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The Young Prince Is Born

A/N: Thanks for all of your lovely reviews and favs, dearies!

Snow couldn't recall being this uncomfortable when she was pregnant with Emma. Then again, it had been close to thirty years ago since she actually carried a baby, so of course she had forgotten those pesky details. As a matter of fact, she knew this pregnancy had gone well—no major complications, no real morning sickness after the first trimester, and now she was literally down to the wire, and ready to bring this prince-assuming Regina was right—home. This morning there was a twinge in her lower back, and a a kind of throbbing, but she ignored it, figuring it was just Braxton-Hicks contractions as had been the case before.

Today was the day of the Gold family picnic down at the park. She knew that Regina was looking forward to playing in the castle with Henry and Alina, and David was looking forward to beating Rumple at horseshoes. As for herself, she was looking forward to relaxing with Belle and Emma, and holding her new granddaughter Ilyssa and Belle's twins, Daria and Dylan, while she ate sandwiches and drank homemade lemonade.

She looked out the window as she walked back from the bathroom, and saw that it was going to be a lovely day—not a cloud in the sky and sunny. Humming softly, she went to wake David.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

"Belle, this tuna salad is fantastic!" Snow raved as she ate a second sandwich. "What do you put in it?"

"Just diced onions, celery, light mayo, diced sweet pickles and some salt, pepper, and a dash of curry powder," answered the librarian, eating a slice of watermelon. "And I use Genova tuna, packed in light olive oil. I think it has a better flavor than other brands."

"It's delicious. I think I need to write that down," Snow groped in her purse for a pen and a paper. As she did so, she frowned, as suddenly the pain in her lower back grew more pronounced, and suddenly a gush of fluid soaked her skirt. She froze. "Umm-Belle? I think my water just broke."

Belle put her watermelon slice down and squeezed Snow's hands. "Okay—take deep breaths. I'm gonna go and tell David." She jumped up and ran over to the horseshoe pit where the men were all playing.

"David, your special delivery is on its way," she announced calmly.

"My what?" the prince halted his throw, the horseshoe clutched in his hand.

"In other words, dearie, your wife's in labor now better get her to the hospital," Rumple translated. "Because Bae and I are not doing another home delivery in the park!"

"Snow's in labor!" David sputtered. "Oh my God!" he looked utterly panicked. He ran up to his wife. "Snow, how far apart are the contractions? When did they start?"

"Now, and pretty close. We need to move it, honey! Because I'm not Jane and you're not Tarzan!" Snow wheezed.

"Okay . . .umm . . .where's my keys?" he groped in his pocket.

"Here," Emma held them up. "I took them. Because you're in no shape to drive, Dad. Let's go."

"I'll round up the kids," Bae said, just as Regina came rushing over. "Mommy, where are ya goin'?"

"To the hospital, sweetie. Your brother's about to get born!" Snow called as she was ushered into the car.

"Can I see? Can I see?" Regina called excitedly, and went to run after her mother.

"Whoa, dearie," Rumple grabbed her shirt collar. "You're gonna come with me, okay? We'll go to the hospital after we clean up from the picnic and you can see Mommy then."

"Aww! But Unca Rumple, I wanna see my brother get borned!"

"We'll see him. Now come and help me gather up the plates. The faster we get cleaned up the quicker we'll get to the hospital."

"Kay! Alina! Henry! Come help us clean up!" she bellowed in her drill sergeant voice. "Mommy's havin' the baby an' I wanna see it get borned, so hurry your butts up!"

Alina rolled her eyes. "The queen has spoken."

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

Some fifteen minutes later they were all on their way to the hospital. Regina chattered the whole way in the backseat of Rumple's Cadillac. "Unca Rumple, 'member the last time you went to the hospital when Emma was havin' Ilyssa and you made the car fly? Can we do that again?"

"No, we're not doing that again. That was only because it was an emergency," he replied.

"What if I said I was gonna puke? Is that an emergency?"

Rumple rolled his eyes. "You aren't, and I'd give you a bucket."

"What if I said I had to pee really bad? Then could we?"

"No. Because I'd just teleport you home."

"What if I banged my head into the car door and knocked myself out?"

"Somebody shoot me!" Rumple groaned.

By the time they made it to the hospital, Snow was already in a room up on maternity.

As they were going into the elevator, with Rumple holding an infant seat and Regina's hand tightly, Regina said, "Hey, I wonder if Mr. Sprat's still here? Then I can ask if he's all better from the surgery on his weenie!"

Rumple wanted to bang his head into a wall then. "Regina, he's not here and you will not be wandering off anywhere, am I clear?"

She heaved a sigh. "Yeah, I hear ya."

Belle looked at her husband. It was going to be a long few hours.

Two hours later:

"Mommy, is the baby here yet?" Regina asked for what seemed like the fiftieth time in two minutes.

"Not yet," Snow panted. "But he's coming."

"Where? I don't see him."

"Just be patient, princess," Charming advised. "Snow, you want some ice chips?"

He gave her some in a plastic cup.

The doctor said she was almost half effaced and so they had to wait. Apparently she had been in labor since this morning and hadn't realized it. Snow wished she hadn't realized it now . . .until she was ready to deliver.

Just then Ilyssa woke and began crying.

"Looks like the swan chick's hungry," Bae told Emma.

"Yeah, it's time to milk the cow," she joked to him and picked up the baby.

"Uh, Uncle Rumple, it's getting kinda crowded in here," Jimmy said. "Mind if I go down to that food market and grab a drink?" He was getting restless and the room felt like a prison cell.

"I'll come too," said Henry.

"Me too," Alina agreed.

"All right. Take this," he handed Jimmy a fifty. "And I want the change back, Mr. Jones."

"Aye, sir," his nephew replied, and then the three departed with sighs of relief.

Half-an-hour went by.

Snow knew something was happening as the contractions grew stronger and more prolonged. She tried to rest inbetween them, but with all her family there, sleep was well nigh impossible. Until Rumple came up and touched her lightly on the shoulder. White magic flickered from his hand, and Snow almost passed out in relief. "Oh!"

"Better now, dearie?" he queried softly.

She gave him a dreamy smile. "I love you, Rumple!"

"Hey!" Charming cried indignantly.

"Oh, don't worry, Emma looked at him like she wanted to build him a shrine when he did that to her," Bae said, holding Ilyssa and patting her back.

Emma kicked him in the ankle. "So would you if you felt like someone was sawing you in half without anesthetic!" Then she added, 'And we won't mention how you passed out after seeing a needle!"

Bae glared at her. "A needle? It was the size of a freaking horse injection!"

Charming started tittering.

"Don't laugh, dearie. That could be you," Rumple teased.

"How long does this spell last, Rumple?"

"About two hours. I can extend it though."

"Would you? Then maybe I won't need to get any needles. I don't like them," Snow shuddered.

The sorcerer-attorney put his hand on her again and then used his magic to extend the spell. "There! No epidural necessary."

"I like your version much better," Snow assured him. Then she closed her eyes and tried to nap.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

An hour later:

"Okay, Mrs. Nolan, you're ready for the delivery room," announced Dr. Lacey, and she helped Snow onto a gurney to transport her down there. Emma handed Ilyssa to Bae, and said, "Hang on, Mom, I'm coming." She poked David, who was snoozing. "Dad, wake up! It's showtime!"

David came awake instantly. "She's having the baby?"

"Yeah, Dad, c'mon, we're going into the delivery room." Emma urged.

Regina peered out of the room as they wheeled Snow down the hallway and into some big green doors. "Where they takin' Mommy?"

"Somewhere private where she can have the baby in peace," Jimmy told her, gently pulling her back into the room.

"But I wanna see it!" she pouted.

"No, you don't," he assured her. He shivered, recalling how once one of his dad's crew had captured a bunch of women, one of whom was close to her time, and she ended up giving birth aboard the ship. All he could recall was blood and screaming and Pegleg Pete threatening to shoot the woman's brains out for making such a racket. He put his iPod on and went to listen to Quiet Riot's "Come on Feel the Noise" to erase the images from his head.

Regina went to sit on a chair, pouting and bored to death.

Page~*~*~*~*~Break

In the delivery room, the nurses began to prep Snow, and David started getting nervous. Very nervous. He hadn't been allowed in the room while the actual birth was going on in FairyTale Land, because that wasn't how things were done back then. He had come in just as Emma was born, and so hadn't been there for the whole thing.

He went and held Snow's hand and said comfortingly, "Okay, honey, now breathe—like this . . ." and began panting, sounding like an asthmatic racehorse.

Snow started laughing. "Charming, stop! You're gonna make yourself hyperventilate and pass out. Then I'll have to kill you."

"I'm fine, honey," he assured her breezily. "Fine!"

Emma rolled her eyes. She was on the other side of her mother. "Yeah that's what Bae said before he saw the epidural."

"I'm fine!" the prince insisted. "I've battled dragons and ogres and black knights. I can handle this." He continued breathing with his wife, ignoring his sudden lightheadedness.

"Okay, Mrs. Nolan, are you ready to push?" coached the doctor.

Snow nodded and then she said, "Charming, this is it," she was feeling no pain, only pressure thanks to her "Rumpledural". She turned to look at her husband, delighted to be sharing in this miracle, when she saw her brave husband's eyes suddenly roll back in his head and he thudded onto the floor. "Charming! Charming! I don't believe this!"

The delivery staff started laughing.

"Oh, for God's sake, Dad!" groaned Emma.

"Is he okay? Somebody check his vitals."

A nurse knelt down. "He's breathing, just conked out. Happens all the time. First time fathers!"

Emma scowled. "Except he's not!" she muttered. Typical. It was so ironic—her husband and her father, both big strong warrior types, couldn't handle something like their wife giving birth. While Rumple, once thought of as a coward, had delivered his wife of twins!

"Okay, Mom—"she began.

Just as the green doors creaked open and an unauthorized visitor entered the room.

"So what do we do with him?" one of the staff asked.

"Nothing, just leave him. He'll wake up eventually," shrugged another.

Suddenly a small voice squeaked, "Hey, Mommy, why doncha got no underwear on?"

Snow nearly fell off the table. "Oh my God! Tell me that's not—"

"And why are your feet up in the air? Are ya doin' gymnastics?"

"Regina!?"

Her youngest daughter smirked broadly. "Hi, Mom! How come you're having the baby here? And where's it gonna come out of? Your butt?"

Snow wanted to have someone erase her memory.

"Kid, you're not supposed to be in here," a nurse began, trying not to bust out laughing.

"Cause if it is, you better pray ya don't have hemroids or else it's gonna get stuck!"

Snow facepalmed herself. "No more Discovery Channel for you!"

The hospital staff was hysterical.

Emma's eyes were the size of dinner plates. "Kid, what are you doing here? Where's Bae?"

"He had to go potty, Henry's watchin' Ilyssa, Jimmy's listenin' to music, Aunt Belle's feeding Daria, and Dylan puked on Unca Rumple, and Alina went to get ice cream in the cafe. I was bored so-here I am!

"So is the baby gonna come out already? I get bored real fast. Shake a leg, Mommy!" she declared impatiently. "We've been here for-ever!"

" Oohh . . . I think I need to push . . . Emma, get Regina outta here and ask Rumple for his cane so while I'm having this kid I can wake up your dad with it! He deserves a good beatdown!"

"Mommy, whadda you mean push...push what?"

"Never mind!" Snow gasped. She could feel the pressure building in her pelvis.

"But I wanna know!"

"Mrs. Nolan, you can start pushing," encouraged a nurse.

"Not with my three-year-old here I'm not!" she panted.

"Push it, push it real good!" Regina sang. "Mommy, I can turn around. "Don't wanna see you with no underwear that's gross."

Emma, the doctor, and the delivery staff nearly died laughing.

Back in the waiting room, Rumple suddenly realized something. Regina was missing-again. "Hold your sister," he ordered a startled Bae, who had just returned from the men's room. "I need to track down a missing minx!" He handed Daria to Bae and ran down the hall.

"R-U-U-M-P-L-E!" Snow bellowed. "Come get her!"

"But I wanna see the baby get borned so hurry up!"

Rumple's head whipped around. "Oh hell no!" he gasped. "She's in the delivery room!"

"Isn't that hard is it?"

"Snow, you need to push . . .the baby's getting antsy," her OBGYN told her firmly.

"Kid, cover your eyes!" Emma ordered, gripping Snow's hand. "Mom, just do it!"

"Like Nike!" Regina chirped.

"Okay, okay. I'm pushing!" Snow moaned. She began to bear down.

She just wanted the baby out of her and she didn't care right then who was watching. She could go viral for all she cared.

"Is it coming yet?"

Snow was sweating. "Ahhh . . .this . . .is . . .a bit . . .easier than with you, Emma . . .but oh God . . ."

"Good job, Snow! I see the baby's head!"

"Oohh lemme see!"

"NO!" both Snow and Emma hollered.

"Ewww gross, it's coming out...THERE!"

Rumple burst into the room.

"Who the hell are you?" cried the doctor. "What d'you think this is-a party?"

"Excuse me, dearie. I'm just here to-Regina, c'mere!" Rumple grabbed the too inquisitive toddler and slapped a hand over her eyes.

"Ewww Mommy prolly PEED on it too!"

"Jesus H. Christ!" Rumple swore. "Don't tell me you saw-?!"

"Unca Rumple, I don't wanna have kids if they come outta my pee hole!"

"Bloody hell!" Snow yelled. "Rumple, can you beat my husband awake before his son is born?"

"Where's David?"

"On the floor! He passed out!" she gritted, then began panting again.

Rumple began giggling uncontrollably. "Oh dearie dearie dear! The great dragonslayer-fainted!"

"Rumplestiltskin, you twisted little imp! Quit giggling and get my husband's ass up before my kids are fatherless!" Snow yelled, squeezing Emma's hand in two as another contraction hit. "Oh boy-oh boy- oh boy!"

"Oww! Mom, I think you just maimed your firstborn," Emma whimpered.

"P...p..push it real good!" Regina sang and did a little dance around the room.

Rumple muttered something and his cane appeared. Then he walked over to where Charming was lying passed out cold on the floor-the staff was stepping over him-and cried, "Wakey wakey, dearie!"

Then he poked the prince in the butt with his cane, which emitted a sudden jolt of revitalizing energy.

"Yeeooww! My butt!" Charming shrieked like a schoolgirl.

"It's alive!" yelled an intern.

"Daddy, you scream like girl?"

"Oh my God! What the HELL?"

"Shut up, David! Before I tell Rumple to write up some divorce papers!" Snow snarled. "You almost missed your son getting born!"

"The baby's born?! Oh shit!" Charming yelped, seeing the garage in his future.

"OOO! Daddy swore! Unca Rumple, where's the Ivory?" Regina warbled.

"What's she doing here?" David goggled.

"Being Regina," answered Rumple, scooping his niece up again and holding her away from the table where Snow was laboring to bring her secondborn into the world.

"Now, Mrs. Nolan, one more good one!" encouraged a nurse.

"C'mon, honey, you can do it!" Then he glared at Rumple. "Did you have to do it so hard?"

"If you hadn't passed out, dearie . . .!" Rumple snickered.

"I'm never gonna live this down, am I?" Charming groaned.

Snow grabbed his hand just as she bore down again.

Charming went white. "Honey . . .I think you broke my hand!"

"Good!" yelled his wife and eldest daughter.

A baby's strident wail echoed in the room.

"Congratulations, Mrs. Nolan-it's a boy!" said the doctor.

"A son! We have a son!" yelled Charming triumphantly. He had no feeling left in his hand and his backside throbbed like he'd been shocked with a cattle prod, but he couldn't have been happier. He kissed his wife.

"So what's this little prince named, Charming?" Rumple asked.

"Rumple, meet my son, Caspian Alexander," he announced, taking the baby and handing him to Snow.

Snow cuddled the baby close. "Oh look! Isn't he beautiful?"

"He sure is, dearie," Rumple responded.

"Unca Rumple! Don't lie! He's a conehead!" Regina blurted.

"Hey! Be nice, the kid had a hard time, Miss Bossy!" Emma retorted. "Mom, he's adorable. Cool name too. I always loved Narnia as a kid."

Snow kissed her son on the head. "Hello, sweet prince," she cooed. Unlike her daughter, she knew she need never fear this baby being torn from her arms because of a vengeful Evil Queen.

Because the former queen was staring at the baby and saying, "Don't worry, Cas, if anybody makes fun of your head I'll bop 'em in the eye!" Then she shook her finger at him. "But just remember-I'M the big sister-and you do what I tell ya-or else!"

Caspian suddenly stuck his tongue out at her.

Emma giggled. "Looks like you're gonna have a fun time with these two, Mom and Dad."

"Calgon, take me away!" Snow groaned.

"That won't help, Mom!" Emma giggled. "Because we'll always find you!"

"Real funny, Emma!" groused her mother, then she cracked up.

And so it was that the birth of the first young prince of the Enchanted Forest was greeted with laughter, as was only proper for such a joyous occasion.

Until Regina blurted, "Ya know, I think I changed my mind. Can we give him away? I wanna kitten instead."

A/N: Hope you all liked this one and soon there will be more in the large Gold Standard third novel . . .but here's a trivia question for you . . .the title of this chapter is reminiscent of another famous Disney film—and is actually a kind of quote from it. Who can guess what it is?