So i don't have wifi yet, I'm at my parents place and using theirs. heh heh. free is a wonderful things. Sorry TMJ:A fans.

So my ONLY explanation/ escuse for this is my sister. She gave me the plot bunny of Megatron as an Autobot. Now, my biggest pet peeve is when people write characters as major as Megs and they make them OOC. So i was thinking because there was no way i could let this go. Eventually i came up with this. It's rough, it's dumb and you SO can't take it seriously. No, its not dark by any means, you'll understand the title at the end

Just a little background, this could technically take place in The Medical Journals universe, but I've gone and tweaked some things to make this work out better. As such, chain of command is a little off cause I'm using my OC's and there are characters from TMJ:A that you'll recognize :D This is also pre-Praxus leveling.

So with out further adieu, this joke of a oneshot that I completely and totally blame on my sister. Love you too sis.

Oh, and Starscream is the leader of the Decepticons.

"All officers to the Command Center."

The comm was short, fast, and the fact that Blaster had lost his usual jaunty tone had the huge grey and purple mech lurching off his berth, already reaching for his comm.

"I'm on my way."

Systems still fuzzy with recharge, he ground his clawed servos into his deep blue optics before gusting a massive sigh from his vents. Stepping out into the hall he caught sight of Ironhide quickly making his way toward Command and caught up.

"Ironhide, what's going on?" He asked, falling in step with the smaller mech.

"Something bad is my guess Megatron. I saw Jazz and Kadylac running for Command a joor ago." Ironhide replied, glancing up at the mech.

"They're back?" The grey mech asked in surprise. "They weren't supposed to be back for another three orns."

"Exactly." Ironhide replied, slapping the keypad and the doors slid open.

The first thing Megatron saw was Prowl pacing, black and white doorwings rigid behind him as his optics focused somewhere on the floor. SIlverbolt was looking as twitchy as ever, the Seeker standing in the corner and flexing razor sharp claws nervously.

"That's never a good sign." He muttered to Ironhide, tipping his helm toward Prowl as he followed the black mech to an empty seat.

"Told you it was bad." Ironhide replied with a shrug as he slid into the chair beside the recently promoted CMO Ratchet, casually subspacing one of his huge cannons to mess with the internal wiring. A low snarl and a smack upside the helm was Ratchet's response to the chances of the weapon going off. Across the round table, Blaster smirked but remained serious. Another warning something was going on.

At the unofficial 'head' of the table, Optimus Prime sat with Second in Command and Head of Special Ops Kadylac to his right. Beside the blue mech, his SIC, and soon to be replacement much to Kad's delight, Jazz, shifted, a dark aura over the usually cheerful silver mech.

"Everyone here?" Optimus asked, glancing up from a datapad.

"Just waiting on Twitch." Megatron replied, leaning back in his seat to allow him to stretch his legs out better.

"Sorry I'm late! I had to wake Inferno." Red Alert panted, bursting loudly into the room.

"We have a problem." Optimus said bluntly once the slim red and white mech slid into a chair. He glanced to his right and the Towermech shifted, that dead feeling of his EMP capable frame brushing against Megatron's EM field.

"When Jazz and I infiltrated the Tarn outpost, we found the schematics of another base that we didn't know about located here." Kadylac said, his regal tone easily filling the room as a holographic 3D map lit up over the table. A single point at the northern end of Praxus was highlighted. "I set Mirage to investigate. Praxus is neutral territory but the last thing we need is a Decepticon base that close to a major city-state."

The assembled mechs nodded.

"Mirage contacted us about three joors ago."

Megatron shifted in shock. The only time a mech undercover broke comm silence was if something really, really bad had happened."

"The Praxian base is a POW camp." Kadylac said finally, swiping his servo though the air. The map changed to show an image of a small town with several huge warehouse like buildings in the center. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Except for the high, electrical charged fence surrounding the place and the small Decepticon army camped out around the perimeter.

"Mirage was able to confirm that almost 300 Autobots, plus the survivors of the town, are being held there."

"Does he know who's in charge of the camp?" Silverbolt asked.

"Yes. A mech but the designation of Onslaught. Mirage estimated he has at least 200 mechs there."

"Smart fragger. He'll be hard to catch unaware." Megatron put in. "He's too smart for his own good."

"The problem is, before Mirage could get back to us, he was detected somewhere in Tarn. He sent me the data before we assume he was captured." Kadylac finished before glancing over at Prowl for the HoT to take over.

"Since Mirage was captured in Tarn, there's a 68% chance that if he survives Shockwave's interrogations, they won't know that we know about the POW base." Prowl said.

"Ah give 'im some mo' credit the' tha!" Jazz objected, crossing his arms over his chassis. "Ee's one o' us, 'ee won't talk."

"He doesn't need to. Special Ops and Medical have confirmed that Shockwave was successful in his cortical patch experiments." Prowl said, giving Jazz a flat look. The mech shuddered, as did everyone present and Ratchet nodded grimly.

"Primus, I hope he makes it." Megatron mumbled. While he wasn't a fan of the only other Towermech, the spy was good and nobody deserved to have their processor ripped apart by that one-optic freak.

"Our best option is a two simulations attacks. One at Tarn to distract the Starscream and Shockeave, and another force to overpower the POW camp." Prowl continued, also swiping though the air. The scene changed to show an aerial view of Shockwave's fortress in Tarn.

"Cosmos was able to get this undetected." Prowl continued, pacing around the table again. "There's a 86% chance Mirage will be located here."

A point on the western side of the fortress lit up.

"It's the interrogation rooms. They know what Mirage is capable and I have no doubts that Shockwave will start on him immediately. While three units engage the guards and create a distraction, Special Ops will infiltrate the fortress and retrieve Mirage."

"I know Shockwave, he won't fall for it." Ratchet spoke up for the first time during the meeting.

"Which is why I will be there. Hopefully, it will catch Starscream's attention as well. The bigger mess we make, the better." Optimus interrupted.

"Dibs." Ironhide said, lifting his servo with a grin.

"Already assigned." Prowl said, glancing at the mech. "Ironhide, Silverbolt and the Wreckers will be engaging Tarn."

The two squad leaders nodded.

"Meanwhile, we have a small problem with the POW camp."

"Only one?" Ratchet quipped.

"Praxus itself." Prowl said with a sigh. "As a neutral state, they want nothing to do with us and refuse to allow us to send a force in to deal with the Decepticon threats we know exist, let alone one that will involve the levelling of a small town. It will be a near suicidal rescue as if the Decepticon know we're coming, they will slaughter everyone and the units that go in will be overrun."

"Sounds like fun." "Megatron replied dryly.

"I would hope so. You're leading the assault." Prowl replied, bright blue optics locked on Megatron's deep blue ones.

"Oh joy." He grumbled, slouching into his chair and absently tracing the edges of the red Autobot insignia in the center of his chassis.

"Megatron and Fifth Wheel will be engaging the POW camp."

"And why don't we get air support if I may ask?" Megatron spoke up again.

"Because we can't afford it. We're already stretched thin and this is all we can afford to send." Prowl replied with a miniscule wince. "Kadylac and Jazz will be infiltrating the base and releasing the prisoners. Shuttles will be on standby that as soon as they're out, Shooter and Razor will carpet bomb the town."

"Let's get 'em real mad why don't we." Ratchet grumbled, scowling at Prowl. "And what will Praxus say to us levelling a supposed innocent border town?"

"As far as they're concerned, Decepticons screwed up something." Blaster cut in. "I'll make sure they never know Autobots were in the area until it's too late."

"I'll be helping him from here." Red Alert piped up.

"Good. Now here's the details." Prowl continued.

ooOOoo

"This is stupid." Megatron hissed lowly, trying to keep his huge bulk hidden behind an outcrop. Beside him the red and silver frame of Fifth Wheel snickered, readjusting his grip on the cannon he was holding.

"Oh it will be fine." He said with a grin, shifting to peer over the outcrop before ducking back down. "No you're right, this is stupid. I'm getting back to my unit."

"Frag I wish we had the Wreckers here." Megatron grumbled, slinking away from the outcrop with more stealth then most though possible for a mech of his size as Fifth returned to his own unit. At least 30 rugged and solid frontlines couched in the dark, blue optics glowing with excitement.

"Here's the deal." Megatron said, opening a comm to the units split in half and stationed around the POW camp. "We're outnumbered 4-1."

"Yeah so?" Sideswipe pipped up with a grin. "We've faced worse."

"Exactly." Megatron said, singingly him out with a digit pointed at the red mech as mechs laughed over the open comm. "So we're gonna wait for Special Ops signal, barge in there and raise Pit. Clear?"

Affirmatives filled the comm before they were shut off and Megatron let the plates on his bracer fall apart, reforming into his signature plasma cannon. He shook his arm, relaxing at the familiar weight and turned as a flash of olive green caught his attention. Hound trotted up silently.

"No one's moved." The scout reported. "They don't know we're coming."

"Good. Let's keep it that way." Megatron replied. "All units are all in positon."

"Sorry for asking, but did Kadylac ever say what the signal was?" Hound asked.

"No. But knowing that mech, it will be obvious." Megatron said with a shrug.

All of a sudden, every single electrical device went dark as a massive EMP blast ripped through the compound.

"That would be it." Megatron said with a shrug, his cannon powering up with a whine.

"Autobots, move out!"

With a roar the Autobots surged onto the shocked and confused Deceptions from four directions. The pitch black air was filled with the flash of cannons and the roars, shrieks and screams of fighting mechs. Megatron led the charge, diving helm-long against a mech nearly as big as him and wielding a battle ax. The 'con never stood a chance as Megatron drove the barrel of his cannon up under the mech's chest plates and fired.

Plasma engulfed the mech and half his chassis and he crumpled to the ground in a sparking heap.

"It's Megatron!" A panicked voice yelled before it was abruptly cut off. The grey and purple mech gave a feral grin as he launched himself at a smaller mech about to take out one of his own.

"Retreat!"

"Move!"

"Fall back!"

The yell of commanders trying to organise their scrambled and confused troupes rang out and somehow the Decepticons started to pull themselves together.

"You're running out of time!" Megatron snarled to Kadylac, impaling a mech with his sword before using the still twitching frame as a shield against a barrage of blaster fire. He never got a response and he didn't expect one. Tossing the frame aside he lunged at the mech before running him through, spark radiation flooding his sensors before the blue orb extinguished with a quiet pop.

"Spawn of a glitch! Megs we got a problem!" Kadylac abruptly spat over the com, catching Megatron off guard enough that a wiry little mech with daggers managed to rip them across the back of his shoulder guards. With a snarl he twisted, trying to catch the agile fragger.

"It wasn' mah fault!" Jazz interrupted, sounding almost panicked.

"What's wrong, Megatron is busy." Fifth Wheel snapped, grabbing the 'Con and tossing him away for Megatron to shoot.

"Onslaught was inside. He managed to send out a distress signal before I could silence him. Starscream and his trine are on their way here." Kadylac said, his voice losing its Tower's accent as he focused on something else. "And the doors are being stubborn, I can't get them open."

"Really? I think it is about time you were replaced." Fifth chuckled, paring a blow of a triple changer before ducking and allowing Megatron to take his helm off with a razor sharp blade. They twisted around each other till the two Autobots were back to back.

"I'm serious-"

"So am I!" Fifth interrupted.

"We have ten klicks before Starscream is gonna land in the middle of us." Kadylac continued.

"Aw frag." Megatron cursed, snarling under his breath as he threw himself at a pair of frontlines. "Megatron to all units, prepare to fall back and brace for a more than likely air strike."

"Where are you going!" Fifth Wheel demanded, spinning only to realise Megatron was plowing his way toward the main gates.

"To get our mechs!" He snared over his shoulder guard, ducking a shot to the helm and firing at the mech. "Where's the POWs?" He demanded, glancing around before taking out a mech trying to sniper him from the roof of the compound.

"Here." The Towermech sent a map and Megatron snarled under his breath. Across the fraggin town.

"For frag's sake." He growled before launching into the air, transforming into his aerial form and blasting toward the sniper and over the fence. Bright red optics opened wide in alarm before Megatron slammed into the mech, transforming mid-air into his tank form to crush the mech beneath razor sharp treds. Driving across the roof he transformed back to aerial form and raced toward the building, transforming mid-air again to crash into the wall.

The dust settled to see the light blue frame of Kadylac glaring at him with servos on hips and Jazz panting for air in-between peals of laughter.

"You said you needed help." Megatron growled, transforming to tower over the two mechs.

"I don't recall that." Kadylac growled, stalking off down a hall after smacking Jazz upside the helm.

"Nice entrance." He said with a grin, falling in step beside the grey and purple mech.

"I thought it was." Megatron said quietly with a shrug as they walked though the pitch black building. "Kad fry the generator?"

"Ee fried tah entire compound." Jazz replied with a grin as Megatron sidestepped an offlined guard.

"Some glitch never did proper maintenance on the blast shields." Kadylac spoke up as they walked up to the heavy doors. "When I EMP'ed the place, the internal systems seized up. I've hacked the doors but they're fused shut."

"Not for long." Megatron said with a grin before lunging at the door, stabbing his blade though the doors. Wrenching his blade to the side, he snarled as he managed to slowly pry the doors open. He managed to get his shoulder guard in between to get better leverage when there was a horrible shriek and the doors lurched open, the dears stripped.

"Now we can do the rest." Kadylac grumbled, stalking past. "I don't think Starscream knows what going on, I fried communications before word could get out. This was planned a while ago."

"You sure you don't need help?" Megatron teased. "You might have fried other doors."

Kadylac ground his denta, muttering under his breath about thick-helmed officers before storming down the hall.

"Stay quiet and don't get in our way!" He snapped.

"Primus, he is in a bad mood." Megatron muttered, dimming his optics so that they wouldn't give away his position.

"Ee's worried 'bout Mirage. Ya know tha'." Jazz said quietly. "An' he's fragged tha' he fused teh blast doors. Hasen' messed up like tha' fo' a while."

"I heard that, now mute it." Kadylac hissed, slinking forward again. Jazz gave Megatron one last shrug before he also slunk ahead.

Careful to ensure his heavy pedsteps were as quiet as possible Megatron kept the rear-guard glancing behind them ever few nano-klicks.

A few silent and tense klicks into the walk, they heard a gunshot.

"Frag!" Kadylac swore before he broke into a dead run, transforming a few steps later. Jazz and Megatron followed suit, racing toward the end of the hall where more blaster fire could be heard.

"How the frag did you miss one!?" Megatron demanded, knowing full well that Kadylac had the EMP power to terminate the entire base of Decepticons. It would leave him half-terminated himself, but he could do it.

"Decepticons are getting to smart for me to knock them out." Kadylac snarled. "Electrical components I can still fry but mechs have been integrating massive surge protectors in their systems. I'll still knock them useless, but they're up faster. Megs, the door!"

The tank didn't need to be told twice, leveling his fusion cannon at the door and obliterating it in a cloud of purple smoke.

Blaster fire tore through the gaping doors and the two smaller Autobots dove for the cover of the doorframe.

"Told ya you would still need me!" Megatron called out, plowing through the first ranks of mechs as their rounds did little more than scorch his already scuffed paint. Someone ran up the back of his alt mode and he nearly shot Kadylac as the bleu mech launched himself off the end of his cannon, tackling a large mech and slitting his throat in one smooth motion. Jazz was quick to follow his commander and in a flurry of silver and blue their attackers were on the floor, all offline.

"Bout tahm ya got 'ere." A gruff, accented voice barked as a tall, heavily built mech stalked out of the shadows, what Megatron was convinced was a torn off arm draped over the mech's shoulder guard.

"Not my fault you started the party without us Sterling." Megatron snapped, gesturing toward the arm. The silver mech chuckled before tossing the arm over his shoulder guard behind him.

"Oh, weh was 'avin' fun. When Kad blew tah lights, weh managed tah break out. Course, weh wouldn't get tah blast doors open." Sterling continued as Autobots stared coming out of the shadows. "Weh took care o' any survivors but those bunch were givin' us problems."

"Yeah speaking of problems-"

Kadylac was cut off as a deafening boom shook the building. A nan-klick later, the sounds of explosions rang out, the building trembling from the force of the assault.

"Thundercracker!" Sterling snarled, optics darting to the ceiling even as he tensed.

"You got your subspace?" Kadylac demanded.

"Naw, made sure weh were unarmed." Sterling replied, glancing back at the blue mech before his optics darted back to the ceiling, tracking only what his advanced sensors could.

"Then we got a lot of work to do. Sterling get over here." Kadylac said, waving the mech over as he subspaced a small medical kit. The silver mech walked over before dropping to the ground cross legged to allow the much shorted mech access to the back of his neck.

"Megs go, Ah'll catch up tah ya befo' ya make tah gates." Sterling said as anther barrage of seeker fire rang out.

"Frag." Megatron cursed before turning and transforming into his aerial form, blasting though the narrow hallways and nearly ripping his wings off as he took the corners. In no time he had flown though the gaping hole he had made and out into the open air.

Only for a snarling mass of red, white and blue to collided with him with a shriek of rage.

"How dare you try and rescue them!" Starscream snarled razor sharp claws ripping though Megatron' thick armor like it was nothing.

His wings shredded, Megatron slammed into the ground moments after Starscream launched himself away, the blast of his afterburners scorching his paint. Disoriented Megatron struggled back to his peds, optics darting to try and find Starscream as the jet tried to ram him at Mach 3. Another deafening boom that had Megatron collapsing to his kneebolts, his audio receptors ringing, ripped through the air as Thundercracker delivered another devastating blow to their own units.

"Autobots fall back!" Megatron bellowed over the comms, getting back to his peds and taking a few pot-shots as Starscream made another pass at him. "Fall back and retreat! We're out gunned!'

Wait, where was-

Energy cracked behind him and he turned too late as a blade was driven into his side, angling up toward his chassis. With a twisted grin lit up by the energy dagger, Skywarp jerked the blade free before teleporting away.

With a snarled hiss, Megatron struggled to stay upright, energon pouring down his side.

"Fraggit Megs, Ah leave ya 'lone fo' five klick an' ya already managed tah get stabbed." Sterling snapped, driving up to the grey mech before transforming.

"Just shoot Skywarp." Megatron snarled, glaring at the cocky silver mech. The ex-miner grinned before bowing low with a flourish.

"Ya wish is mah command." He said before whipping around, a long jagged blade falling from subspace as he threw it into the dark. Half a klick before the blade struck, Skywarp reappeared. With a scream of pain, the blade buried in his chassis, the teleported disappeared again.

"One down, two tah go." Sterling said with a grin, somehow tracking the teleporter.

"Kadylac already beat me to Onslaught. Starscream is mine." Megatron hissed, glaring at his friend.

"Sure thing boss." The mech said before spinning again just as Skywarp attacked him. They were almost the same size but Skywarp had been moving at the speed of sound. The massive amount of force at the collision sent Sterling flying back to crash to the ground as Skywarp lunged at him. Megatron leveled his cannon at the purple and black seeker only for another force to collide with him at the same devastating force. Armor cracked as Megatron hit the ground, twisting to see a snarling Thundercracker level his nullray cannon at his helm.

He just managed to buck the seeker off as the cannon went off, the powerful blast scorching the side of his helm as he struggled to get on top. Pain ripped across his back and he howled as Starscream attacked him again.

"You may have freed the Autobots but you will not get out of here functioning!" Starscream spat as the two seekers worked to tear Megatron apart.

Abruptly they both broke off only to go after Sterling as the silver mech struggled to get out from under the dead weight of Skywarp.

"Sterling!" Merton yelled in warning. The silver mech shoved Skywarp off and dove to the side, Starscream and Thundercracker tearing into the ground to try and swipe at the mech.

Megatron was instantly at his friend side, cannon level with Starscream as the two seekers jumped aback into the air and blasted off. Skywarp still didn't move.

"One down, two tah go eh?" Sterling asked, panting heavily and his armor shredded from the seeker's claws.

"Yeah, yeah something like that." Megatron replied as he folded down into his tank form. Sterling followed suit, the semi easily keeping up despite leaving a fluid trail as they made it to the now open gate. Decepticon and Autobots alike littered the destroyed ground.

"Autobots report!" Megatron demanded over the comms as they maneuvered their way through the carnage.

"They tore us apart." Fifth Wheel replied, his voice thick with pain. "They're maybe twenty of us left."

"And the prisoners?"

"Most of them made it. Somewhere around 200." Kadylac replied, his voice also betraying that he didn't escape unscathed. "We lost track of you and Sterling though."

"We're fine." Megatron lied, ignoring the own trail of fluid he was leaving.

"Liar. Hurry back here, the Decepticons, what's left of them, are gone. I commed the shuttles, they'll be here in a few klicks to get wounded back to Iacon." Kadylac continued.

"Good. We'll be at your position in-"

Megatron was cut off as the ground exploded, Starscream and Thundercracker carpet bombing the place one last time.

"Megatron!" Sterling yelled before everything went back.

xxXXxx

Megatron jolted out of his berth, vents heaving in unbridled fear. The memory flux had been almost real. He glanced down at his chassis to confirm that the familiar jagged purple Decepticon insignia was still there and not that red abomination of his brother's.

Still rattled by the memory flux, he stalked out of his quarters, far to riled up to even think about recharging again.

Loud laugher and noise drifted from the recroom and he snarled. Fraggers would be useless to him the next orn. But considering the devastation they had inflicted against the Autobot ranks that orn, the Autobots wouldn't be doing a lot of counter attacking any time soon.

Walking into the recroom, everyone fell dead silent, staring at the warlord in mixtures of shock, horror and fear.

He immediately spotted the rather impressive stack of high-grade Skywarp and Swindle were guarding in the middle of the recroom and he stalked toward them. Skywarp's wings dropped lower and lower the closer he got until his wings were pinned flat against his back.

"Uh, hi boss?" Swindle asked nervously.

"High-grade. Now." Megatron snarled into the shorter mech's faceplates. Swindle started at him for a full nano-klick.

"Wha?"

"High-grade. Cube. Now." Megatron repeated, clenching his servos and making mechs back away in fear.

"Uh, sure boss. 'Ow many?" Swindle asked, reaching behind him to grab a cube. He, along with everyone present were all too aware that the warlord never drank. He was always on guard and was always ready to skewer any possible threats.

"Two." Megatron growled, still looming over the mech. Swindle nodded vigorously before handing the two cubes over. Megatron snatched one, tossing the whole thing back in one shot before grabbing the other and stalking out of the recroom.

ooOOoo

"Soundwave, a question." Megatron said, leaning against the doorframe of the communications room. The lanky navy blue and black mech paused in his work but didn't turn toward the warlord. He was listening.

"What is the probability of me becoming an Autobot?" Megatron asked.

Glass shattered as Soundwave dropped a datapad, wiping around to stare at Megatron with that faceless mask.

His reaction said it all.

'What the frack are you talking about?!'

Megatron shrugged, glancing down at his high grade.

"Weird memory flux." He answered the unspoken but might as well have been screamed, question. "Really weird memory flux."

"Probability of Lord Megatron defecting: Impossible." Soundwave said after a full three nano-klicks.

Megatron bobbed his helm in acknowledgment.

"All I wanted to know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sudden urge to violently tear an Autobot apart. Or Starscream. Whoever I find first."

Without another word, Megatron tossed the rest of his high grade back and left the comm room, leaving a completely clueless Soundwave to stare at his retreating back.

Like i said, complete joke that i couldn't let die.

Read and review, and i hope to post TMJ:A soon, but i got distracted with this...

See you in two weeks when i get wifi!