I'm sorry I disappeared again…

I'm trying to get back to this fic especially now that I have some free time. Previously I have been looking for new jobs and considering my career options but with that on pause and my hours at work low I've been trying to collect myself a bit. I hope you are all healthy and doing well in this weird time of our lives! I'm doing mostly okay overall but I had a lot going on the past few weeks which is why I didn't get back to writing until now… but I do still plan to finish this fic. It's just gonna be a slow journey apparently. Honestly according to my original outline we are getting pretty close to the ending. Not like super close but probably ¾ of the way there maybe? Hard to say because sometimes I change scenes as I go if they don't seem to be working out how I wanted. So there may be more than I planned or there may be less.

Anyway…. After leaving you all on a cliffhanger for… 9… months…. Ohmygodimsosorry…

I don't know how many of you were expecting this scene to play out like this but uhhh… It's waaaaay overdue.

…~-~...

Shizuo stared at the marks on Izaya's back. He wanted to look away-hell, he knew he should for Izaya's privacy, but he couldn't take his eyes away. Those scars were just there, in his face, reminding him that Izaya had gone through some serious pain to get to where he was now, standing in Shizuo's bathroom.

Finally, with a great degree of effort, he forced himself to turn away in an attempt to protect what was left of Izaya's privacy.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I didn't… I don't know why but I didn't realize you might have scars I just was a bit surprised." Shizuo's fist hit the door frame hard but with enough restraint to prevent it from breaking. "I'm an idiot I'll just leave you-"

"Shizuo," Izaya interrupted from behind him, "It's okay."

It was the second time Izaya had said it was okay, yet Shizuo didn't feel reassured. It really wasn't okay. But even so Izaya grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around. His eyes were once again drawn to every mark on Izaya's otherwise clear, perfect skin. His gaze paused at the odd looking formation of scars just barely visible on Izaya's hip, obscured by the towel around his waist.

His hand hovered over the area for a moment. He wanted to see it, but he knew he shouldn't. Gently, Shizuo rested his hand on Izaya's hip, just above the mark. When he finally lifted his gaze he saw Izaya was looking away. He seemed ashamed.

That reaction was enough to tell him this wasn't a normal scar. It was more significant than that. What could be worse than the scars on his back?

"I know I shouldn't ask this but… can I… see?" he murmured hesitantly.

Izaya tensed, clenching his fists and Shizuo immediately regretted asking. So much for trying to protect his privacy. But Izaya didn't get upset, nor did he refuse. Instead he slowly moved the towel down slightly to reveal it.

Shizuo could hear a rushing sound as his heart began to race. His own fists clenched as a familiar feeling of rage took hold.

"Fuck," he whispered. He wanted to hit something. Preferably that Jiro bastard's fucking skull. But the only person here was Izaya and after this he doubted he'd ever be able to hit the flea again.

Instead he pushed the rage aside and wrapped Izaya in a tight embrace. He couldn't stand there selfishly thinking about his own feelings while Izaya was revealing something so personal. He couldn't ignore how hard this must be for Izaya, and all he could think to do was to comfort him the only way he knew how.

He kissed the side of Izaya's head, running his fingers through his hair while holding him close. After a moment Izaya hesitantly returned the embrace, pressing his face into Shizuo's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated. Izaya responded by tightening his grip.

Shizuo finally pulled away to examine Izaya's expression. Izaya held his gaze. There was a look in his eyes that Shizuo couldn't place.

"Are you okay? Why didn't you answer when I knocked before?" He asked, still trying to decipher that look.

"I didn't hear you," Izaya said, "I was thinking and I guess I just… didn't hear."

"I'm really sorry," Shizuo repeated.

"Please stop apologizing. It's okay."

"It doesn't feel like it is."

"Shizuo, it…" Izaya sighed, "You said before you wanted to consider us dating, right?"

Confused by the subject change Shizuo nodded, waiting for Izaya to continue.

"Okay, so if that were to happen… wouldn't you agree that seeing all of this would kind of be... inevitable?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"Damn it do I really have to spell it out for you? I want you, Shizuo," he said, "and if the way you kiss me is any indication, I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual."

…~-~...

There.

It was out in the open now. He finally said it and it was almost a relief if it weren't for Shizuo's lack of response.

"Am I wrong?" Izaya asked. Had he really been reading Shizuo's actions wrong?

He got his answer when Shizuo crushed their lips together so passionately that Izaya lost his balance. With only an arm behind his waist Shizuo fully held his weight without pulling away from the kiss.

Shifting Izaya in his arms, Shizuo lifted him off the ground bridal style and carried him towards the bedroom.

Is this really happening? Izaya thought. For years he'd fantasized about this precise moment. Was Shizuo really doing this?

Izaya was speechless when Shizuo placed him on the bed and pressed their lips together once again. There was no denying the passion behind it. Shizuo wanted him and he wanted Shizuo as well.

Briefly pulling away, he took Izaya's face in his hands, looking him in the eyes. "You'll tell me if you're uncomfortable with anything, right?"

Izaya grinned. "I should be saying that to you, virgin."

"Give me an answer, Izaya."

Reaching up, Izaya wrapped his arms around Shizuo's shoulders. "Yes, I will."

Their lips made contact again and Izaya closed his eyes, enjoying the way Shizuo's hands began exploring his body. His fingertips ran over Izaya's skin in a way that made him shiver. They'd never been this close, and he wanted to be closer.

Following Shizuo's lead, Izaya began working at the buttons on Shizuo's shirt. He desperately wanted to tear the damn thing off, but he knew Shizuo wouldn't appreciate that in any situation.

Soon enough Izaya had the buttons undone and Shizuo helped by pulling the shirt the rest of the way off and tossing it to the side. Izaya mimicked Shizuo's actions and began running his hands over Shizuo's bare skin, feeling the hard muscles shift with every movement.

Izaya gasped when Shizuo's lips were removed from his own and instead began kissing down the side of his neck. He could feel Shizuo's breath with every kiss as he continued trailing his lips over his neck and jawline. Meanwhile his hands grew more adventurous, trailing up and down his thigh, gently groping his ass.

With only a towel around his waist there wasn't much to hide Izaya's quickly growing erection. Shizuo hesitated a moment and Izaya waited with anticipation to see what he would do. Their eyes met once again as Shizuo trailed his hand over to gently stroke Izaya over the towel causing Izaya to shudder hard.

Sometimes he forgot that he hadn't been intimate with another person since his encounter with Jiro. He desperately wanted Shizuo to continue-to replace the repulsive memory of Jiro's hands with the warmth and tenderness that Shizuo was showing him now.

Maybe it was because it had been so long, but it was surprisingly easy for him to let go of the thoughts of his last encounter and to focus all of his attention to the man hovering over him.

"May I?" Shizuo asked, tugging at the towel.

Izaya smiled in response, untucking the towel from his waist and pulling it to the side. For a moment he felt rather vulnerable when Shizuo's eyes began looking him up and down. There was nothing left to hide. He was entirely on display and his erection fully out in the open.

"Damn…" Shizuo whispered.

"Well?" Izaya replied, "Do I get to see yours?"

Shizuo's face went red in response, but he complied. He stood up next to the bed, reaching for his belt. Izaya couldn't resist and decided to help, tugging the belt away to work on undoing his pants.

"Oh shit," Izaya whispered when Shizuo's cock was uncovered.

Over the years Izaya had masturbated while trying to imagine what Shizuo might look like naked. He'd fantasized that Shizuo was rather large but now he knew for sure. Shizuo was big. Not to the point of being too large, but definitely sizable.

"What?" Shizuo mumbled, his face still red with embarrassment.

Izaya didn't respond, instead he reached out to lightly stroke Shizuo's erection, making the man shudder. The reaction reminded him that nobody had touched Shizuo here before. He would be the first. With that thought on his mind, Izaya's hand wrapped around Shizuo, gently stroking up and down and enjoying the restrained moan Shizuo let out.

Izaya leaned in closer, gently nipping at Shizuo's hip while he stroked. Experimentally Izaya moved in to press his lips against the side of Shizuo's cock, enjoying the way it twitched with anticipation along with his own. Before Shizuo could say anything Izaya ran his tongue up along his erection, watching Shizuo struggle to stay standing.

"Oh fuck," Shizuo moaned, his fingers threading through Izaya's hair, "Do that again."

"I'll do better than that," Izaya replied, "Get back on the bed. I'll show you how it's done."

Without hesitation Shizuo obeyed, allowing Izaya to climb over him. At first he repeated Shizuo's early actions of trailing kisses down Shizuo's jaw and neck before taking things a step further. Slowly he worked his way down Shizuo's chest, letting his thumb brush over a nipple while his tongue licked at the other. He loved feeling Shizuo shift under him as he continued to tease him, but Izaya couldn't hold himself back for long.

Alternating between kisses and small bites Izaya worked his way back down towards Shizuo's hips which were already pressing up in an attempt to get Izaya to move faster.

Izaya complied, gently grasping his cock while he dragged his tongue from the base all the way up to the tip watching as Shizuo tightly gripped the sheets, throwing his head back and letting out a low moan. He did the same motion once more, but this time he lingered for a moment at the head, swirling his tongue around.

Shizuo's fingers found their way back into Izaya's hair, encouraging him to continue. Izaya locked eyes with Shizuo before giving him a small grin and finally wrapped his lips around him. The grip on his hair tightened and shizuo let out a low moan. Izaya could feel his hips shudder and his cock pulse slightly in his mouth every time he moved his tongue around it. Shizuo was already breathing heavy, holding back while Izaya had his way with him. He continued alternating between long, slow licks and taking the whole thing into his mouth as deep as he could and sucking hard enough to make Shizuo writhe as he tried his best to hold back.

"Fucking hell, Izaya," Shizuo moaned, "you're gonna have to slow down."

"How come?" Izaya teased

"Because… What about you?"

Izaya grinned. "Don't worry about me. You first," Izaya said, continuing the same motions that left Shizuo breathless.

It wasn't much longer. Izaya could feel the way Shizuo's hips began moving with him as he approached his climax.

"Izaya…" he whispered.

Without a second thought Izaya nodded slightly, signaling to Shizuo that it was okay. Barely a second later Shizuo let out a long, drawn out moan as he came. Izaya moved his tongue across the underside of Shizuo's cock, drawing out Shizuo's orgasm as much as he could. For a moment Izaya hesitated while his mind tried to make him remember the last time he'd tasted another man's semen. For a split second he felt the beginning of panic-like the sensation of looking down from a very tall building-but the feeling quickly dissipated after the initial onset. Shizuo tasted different. It was so easy to distinguish the two experiences, pushing the bad from his thoughts and focusing on the absolutely beautiful sight of Shizuo panting heavily as he tried to pull himself back together. The moment their eyes met again, Izaya swallowed and Shizuo's eyes widened in disbelief.

"You didn't have to do that," he said, starting to sit up.

Izaya shrugged. "I wanted to," he replied.

Shaking his head, Shizuo leaned forward to connect their lips again. Izaya closed his eyes while Shizuo slowly moved their positions, so that he was lying on the bed with Shizuo hovering over him.

Clearly knowing now that his neck was a sensitive area, Shizuo instantly began kissing and lightly biting at his neck just below his jaw. Izaya felt his own cock twitch as he tilted his head back to allow him better access. In the moment he almost didn't notice Shizuo's hand reaching down, wrapping around him and giving a few gentle strokes.

Izaya whimpered at the touch. It had been far too long since someone touched him there and even longer since that touch had felt good.

He lost himself for a moment, suddenly realizing his hips were thrusting into Shizuo's hand with every stroke while Shizuo continued kissing every bit of skin he could reach. When he finally reached his lower abdomen Izaya could feel his anticipation reach a peak-part of him wanted to tell Shizuo to get on with it while another part wanted this to continue forever.

When Shizuo gave him a tentative lick Izaya let out a gasp.

"You good?" Shizuo asked.

"For fucks sake Shizuo, keep going," Izaya replied breathlessly, gripping the sheets under him.

Shizuo wrapped his lips around him and Izaya's head spun. He closed his eyes, soaking in every little feeling of Shizuo's mouth around his cock. He knew he wasn't going to last long to begin with, but when Shizuo's tongue began moving around him he knew it would very quickly be his downfall. After a few minutes of trying his best to hold on, Izaya felt himself nearing the edge.

"Shizuo," he panted.

Shizuo hummed in acknowledgment, and Izaya came. His whole body shook as his orgasm took him in waves. Every movement Shizuo made drew his orgasm out more until he was spent and left gasping for breath.

When he finally caught his breath he opened his eyes to see Shizuo hovering over him. He leaned down to gently press their lips together once again.

Flopping down next to him Shizuo let out a small laugh. "We didn't even actually do it."

"Actually fucking isn't what matters," Izaya began, "What matters is that I don't think I could walk if I tried so I'd say that was enough. Besides, I doubt you even have lube if we wanted to go all the way."

"Oh, yeah, I guess you're right…" Shizuo replied, "But that was…"

"Spectacular," Izaya said.

"Yeah, you are."

"Oh shut up that's so cheesy."

"By the way I really am sorry for walking in on you…"

"I know you are. I'm… kind of glad you did in a way. Like being pushed into the pool, you know?"

"I'm just really glad you're okay. I was worried when you didn't answer when I knocked."

Izaya paused for a moment. "You don't need to worry about me so much. For now just trust me when I say that I'll come to you if I need help. All I ask of you is that you just… be there."

"I think I can do that. As long as you agree to stay in town when all this is over. No Hokkaido or Russia or wherever you wanted to run away to."

"This again?"

"Yeah. I want you to stay. You never told me you would before. Stay in town with me and I'll help you any way I can."

Izaya smiled, releasing a deep breath. Staying here, with Shizuo, was starting to really sound like a good long term plan.

"Deal."