This is the first chapter of a multi-chapter fic inspired by the submitted inspirational words from you for the Fic Challenge (you submit a word, I write a fic to incorporate it and its themes). The words for this story are desire, tears, leg, and warmth.
Another note: Ostara is the celebration of the end of winter, often celebrating fertility, rebirth, and the beginning of the farming season. Day and night become closer to each other in length. Festivities include the painting of eggs and the symbol of the rabbit (fertility). You may know it as Easter.
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Chapter One: Broken
Hiccup clutched the reins for dear life, the foot secured to Toothless' tail fin mechanism desperately cranking against nothing. Staring up with wide eyes seared by the heat of the Red Death, all he could see was the bulbous tail falling to collide with him. He heard the snap of the connecting rod, the slicing of the air as it was sucked into the flames, sending the skeleton of Toothless' tail fin into the inferno below.
"No!" he cried, terror gripping at his heart. They were going to hit it, there was no way he could manipulate both dragon and boy to avoid it. It was going to hit him, shatter him, and take his beloved Night Fury along with it.
"No, NO!"
Toothless twisted his body, a shriek building in his blackened throat. Hiccup cringed, bracing himself for impact for a split second before the edge of the tail rammed into his side, obliterating bone and crushing muscle.
He was falling, now… Falling towards the searing heat as it blistered the skin of his back through his vest, the back of his neck, the tender skin behind his ears. He couldn't move, he couldn't see, as he flew weightlessly down, down, down…
Throbbing, shooting pain ricocheted up his side, from his leg to his lungs and into his neck. He wanted to scream, vocalize the pain to somehow alleviate it, but he couldn't move. He only felt it grip him in its hot talons, refusing to let him go as he spiralled into madness, alone and destined to hit the ground and break upon it.
But he didn't hit the ground. He just kept falling, his leg sending him into fits of screams. Toothless, you were supposed to catch me. You were supposed to catch me and, oh gods, my leg. My leg, my fu – my leg! Gods, please, anything but this, just chop it off! It burns, I can't – it – no, no no NO!
"NO!"
Hiccup sucked in a jagged breath, choking upon it as his eyes snapped open. Flinging his feeble arms into the thin air around him, he met nothing but the familiar fur of his father's tunic.
"Son, I'm here, it's me," he murmured gently, firm enough to shake his son from his night terror. "You're havin' a nightmare, everything is fine!"
Hiccup couldn't get a breath down as he grabbed for his blankets. He tore them to the side as Toothless warbled next to him. The Night Fury, eager to help, tugged at the edge of the blanket and pulled it down, considering they couldn't pull it away entirely with Stoick sitting on the bed. Revealing his naked legs to the fresh air of the room, Hiccup desperately reached for the ghost of his ankle. His fingers connected with the blankets beneath him. He seized them and squeezed them until his knuckles were as white as his face.
"Calm your breathing," Stoick ordered, resting a heavy hand on Hiccup's back.
"I-It hurts!" Hiccup choked. "It hurts, why does it hurt?!"
"Your leg –"
"My foot!" Hiccup cried. "It burns!"
Stoick grabbed Hiccup's hands and pried them from the bed. Holding his tiny hands in massive stony encasements, Stoick squeezed Hiccup's fingers and pulled him close. His son didn't think twice; he buried his face in Stoick's chest, wanting to scream, but only able to whimper as his stump of a leg throbbed insistently with the fluttering beat of his heart, constantly reminding him that though he had lost a part of himself, he could not escape it.
Tired and gaunt, Hiccup broke his fast at home, out of sight and out of the way. He had eaten in the Great Hall over the past few weeks after Dragon Island, but with the painful swelling of his shortened limb, paired with almost-nightly terrors and random bouts of pain, he preferred to stay at home.
However, it didn't mean he didn't try to recover. Done with his food – which had barely been eaten at all – he pushed himself away from the table and supported himself with the wall. He stood on his right leg, refusing to put his prosthetic to the stone out of fear of pain. He knew he would feel it, and he knew it would hurt more than anything. He knew that the moment the metal connected with the solid ground, he'd fall to his knees, adding to the layers of bruising upon them.
But with every bruise came the proof that he had tried. So, with a deep breath held in his lungs and the night terror lingering in the back of his mind, he put his foot down. The metal scraped gingerly upon the rock, lightly hovering over it. He placed more pressure upon it. He felt the brittle spring inside compress, and the fresh scars of his stump pressed into the wooden cup stuffed with wool. He pulled up once to compose himself before he placed his weight on it completely. He pushed himself forward, arms out to balance himself, as he wobbled forward.
He managed to take three steps before his body tensed too much.
It wasn't only his leg that kept him up at night. Limping and tensing constantly over the better part of a moon had sent the muscles in his hips, back, shoulders, and thighs into stiffness. Sleep was fraught with terror and exhaustion. The only energy he had left to spare was to fly.
Toothless slid his head under Hiccup's hand as he balanced in place. Hiccup relaxed slightly and leaned into his dragon. "Thanks, bud," he murmured. He cleared his throat and saw sunlight peek under the door. He hobbled towards it, leaning against Toothless, and opened it. Sunlight poured into the house, blinding him for a moment. When his eyes adjusted, he clamoured onto Toothless' back and the pair of them left the house.
Hiccup was only prepared for a simple flight. But, as if the gods wanted to tempt or torment him, he immediately saw his newfound friends soaring overhead. Hookfang, Snotlout's newly named Monstrous Nightmare, twisted through the air like an eel, his rider laughing and whooping. The twins raced after him while Fishlegs bumbled behind, not really paying attention to the chaos ahead but happy to be in the air.
But he didn't linger upon those dragon riders. A curious and innocent urge to see one more made him crane his neck and turn his head. He didn't see the Deadly Nadder swoop in after Snotlout, and he didn't see Astrid out and about. A small twinge of disappointment distracted him from the pain for a single second.
He hadn't seen her that often after Dragon Island. It took a week for him to come to completely, after Gothi and her band of healers continuously fed him medicinal herbs that were to help the healing process and replenish his strength. But when he did, Astrid had sauntered up to him, delivered a swift punch to his shoulder, and followed up with his first kiss.
When he wasn't berated by the night terrors – which was a newer symptom to add to his never-ending road to recovery – he thought of that kiss. Astrid Hofferson, the one girl he fantasized about (especially when he had accepted the fact he would never have a chance with her), had embraced him and taken that milestone. Her lips tasted like the food she had eaten that morning – a subtle smokiness paired with meat and mead – and her skin smelled of ocean air. The way his heart leapt within his breast reminded him of his first flight.
He wanted to experience that once more. They were on the cusp of something new, and he wanted more than anything to explore that with her. He was excited to have her as a friend, let alone a friend that kissed him occasionally. She was also the first person he had managed to convince when it came to the dragon debacle, and she had adapted to Berk's changes beautifully.
Hiccup sighed and gently grabbed the reins of Toothless' saddle.
"Ready?" he asked.
But a flash of blue and yellow forced him to duck. Stormfly's familiar croak startled Hiccup as he looked up from his protected position. Toothless wriggled about as Stormfly landed in front of him. Astrid smiled, her cheeks red from the chilled air and her hair unruly from the flight. With the grace of her dragon, she leapt off her back and landed on the ground. Hiccup couldn't help but notice how she staggered her landing, first landing on one foot before the other. The way her knees bent and the way her ankles moved to push her towards him was something that brought unwelcome envy into the pit of his stomach.
"You're outside!" she sassily noticed, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I'm not that pale, am I?" Hiccup asked, scoffing, a crooked grin splayed over his worn face. He suddenly became very aware that his hand was squeezing his left thigh. He moved his hand reluctantly, though more reluctant to show Astrid any sign of weakness.
"I was talking to the others," she breathlessly accounted, "and they wanted me to ask you about Ostara."
Hiccup blinked and jerked his head back, confused. "Ostara?" he asked. It wasn't that he didn't know of the celebration. In fact, it was one he was particularly fond of. Ostara marked the end of winter with a massive celebration, a homage to the goddesses Eostre and Freyja for fertility of their livestock, their fields, and, of course, their women. Berk's women were celebrated through massive feasts of the remainder of the stores, dancing, games, and weddings. For weeks afterwards, pregnancy announcements would be a constant happy happenstance.
Even though Hiccup himself was not interested in weddings or pregnancy as he approached the tender age of sixteen, he did love anything the signalled the end of winter.
"Ostara," Astrid repeated. "Has your dad said anything to you about plans?"
Hiccup twisted his mouth and shook his head. "No, I haven't really seen my dad," he admitted.
He remembered clinging to his tunic the night previously, screaming and groaning into him as his leg spasmed and burned and tensed beyond sanity.
"Oh," Astrid sighed, slightly disappointed.
"I'm sure he's thinking about it!" Hiccup said quickly, not wanting to see her sad. "That's probably why I haven't seen him."
Astrid nodded and smiled again. "Most likely!"
They stared at each other, two youngsters beaming at the other with grins that could be seen from the docks. Astrid swayed awkwardly before she looked at Hiccup's leg. She motioned to it.
"How are you feeling?" she asked. Stormfly bumped her arm and Astrid scratched her head as Hiccup winced.
"Uh… I'm fine. It's good," he replied, grimacing at his falseness. "Taking a few extra steps a day."
He met her wary gaze with disinclination. He wondered how she felt about him, now that he had lost a significant part of himself. What did she see? Something broken?
"If you're up for it, would you maybe want to go for a flight?" she suddenly asked.
Hiccup's mind suddenly leapt onto a single path. His heart jumped and his gut filled with the warm fluttering of butterflies. He stared at her flushed cheeks, her blue eyes, the way she lovingly attended her new dragon. He had been so used to her adverseness as a fighter and future dragon slayer. Her scowling face riddled with determination to achieve the impossible goals of defending Berk from dragons had transformed. No longer was her skin contorted into dismaying anger and feisty determination. She was smiling, glowing brilliantly. Hiccup could hardly contain himself.
"Yes!" he agreed, throwing caution to the wind. "I would love –"
"Son, there you are."
Stoick lumbered up to Hiccup as he remained on the threshold of their house. Behind him was a small entourage of healers. Borgný, a young and beautiful unmarried woman nodded to him as she carried a basket of poultices into the house. Hailaga, another healer renowned for having a haughty attitude paired with insomnia and old age, immediately marched up to Hiccup's left side. She reached her intruding hands up to his stump.
Hiccup wrenched his body to instinctively avoid her touch, tensing everything to lift it out of the way. Annoyed, she reached up and grabbed his knee. Hiccup gasped and Toothless pulled him to safety, baring his teeth to the healer and threatening to blow her to bits. Hiccup grabbed his thigh once more, wincing and cringing as new waves of pain reverberated up his left side. He squeezed his watering eyes shut.
"What are you doing?!" he heard.
He opened his eyes and saw Astrid throwing her arms up to Hailaga. Her scowl from the days before was back in full force, and he observed the muscles in her exposed triceps tense and move under her skin.
Hailaga glowered at Astrid's interference as Borgný returned from the inner confines of the house, silently concerned. She merely hovered her hands over Hiccup's leg assuring him she would not touch it as Astrid and Hailaga scorned each other. The tension could have cut overcooked meat.
"I'm trying to do my duty," Hailaga retorted. "And I can't do that if you're in my way!"
"You don't walk up to someone who has lost a limb and grab it!" Astrid replied. "How dare –"
"Astrid, enough," Stoick interjected. He gently clasped her shoulders as Hiccup groaned. He led her away.
"Do you need help dismounting?" Borgný asked Hiccup quietly, shooting Hailaga a glance. Hailaga remained poised in front of Hiccup, one of her large hips parked in the air and her face shooting daggers into the back of Astrid's head. Hiccup shook his head, still regaining his breathing, as he eavesdropped.
"You can't be standoffish like that to our healers," Stoick told her, though the tone of his voice betrayed which side he was truly on.
"She made him jump," she told him. "He's in pain, he doesn't need someone making it worse."
"They're here to help," the chief reiterated. He ran a hand over his eyes, tired and at a loss.
"I can help better than she can," Astrid hissed. "My mother is a healer, she taught me –"
"No," Stoick immediately replied. "As much as I appreciate it… Hiccup needs someone with more experience."
Astrid glared slightly, furrowing her blonde brows as assumptions bubbled in her mind. "…Is it really that bad?"
Stoick didn't respond. He gave Astrid a reassuring nod and turned to return to his son. Hiccup frowned as Astrid watched after him. He didn't want to see her upset.
He dismounted Toothless and hobbled back into the house, refusing to look over his shoulder as Astrid flew away.
Hailaga was hot on his heels, almost rushing him inside as she loomed over him. Stoick was the last inside. He shut the door as Toothless slinked in, crawling to a nearby corner to keep watch of Hailaga, his eyes narrowing into slits.
"Can you believe that Hofferson girl?!" she huffed. She went to the supplies Borgný had set upon the table and took the poultices from the basket. She practically slammed the pottery upon the table as Borgný helped Hiccup sit on the side of his bed. "How dare she – how dare she – here I am, called from my nap – my only sleep of the week, may I add – only to be met with insubordination and disrespect!"
"She was only trying to help," Borgný murmured as she unclipped Hiccup's prosthetic leg from the rest of him. "Her mother –"
"I don't care if Sigourney is a healer. So am I, and I'll be damned if I'm replaced by her hot-headed daughter after all this hassle."
Hiccup didn't say anything. But, in the name of all things holy, he wanted to. The last person in the world he wanted in the room with him was Hailaga. The fact that Stoick would bring her to help him was almost laughable. Borgný helping him from his trousers also preoccupied him. Hiccup felt his cheeks grow red hot as the young woman pulled the pants that he had spent most of his morning putting on off. Stoick respectfully looked away until they had placed a blanket over Hiccup's lap.
Hailaga, muttering about like a Gronckle hankering for a boulder feast, filled a bowl with water already hot over the fire. Borgný unwrapped Hiccup's leg and rested the bandages to the side. His wound had been stitched haphazardly on the ship ride home from Dragon Island, and the scar it left behind was ugly and distorted. Puckering at an angle, it had healed over save for the area that rested against the bottom of the cup of his metal leg, which was red. The entire stump was swollen and bruising in areas, and his knees were swollen from falling on them so often.
Borgný took a cloth doused in hot water and cleaned his stump as Stoick watched from across the room. The ladies worked in focussed silence (which, in the case of Hailaga, was a blessing). Hiccup looked up to Stoick, willing to talk about anything other than what was happening.
"Astrid asked me about Ostara," he mentioned, grimacing as Borgný dabbed at his scars. Stoick took in a breath and nodded.
"Aye, I was in talk with Gobber and some of the other villagers week before last," was the gruff reply. Stoick yawned and stretched his neck. Guilt spread over Hiccup slowly. He looked down at the top of Borgný's head, watching her work. She pulled the rag away, revealing pink splotches upon the cloth. She rinsed it and returned.
Hiccup squirmed and twitched his leg, another ghost-like sensation creeping up. He tried to ignore it, but soon he was bouncing his leg up and down.
Borgný looked up at him as he twitched his leg. "Try to keep still."
"I can't," Hiccup claimed apologetically. "My foot, it's itchy."
Borgný smiled and placed her hand over Hiccup's right foot. She went to scratch it, but Hiccup shook his head.
"The other one," he muttered.
Hailaga, Borgný, and Stoick all peered at Hiccup's fallen face as he struggled against an itch he couldn't possibly scratch.
Borgný continued to press Hiccup's leg, though everyone in the room had an air of concern about them. Everyone except Hailaga, at least.
"It's to be expected," she said bluntly. "People who lose limbs often feel them there for weeks, moons, or even winters after the fact."
Hiccup looked up at her through his bangs, his face becoming more and more dishevelled as she spoke.
"And from what your dad says, you've been keeping him awake at night with your bad dreams."
"You make it sound like an inconvenience," Stoick muttered angrily.
"Isn't that what it is, though?" Hailaga bravely replied. "With Ostara coming up, and with Berk changing so rapidly with, in my humble opinion if it's welcome –"
"– it's not –" Hiccup whispered, though only Borgný heard it.
"– these dragons are no less a nuisance than what they were before. They still terrify the livestock, a single sneeze razes a field, they're keeping me up at night!"
"As if you sleep anyway," Hiccup spoke up, angry and tired and done with the sound of her voice. Hailaga snapped her lizard-like gaze towards him and opened a jar of salve.
"I'm amazed you show fealty to these creatures, especially after one broke your leg and the other one bit it off."
Stoick waved a hand. "Hailaga –"
"He didn't bite my leg off!" Hiccup said exasperatedly. "He saved my life!"
"He gave you a life with bad dreams and a limp, that's what he gave you."
"Get out."
Hailaga almost dropped the poultice when Stoick grabbed her by the arm with one hand and hauled the door open with the other.
"How dare you?!" Stoick growled in her ear as he hauled her to the door. "How dare you speak to my son like that!"
Hailaga gasped as the chief practically threw her out, suddenly furious. Hailaga spun as soon as she regained her footing.
"If you claim his night terrors are 'bad dreams' again, I'll have you thrown off this island faster than Jurgen Barnstadt!" Stoick bellowed. Villagers all paused as Hailaga cowered upon the pathway, ashamed and humiliated. Stoick slammed the door, making Hiccup cringe again. It had hit the doorframe so hard that it bounced open again.
Hiccup didn't look up as has father turned around and sank heavily into one of the chairs by the table. Tears welled up in Hiccup's eyes as Borgný rubbed the salve into his scabbed wounds. She then wrapped his leg in cotton strips, pulling them tight to battle the swelling. She left without another word, glancing for a moment into the cup of Hiccup's makeshift leg. She pulled the wool from it and discarded so she could replace it. Without another word, she took her basket and her supplies to the door. She offered Stoick a slight bow before she walked through the open door. She shut it behind her gently, leaving Hiccup and Stoick alone.
They remained silent for a moment while Hiccup grabbed his pants. He wanted to put them on, cover himself up, but the idea of pathetically trying to dress himself in front of his father was one he didn't want to execute. Stoick removed his helmet and let his head fall back so he could crack it. Hiccup stared at the pants in his hands, tears swimming in front of his vision.
"I'm sorry I didn't throw her out sooner," Stoick sighed, clearing his throat. "She had no right –"
He heard Hiccup sniff, trying to hide his tears under his bangs. Stoick looked over as Hiccup refused to move.
Stoick stood and lumbered over. He sat next to Hiccup, wanting to console him, but his stoic tendencies bled out.
"I know it's hard, Hiccup," he began. "But you will get better, and it will be easier as time goes on."
Hiccup nodded, a slight bob of the head, and Stoick sighed. He rubbed his hands together. "I have to go talk to some people about Ostara. Maybe that will cheer you up, I know you like it."
All he received was another tiny nod. So Stoick turned around, sure Hiccup wanted space, and left the house. As soon as the sunlight was shut out of the house, Hiccup arched his back, slowly crumpling into his own lap. He wrapped his hands around his neck and the back of his head, wanting to scream. The tears came in racking sobs as memories of his leg, Dragon Island, and the humiliation Hailaga threw at him slammed into him as hard as the Red Death's tail.