Steve's a lousy mechanic, but more importantly, in Danny's view he pretty much sucks at giving their son a good example. Things come to a head on one of those "who turned up the oven and set the dial to Inferno?!" kinda days, and tempers sizzle right along with the temperature. Will the end result be a fiery eruption, or can they find a cool place to collect themselves again? A story of failing at parenthood, and the ability to see the sunny side of things. And of milk served with a heaping side order of swearing.

THOU SHALL NOT (DAMMIT, STEVE!)

"Owwww, Goddammit! Jesus fucking..."

The swearing is momentarily interrupted by the loud clang of an object flung against something metal, then continues. Steve's attempt at abusing a certain deity's name - well no, not an attempt; he's actually really, really good at it, because spending years on a piece of metal floating on the infinite ocean, away from society, away from norms, will do that to a man; will reduce his inhibitions and turn him into a swearing caveman - is suddenly accompanied by a child's sweet voice, echoing the curses in a sing-song manner as if it's sounding out a favorite nursery rhyme.

Danny's head pops out of the front door so fast, it's as if he's some kind of demented Jack-in-the-box on speed.

"Steven! What did I tell you about language use in front of Kieran, God..."

He pauses for a moment, then continues.

"forbidmestoopingtoyourlevelandweresogoingtohavewordsaboutthis, McGarrett!"

Glares at the man sucking his finger, then glowers as their eyes meet. "Sulking! You're actually sulking! How are you considered to be an adult, McGarrett? Sulking is for kids, not for big tough soldiers..."

"Sailors, Danny" comes a muffled response, words sounding sloppy around a wet finger. There's a shocked intake of breath.

"Words, Steven. We are having words!"

The front door slams shut.

It's a warm, sticky, icky kind of day, with sweat creating slow rivulets and gathering into places moisture has no business convening.

The type of day where you want to take a shower every five minutes but you can't, because the effort of it all makes you sweat even more. The sort of day Danny Williams almost hates even more than sticking yellow fruit on what he deems to be the best ever invention. I mean, fuck sliced bread. That type of shit doesn't even come close to the miracle that is crispy yet still chewy baked dough covered with tomatoes and moz, creating warm strings that will burn your tongue but yet taste so delicious when you suck them from between your teeth.

Anyway. It's hot!

The three of them are sitting at the table, Kieran in a booster seat so he actually gets to see what he shoves in his mouth. His blond hair - Danny's, all Danny's. Right down to the way it always refuses to stay in place unless buzzed short enough to make it more managable - bleached nearly white by the sun, sticking up in sweat soaked spikes, his green-blue eyes - they change color with his mood and are obviously Steve's input, and Danny's fine with that; he loves those eyes, OK? - half lidded from being loam due to the heat. His movements are sluggish, and Danny thinks that maybe he should've bedded him down earlier than this; maybe the kid's too tired to sit at the table, but then again, he seems to be OK. So, fine. They're having dinner at the table. They don't get to do that often enough, what with their crazy non-schedules at Five-Oh.

"This is good, Danno."

Danny looks over at Steve, smiling at the compliment and feeling a little rush of heat, a little warm something that has absolutely nothing to do with the day's temperature course through his body when he catches the lazy wink thrown in his direction. They'll have to do something about that. Later. When Kieran is safely tucked away and dead to the world, when he and Steve can retreat to the privacy of their bedroom and maybe add a little extra curricular sweat to their already heat drenched bodies and...

"Sombitch."

A rush of something cold pools against Danny's right arm, and he jerks to look back at Kieran. The kid's hand is outstretched, fingers curled as if on the verge of grasping something. The 'something' obviously being the glass lying on its side, contents - "Milk, Danno. Please?" had been Kieran's response to Danny's question what he wanted to drink with dinner - now spilled, pooling over the table and against Danny's arm. There's a dark frown pulling down Kieran's forehead, and right now he's the spitting image of his other Dad. Of Steve. A carbon copy of the man he loves and who taught their son how to swim at a ridiculous young age, and how to pitch a football, and how to swe...

Danny whips his head towards his husband to incinerate him with a death stare, then turns back again to the boy, now sulking while he stares at the empty glass.

"Kieran! What did I tell you about using words like that! Those are bad, bad words, and..."

There's a sound coming from the other end of the table. A snort. Danny does a full body turn, almost upsetting his chair while he flings an accusing finger at the man hunched down over his dinner plate.

"Are you ... are you laughing?! No, seriously. Please enlighten me, because I'm obviously not getting it. Do you.." - and his voice drops down to a level Steve knows signals impending danger, yells 'Incoming!' and instinctively makes him want to duck underneath the table - "do you think this is funny?!"

There's something wrong with Steve's brain. He just knows it.

It's the only logical conclusion. His brain has been scrambled somehow, most likely caused by head-butting bullets and being punched in the face too often. It's screwed up his thinking and made him lose his sense of self-preservation. Because instead of doing the smart thing, instead of covering his ass and tell Danny that, no, he doesn't think this is funny; doesn't think it's funny at all. Instead of doing that, he glances up from between his lashes and, with a detached sense of utter horror, hears words come out of his mouth that are as far removed from self-preservation as Pluto is from Earth. Further, actually. And he can't stop himself.

"Yeah, I kinda do. Find it funny. Yes."

And that's it. Fate sealed. Judge's hammer slamming down. Verdict given. He's received the death penalty and he's gonna die. Possibly die a long, slow and torturous death. Not, not possibly. Not even remotely likely. It's a certainty. He can see the previously brewing storm in those blue eyes turn into a hurricane. A level 5. No, no, it's gone beyond that. It's actually destroyed the Safir-Simpson Wind Scale in one fell swoop and created a whole new level of its own. The Danny Williams Unbelievable Destruction scale. And it's aimed right at him. It's going to end him.

"I'm going to end you!"

There. Steve knew it. Danny's eyes stay locked on his while he spits out the words, pupils blown so wide by anger that only a thin rim of blue remains around them. A chill, an actual chill runs over Steve's back as he contemplates how willing Danny is to actually put those words into action, and realizes that he may - no, will have to - jump and run for his life. Because. Because that's actually a little bit of foam sitting on his partner's lip. His baby's other daddy is so mad he's actually foaming at the mouth, and that is never a good sign.

"Hey. No. Look, Danno..."

His intended apology, his effort at reigning in things so Danny will defuse and drop down to a level that will not get him killed, is interrupted by a hiss.

"Do. Not. Call. Me. Danno!"

The finger of death is still pointed at him, still aiming at his face as if it's a loaded weapon and capable of blowing his head off. It actually might, Steve thinks. He's seen lesser men than him cowering beneath that finger; has seen them crumble and fall down to their knees. It's a very scary, very lethal finger. So he throws his hands up in surrender.

"Sorry. I'm really sorry. I know I f.. messed up with the swearing thing, and I promise. No seriously, Danny. Don't look at me that way! I promise I'll stop doing that around Kieran."

Steve eyes the finger, still hovering unwavering in his direction. Then looks at Danny's face, then back at the finger again. And breathes a sigh of relief as the finger wavers, then slowly drops. He's actually really, really proud of himself for having accomplished something even a bomb squad with decades of experience most likely would've failed at. Defusing Danny while he's in a killing mood.

And then he finds out that he was just passing through the eye of the storm, just enjoying what turns out to be a short, peaceful reprieve before being thrown right back in Danny's Hurricane of Destruction.

Because he's stupid.

Stupid enough to throw a glance at Kieran, and his kid - Their kid. He should remember that. Because even though Kieran seems to have inherited most of Steve's DNA, there's also loads of Danny in his genetical makeup. - this kid is sticking out his finger as well, sticking it in Danny's direction, frowning while doing so, and he's opening his mouth and Steve knows. He just knows, alright? Knows that the next words out of that little mouth are going to be so, so bad; also knows that, when - not if; when. It's a given - Danny will whip his head around to their son he will contact with that finger and things will be so much worse!

And that's exactly what happens.

"Fucker!"

Danny's shocked intake of breath is almost immediately followed by a *squeak* of pain as Kierans' finger - and see? Steve just knew that would happen. Knew it and will have to start taking advantage of that type of paranormal knowledge as he looks to find a job with a circus or something, because his career with Five-Oh has been torpedoed as of this instance, because of what he does next when - his, no, their kid's finger pokes Danny in the eye. And Steve just loses it.

Loses it and just howls his ass off laughing.

Laughs so hard his chair topples backwards, dumping him on the ground and he just lays there. Just lays there and clutches his stomach and doesn't even care anymore that he's going to die within the next second or so. Continues to laugh so hard that his face starts aching and his guts just cramp up and he just. Just can't stop.

Can't stop even when Danny's face comes to hover over him, one slightly red eye blinking rapidly.

"You're evil, McGarrett. You know that, right? Evil to the core."

Steve continues to snort and sniff and gasp, unable to stop, completely incapable of putting an end to his own demise as he feels snot running down his face and sweat coursing down his back while he stares up at Danny. Stares up at a face that glowers, then miraculously seems to relax, and then ... breakes out in a smile.

Danny actually smiles!

The next moment Danny comes crashing down next to Steve, flops half over him actually, and holds him while he himself starts to shake. Starts giggling and then laughing out loud, and it doesn't take long before they're entangled, holding on to each other while they shake and shudder with the force of their merriment.

"Danno? Pops?"

And the two men disentagle themselves, unlatch their limbs so they can rise off the floor far enough to see Kieran's head popped over the table's edge - and Danny instinctively makes a mental note that the next seat booster will have to include some type of securing device, because this is dangerous - while he's looking down at them, a confused and surprised look on his sweet face.

"You OK?"

Still snorting, Steve looks back at Danny. Takes in his floppy hair and sparkling blue eyes - and the red seems to have gone down some already, so no permanent damage there - and raises an eyebrow.

"We OK, Danno?"

Danny returns the look, still hiccupping slightly from the bout of laughter. He takes in the teary eyes of his partner, the way his face is so completely relaxed, his generous mouth still wide with merriment. He takes it all in and smiles and then looks back up at their little son, still leaning over the edge of the table.

"Yes, sweetheart. We're OK."

There's a little sigh of contentment as the head disappears, followed by a happy little voice that signals all's well in the world.

"Fuckin' A."

And they lose it all over again.

*NOTE* Sorry about the numerous updates, but somehow the copy&paste process got messed up and parts were missing. Please tell me if you find anything else which seems off.