Author's Note: This story is the most angst-ridden story I've written, so if you've opened this in hopes of sunshine and rainbows, you're not going to find that here.

A special thanks to my beta, Nicki (grandmasbackyardblog).

Prologue

Self-preservation has its rules, not the first of which is to never, ever fall in love. That had been easy her entire life—sure she'd loved girls in the moment, but leaving them the next morning was just as simple as getting them into her bed (or someone else's bed, to be fair.)

Alex Vause grew up taking care of herself. Her mom worked two, sometimes three jobs, to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. Diane wasn't there when she got her first period or when she won that essay contest in which her teacher had entered her in sixth grade. Alex never held a grudge—she loved her mother deeply and understood what sacrifice meant better than most kids her age. She knew how to wash clothes, clip coupons, and sweet talk collection agencies by the ripe age of 12. No one taught her those things; she figured them out on her own as a matter of survival.

She never had real friends growing up. There was the occasional weed-smoking buddy who hung out with her in the grocery store parking lot after school, but there were no sleepovers or play dates for Alex. Her mom stopped enquiring about potential friendships when Alex became a teenager, probably because she was tired of hearing the same, I don't need anybody when I have you, response.

Her mother's motto, which she reminded her daughter of almost daily, was, "You and me against the world, kid." Alex had wanted her first tattoo to read as much, but getting that many words tattooed on her hip was too expensive, so she settled on a freehand drawing of a salt shaker on her shoulder for $30.

As soon as she was old enough, Alex scored a job at S&W Supermarket, which did nothing to increase her cool factor at school. Not that she cared what other's thought of her—that ended in the fifth grade when she realized that assholes like Jessica Wedge just wanted to kiss boys. She'd never wanted to kiss them and couldn't understand the appeal of sweaty, stinky, stupid boys. She cared about rock and roll, her mom, and earning a paycheck.

The first girl she kissed, Barb Grossman, a high school dropout who still hung out in their boring ass town, was 10 years her senior. Barb taught her how to roll a joint, and in exchange, she wanted Alex's tongue in her mouth. It was that summer when Alex realized why she didn't like boys.

Identifying as gay back then made her even more of an outcast than she already was, but Alex didn't mind. She vowed to make something of her life, and then return to Boringville years later as a millionaire and rub it in their smug, pathetic little faces. She didn't have a plan for how she'd make her first million, but she was confident it would happen in her lifetime.

Diane wanted her daughter to go to college, but both Vauses knew that wasn't in the cards financially. Alex didn't even apply to the local state school—her grades were shit because she didn't turn in assignments, but her teachers knew her intelligence quotient was being wasted, and that one day, she'd regret her rebelliousness.

Alex's string of dating older women continued after high school when she found herself moving in with a 28-year-old drug dealer in Northampton, Massachusetts. Zoey Brighton was a savvy brunette who preyed on younger women in the college town to coax them into the drug world. She'd seduce her mules with sex & money, and Alex was captivated from the start by all of her material goods.

Zoey took an immediate liking to Alex–her long & shiny black hair, her mysterious ever-present confidence—noting she was wise beyond her 19 years. She wined and dined the impressionable 19-year-old, and before Alex knew it, she was living with her in an elaborate house and selling dime bags to Smith students. Alex raked in more money in a week than the rest of Zoey's mules brought-in in a typical month, so she moved up in the ranks at lightning speed. Before her 21st birthday, Alex was in charge of the seduction of potential mules and reported to some guy named Fahri, whom she had yet to meet in person.

After realizing the power she had over women, Alex left Zoey and became more of a Bohemian lover. She never slept with the same girl twice, which allowed her to use her web of influence on many unsuspecting bi-curious girls. She moved in with two other women in the drug trade, one of whom she slept with when she needed to forget about the life she was living. Trouble was, that woman, Sylvie, began falling in love with the brunette, and Alex had no interest in love.

Sylvie was the jealous type and had a bad temper, which didn't mesh well with Alex's love 'em and leave 'em lifestyle. She knew that her rank in the international drug cartel was increasing, and she only had to bide her time before she could get a place of her own or start traveling the world with the movers and shakers of the cartel.

Turning unsuspecting women into drug mules was a skill that she'd developed 11 years earlier, and she learned very quickly not to go for the most beautiful girl in the room; go for the innocent beauty—the one whose looks were unassuming and simple. Those were the ones who made the best mules, because they didn't draw immediate attention, yet if a person stared at them long enough, they'd recognize natural beauty. Although Alex was far enough up the food chain to not have to recruit mules any more, from time to time she couldn't help herself. Hiring women to do her bidding was a power trip, and when she needed a little ego boost, she set out to score another mule for the cartel.

When she saw Piper Chapman in a pub for the first time, Alex's first instinct was to try to hire her. Sure, she was older than the typical mule, but she had the kind beauty that screamed, you can trust me. As soon as Piper opened her mouth, accusing the brunette of stealing her bar stool, all bets were off. Piper was too feisty to be a mule, but she was intriguing as a potential lover. Her preppy-looking boyfriend walked in moments after their introduction, and Alex made it her singular goal to coax the blonde into her web. She hadn't had much of an interest in 'turning straight girls' in the past, but this one seemed…different.

Alex didn't believe in luck—she believed in fate and destiny. Fuck coincidence, she thought, and as fate would have it, Piper Chapman just so happened to live next door to the dark haired woman. Game on.

Little did Alex know that the unassuming blonde would flip her very existence upside down and throw her self-preservation right out the window.

Reflecting on the last six months, Alex was able to identify the moment when Piper Chapman stole her heart. It wasn't during their first meeting or at the dinner at Piper and Larry's apartment. It was the evening when the blonde had locked herself out of her house and came to Alex for help.

They'd sat on her $6,000 sofa, drank tea and listened to records. Piper had already proven how clever she was several nights earlier, not just with her knowledge of British literature and philosophy, but her ability to connect music from one artist to the next. It sounded simple, the brunette acknowledged, but Piper's comment about Dev Hynes' beats sounding like the Chemical Brothers was the singular moment she felt the twinge of something greater than like. Of course, Alex did not and could not recognize that feeling back then, but she sure as hell could point to it now.