A/N: I literally have five different FMA/HP crossovers in progress on my computer right now, but for some reason this is the story that seems most keen to be written. This prologue is just to set up my (relatively weak) reasoning for Harry to be raised by Roy, and I apologize for the lack of information on the Dursleys. Sadly, the manner of their deaths didn't make it into the dialogue. Oh well.

Warnings: For this chapter? Nothing. Well, except that it's unbetaed. In the future: shounen ai/slash (this will be Roy/Ed because it's my only FMA OTP), cursing (because Ed), and possibly some sex if I can convince myself to write it.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, all characters belong to their respective owners, blah blah blah.

Summary: Roy Mustang is pretty sure Dumbledore is crazy. Who in their right mind would ask him to raise a newly-orphaned baby?

Prologue

Roy stared blankly at the man on his doorstep, trying to figure out who he was through the blaring pain of his hangover. He was sure he remembered the old man from his days learning alchemy under Master Hawkeye, but he couldn't quite come up with a name. The old man was smiling, though, clearly remembering him. He was at ease in his outlandishly colored traveling robes, a wizard from abroad, and he had a bundle held in his arms like a baby. Roy was going to wait to deal with that until he couldn't get away with ignoring it any longer.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually, realizing that he was staring. "Would you like to come in, Mr...?"

"Headmaster Albus Dumbledore of Hogwarts," the man introduced himself cheerfully, stepping through the doorway and looking around the narrow hallway briefly. "I was rather hoping you'd remember me; I was friends with your teacher and spoke with you a few times."

"Sorry," Roy said again, scratching at the top of his head. "I remembered your face, but your name escaped me."

"Probably the hangover," Albus Dumbledore said with twinkling eyes. Roy had to fight back an embarrassed flush. He'd been hoping the old man hadn't noticed. "I can wait a few minutes while you make yourself some tea if you'd like."

Tea? "Coffee," Roy corrected automatically. Who drank tea for a hangover? "Would you like a cup?"

"I haven't had a good cup of coffee in years!" The old man's cheerfulness was extremely irritating. "If you don't terribly mind making two cups, I'd be very grateful. It's quite the trip getting here from Scotland."

"Sure," Roy said agreeably, gesturing for Dumbledore to follow him to the kitchen. The man followed dociley enough, so Roy allowed himself to yawn as he spooned coffee grounds into the decanter and gathered the necessary utensils. There was blessed silence for almost a whole minute before a sound suspiciously like a fussy baby came from the bundle in Dumbledore's arms. The wizard made appropriate cooing noises to settle it down, but Roy just rubbed at his eyes tiredly.

"Dare I ask why you have a baby?" he said as the coffee finished and he poured out two full cups. Dumbledore waited until he was putting an obscene amount of sugar in his cup to reply.

"I wondered if you might do me something of a favor, actually," he said, and took a casual sip of his coffee.

"Depends on the favor," Roy responded drily as he sipped his own less diabetes-inducing beverage. This earned him a sharp look, but Roy had been in the army more than long enough to face it with a bland expression.

Dumbledore didn't respond immediately. Instead he took a moment to adjust the squirming baby in his arms, opening the blanket just enough for Roy to see its face, and beamed down at the kid fondly. Roy charitably pushed aside the cynical voice in his head that muttered how casual of a manipulation it all was. "This is Harry Potter," the wizard finally said, his cheerful tone finally disappearing to make room for one much more grim. "His parents were murdered late last night, and I'm afraid he has no living relatives left to take care of him. I need somewhere safe to leave him, so I thought, well, what safer place but under the care of a formidable wizard and alchemist? I recalled you from my time with your teacher; you always seemed such a responsible young man-"

"So you thought you'd ask me," Roy finished with a sigh, rubbing at his eyes again. "Headmaster, I just got out of a war and I'm still recovering. I don't think I'm equipped to raise a child at this moment."

"Nonsense, my boy!" Oh god, the cheerfulness was back. Why him? "Why, having a child around at this time would be nothing but a blessing. I recall after Grindelwald's defeat-"

Thankfully, Roy was saved from whatever story the man had been rambling his way into by another knock at his door. With a hasty "excuse me", he stepped briskly to the door and flung it open. Maes stood on the doorstep with a bag of what Roy hoped was Gracia's home cooking, and his usual doofy smile. Roy had never been happier to see the man.

"Well, you're looking more bright-eyed than I expected to find you!" Maes said in a painfully chipper voice. He stepped past Roy without an invitation and made sniffing noises at the air. "And with coffee brewing, even. I'm impressed! Pity you couldn't manage a shower too."

"I've already had a visitor this morning," Roy said through gritted teeth. Maes gave him a sharp look, instantly concerned, but Roy waved it off. "Not like that. He's from Scotland and he's crazy."

"Crazy?" Maes questioned with probably healthy skepticism. "Are you sure that's not just the hangover talking?"

"He's trying to give me a baby." Gratifyingly, Maes's eyes widened in surprise at this news, though of course the expression didn't last long. With a shake of his head, he just walked into the kitchen and put his burden on the counter with a loud thump. Roy walked in just in time to see Maes take up his vacated seat and take a sip of his coffee. "Get your own!" Roy snatched the coffee from his friend's grip, pulling it protectively close to his chest. "Mr. Dumbledore, this is my friend Maes Hughes. Maes, Headmaster Albus Dumbledore of Hogwarts. And a baby."

"Please, call me Albus," Dumbledore said smoothly, nodding a sort of abbreviated bow to Maes. "And this is Harry. I've come looking for a safe home for him."

"Pleasure to meet you," Maes said, nodding back. "Why does he need a safe home? And if you don't mind me asking, what's happened to his forehead?" Roy blinked once in surprise, then peered more closely at Harry. Sure enough, there was a livid scar on his head, shaped like a lightning bolt. A curse mark?

"Ah, that's the reason he needs somewhere safe. As I was telling Roy earlier, Harry's parents were murdered last night by a dark wizard. Somehow, Harry survived."

"How were they killed?" Maes asked, light from the rising sun glinting off his glasses.

"The Killing Curse. But Harry here survived it." Silence. Roy and Maes shared a stunned look, then they both turned back to Dumbledore and his pleased expression. "The wizard who cast the curse has disappeared, but I'm afraid many of his followers remain undetected on English soil. I fear they may go after Harry for revenge, and would like to keep him as far out of their grip as possible."

"Are you certain Harry himself was hit by the Curse?" Roy asked faintly. At Dumbledore's serious nod, he groaned loudly and leaned on the counter. "Surely," he said a bit hopelessly, "surely there's someone else that would be willing to take him in?"

"I'm sure many wizarding families would be more than happy to raise him." Dumbledore's voice was mildly disapproving. "But Harry is already a celebrity, and I fear being raised by us would give him something of a swelled head. I can't leave him without protection in the Muggle world. Out of all the choices I can make, Mr. Mustang, you're truly my best option."

Roy rubbed at his face, then turned to Maes beseechingly. But Maes was frowning at Dumbledore's burden, a faint look of concern on his face. When he finally caught a look at Roy's expression, he hesitated visibly. "Maes," Roy said, voice just this side of pleading.

"You'd leave him in danger?" Maes asked softly, because he knew Roy was a sucker for people in trouble. Even babies, apparently. "You know Gracia and I would be happy to help. I've seen what you can do, Roy. I'd pity any wizard that tried to harm the kid on your watch."

"Fine," Roy snarled, barely resisting the urge to pull at his hair. Ignoring the beaming expressions on the others' faces, he added doggedly, "but I'll have to adopt him properly, you realize, and that means through Muggle authorities. And I'll need any records his parents had of him, and I sure hope you're not expecting me to suddenly pay for everything a baby needs on a major's salary."

"I'll be more than happy to provide everything you'll need to get started," Dumbledore said promptly. "I'm afraid I can't afford to send you money as he ages, but-"

"We can take care of everything after the initial cost," Maes hurried to assure the wizard. Roy shot him a dirty look; he'd been hoping to at least con yearly gifts out of the man. His friend gave him a severely unimpressed look in reply. "When can Roy expect your items?"

"I can get everything together as soon as I return home, so you should get a package tonight. In the meantime, might I suggest purchasing enough diapers and formula to get you through the day?" He seemed to notice Roy's alarmed twitch at the thought of diapers, because his grin gentled. "Here, why don't you hold him?"

This alarmed Roy even more, and he found himself looking to Maes for help instinctively. Unfortunately, his best friend was clearly amused by his nervousness, as he simply smiled and made carry on gestures at Roy. Gingerly, very uncertainly, he took Harry from the Headmaster. The baby was heavier and more solid than he expected, and he had to adjust his grip in order to hold him securely. On his part, Harry made a soft uncertain noise and opened bright eyes to stare curiously at his new guardian. Roy stared back at him, overwhelmed.

"Excellent, my boy!" Dumbledore said, startling Roy into a slight jump. His arms tightened instinctively on his burden. "I leave him in your capable arms, then." And just like that, he was striding out of the kitchen and gone.

Roy and Maes stared at each other for a long minute. "I have a baby," Roy finally said dumbly, and Maes, the little shit, laughed at him.

A/N: I feel it's worth mentioning that I've been debating for, like, a week whether Harry should be in Gryffindor or Slytherin. I just really want to make him a Slytherin for Reasons. (Reasons being primarily that it's my house…and I can get away with making him not be friends with Ron.)