument to rest and searched Goggle. After a few moments, she spoke. "Octopi-"

"Octopusses-"

"Octopussy's-"

"Octopi," she glared at the men, "are ranked number seven in the top 25, and dolphins are ranked number three."

"Ha!" Natsu cried. Igneel glared.

"But since I like your dad more, I'm saying he's right."

"Ha!" Igneeel cried. Natsu glared.

Lucy bit into her breadstick.

Their food arrived and Igneel practically ripped it from the waiter's hand and was almost done with it before it even hit the table. The teen almost started crying (like that baby whose parents apparently didn't give a shit) and he set the rest of the food down.

Six plates for Igneel, three for Natsu, and one for Lucy.

How the hell even…?

Lucy chalked it up to them being aliens. No human could eat that much. Hell, she didn't think an alien could eat that much.

She didn't know what they were.

She broke out of her ponderings when Igneel spoke her name.

"So you're an heiress to an underwear company, huh?"

Definitely not human, since both of them lacked tact. Like, really lacked it.

Lucy flushed, and picked at the shrimp in her dish. "I am…"

"Ah, how good it is to be young. What fabric?"

"Um...I don't really know since I don't make it."

"You just wear it?"

"Sometimes. Not often. I have to look presentable in front of my students, and-"

"They'd die of blood loss from the nose if they knew you modeled it."

Tact. Why the hell didn't he believe in it? That's one way to put it. "Kind of…" She wasn't sure how to take this conversation.

Apparently neither did Natsu, since he threw a meatball at his father's head. Did they even order meatballs? Who was footing this bill? "Are you done? I'm just about tired of hearing you question my girlfriend about her side job."

Igneel grinned. "Want me to question you about yours? How's the phone sex business going? Still getting a lot of calls?"

Was Natsu flushing? Lucy was sure he was flushing. "I don't want to talk about this right now," her boyfriend said.

"I've always been curious about how that works," Igneel continued. "What do you say to the ladies? How long do you have to be on the phone with them? Do you have to whack it while talking? I can barely think when I'm masturbating and you have to string together full sentences?"

There was scandalized gasp from somewhere behind her, and the people in the booth diagonal from them stood up and left. And that baby was going to have the lungs of a swimmer if it kept wailing like that. Natsu just shrugged.

"Meh, I just say whatever comes-"

"Heh heh. Comes-"

"-to mind. If it's something dirty, then there it is. If it's something unrelated, fuck it." Natsu ignored Igneel's dirty joke and just kept going. "You know, the phone sex business is actually pretty complicated and brilliant."

"How so?" Lucy asked. To be honest, she was actually pretty curious too. She'd never thought about what it would be like to work as a phone sex operator before, or how the system worked.

Natsu and his father both glanced at her, silently asking if she was going to be comfortable with them discussing phone sex at the table in a public place. Lucy shrugged. She was sure they were about to be kicked out of the restaurant anyway (and so was that baby if it didn't shut up), so it didn't matter if they had an informative conversation before the inevitable demise. Plus it was business. She knew business.

"Well I'll try to make as entertaining as possible, since discussing actual shit is boring," Natsu said, and Lucy grabbed his arm to pull it around her shoulders, resting her head on his own.

"Well I don't care about entertainment as long as you talk. I kind of like your voice." She could practically feel his grin as he pressed a hard peck to her forehead. "Sometimes. You talk in your sleep and it's annoying."

"I take that kiss back," he said seriously.

"Too late. It's imprinted on my forehead. Forever."

Igneel was smiling at the pair and he let them their moment before he ushered his son to keep talking. "I'm not getting any younger, you slow shit." However impolitely.

"Shut the hell up. Anyway, the system as a worker isn't pretty difficult. The customers make the time I have to stay on the phone, not me. It could be anywhere from five minutes to an hour, depending on the lady." Natsu took a sip of his wine, and continued. "Sometimes it sucks, 'cause I only get paid about 40 cents or so per minute. So if the call is eleven minutes, I get paid literally about four dollars."

"That's not enough to pay for the ice cream you bought me that one day," Lucy mused.

"That you wasted."

The pink-haired father gasped dramatically. "You wasted ice cream?! You're a monster! You're not allowed to date my son."

"I took your side in the octopi argument!"

"It's not enough! I can't have that kind of negative influence surrounding my dear boy. First you waste ice cream, and then next thing you know, you're a child murderer. And your first victim would be the kid that won't shut up over there." Igneel glared in its direction, and as if the words were a switch, the kid magically became silent.

Igneel was a godsend.

"As I was saying!" Natsu interrupted oh-so-rudely. "Sometimes the calls last about the time the woman requested, but since I'm such a hit, they extend longer. Most of my calls last around twenty minutes or so, and they're mostly just girls that want to talk to someone. Not that all of them are like that though. I get some girls that are real freaky. Luckily I'm such a good actor."

"I don't know whether to be proud or disappointed in you," Igneel muttered.

"You're not the only one," Lucy agreed.

"Glad to know I have so much support. Really. It's overwhelming," the male-stripper deadpanned.

They chatted about random subjects for about a half an hour more before they packed up their food and left. Igneel offered Lucy his arm as they started walking down the sidewalk, no destination in particular, while Natsu trailed behind them.

Lucy really liked Igneel. He's was genuine in the way he acted, and she definitely knew that he was where Natsu got most of his morals from. It was cute, thinking of a mini Natsu trying to be so much like his father. Would their kids try to be like their father too-

That was random and Lucy immediately pushed it out of her mind. They weren't even married, didn't even know if they were going to get married. It was still too soon to be thinking about kids.

But as Lucy craned her neck back to look at Natsu, smiling at him as he grinned at her, she couldn't help but picture a little blond boy attached to his leg, and a little blonde girl sleeping on his back.

Though it was too soon, she thought they would make some pretty babies.

"Why do you have a dent in your roof? That wasn't there the last time I was here."

"You know, Lucy, sometimes I really don't like the way you talk to me."

They laid cuddled up in Natsu's bed, her on her back, and him in between her legs with his head on her chest. He could hear her heartbeat, strong like her thighs which were squeezing his waist deliciously.

If Natsu had a favorite place to sit or lay at, it would be in between Lucy's legs. And it wasn't just sexual, it was also friendly.

Lucy had long legs for how short she was. Her thighs were thick and soft, and her calves were super skinny compared to them. She had chicken legs, and it was funny, but it was warm and he didn't have a problem with her bony ankles digging into his own thighs.

With her thighs wrapped around his waist, her heels digging into his tailbone, he felt at home. Her fingers playing in his hair as he trailed his fingers up her and down her sides, he felt at peace.

He sounded so sentimental and it pissed him off. Fuck.

"Tell me I'm manly."

"You're a little pansy."

"Why you-"

Lucy laughed as he dug his fingers into her waist, tickling her without mercy. She bucked her hips into his with a squeal or seven and he grinned as she writhe underneath him. He was not a pansy! He was a strong independent woman who don't need no man-

Wait.

Lucy panted underneath him as he slowed his fingers to a stop, resting his large hands on her hips. Her cheeks were flushed and she had a slight sheen of sweat lining her forehead. Natsu bumped his own on hers as she calmed down. He could feel her heartbeat racing in her chest.

"I like that," Natsu blurted. The teacher looked up at him.

"What?"

"When your heart races like that. It means I'm doing something right."

"Or wrong. It could mean you're scaring me."

"Like I would scare you."

"I don't know. The way you eat is nightmare inducing." He moved his hands to her waist threateningly and Lucy stuttered. "I-I mean you're amazing! Absolutely a treasure! And manly! So much man!"

"Damn straight! You can't handle all this testosterone." Lucy rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer still.

"Nope, I can't. Can't handle all this idiot either." She grinned when he glared, pecking him on the lips chastely. "You're my idiot though."

"Territorial much?"

"Just a little." They smiled at each other, and Natsu felt just a little bit lighter.

Goddamn, he really liked this girl.

He ran a hand up the outside of her thigh, and she hummed, pleased with the attention. "Did I ever tell you I like your thighs?" Natsu asked. Lucy smiled bemusedly.

"Where did that come from?"

"They're soft and thick. Squishy. They make great pillows."

"That's insulting."

"They're warm, too. And I like being in between them…"

"Natsu…" Lucy flushed.

Oh, he could roll with this. Seduction was familiar territory. That feeling shit? Nuh-uh. Someone else could deal with that. "The way they wrap around my waist. The way I fit perfectly between them."

Lucy squirmed, her hips grinding against his own, making him growl softly. "Is this what you say to your customers?" she joked, her hands dipping into the collar of his shirt.

"No," Natsu muttered. He dipped his head to let his lips brush over her own as he spoke. "I lie to those women. I mean what I say to you."

He kissed her then, slow and deep. Her mouth opened without preamble, and he swept his tongue inside. Their tongues tangled and danced and he could feel the fire in his belly growing and growing.

Something else was growing and growing as well. And he was sure she could feel it.

Her hands moved from his neck to wrap around his back and pull his shirt up. He could feel her perfectly manicured nails scrap up the tanned skin, and he groaned softly in her mouth. He could feel her smile, so he nipped her bottom lip. "The hell are you laughing about?"

"Did you know you're really expressive?" Natsu hummed in denial. "No it's true! You're an open book. The sounds you make and your body language give you away more than your face."

"Nope. I'm a statue. I have no emotion."

"Oh? So you don't like it when I do this?" Lucy scratched at his back again, and his body jerked into her. He wasn't affected. "Or this?" She squeezed her thighs around him, and his fingers clutched at her waist. Nope, he wasn't affected at all. "Or this?" She licked at his bottom lip, and he groaned, pleased. "Or-"

"Alright, alright! You made your point." She laughed delightfully, the sound rolling into his ears at just the right angle. He pinched her thigh in retaliation.

"Well you're just as expressive too!" He whined. Lucy smiled, and oh, she thought she won, didn't she?

The thing about Natsu was that he never lost. Whenever he was in a fight, the 'power of friendship' always picked him up when he was down. The plot armor was strong with this one, making him damn there invincible. He was a winner by nature, and he knew Lucy knew that.

But if she wanted to be the competitor, for the first time in a while, then he'd be happy to knock her down a few pegs.

"I know I'm an open book too. I've never been good at hiding what I'm feeling."

"Well shit, I was hoping you'd try and fight me."

"Hell no. I know I'd lose. I swear you get turned on by the smallest amount of defiance. That's why you and Gray are so cute together."

"Get out of my house."

"Can't leave when you're flattening me like a pancake."

"You know, this started out so hot. Why'd you have to change the subject?"

Lucy arched her back, pushing her chest further into his own, and he could feel her hardened nipples through that thin fucking shirt and why the fuck did he let her go outside in that? It was cold!

"Well we can't do much anyway," she pointed out while running her hands up his back. God, he loved her hands. They were so soft. "Igneel's still here."

"We can be quiet." Natsu dipped his and scraped his teeth along the side of her neck, listening to her sigh of pleasure. He ran his hand along her side underneath her shirt, grazing the side of her breast before redirecting it to her back. He fiddled with the clasp of her bra and if she pushed her chest any further into his own, Natsu was sure he'd be the one with massive tits. Not that he'd have a problem with that, but it would throw off his balance a little.

"It's still a no," Lucy said, but he could hear the reluctance in her voice and feel the effects of his attentions on his groin. She was so warm down there. "Maybe when he leaves. But for right now, we have to just make do with a little touching and a lot of kissing." She gave him a quick peck before rolling them over, straddling him for just a small moment (and that was such a fucking beautiful picture that he never knew he needed until that very moment), before hopping off him and running to the bathroom. "Now if you'll excuse me. I need to go make myself presentable so I can face your father before I leave!"

"You can leave your panties here!"

"You're a riot!"

Welp. He tried.

1. So remember when I said I was 'back, bitches'? I lied cause I'm a piece of shit.

2. Good thing is my muse is back and I freaking missed you guys.

3. How ya been?

4. Goddamn, I'm such a piece of ass.

5. 50 Cent did not sponsor this chapter title. I just got lazy and realized there were a lot of questions. I promised more Igneel in the last chapter so here! More Daddy! Clearly I researched phone sex business stuff cause that's a thing in this story sort of. I have many sources and this isn't an English paper so I'm not citing shit. If this chapter feels like it's lacking humor, it's because I'm getting less and less funny because I'm a piece of half trash that is inconsistent and what? Fuck I can't even explain the chapter. Just suck up the bullshit that is my writing and don't question it.

6. Did you know Talking Body turned 1 already? I wanted to update for her birthday but her father, my muse, left me to go on vacation. He's such a shitty dad. He came back all tanned and toned and sexy and fuck I missed him. Good to have you back, muse! Your daughter is one already! You know what? We're not having this argument right now! There are people watching us! No I will not calm down! TB really wanted to see you and-

7. I'm arguing with my muse? With myself? With my laptop? What's happening? Who am I?

8. QUESTION!

9. So this story was originally supposed to have a lemon somewhere in here because it was supposed to be short and now we're twenty something balls- I mean chapters deep. I've been putting sexy snippets in here, to lead up to a little ugly bumping, but then I had to go and develop shit and make them care and I feel like a lemon wouldn't fit. I'll write one if y'all want it, and obviously it'll work, but do y'all still want it? ANSWER ME.

10. Also let me know in a review if you guys missed me. Cause I sure as shitting shit missed y'all.