Regrets, reflections and renewals

Apologise to my fellow Breadheads, I've been wanting to do a longer fic for a while and actually started this a long time ago. Some of this may cover similar ground, and not as well, as other longer fictions. Sorry

Warning - This may get quite dark, there will be references to character deaths, depression, illnesses etc.

Chapter 1

19 th January 2008

It was the day before Joey's big birthday and a huge party had been planned for later that day. Even though Nellie was supersticious about celebrating a birthday before it had happened,this was the only time all the family could get together and this was more important to her. The birthday boy was sitting at the kitchen table and drinking his tea. He was taking a moment to savour the peace before the celebrations began and was enjoying having the place to himself for a little while. Even though it was only him and Billy at number 30 Kelsall Street now, Billy's gob had not got any more restrained and it often felt like there were 10 people living there.

"I'm just popping to the airport." Billy had shouted before he'd left the house earlier that morning, thereby spoiling the surprise that cousin Eddie was flying over for his birthday. Joey smiled to himself and shook his head. " I don't suppose Billy is likely to change now" he thought.

He looked at his watch, 7:30am. His mam would be round soon to cook breakfast, follwed by Jack and his son Luke who always came round for some scran before going about their business, so it was rare that the house was completely empty.

Joey was in a reflective mood, this wasn't how he'd imagined his 50th birthday to be, living with his younger brother, his mam still cooking his meals. He envisaged himself married, with children, maybe even grandchildren and a big house somewhere in Cheshire. He knew he would have to put on a show for the people coming to his party, his siblings and their significant others and offspring. He didn't want to think about them for the moment and his thoughts turned instead to the people who wouldn't be there.

Granddad had passed away 5 years ago. He missed the old bugger but he smiled as he remembered his last day, they'd all taken him to the races where he won 200 quid before passing away peacefully in his sleep later that night. Joey had made a promise to Granddad on his 80th birthday that he wouldn't let him die in hospital or an old people's home and he and his siblings had ensured he was able to go on living in his own home until the end. Of all the things he'd achieved in his life, he was most proud of that. Who would look after him when he was 90, he pondered. Of all his nieces and nephews he'd always been closest to Luke, sometimes at the annoyance of Jack, but who knows what would happen in the future. Perhaps he wouldn't live that long, after all his father hadn't. Freddie had predeceased Granddad by 3 years. Even though they knew he had a bad heart, his death came as a shock to the siblings and even after all these years, Joey kept expecting to see him in town pushing his hot dog cart or working on the alottment. What had upset their mum the most was that his death had come only a few months after Lilo Lil's passing.

"That tart." she screamed when she heard the news "even in the afterlife, her chest was too much of a draw" she wailed.

"Now mam, dad had a heart condition. He could have gone at any time, you know that. " Joey had comforted her as they made the funeral arrangements.

" I know son, I just dared hope that I had him back for good. I just wanted a little bit more time with him. I did love him you know." Nellie wiped her tears away as Joey placed his hand on hers.

"I understand" he answered. He'd felt that way when Roxy left him, if only they'd had more time just to be a normal married couple without ex-husbands and interfering relatives but he knew now that he and Roxy would never have worked, not due to any outside influence but because she was difficult to live with and impossible please.

Joey understood that grief can do strange things to people but even he wasn't prepared for his mam, after her initial outburst, mourning Freddie as if he'd been the most loyal, faithful husband on earth. This prooved to be the final straw for Derek who moved to Grange over Sands to live with his daughter. Joey wasn't even sure Nellie had noticed, she was so focussed on Freddie.

It was young Tracey Ursula who had finally snapped her out her grief. She'd been looking through some old photos of Freddie for a school project.

"Why aren't you in any of his photos nan?" she asked innocently "there's some of Mum and Uncle Joey and couple of Francesca when she was a baby,but it's mostly him and some other woman."

Nellie snatched the photos away from her and expected to go on a rant about that tart, but the woman in the pictures was not Lilo Lil, but an elegant looking olive skinned lady. There were letters too when they investigated further. Her name was Anna-Luisa, she was Brazilian and she's been carrying on with Freddie for about a year before he died.

"The bastard"Nellie screamed forgottnh her grief "no wonder his heart gave way with three woman on the go. I bet that tart knew too."

No-one asked her which tart she was referring to, but Freddie became persona non-grata again and no-one dared mention his name.

She wrote to Derek in the hope of reconciliantion, but he'd found someone new as well and Nellie busied herself by being a grandmother, she was much more loving and tolerant grandparent than she had been as a parent and the various grandkids adored her. Seeing this made Joey even more regretful that he and Roxy had never any.

His thoughts turned to Roxy but they brought back into the present again by his mam and Luke bundling into the kitchen. Luke had some post in his hand.

"I thought we'd agreed not to give out cards until we were at the party?" Nellie said eyeing the letter in Luke's hand.

" The postman delivered it to us by mistake. Easy to do with two J Boswells in the same street, but this definetly says number 30."

Joey recognised the handwriting as Shifty's and stuffed into his pocket before his mam could see. There was no point in upsetting her.

"Thanks,s..er Luke" he'd avoided calling him son after a neighbour, seeing Luke's blond hair and tall,slim build had mistakanen Joey for his dad and Jack had got very upset over it. You only had to take a look at Luke's big brown eyes to know Jack was undoubtably his father, but Jack had got paranoid for a while and Joey always felt it necessary to call Luke by his name.

"Is your dad not coming over?" Nellie asked

"No, he's helping mum select something to wear."

Nellie roled her eyes but Joey understood. This was a big day for Leonora too but in a very different way.

"Just us three for breakfast then. That will be nice. " Nellie smiled, as much as she didn't want to admit it, Joey was her favourite son and Luke her favourite grandchild. He wasn't the oldest grandson, Aveline's boy Nathan was a few months older, but he was the first male Boswell child and the first Catholic to boot. Even though Adrian's two children were also being raised Catholic, Nellie saw Luke as a sort of victory.

Joey had a special bond with Luke too. He guessed it was because, unlike his other nieces and nephews, he'd seen Luke every day of his life and watched him grow up, almost like his own child.

"How's school?" Joey asked. It seemed unfathomable to Joey that Luke was still at school and wouldn't be 16 for another few months. He seemed so mature, especially when compared to Nathan who was a similar age but seemed very young, but then Luke had had a lot to deal with.

"Boring, I only go for the totty." he answered and Nellie shook her heard but smiled too. Joey remembered Billy saying something similar at that age and getting a whack round the head, showing that Nellie had mellowed with old age.

"Who was your letter from?" Nellie turned to Joey, nothing much got past her.

"It's nothing mam. "

"It's not from her is it?" her attitude to Roxy had not mellowed and she couldn't even say her name,but then neither could Joey these days.

"No, it's work related and can wait til after the party. Now off you go to get ready."

They went and Joey began to read the letter, he'd hought of throwing it away but there might be something important in it, something about Martina.