Welcome to Captain Falcon's Lady Quest. This is my first fanfic so please don't be too harsh on the reviews. Also, although the main focus will be on Captain Falcon and his attempts on getting a girlfriend, there will be other couples mentioned, including m/m and f/f couples.

Without further ado, please enjoy!

It was another fine morning in the Smash Mansion as Captain Falcon woke up and went to the bathroom to take his morning shower, brush his teeth and of course drop his daily deuce. After he was done, he went back to his room in order to change into his clothes. He put on his tight blue racing outfit, his red helmet, and his yellow gloves and boots. As he finished putting on his clothes, Captain Falcon took a look at himself in the mirror. "Damn am I looking devilishly handsome today," he thought to himself. "There is no way the ladies will be able to reject me." He then exited his bedroom and made his way to the cafeteria falcon kicking his way there.

As Captain Falcon arrived at the cafeteria, he quickly saw Peach, one of the targets of his affection. There was something about the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom that just seemed to get Falcon going. Maybe it was Peach's overall attractive looks, or her gorgeous pink dress that would show just enough ankle, or her beautiful blue eyes that just compounded her innocent princess image, although Falcon suspected that it was all just a facade, hiding a kinkier side in the bedroom. Well, whatever it was, Captain Falcon was in love. He quickly popped a breath mint into his mouth and then confidently sauntered his way over to the princess. "Why hello there Peach, you're looking quite stunning today," said Captain Falcon as he neared his target.

"Good morning Falcon, you're looking handsome today," replied Peach with a little giggle.

"Oh man, she just complimented me and did her cute little giggle, she wants me. Well time to reel her in. I'm going to bust out my new patented pick-up line that I've been practicing in front of my mirror for two days straight now." Captain Falcon cleared his throat and then exclaimed, "Show me your boobs!"

"Wait, what?" questioned Peach. "I hope you are kidding."

Captain Falcon smirked. He took one step forward and brought his hand in a bring it on gesture. "Come on!"

Peach smiled and then said in a sickingly sweet voice, "Well, alright then. But first I need to take a few steps closer to me."

Captain Falcon did a double take. He hadn't expected her to give in to him so easily. Then again ,with his bulging muscles and his falcon charm, he probably didn't need much to convince her with. He then made his way closer to Peach. "Maybe she wants me to be closer in order to get a better look or maybe I'm getting a chance to motorboat. I must be the luckiest man alive." Unfortunately at this time, Peach grabbed him by the collar of his outfit and slapped him across the face, sending him flying to the other end of the cafeteria. Luckily for Captain Falcon, his flight was cushioned by a big blob of fat. As he recovered, he weakly called out, "So is that a no?" He then started to hear incessant sobbing. He quickly turned around and saw what he had flown into. It was a now crying King Dedede holding a slice of cheesecake which had landed on the floor during the ordeal. King Dedede turned and saw Captain Falcon lying on the ground next to him. He quickly grabbed his hammer and started to twirl it. "Oh shit," Captain Falcon thought to himself shortly before the first of many hammer strikes pounded his body.

"Well Captain Falcon, you're back after yet another failed attempt at hooking up with one of the ladies of Smash. Luckily you won't have to stay here for a few days unlike the time you tried to spy on Zelda while she was in the shower and then got caught by a very angry Samus," chided Dr. Mario as he addressed the now recovered Falcon after his beating. "Hopefully I won't be seeing you here again for the rest of the day, but knowing my luck you'll be back. Here are your discharge papers. I'm going back to groom my mustache." Dr. Mario then left the room.

Captain Falcon stretched out his body and groaned. He had failed to get a date with Peach yet again. He got up and made his way out of the infirmary. "God I hate that place. That judgmental doctor always badmouthing me whenever he gets a chance." As he continued to walk he saw Princess Zelda and Samus exiting the training room. "Oh boy, Zelda and Samus together. Has the goddess of love finally granted me my wish? Is it time for the Sacred Combo?" Of course Captain Falcon also had huge crushes on the other two ladies as well. There was Princess Zelda, looking so distinguished and regal in her attire. Those elvish ears, the pretty braided hair, the prim and proper attitude she had, Zelda had Captain Falcon spending many nights thinking about her And then there was Samus. The rough blonde who had the best body of the three ladies. She was currently wearing her tight fitting zero suit, which showed off that body along with her beautiful face. So athletic, so tough, Samus would have the endurance to last and the flexible body to maintain any position. Or so Captain Falcon hoped. Well it was show time. Although his previous pick-up line had failed earlier in the day, Captain Falcon knew that if laid out his falcon charm, he'd succeed. He raptor boosted his way toward the two ladies and yelled, "Show me your boobs!"

Samus and Zelda both turned around. Samus quickly reeled her fist back to give Captain Falcon's face a punch that would rival his own Falcon Punch, but was quickly stopped by Zelda. "Don't punch him, I don't want you to get into trouble," Zelda whispered into Samus's ear. She then addressed Falcon, "I'm flattered, but neither of us will be showing you our boobs. Ever. Now Samus and I have been training for a while and we've lost track of time. Can you tell us what time it is?"

"Certainly. It is... ménage à trois o' clock!" proclaimed Falcon. "Let's get it on!"

"Eck pervert!" squealed Zelda as she launched a din's fire at Captain Falcon. The ball of fire exploded upon contact with Captain Falcon, but much to Zelda's surprise, he remained unharmed and seemingly unaffected by the blast. "Hehe fireproof suit, I've learned my lesson from last time," said Captain Falcon. He then grabbed Zelda's wrist. "Now then, there is plenty of room in my Blue Falcon for the both of you ladies what do you say?" His question was promptly answered by a fist to the face.

Samus wasn't done though. She charged ahead. An elbow to the chin. A kick to the ribs. A knee to the groin. A snapped arm. Another fist to the face. A flurry of kicks to the chest. Yet another fist to the face. Captain Falcon now laid on the ground bleeding as a panting Samus stood over him. She went to give him another round, but before she could, Zelda quickly latched onto her arm and cried, "Please stop, if you keep going, he might die and then you might get kicked out of the Smash mansion. I don't want that to happen." Samus turned to look at the sobbing princess and sighed, "You're right. I'll stop. Let's get this idiot the infirmary. I'm pretty sure after this beating he'll finally stop hitting on us. Thanks, Zelda I nearly made a huge mistake."

"No problem," replied Zelda with a slight blush. "Then maybe we can go grab lunch together?"

"Holy moly!" exclaimed Dr. Mario as he saw the bleeding figure laying on the hospital bed. "What the hell happened here?"

"Well, he tried to hit on us again, I lost my cool and beat him to within an inch of his life," replied Samus.

"He had it coming," said Dr. Mario. "Well, great another mustache grooming session ruined by this idiot. Ladies, you're free to go. Dr. Mario then turned to the bed-ridden Captain Falcon and began to yell, "Jesus Effing Christ, this is the second time today and already the fifth time this week that you've been sent here because you hit on one the ladies! You need to stop doing this. You've already interrupted by mustache grooming session for the third time this month. You need to find a trained professional if you ever want to even have a chance in hell of getting laid. Now I'm gonna treat you, but if you find yourself back here because of your sick perverted ways, I will stick this syringe so far up your butt, you're gonna have to poop sideways. Now Captain Falcon was barely conscious for this part but he laid there on the bed, he did hear two words. Trained Professional. That was it. He could find a pro who could teach him the ways and then he could finally get a girlfriend.

After nearly a week in the hospital, Captain Falcon was finally healthy enough to leave. He had a new plan. He was going to find the most successful Smash resident in terms of getting in on with the ladies and then having him teach his ways. The only problem was how he was going to find that person. Captain Falcon didn't want to get too personal in case one of the Smashers got offended and beat him up. He decided to seek out the wisest resident, the one who knew everything.

"ROB, you got to help me out. Can you tell me which smasher has had the most success with ladies?"

"Certainly, let me scan my database. Database indicates that Roy has the most success with the ladies. He has seven wives," answered ROB.

"Seven wives!" exclaimed Captain Falcon. He really didn't have much interaction with Roy, but from the few melees he had with him, he always thought Roy was a bit of a pansy. But nevertheless, if he had seven wives, that had to mean that he was a real ladies man. "It's time, I will get Roy to teach me his ways and then I finally a girlfriend or maybe even a harem."