POV: Lapis Lazuli

"And though I screamed and I screamed,

No one came running.

No I wasn't saved,

I wasn't saved from you."

Under the Water - The Pretty Reckless

I thought I left this all behind me.

When I moved to this school last week, the jeering was supposed to stop. No one knew me, no one knew anything about me. So how did they uncover my deepest secrets?

"Hey, La Piss!"

A voice barks at me from behind. I almost turn, almost take the bait, but I've been through this routine enough to know that a response is exactly what she wants. I pretend I didn't hear anything and keep walking. When my homeroom comes into sight through the crowd of students, I heft my load of books and shuffle toward it a little faster. If I can just get inside before she catches me-

Too late; a hand clamps down on my shoulder and forces me to stop. My heart throws itself against my ribcage and rebounds, from either fear or momentum, into my throat. The open door is right there, a haven just within reach but still much too far to offer any protection. The offending hand grips me like a bear trap, teeth ready to tear into the flesh of the innocent animal caught in its clutches. The relentless tide of students continues to flow past as I'm reeled in toward the wall of lockers, oblivious as one of their own gets picked off by a predator.

"Jasper."

The name rushes up from my gut like bile. It's the frightened plea of every POW confronted by their interrogators.

"What's the matter, no good-morning smooch for your best girl friend? I thought you were into that?"

Her voice is just low enough for no one else to overhear; she likes seeing me squirm at the threat of total social ruination too much to socially ruin me outright. Not that there aren't enough people who somehow already know my secrets.

It just isn't fair.

"I don't want any trouble today. Just let me go to class." I tuck in my elbows and chin to make myself a smaller target.

"Sure, I'll let ya go."

Contradictory to her words, Jasper's large, bulky form moves to block my escape, further pinning me against the lockers. One metal handle digs into the small of my back painfully. I likely would have dropped my stack of books by now if there was enough space between us for them to fall.

"...but first, ya gotta say somethin' for me."

For the first time in today's encounter, I look Jasper fully in the face - a shock of bleached-white air, ugly orange tan, sharp nose, perpetual sneer - in other words, the face that haunts my nightmares. I want to look away, but now I have the deer-in-headlights thing going on because that glint in her eye conveys just how much fun she's going to wring out of me, how much she wants to hurt me. She's not playing around.

"Please?" I whisper.

Jasper howls at that. The explosion of mirth pelts my face with a light spray of spittle.

"As much as I'd like to hear you beg, no, I had something else in mind. You see, I'm convinced you're not being entirely honest with yourself." She presses her face even closer, so close that I can practically feel the heat coming off of her irradiated skin.

"No, I want you to say: 'I'm a...'"

The last words she whispers are so crude and cruel, they make my face flush and my hands ball into fists.

"If you can say that, you're welcome to go to class."

Jasper puts one of her big, meaty hands against the locker on my other side, effectively using her entire body as a cage. Craning my neck to see past her arm, I'm shocked to see the hall already devoid of loitering students and watchful teachers; if I don't want to miss, the only way out is to do what Jasper says, no matter how much I hate it. My voice comes out weak and tremulous.

"I'm..." I choke on the words, swallow hard, try again. "I'm a... dirty... d-dike..."

As soon as I spit the words out, my breath leaves me like a spate of toxins being expunged from my body. My face burns and my shoulder blades grind against the metal at my back.

"Hmph, good enough," Jasper says. "Doesn't it feel good to admit the truth to yourself? No need to thank me."

And just like that, Jasper stays true to her word and the cage is lifted. With that disgusting sneer still plastered to her face, she starts to turn away but then remembers something and swings back around.

"Oh, and have a nice day, La Piss."

With my humiliation complete, Jasper saunters off down the hall cackling like a hyena while I weather the aftermath. Her words sit like shrapnel in my chest, making it hard to breathe. The hallway is suddenly too crowded, the walls too close, the press of bodies suffocating me - I have to get out of here, homeroom be damned.

Casting a glare at the open door and its promised safety, I turn on my heel and stride quickly in the opposite direction. The thought of all those eyes around me, judging me, sends me into a panic. I'm certain that every word of Jasper's is written out neatly in the red staining my face.

The girls' restroom is empty at a time like this, of course, so I carelessly throw my books onto the counter to claim it as my safe place. Taking hold of the edge of the sink, I grip tight enough to turn my knuckles white as I try to hold back the anger and tears, but it's far too late. The Lapis Lazuli dam is under too much pressure, and as my composure cracks, obscenities gush out of me unabated.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it."

I punctuate each curse by slamming the bottom of my closed fist into the counter-top, imagining Jasper's face beneath it.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" My voice cracks on the last shout.

A shudder rips through me as I finish retching my frustration into the sink, and I finally slump against the counter while clutching my throbbing hand to my middle. My chest feels impossibly tight, every breath bottle-necking as I struggle to breathe. My eyes burn with the prickling of hot tears.

I thought it would feel cathartic to yell out my frustration, but the echoes quickly distort until they no longer resemble my own voice.

Damn Jasper! Damn her for making me miss class again. I told myself I was going to stop skipping once I moved here, that I was going to study hard and graduate so I can leave high school hell behind - but nothing is different from back then. Nothing has changed. No matter where I go, my secrets will haunt me and no one will ever leave me in peace. Only one person has ever understood me and now she's-

A cold calm settles over me and I straighten, look my reflection in the eyes.

Whatever. Just go to your next class, Lapis, and try to avoid... everyone. Yeah, don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, just keep to yourself and you'll be fine. You can do that until graduation, can't you?

It's only three years away...

By now, my tears are searing down my cheeks in hot rivulets. I take a calming breath, sniffle and swipe my arm across my face, look back into the mirror, and freeze. Also frozen in the reflection is the image of another girl just stepping out of a stall behind me. Her mouth hangs open slightly as she stares back in bewilderment.

"You okay?"

Her voice is thin and reedy, as if it doesn't get much use. Glasses perch on the end of her small nose, the frames large enough to magnify the shocking green eyes behind them. White-blond hair frames her face, the bangs swept up off of her forehead. She's also short - easily five feet flat. Probably a freshman.

A cold sweat breaks out all over my body when our eyes meet. I could have sworn I was alone in here, but this day just seems to keep getting worse. I expect the girl to look upset about my outburst, but she doesn't even move when I turn to face her, just stares back at me like those people in old photographs when it wasn't customary to smile, one eyebrow arched in a silent question. When I realize that she's probably waiting for an answer, I finally find my voice.

"Oh, um, yeah- fine, s-sorry."

I wipe hastily at my eyes, self-conscious that I, a second year, had been crying, and wish to avoid betraying that fact. Before I can embarrass myself further, I turn away to gather my books from where they lay in a jumbled heap on the counter. From the corner of my eye, I see the girl approach to wash her hands at the adjacent sink, but by now I'm so flustered that I nearly drop everything again. If I wasn't so afraid of running into a certain someone at my locker between classes, I wouldn't try to carry everything for my morning classes with me everywhere.

Fumbling to fit the last book on top of the stack, I hoist the load into my arms and turn to rush out of the bathroom. The other girl's voice stops me just at the threshold and for the second time today I almost pretend not to hear - I swear I should just tell people I went deaf and be done with this 'verbal communication' nonsense - but her words stop my heart and make me turn back.

In her outstretched palm the girl holds my most precious possession: my vintage Rollei 35 camera, the strap of its carrying case dangling from her fingers. My earlier shame at being overheard is now replaced by the even greater shame of nearly losing my greatest treasure.

Biting my lip, I shuffle back to retrieve it, only to realize that my hands are full. The girl seems to notice this too and gingerly reaches up to slip the strap over my neck. My voice is nearly gone again, so I scrape out a murmured "Thanks," spin on my heel, and flee for my next class, already feeling guilty about the way I handled that brief interaction. If nothing else, I have my camera and I'll get into second period before Jasper has a chance to sniff me out for round two. Awkwardness aside, I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief for that unexpected kindness.

Maybe, just maybe, this won't be so hard once I'm no longer the 'new girl.'

yurImperial here with my first uploaded story/chapter (though far from my first written) - finally! Is this a sign of the Apocalypse? Which Apocalypse? Death by gay cuties? I'm okay with that.

Yes, this will indeed be a Lapidot fic eventually. ;D

Fun fact, the name for this story was influenced by, you guessed it, Under the Water by The Pretty Reckless, which to me sums up Lapis Lazuli's character pretty well both in Steven Universe and my Drowning Azure AU. I love putting music to characters and stories - so let me know what you think about music synergy if you R&R!

Here's hoping I get more uploaded soon, so we can all die happily smothered in fluff (and not a little bit of angst heheh).

-yurImperial