Cracky one-shot inspired by this post (remove the spaces and *'s) h*t*t*p*: / / fandomnutter. tumblr / image/ 161386906131

Let the craziness begin!

It is times like these that make John Glen Tracy wish that he had never opened his mouth. It all started after he'd gotten a call from Scott and had ended up listening to him rant about how Gordon—who knew he was a total light-weight—had been a complete idiot and gotten himself absolutely smashed over the weekend. After Scott had finished complaining and ended the Holo-call EOS had approached him, somewhat upset that she had no idea what it felt like to be drunk, and—the information glutton that the AI was, of course she wanted to know what being drunk felt like.

John, of course, taking pity on her had foolishly obliged by writing up a few lines of code that would theoretically simulate the effects of excessive alcohol consumption.

He regretted that decision now.

Immensely.

Turns out, that code worked a little too well, and EOS is a little shit when she is 'drunk'.

"EOS . . . EOS please," John groans as he drags a hand over his face, "turn the music off. It's from 2003. Even Grandma doesn't like this song, and you've been playing it for an HOUR."

"But it's FUUUNNN!" The AI giggled "EVERYONE should know this song! I like this song!"

". . . Please tell me you're not broadcasting it over the intercom. EOS, turn it OFF. Please."

"Oooo~ . . ." EOS' automated voice now came from the other side of '5, and John was quick make his way there to see what she was doing.

"What are you up to now—oh god. That's the remote control panel for Thunderbird 2—EOS stop—Thunderbird 2's not supposed to move like that—STOP PINWHEELING ON THE LAUNCH STRIP! . . . That's it—I am so dead. Virgil's going to kill me. I'm dead."

"Ok!" John sighed with relief as EOS abandoned the remote control pad, only to pale as EOS made her way to the life-support systems.

"Wait, no—leave that alone—don't touch that. EOS stop—I NEED THE OXYGEN! Wait, let me get my helmet—STOP SHOOTING BAGELS AT ME!" He finally managed to reach his helmet and slammed the thing on his head before EOS decided that the O2 was unneeded.

Making his way over to his Pocket-Pad while EOS was distracted with zooming and unzooming areas of the holographic Earth, John quickly wrote up a code that would—theoretically—'sober' the AI up.

All he needed to do now was enter it into EOS' system.

. . . He should have known it was never going to be that easy . . .

Apparently EOS liked being 'drunk'—she didn't want to 'sober up'. Heaven forbid John try to make her, so he is reduced to running around like a maniac chasing EOS through the entirety of Thunderbird 5.

And of course that is how Scott finds him when the eldest Tracy brother calls in to ask him just What The Hell Is Going On Up There.

"EOS, it's for your own good!"

"John?" Scott asks, "What the hell is going on up there? Virgil just about had a nervous breakdown when his 'Bird started launching herself and nearly crashed in the process—not to mention that Britney Spears song that was playing over the coms." Scott gave his Explain Now stare.

John sighed. "EOS wanted to know what it was like to be drunk, so I wrote up a code for her and now she keeps—no! EOS I need the O2! No, that's my chocolate!—EOS turn the gravity back on! No—DON'T OPEN THE AIRLOCK!"

"Need help?" Scott sighs,

"If you don't mind," John mutters as he floats past the monitor again, "it will probably be easier to enter the code into EOS from the Island's database anyway."

Now the question was who was up to 'save' John.

Alan and Gordon are too busy laughing themselves sick to be of any help—at all and Virgil—still fretting over his 'Bird—leaps out of the room with a "Nope!" so Scott just sighs and gives the Patented Big Brother Frown while the red-head Tracy is trying to dodge bagel-shaped missiles in 0G.

Scott face palms, shakes his head and makes his way down to Thunderbird 3's silo so that he can rescue his idiot brother from a drunk AI of all things.