AN: Hey guy's I am starting a new story but don't worry I haven't forgotten about The best is yet to come I will be updating that soon as well. Any way's i decided not to add self harm to The best is yet to come so I am just doing another story about it. So if you have any triggers that involve anything to do with self harm please do not read this I personally know how hard it is to get passed that and i don't want anything to happen to any of you. So with that out of the way here it goes.

Callie sat on the floor of the bathroom leaning against the edge of the tub. The shower was running but she had no intention of entering it. It was just a precation so no-one in the house would enter the bathroom. This was something she did not want to be interupted. The cool tile felt good against her hot skin but that was not the relief she was wanting. No the relief she was craving came from the razor blade that she was holding in her right hand. The way the light reflected off of the blade made her breath catch. She couldn't wait to feel the coolness of the blade against her wrist. She couldn't wait to feel the way her blood ran down her skin. And most of all she couldn't wait for all the pain to stop.

If asked she would say she was not suicidal though there were points she wished it all to end. No the reason she used this was to make everything in life to come to a stand still. She just needed a break from reality this was the only way that had ever worked for her. Of course Callie knew no one would understand and the would make her stop. Or at least they would try to make her stop. When she was in juvie it was far and few between the times she could use this method and she never wished to go that long ever again. When she would feel the blade gliding across her skin it was like magic, the thoughts that were swirling around in her mind would quiet and she would finally have a bit of calm in this crazy world. Those were the moments that would help her get through the day, on hard days like today she would count down the hours before she could sneak away and find her relief.

Looking down at the blade once more a small smile crept across her lips as she guided it to her left wrist. Making one, two, and then three long cuts she paused to watch as the skin went from white and then too and angry red. She watched as her skin went from a milky white then to a deep red and the blood started to pool on her wrist. It slowly but steadily started to trickle down before falling to the floor. This was the part that mesmerized her that calmed her. The steady flow of blood grounded her showed her that her life my get rocked from time to time, she may be moved from one home to the next but that steady flow of red liquid would always be there to catch her when her world got flipped upside down.

Her heart that had been beating out of her chest had now started to slow to a more normal tempo. Before too much blood had fell to the floor Callie moved so her arm was now handing over the inside of the tub. The blood fell into the stream of water and was quickly washed away down the drain. She sat like this for a few more minutes relishing in the sting that was now all she could focus on. Part of her mind had kept track of the time she knew someone would be coming up in a little to see if she was okay. She had figured out since coming to the Foster's house they usually gave you about twenty minutes to shower. Unless it was morning then you had a concierably less amount of time. Though she never showered in the morning ten minutes was not enough time too do this no matter how much she wished it was.

Sighing she grabbed the rag that she had placed next to her when she first sat down. No one even knew she had this rag it was blood stained. She kept it clean by hand washing it. Infected cuts were never fun to deal with and too so much longer to heal. She had learned that the hard way. Pressing the rag against her wrist she sat on the edge of the tub waiting for the flow of blood to reduce enough that she could put on her shirt. Even though she was wearing a black long sleaved shirt she did not want to chance the blood seeping through and Stef or Lena seeing the blood. They would be harder to convince that everything was fine if they saw the blood or cuts on her wrist. She had never been in a home where the parents actually cared. It was nice but it made cutting hard. They had made comments about her wearing long sleaves all the time but she just would shrug them off and say something about liking them. After that they hadn't really brought it up again. But she had freaked out that night. Callie knew they hadn't seen anything she was extreamly catious about it but she was afraid they would ask more questions. To her suprise they left the subject alone. Her past foster homes had cared less about what she did even if they did see the cuts they didn't say anything all they cared about was the check they got in the mail every month for her and Jude. One foster dad had ence said he didn't care what she did with her body her just told her not to get any blood on his carpet.

Lifting the cloth from her wrist she was glad to see that the stream of blood had come to a small trickling. Standing she reached over and shut the water off. She walked over to the counter and turned on the hair dryer to giver her self some more time to actually get it to stop completely. She of course would wrap them just incase they reopened but she did not want to have to clean up more that she already did. Looking over to where she had been sitting a few moments ago she sighed and walked over wiping up the small pulled of blood of the floor making sure to get every last drop. She walked back over to the counter and set to the task of wrapping her wrist, making sure that it wasn't too far down on her wrist so that if her sleave slid up it could be seen. She picked up the hair dryer and ran it over her hair a few times to make it look as though she had been doing what it sounded like she had been. Since she started cutting she had gotten very good at hiding her true actions. She was strangely proud of this fact. Shutting it off she put it back in its place before reaching under the sink pulling out her hiding spot for all of her suplise. The only place she knew none of the boys would ever look. An empty tampon box. She and Mariana had their own so she wasnt worried about the other girl finding them. And Stef and Lena never came in their bathroom so she wasn't worried about them either. Getting dressed and Taking one last look around the bathroom she nodded to her self before opening the door, she jumped when she saw Stef standing on the other side with her hand raised.

"Sorry sweets I didn't mean to scare you. I was just coming to tell you that dinner will be in ten." The older woman said as she lowered her hand to her side.

"It's fine i just wasn't expecting anyone to be there. I'll be down there in a few minutes." Stef smiled and her and then headed back down the hallway towards the stairs. Callie watched the older woman dissapear before leaning against the wall. She hated being suprised like that. One of her past foster homes one of the foster mothers would always apear like that when she was upset and it would never end well for the young girl.

Heading down the stairs Callie put on her show face and walked to the kitchen where everyone was already sitting around the table. She took the only empty seat that was next to Stef. Callie had nothing against the woman but her being a cop made Callie nervous. The woman was very perseptive and never missed anything. One slip up and her secret would go up in flames.

Dinner had been a calm event well calm for this family. The house was always loud and busy with five teenagers in it. But tonight was a pretty calm event. Which Callie was thankful for she was still running on her high from her session and she hadn't wanted it to end just yet. Thankfully with so many people in the house she could just fade into the backround. She would input her and there just enough for it to seem like she had inculded her self in the conversation but not enough to draw attention to her self. It was a fine line but she was extreamly good at walking it. She knew how much was just enough and she used that knowlage to her avantage.

Dinner was over fairly quickly but it was her night to do dishes so she couldn't dissapear upstairs like she wished she could. It always suprised her how many dishes seven people used. Shaking her head at the mountain that had been piled in the sink she went to work losing her self in her mind. So much so that she hadn't noticed Lena talking to her until she felt the older womans hand on her shoulder. When she felt the contact she spring back to reality and jumped dropping the plate she had been scrubbing and watching as it fell to the floor and shattered.

Callie quickly dopped to the floor and began trying to pick up the larger peices of broken glass.

"Callie don't move. You have no shoes on and I don't want you to cut your self." Lenas voice filled her ears but the poinding of Callie's heart had made it hard to hear her. Flash back of the last time she had broken something were playing in Callies mind.

A Thirteen year old Callie had been helping foster mom number four cleaning the kitchen. By helping it meant the older woman was sitting at the table drinking a gin and tonic which was ninty percent gin, watching as the young girl picked up after her dinner. Her and Jude hadn't been allowed to eat that night with the excuse of not having enough money to get them anything when she had gotten off work. She had told them that if there was anything left they would be allowed to have it. Of course there hadnt been, but both children knew better than to complain.

"Callie get me another drink." She heard the woman say. She had never asked Callie to do anything if she said jump they were expected to jump. Callie turned from washing dishes and walked over taking the now empty glass from the older womans out stetched hand and walked to the fridge filling the glass with ice before going over to the counter and mixing the drink. She turned to walk back towards the woman not noticing the puddle of water on the floor. Before Callie knew what was happening she had slipped and the glass slipped out of her damp hands and fell to the floor shattering in a million little pieces. Her eyes met her foster mothers from across the kitchen her own widening in fear as she saw the rage in the womans eyes. She took a few steps back as the woman quickly advanced on her. She knew she had no where to go when her back hit the counter.

The womans hand had wrapped around Callie's slender arm and her other was flying though the air at the young girls face. The back of her hand had connected with Callie's cheek sending her flying into the pile of broken glass. Shards of it had impaled in the young girls arm as she tried to break her fall.

"Stupid girl! Do you know how expensive all this is? No of course not you and your brother are ungreatful little brats who don't care about anyone but your selves!" She continued with her rant ans Callie laid there knowing better than to stand before the older owman left the room. It had only taken a few minutes before she grabbed another glass and left the room with instructions to clean up the mess. Sadly enough that wasn't the first or last time Callie had been hit in one of the homes. She had grown used to it by then. No matter how much she wished this wasn't her life she knew there was nothing she could do to change that fact.

Looking down she was surprised to see the multiple streams of blood flowing down her arm. She had forgotten she had been throw into a pile of glass. The fact that surprised her the most was it actually felt kind of good. The cuts had taken her mind off the pain in her cheek and the slight sadness she felt about another foster parent who couldn't care less about her or Jude's well being.

"Callie? Love?" She looked up to Lena who was standing next ot her now all of the glass picked up by that point.

"I'm sorry." Came the girl's weak reply that was no louder than a whisper.

"It's fine love accidents happen. That is not the first plate to have been broken in this house. I'm almost possitive that Stef alone has broken about ten her self."

"Hey" Came Stef's reply who Callie hadn't noticed was in the kitchen as well. They both looked to the girl and it was clear she was afraid. Neither knew of what but it was clear to them something about the broken plate had triggered this reaction from the young girl.

"How about you go join the rest of the kids in the living room and watch the movie with them. Mom and I will finish this." Before she could argue Lena had already pushed her towards the living room.

AN: So thats chapter one. What do you guys think? I have been toying around with this for a while now but I wasn't quite sure about it.