Chapter 16 Rules that Define Us

Seth was right. I really don't know much about Jake. Maybe I'm the one with rose colored glasses on.

"Jake what's your favorite color?" I ask picking at the edges of my Texas toast scraps.

"Green, why?" Now I really feel stupid. He's giving me this miffed look that is discouraging to say the least.

"What's your favorite pastime?" I've got to prove Seth wrong and push through. I have to put in some effort for what I want for a change.

"Working on vintage cars with Kenny. Where is this going?" He gives me this sweet disarming smile that gives me relief. There is nothing to be scared of. I should just be myself.

"I just want to know more about you, that's all." I finally exhale as I get my point across.

"Oh, so we're playing twenty questions…" He tilts his head to the side and leans across the kitchen table with interest.

"Kind of… but I don't want it to be surface, one dimensional questions." I shake my head and brace myself for the conversation to come.

"Ok fine. What was your first impression of me?" He crosses his arms across his broad chest, saying it like a joke but I can tell he's serious.

"Whoa! Went in straight for the kill." I let off a nervous laugh and lean back in my seat.

"Are you going to answer the question or not?" His sexy smile makes me lose my train of thought. I have no idea what to say.

"Which time? When we met in person or when you called the hotline?"

"Both." he answers, calm all of a sudden, staring deep into my eyes.

"Well when you first came to the classroom, I could see where Kenny gets his looks and charm from. You seemed really strong and mysterious. I was worried you were a hot head like Paul. I didn't know if I was in for a fight or if you were really concerned about how Kenny was doing in class. You looked tired though, worn out." There is no point in lying. I let the floodgates open.

"What about over the phone?" His eyes look down at his hands resting on the table.

"You seemed lonely. Like you were hurting, but also sexy with a dash of depression." He huffs a short laugh.

"Dash of depression?" His eyebrow raises and the corners of his lips turn down.

"Just a sprinkle." I rush to jokingly reassure him. "But no, I could tell that things have been hard, and you're a normally optimistic person. It just looked like a bad day. Which I get, my mom had a lot of those as a single parent."

"Yeah you get good at covering things up and putting your game face on when you have a child depending on you 24/7."

"You don't have anything to worry about. Kenny thinks the world of you. You're his hero. When you get a chance , you should come by the classroom and take a look at his journal." I place my hand over his in my attempt to comfort him.

"Yeah everything's ok right now, but I dread the day he has more questions. I struggle answering him now. I haven't told you about his mother but she's out "chasing her dream" and doesn't have time for Kenny. She calls drunk every now and again, but I never let her talk to him, not that she asks. But I just can't have him hurting for someone who doesn't care about him."

I can tell that this is another one of his warnings, a sore spot. I pull his hands closer to me and weave my fingers between his. There is no need for him to put his guard up. I don't like the wounded, abandoned look on his face.

"Try not to stress too much, Jake. One thing I've learned about having divorced parents is that we don't want a perfect parent, we just want a happy parent."

"Yeah but it's my poor parenting that has made him idolize you and fantasize about you being his mother. I'm sorry that I put you in that position."

"Don't beat yourself up. I like being with you and Kenny." I hope he never forgets that.

"You must like us because you came over on a Saturday….Not to mention I bribed you with my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. That almost never works."

Almost? How many women has he baited with his sexy physique and basic peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? Who am I kidding, I'm probably not the she goes, insecure Bella, dissecting and over analysing every drip drop that escapes his mouth. It's like he's already got me wide open.

"Hey pb&j is always a good time. Not to mention you had a jar of marshmallow spread to jazz things up." Yes, force the negative to the back, and hope one day he doesn't rip me apart. If he does, at least I can say It was my decision to fall for the old pb&j trick because "I live alone and I get lonely too. It was nice to get a change of setting. A real change of pace. There is no shame in that. By the way you should let me show you a few things. I know my way around the kitchen. Prepackaged Mac n cheese is not a nutritious meal. Not to mention, I still haven't forgiven you for sending Kenny to school with rotten potato salad or chicken salad, whatever the hell that was." I wag my finger at him playfully.

"Hey hey that was an honest mistake." His hands raise in playful surrender.

"Yeah yeah. I didn't see a single green vegetable in your fridge today. Kenny is a growing boy!"

"Ok fine. Let's go grocery shopping together. Teach me your ways sensei." Ah second "the second date". That should be fun and relaxing.

"It's a deal." I feel so comfortable in saying yes to him.

He takes a long pause before changing the subject. "So are you going to tell me who that guy was the other night." He gently pushes for an answer by weaving our fingers together.

The night I drunkenly let you into my bed? The night I let you stare into my soul? He knows to much, as if the room wasn't dark enough. He watched my every gasp, cry, and sigh of pleasure all through my eyes. I pull our woven fingers into my lap.

"Oh he's just an ex." Let's try to leave it there. My grip tightens and just as quickly loosens.

"Yeah, a crazy ex." He said it. I sheepishly unweave our hands and run my fingers through my hair.

"He's a piece of shit who emptied out my bank accounts, maxed out my cards, and ran off. I guess he blew through it all and was coming back for more. He's a gambler. But trust me, He won't be coming back after what you did to him. Mike is crazy, but he's not stupid."

"Is that why you started doing the hotline?" I can tell he's trying to understand. Try to pull the emotion out of the distaste for how we met.

"Yeah I could do it in the privacy of my own home, and pick my own hours. I'm not proud of it though. It saved me from losing my house. My dad loved that house. And I know you hate the hotline job but you've got to know, when I deal with clients, that's not the real me. I'm following a script more or less. I told you before, I'm good at it."

"So those nights we talked you were following a script most of the time?"

I clear my throat and try to keep eye contact. I need him to believe me. Everytime he asks me about this, it's like he's waiting for a different answer.

"No that's the thing, I couldn't follow the script. You wouldn't let me. I mean I told you what I actually look like. We talked after your 'pleasure', talked about real life shit. These are things I never fall into. But with you, it was different. I felt something."

"Do you still feel something between us?" He places a finger under my chin to refocus my gaze, to watch every reaction cross my face.

"Yes, but I'm not sure how deep it runs. When I talked to you as Lexi, you made me break all the rules. I told you things about myself that I wouldn't dare tell anyone. All because you made me feel beautiful. You made me feel needed, not just desired. Hell, you came to my house unannounced and I slept with you. I'm afraid of what I'll do when I'm around you. It's like there are no rules with you." You command me to obey with just your eyes alone. Your voice stirs something deep within me. I am Bella, when you're inside me. Bella, as bare as the day I was born, as inexperienced as I was my very first time. I made love for the very first time when I gave myself to you. If we go any further, can I stand to know and feel the level of devotion you can awaken from within me?

"Don't you want to find out?"

Do I want to find out what it's like to really be in love? "Of course I do. Do you?"

"Yes. But I want things to be natural. I want things to just happen the way they happen. We both have shit in our past. I don't want any stupid 'relationship goals' or rules to define us. I know you've been worried about meeting my dad because of how we got together. I want you to know, I don't care about the bullshit. I don't want to let life pass me by anymore. I don't want to just go through the motions. I want more." His gaze feels greedy, ready to steal anything he can take from me.

"Bella you don't ever have to work that job again. If you need something, no matter how big or small, come to me. You don't ever have to pretend with me." He keeps clawing at my tattered heart, making me feel like he's pulling me into his world. Like if I let this go own any longer he will swallow me whole and know my every secret.

We fall silent for a moment, but he won't break eye contact. Only hearing the wooden chair creaking under my weight, I took a deep breath I didn't know I was holding.

His dark hooded eyes always feel like they're licking my soul. I thought it was just something he did in the bedroom, but he's doing it now. Before, I thought it was just hypnotic desire, but now I think it's much deeper than that. He licks his lips and leans slightly forward.

"What's your deal? You always stare into my eyes when you talk to me now. You never look anywhere else. What are you looking at?" It's like he's trying to pierce some invisible veil. It's like he always stares a moment too long. I rest my nervous yet aroused gaze on his inviting lips.

"I'm looking at you. I see so much more than you think." Oh, I know you see much more than I want you to. The question is exactly how much.

"What do you see?"

"I'll show you, if you let me. I'll give you all I've got, if you let me. Just tell me what I need to do to make you mine. What do I have to do to make you see that this isn't a mistake. This isn't a fling. Just let go of everything and everyone before me. Just start over, like a clean slate, and I'll do the same. I want to be the one that you love, that you can't live without. The one you depend on." He wants devotion in return for his own.

"You're asking for a lot." I whisper, our lips inches apart.

"Not if it's the same thing you want, Bella. I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm asking you to be present. Stay right here, right now, with me."

Our lips meet for a dangerous kiss. I part my lips willingly. He deepens our embrace, pulling my body towards his. I start to feel that new but familiar heat stir within my center. His rough hands make their way to my waist and under my shirt.

I place my hands on his muscular, hot chest and arch back, baring my neck to his powerful gaze. "I should get going." I should leave before it's too late to say no. I should leave before I let anymore of his buttery voice pry open my legs.

"Come on, stay. It's getting late." He nips desperately at my neck. His lips burning a trail in their wake.

"Jake 9:00pm is not that late." I glance at the sponge bob wall clock perched above the refrigerator like my last flare to my SOS call for mental clarity and self respect. Have I no self control, no dignity?

"Just stay." He moans into my ear, dismantling my last shred of resolve.

"What about Kenny? Don't you have to pick him up?" Yes that's right. I am a mature responsible adult.

"He's with my sister. I pick him up tomorrow. Just stay." His hands roam desperately, determined to keep me under his hypnosis.

"I can't, we can't tonight. I'm not on the pill yet." That too, last time was stupidly unprotected. Once again, he makes me break all the rules.

"I promise we won't do anything you don't want to. Just stay, I don't want to sleep alone." His lips cease movement and his forehead comes to rest on my shoulder.

"Jake, you make me feel so beautiful. You make me break all the rules."

"Remember there are no rules with us." He picks me up and carries me to his bedroom.

He proceeds to swiftly pull my pants off from the ankles. "Wait, Jake!" I grip the waistband in shock.

"What? Don't tell em you're going to sleep in these tight ass jeans!" I take a deep breath and release the waistband from my death grip.

"Relax, Bella. I'm not going to bite." He gives me the most innocently mischievous toothy grin.

I laugh as he turns his back to rest my pants on the finely carved wooden chair in the corner of his room. He comes back around in nothing but boxers, saunter to the light switch. Dear lord, I knew this was a set up. How could I resist?

I find myself tucked under the covers with him, in pitch black darkness, and dead silence. I try to close my eyes and ignore the warm chest pressed against my back.

Not long after we settle into a spooned embrace, do I feel his large hand rubbing my ass. "Jake are you kidding me?"

"What?" Seriously, like he doesn't know what I'm talking about. He is shameless.

My hands grip the cotton sheets for restraint. I have needs too. I want to touch him too. I want to feel him inside me too.

He must've felt my hesitation and lapse of judgement because before I know it, I'm on my back and he's on top of me. I can feel his gaze, heated and ready for me to give my permission.

"I'm afraid." I'm afraid I'll fall in love with him. I'm afraid of the consequences to all my decisions when I'm with him. His thumb plays at my pantie line. My breathing light and labored in anticipation.

"Don't be." He holds me closer, securing me to his form, and anchoring all my weight within his strong arms. His hand grips my thigh as he rests himself at my center. I can feel his cock hard and ready to enter my slick channel. "Just let me put the tip in."

He slips in easily and we both exhale in pleasure, electricity going straight from my center to my heart. He kisses my jaw and my chin, sliding in deeper.

"Wait Jake, that's more than the tip." My pussy grips at his cock in pulsing waves, excited for the next thrust.

"Do you want me to stop?" He grips my ass and pauses his movement. His fingertips digging into my skin trying to find the strength to stop this feeling.

"No, keep going." My arms lock around his neck, pulling him in closer. "Don't stop."

He dives in deeper and deeper making me yelp in unforgiving pleasure. And he doesn't stop, he just keeps going and going, each thrust more desperate than the last. Until finally, we feel the deep pulsing and contracting and gripping release. I shriek as he grunts and deeply buries himself deep within me as he releases his seed inside me, my womb nourished and satisfied.

Okay so what do you guys think of the dynamic between Jacob and Bella? Do you think it's strong enough to be something real, or is it just sex? IDK do you guys see their relationship lasting at this point? I really leave some of this stuff up to you guys! I swear you guys comments are so good that they help me add depth and dimension. Let me know what you're thinking!