Ah, so... yeah, I'm procrastinating again. Just a bit of fun, really. Plus, I couldn't help myself.

Sorry not sorry.

Hope you enjoy!

Update: So I have decided that I will be continuing with this universe. Just short one-shots here and there for when I get the inspiration and I can't be bothered doing my university assignments. All one-shots in this universe will be marked as being part of the 'Happy Wife, Happy Life' universe, so in a way, this two-shot can be seen as the opening for it.

There were a few things that Lucy Heartfilia had been hiding from the guild for the last year and a half. Important things. Very important things.

And honestly, it was time to fill them in. After all, they were her friends and family. Besides, she only really had a couple of months or so before they started asking questions and well, it was probably going to be a hell of a lot worse if they all found out that way. At least if she told them herself, then she could do it on her own terms and her psychotic guild mates wouldn't jump to all of the wrong conclusions, because let's face it, they were going to.

But, it wasn't like they wouldn't have a reason to either. Hell, if she were in someone else's shoes and she'd just found out about what it was she had to say, then she'd probably want to go on a bit of a rampage.

Or she'd probably just stare at a wall for a few minutes. Or hours.

The only problem she faced was actually finding the courage to do so, not to mention actually saying the damn words. That was going to be difficult.

Lucy realised that there was probably never going to be a right time or a right way to go about telling the guild that she was married to none other than Bickslow. Oh, yeah, and she was pregnant, which kind of made the whole deadline thing a problem since she was already showing as it was – only just. She'd had to change the majority of her wardrobe just because her crop tops and tight tank tops were really not working out in her favour.

But seriously, how the hell was she supposed to explain the fact that she'd been dating Bickslow in the first place? Because really, the only two people in the entire world who knew about it were herself and Bickslow. Well, and her spirits. And his babies.

'Oh, yeah… you know, we were dating for like a year and then we were like, 'fuck it, let's get married,' and that was six months ago.'

Because that was totally going to go down well, especially when she had a best friend that could quite literally breathe fire, another that was a little too sword-happy, and another that would probably turn her husband into a human ice cube. Hey, at least she had Wendy. The young Dragon Slayer would totally heal Bickslow if he got too hurt… right? Right?!

Eh, probably not.

Best case scenario was that her team – and guild – somehow avoided having a heart attack at the whole 'being married' news, and then she'd be able to break the next part to them.

'…I'm also three months pregnant.'

Yeah, Lucy was pretty sure her team – and half of the guild – would probably drop dead at that point. Hell, she was pretty sure she had when Bickslow had told her she was pregnant – something that had simultaneously scared the living shit out of the guy when she quite literally fell to the floor and had entertained him so much it made him fall to floor himself. The only difference was that Lucy was in shock and Bickslow was cackling at her reaction.

Apparently Bickslow had known for a few weeks before he told her. He'd wanted to make sure that what he'd seen was actually the thing's soul and not just his eyes playing tricks on him. After all, he'd usually checked when she was asleep (since it was really the only time he could get away with using his magic and not get a million questions as to why he was using his magic on her) and he was half asleep himself so it was entirely possible it was just his imagination.

But it wasn't, of course.

So even though there was the whole guild reaction being a problem, Lucy realised that there were some good things to come out of letting them know. One being that she could finally wear the goddamn ring that was just teasing her every time she opened her jewellery box, and two being that she could finally move in with her husband.

Well, that was assuming he made it out of the guild alive, and it was entirely possible he wouldn't. You know, fire-breathing, sword-happy, and ice-cube-making best friends.

Oh, and not to mention Bickslow's team. Evergreen was probably going to turn him to stone for keeping such a huge secret from her, and Laxus, well… no one was too sure what Laxus would do. Freed would most likely stay out of it, and thank god for that because according to Bickslow, the guy was 'really fucking terrifying sometimes.' According to Bickslow.

Mira was probably going to faint, Cana was most likely going to choke on whatever it was she was drinking that day, Juvia was most likely still going to think Lucy was trying to steal her beloved Gray from her, and Levy was probably going to throw a book at Gajeel, and he'd probably sit there and take it, just because he loved the girl. Not that he'd ever say it, no. Never.

So basically, no one in the guild was going to take it well, and that was something that she and Bickslow could actually agree on. There were multiple things they couldn't and would never agree on, but the likelihood that he'd quite possibly end up dying should the guild ever find out was one thing they would agree on.

They had an odd relationship like that. They were like polar opposites. He was loud, she was quiet. He was tall, she was short. He was an idiot, she was smart – but that was something that was debatable, honestly. Bickslow was actually smart, he just did stupid things. Lucy, though, she was smart, and she didn't do stupid things. The list could go on and on. Probably forever. But for whatever reason, the two of them seemed to work.

Lucy would be lying if she said she wasn't hopelessly and irrevocably in love with the guild's resident Seith mage and pervert. Which, as it turns out, was something she did lie about, quite often. Especially when Mira and Cana would ask if her she'd managed to get a boyfriend yet.

'No, no boyfriend. But I did get married over the weekend.'

Yeah, she couldn't say that. It was just easier to let them believe she was single and not ready to mingle – ever.

But really, they needed to tell the guild. Soon. Hell, she kinda wanted to.

Fuck it, she thought. Let's do it.

With a quiet sigh, she turned her head over her shoulder slightly, just enough to see the blue-and-black haired man laying behind her, his head resting on his pillow as his arm draped over her side, his hand resting on the barely visible bump.

"Bicks." She whispered.

He grunted in response, pressing his face into the pillow more as he instinctively pulled her closer to him. What could he say? The rare moments he got to actually sleep in the same bed as his wife were ones he cherished and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to make the most of them, and that meant holding her as close as possible before either of them had to go back to pretending that they weren't together.

"Bickslow," She said, a little louder with a small smile on her face. He'd never been a morning person and honestly, she was going to enjoy watching him suffer through several months of going without sleep once their baby was born. Well, she'd enjoyed the thought of it until she remembered that she wasn't going to be getting any sleep either. "We're going to tell them. Today."

An eye shot open suddenly. "Eh?'

"You heard me."

"Debatable. It's early." Bickslow mumbled.

She scoffed slightly, "Well, I'll say it again then. We're telling them. Today."

"Still early." Because really, even though they'd talked about it many, many times, he still wasn't exactly prepared for what would happen once everyone found out. It was almost as scary as him being a dad, but, he still had another six months to get his head around that. He'd be fine. He hoped.

And Lucy wasn't all that surprised he'd attempt to put them telling everyone off, and it wasn't like he didn't have a good reason to feel that way. Hell, if she was worried about what the guild – her team in particular – would do to him, then he had even more of a reason to be terrified.

It was Bickslow's turn to sigh. He loved his wife, a lot, but he'd never really loved the fact that she'd always end up winning in an argument. Hell, it wasn't even an argument, but you get the point.

"Tell me when you want to go to the guild so I can start packing." He mumbled.

"What the hell for?"

"For when I run in the opposite direction."

Not that he'd actually do that, of course. He just really enjoyed annoying her.

With a roll of her eyes, Lucy shifted, curling herself into his warm chest even more and then closing her eyes. It really was early, so she could go back to sleep for a few more hours. Maybe.

She knew Bickslow wouldn't actually run. Well, it was more of a case that she really hoped he didn't. He'd be stupid to run, because honestly, he'd just be making it worse for himself to run. He wasn't that stupid. Nah, he was just trying to annoy her, and she was okay with that. It was just part of what they did.

"I hate you, Bicks." She murmured with a small smile, feeling his hand rub small circles over her belly.

Saying 'I hate you' rather than 'I love you' sometimes was just a thing they did. They didn't know when it had started (though she assumed it was when Bickslow had done some incredibly frustrating and made her actually want to hate the guy, you know, if she had the cabability to), but neither worried to much, because they both knew they loved each other, and that was what mattered.

"Love you too, Cosplayer."