Fuck 1994. I mean, how did people live without the internet, live without any other useful technology for that matter? Finding information is an insane task in this god forsaken slice of lost time. I have been at the Mystic Falls Municipal Public Library for weeks trying to find anything useful, anything related to the Bennett witches. I just need something that could give me a glimpse into their history, their bloodlines, anything… just that one detail that could give me hope. The hope that I will get out of this alternate universe that is Kai's prison is all I have to cling too.
For the past seven months (two weeks…three days…) since I was ripped from Bonnie and Damon's side, I have been here, trapped with Kai. He trapped me here. Him…there are no words for the boiling resentment I carry around like armor.
The three of us had managed to get the ascendant from Kai's possession. We managed to make it to the spot where the eclipse was in perfect alignment with the Gemini constellation, the only spot on earth where the ascendant would work. As Bonnie was chanting the spell, I felt myself ripped from their hands. By the time I hit the ground they were gone. I was left there, staring at Kai. He was seething, rage filled, a loaded gun ready to go off. As I raised my hand to send him slamming against the cave wall, I stopped momentarily, noticing a slight shift in his face from anger to anguish and then back again. He balled his fist, knuckles white, and walked into the darkened tunnel towards the surface.
I've had a lot of time to reflect since that day and I have learned a few things:
1) Losing your entire world is like a comforting friend dying. You can go through the various stages of the grieving process multiple times. I have gone from denial to anger, back to denial followed by a brief period of bargaining and a long period of depression, then some more anger. Not acceptance though. I have yet to accept this as my fate. I will get home.
2) Lack of human contact can drive you to the brink of insanity. There were a few times that I left Mystic Falls and drove as far as I could manage. Every single time I came back. Loneliness is a hellish punishment. The longest I managed stayed away was twenty-six days. I couldn't just survive being alone despite the fact that the only companionship available was a self-proclaimed sociopath.
3) Not matter your rage, your bitterness, your overwhelming resentment that strangles your every thought…you cannot stay away from the one single other person in your world.
So here I am, scanning through decades of microfiche at the library. I am an expert in Mystic Falls' history after the copious volumes of local articles and historical documents I have studied. Yet not come across one useful bit about the Bennett witches. As I scanned yet another set of obituaries, I felt his warm breath on my neck. Despite how much I loathed when Kai snuck up behind me, which he thoroughly enjoyed doing often, it sent chills down my spine. It is funny how much you miss physical contact when it is absent for so very long. I often think about how we are a species meant to touch each other. We are pack animals, really.
"Awww…Do you still think you are going to find something, princess? You won't," he whispered just under my ear, "Trust me. I've tried."
Despite the seething anger I had for Kai, stemming from him entrapping me here, we had come to an understanding. We would have to put up with each other to maintain the least miserable existence that could be managed in a world devoid of any other living creatures.
With a flick of my fingers I knocked a dozen books off the shelves behind me, a sly grin slowly appearing on my lips. I knew it rubbed Kai's ego raw when I flippantly used my magic. He had learned very soon after we met that attempting to syphon my magic would not be easy. Luckily, he had not tried since. Even if he did, I was more than capable of protecting myself.
"Why don't you pick those up and leave me alone. If you recall, I am much smarter than you so I am sure I will find whatever you missed," I mumbled through my fingers as I leaned closer to the screen, feigning disinterest in his presence.
"You really enjoy showing off, don't you, little witch?" he sighed.
"It brings meaning to my life," I quipped, turning to look at him.
He tipped his head ever so slightly and narrowed his eyes. "One day, I am just going to suck all your magic out of that tight little body and leave you for dead," he mused as he considered me.
"No…you wouldn't. Then you would have no one to listen to your endlessly outdated stories about decades gone by, old man," I pointed out as I turned back to the screen.
At the age of 24 I was, in theory, two years older than Kai who had not aged in 18 years. We had spent many hours arguing about who was actually older and I have yet to come to a conclusion. This was just one of the many philosophical debates that Kai and I had over the past few months. Like a hateful, old married couple, we were in our comfort zone when we were bickering about anything and everything.
The extent of our discussions had touch on so many subjects since our agreement to coexist in Mystic Falls. Kai was endlessly fascinated as I described modern technology. Phones, iPads, email, Instagram, were all foreign concepts to him. Sometimes we would sit around drinking whiskey and he would tell my about the early 90's…his favorite music, favorite movies, books. It was a great source of material to give him shit about. I mean, as far as he was concerned Ace of Base was still a thing.
There had also been other conversations. I learned about his childhood and his constant failure to gain acceptance from his own family. I would sit on the couch, my knees pulled up, watching him carefully as he recounted painfully memories. I could see the dejection in his eyes. The emotional scars marked by the slump in his shoulders as he focused on his feet while rehashing his past, pausing once in a while to look up at me, judging my reaction. I tried my best to conceal the pity that welled up inside me. I was never sure if he trusted me enough to open up, which seemed so unlikely given his serious trust issues, or if he had some end game in mind, something that required me to trust him. It made me wary but I couldn't deny the waves of sympathy hearing these stories elicited from the pit of my stomach. I knew a little about childhood scars myself.
The day I knew I might allow myself to trust him changed everything. It started as a seed of regret and denial in the pit of my stomach. We had taken it upon ourselves so borrow an Acura NSX for a joyride. As we drove through the Virginia countryside at top speeds, he told me about his various suicide attempts and failures.
"Hanging, gun shot to various vital organs, alcohol poisoning…one of my favorites. That, I have done multiple times," he threw out off-handedly with a sideways glance. "Umm…pills, slitting my wrists, I jumped off the Grand Canyon once," he noted proudly and then paused. "The worst was drowning. That…that was excruciating. But, you know, feeling the pain was preferable to feeling the loneliness." His smile faded after his last admission. We drove in silence after that.
I realized that part of his punishment was that there was no escape. Listening to him recount in detail the brutal ways he tried to end his existence forced me to see him in an entirely new light. I had never gotten to the point of considering suicide. I had not lost the small glimmer of hope I clung to like a lifeline. He clearly had…years ago. The arrival of others to his prison had ignited a spark of hope within him, one that he had not had for so very long. Suddenly, I could see why he couldn't have let me go with Damon and Bonnie. The terror of being alone, again, after having companionship for the first time in almost 2 decades was more than he could handle. After spending only an insignificant fraction of the time in 1994 that he had, I already see that I would have done the same if our roles had been reversed. And so the seed grew...
Kai grabbed a chair from a nearby table, planting himself in it backward as he rested his arms on the backrest right next to me. "Aww, sweetheart, I think you love hearing about the birth of grunge rock," he injected dripping with snarkiness. "You should call it a day with this..." he paused waiving his hand to indicate the obituaries I was skimming, "futile research. I have some other ideas about how we can spend the afternoon." As I turned to look at him again, I caught him running his thumb slowly across his lower lip. I was momentarily caught off guard by the gentle palpitations this caused me, like fluttering wings in my gut. God Damnit! I needed to get my shit together. I had never been a swooning school-girl. Off-putting and bitchy was more my style.
I cleared my throat and gained as much composure as I could manage. "Look. You know I can't give up. It's the only thing that keeps me from going off the deep end. I need this," I reminded him, "and stop looking at me like that."
"You love when I look at you. You know it's true. Don't try to deny it," he sighed. "Plus, I brought you back something you're gonna love from my trek to Fork Union", he sang as his mouth curled into a tentative smile. "I found 3 cases of Jolt Cola in the Food Lion… all the sugar and twice the caffeine."
"Whatever. Just let me work in peace so I can concentrate," I scolded as I turned back to the screen. I heard Kai let out a dejected sigh when I saw it.
May Louise Holmes. b September 15, 1898. d January 25, 1963.
I remembered the name from the Bennett family tree. It was Bonnie's great-great aunt, her great-great grandmother's sister. "Holy shit," I muttered, "This is it."
"What are you talking about?" Kai grunted as he stood up.
"This is the first person that I have found in the Bennett bloodline that was not cremated. Do you know what that means?" I stood up and snapped around, looking Kai directly in the eyes. He gazed back at me, eyebrows furrowed and mouth tight. I could see his refusal to accept this fragment of a possibility. He was steeling himself for disappointment.
"I can get blood out of her…Bennett blood. We have a real shot at getting out of here." Tears started to well up in my eyes, one escaping down my cheek. This seemed to shock Kai. In all the time we had been here together, he had never seen me crack. I am not the type of person to reveal that I have even a shred of vulnerability, but this was too much. It was a real chance to get home.
I watched Kai's eyebrows unfurrow and he took a concerned step towards me and pulled me into his arms, his hand smoothing the hair on the back of my head. I was shocked at first, then I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed tightly, laying my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating loudly. It soothed me and then I did something unexpected. I started to laugh. I was filled with such a massive rush of endorphins that I just couldn't stop myself.
I pulled my face from his Violent Femmes t-shirt and peered up at him. He was unsure. His eyes bore into me and I felt his breath hitch for just a brief moment. "Are you alright?" he asked, "You aren't having an episode or something, are you?"
"No, I'm just fine. Better than fine, I found my modicum of hope," I replied, biting my lip, as I caught glimpses of the gray flecks in his blue eyes. Christ, he had beautiful eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? I needed to gain some distance from Kai so I could rattle some perspective into my brain.
As I was about to back away, without hesitation, he grabbed the back of my head and kissed me roughly. His hands in my hair, holding me to him as his tongue forced its way between my lips. The shock that hit my like a truck was only momentary. My mind was clouded and I couldn't think straight. I should have fought it but my hands betrayed me and found their way under his shirt so my fingertips could ran up his muscled back as I opened my mouth to meet his urgent, desperate kiss.
I wanted this, I needed this. I was surely going to pay in the end for making such a terribly reckless decision, but I had already thrown all my restraint out the window. I wanted so desperately to feel something, something with another person. I wanted to forget everything that weighed me down day in and day out and just feel pleasure for however briefly it might distract me.
He briefly pulled away to regard my face. "I have wanted to do that for months," he growled.
"Then do it again," I demanded as I leaned up and bit his lower lip, eliciting a groan from of him. He backed me against the shelves, lacing his fingers with my right hand and pinning it behind my head, kicking the books I had knocked on the floor out of our way. He continued savagely kissing my mouth as his free hand roamed down my back, finding my ass and squeezing it.
This is not right. I shouldn't be doing this. I can't trust him…can I?
His lips started teasing their way down my neck to the hollow above my collarbone and slowly back up where his tongue skimmed my ear before he whispered, "I am going to make you scream, little witch." He pulled back, his eyes devouring me as a slight smirk spread across his face. In that moment, I lost all sensibility. I didn't care about right and wrong, about trust or pernicious intentions. My thinking was completely clouded by need and desire.
"You damn well better," I threatened breathlessly. Kai suddenly released my hand so he could slide my flannel shirt off my bare shoulders. As I unbuckled his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, he caught my lips again with his. I whimpered into his mouth as I ripped his army jacket from him.
"God, Sam, you are so hot," Kai uttered through clenched teeth as he picked me up and carried me to a nearby study carrel. The way his jaw set with such determination caused me to pant with anticipation. His hands slide up my knees and under my dress, his fingers hooking my panties and yanking them down my legs, then tossing them over his shoulder.
I grabbed his belt loops and pulled him too me. My fingertips roamed over his stomach, slowly pushing his shirt up his chiseled chest and over his head. I planted languid kisses along his collarbone and down to his nipple, flicking it with my tongue as he closed his eyes and groaned. Kai's hands were still stroking my thighs. Then they moved around to grab my rear as he pressed himself against me, his jean-clad member rubbing against my clit. His strong fingers skimmed up my waist, over my ribcage, pulling my dress over my head. My gaze lingered on his luscious bottom lip. How had I never noticed before? It was entirely too hypnotic. He was going to be the death of me, this immature man-child whom I could barely tolerate.
Kai scanned over my body greedily before pulling my lace bra down under my breasts and taking my nipple between his teeth. His tongue circled mercilessly as I leaned my head back, letting out a gasp as the sensation shot straight to my core. His eyes caught mine and he nipped remorselessly at the hard nubs, one after the other until my vision began to blur.
"Kai…" I moaned desperately, "Please. I…I…oh god…" then I lost all rational thought as he suddenly knelt down and push my legs apart. His thumb rolled over my clit and he slid two fingers inside me. My breath hitched so violently, I almost choked. He pushed his fingers further, his thumb still applying ruthless pressure to my sensitive nub.
"If I didn't know better, Samantha, I would think you wanted me," he purred.
"Mmmmmm," was all I could manage as he looked up at me with a devilish glint in his eyes, my hands pushing against the sides of the carrel, trying to steady myself.
"Tell me you want me," he demanded as his fingers curled against my g-spot.
"Ahhhh…please…please Kai. I want you. I want you so badly," I stuttered.
"Well then. I won't disappoint," he growled, standing up and pushing his pants down. He stepped forward; taking my ass in his hands, as he slowly pushed himself into me as deeply as he could.
Christ, it felt amazing. I wrapped one arm around his neck and the other around his waist, my face buried in his shoulder, grunting with each wave of pleasure as he slowly slid out of me only to ram back in savagely. His hands slide up my back to hook over my shoulder, pulling me to him so his rigid cock was forced deeper inside. An upsurge of energy started to buzz around us. There was electricity in the air like the precursor to a lightning storm. A fierce burning was building in my abdomen, indescribable and prodigious.
I leaned back to gain more purchase so I could tilt my hips to meet his thrusts. I was oblivious to my surroundings, as if I had lost all my senses except touch. I felt tendrils of power chase Kai's fingertips across my skin, just under the surface, as he caressed my stomach. I was filling with an overwhelming fire when Kai's strong hand seized my breast. "Cum for me, little witch," he groaned into my neck.
I whipped my head back and screamed, "Kai, oh fuck!" causing the overhead florescent lights to explode one by one with a shrill pop, showering glass everywhere. Veins of electricity were escaping from the fixtures, lighting books and scattered papers on fire.
As Kai drove another deep plunge into me, I was pushed over the edge and my internal fire let loose. My vision blacked out and the shelves around us started to violently shake, hurling their contents in every direction. I tightened around Kai's shaft as I howled his name. He pressed is face against my collarbone, pumping a few more times before letting out an animalistic, guttural moan as he spilled his seed into me.
We were momentarily still, our arms wrapped around each other, my legs wrapped around his waist as he continued to twitch inside my core. Our breathing was ragged and worn, as if we had been fighting, not fucking.
I slowly lifted my head up and saw the small fires kindling themselves all around us, the books strewn all over, and countless tiny glistening shards of glass from the lights shimmered as the rays of the sun setting fell through the windows. That had never before. I had never lost control of my magic like that. I was struck by a deep fear. I had to constrain my powers, keep myself in check… otherwise my restraint would descend into uncontrolled chaos. This could not happen again. "Incendio cessant," I blurted in a rush to extinguish the flames.
It was then I noticed Kai's looking at me in wonder. "I guess I made you do a bit more than scream, my little witch," he slyly remarked, hooking his finger under my chin and kissing me. He stepped back, pulling up his pants before he leaned down to get his army jacket off the floor.
Turning back to me and I gave him a half-hearted smile as I tried to get my dread under control. He swathed me with his jacket and held me to his chest. I could hear his heart beating again, this time much slower. The longer I concentrated on the rhythmic beating, the more it calmed me, lulling me into a languid world of sleepiness. "So, we are going to do this? We are going to go find this May Louise Holmes?" I heard Kai rumble from his chest.
"Yes," I promised, "I am going to get us out of here."
Before I become a threat to both of us…