This is a parody of the web video series Cinemasins and I do not own Star vs the Forces of Evil.

Everything Wrong With: Star vs the Forces of Evil

Episode 13

Spoilers

(duh)

Opening theme song begins.

Theme (ding).

Marco: Are you sure this is safe?

"Are you sure this is safe?" cliché (ding).

(Marco looks at his right arm and a millisecond flash of monster arm appears).

EVAunit42: Discount 'Fight Club' (ding).

Exotos135: Monster arm jump-scare (ding).

(Steam from the monster blows Star slightly upward).

Otaku Eloise: Pretty sure Marco is looking up Star's skirt here (ding).

(Star and Marco run away from the monster).

I'm going to subtract a sin here for the animation looking like it did in the first episode (reverse ding).

(Star fires up her wand and conjures up an enormous strawberry short-cake cake, which she and Marco safely land on).

Hey wait, when was she able to perform magic without uttering a single word? (ding).

(The sandwich lands just in front of Star, its ingredients falling perfectly into place).

Nope, I don't care if this is a cartoon, that sandwich should be strewn everywhere (ding).

Marco: Star, pay attention!

Star: Just a little closer.

"Just a little closer" cliché (ding).

(Marco grabs Star and pulls her into the portal just as Star grabs the sandwich. It splits in half).

How the hell does it just split in half? Man, the laws of physics are all over the place, aren't they? (ding).

Star: We went through all that trouble and this sad, little, scrap of sandwich is all we have to show for it.

"We went through all that trouble and this is what we have to show for it" cliché (ding).

Star: I hate when you act like this; it makes me wonder why we're even friends!

God, what a jerk. I think someone needs to learn a lesson about getting their priorities straight (ding).

(Marco, slightly turning his head over his shoulder, looks at Star with a hurt expression on his face).

"Character X and Y get into an argument which ends with X saying a particularly mean thing to Y, which makes Y hurt on the inside" cliché (ding).

Star: Ugh, where did all these flies come from?

Good question (ding).

(Star walks into her room and lays on her bed as she grabs a pillow and screams into it. We then cut to later at night where she is fast asleep).

Mood whiplash (ding).

Star: (Eating the sandwich) *Ecstasy Moan* So good.

(Homer Simpson: Mmm, doughnuts.) (ding).

(A photo of Marco and Star falls gently onto Star's sandwich plate, landing in an upright position).

Obvious guilt symbolism is obvious (ding).

(Star knocks on Marco's bedroom door).

Star: Marco? I'm sorry; I was a jerk. It's just that I really wanted you to try this sandwich. It's kinda smashed and dirty but *singy-songy tone* it's still delicious.

"After feeling guilty about fighting with character Y, character X decides to make amends by offering something Y will enjoy" cliché (ding).

(Marco's bedroom door opens without any input from Star).

Star: *In a worried tone* Marco?

Oh God, did I just step onto the set of 'Paranormal Activity 6'? (ding).

(Mr. and Mrs. Diaz are sitting on the living room couch, underneath a blanket with a flashlight, giggling).

Star: Uh…what are you guys doing?

Mrs. Diaz: (Sticking her head out from underneath the blanket) Oh, Star. We were just looking at Raphael's old book of medical illustrations.

Star: Weird.

My point exactly (ding).

(Star dials Marco's cellphone number. The ringtone begins playing from somewhere in the house).

I hope Parry Gripp is getting paid his royalties right now (ding).

(Star follows the sound of Marco's ringtone, which is behind her, coming from Marco's bedroom. She goes in, taking the receiver with her).

Impossibly long phone cord is impossibly long (ding).

Star: What have you done with Marco?!

"What have you done with" cliché (ding).

Fly monster: If you ever want to see the boy alive again, bring the wand to Ludo's castle tonight. And come alone.

Exotos135: "Characters get into a fight, only for one of the characters to be kidnapped/die/what have you" cliché (ding).

Also, "Come alone" cliché (ding).

(We cut to a policeman writing down what Star is telling him).

Wait, only now are the police involved? But why? Granted Marco's parents are caring and decent people, and what they're doing here is totally natural in their minds, but they have bared witness to Star's magic before so they know she is more than capable of being able to rescue their son. This is a serious lack of faith on their end (ding).

Policeman: *In a condescending tone as if he were taking to a small child* You like magic little girl?

Are we seriously going to give the normal townsfolk the same short-term memory loss problems that the normal Earth population in the Dragon Ball series have? You have witnesses at the school, those who attended Brittney Wong's birthday party anyway, who can tell you that Star isn't crazy (ding).

Mrs. Daiz: Look, this isn't your fault Star.

"This isn't your fault" cliché (ding).

(Buff Frog, in a semi-depressed lazy manner, tries to eat a fly, but the fly flies away).

Buff Frog: *Sighs* Why bother.

Big-lipped Alligator Moment (ding).

Buff Frog: My name is Yevgeny Bulgoyaboff.

Complicated name is complicated (ding).

Although, in Russian, his first name translates as Eugene. So, kudos to you writers (reverse ding).

Buff Frog: What do you want?

"What do you want?" cliché (ding).

(Star blasts both Ludo and Buff Frog before running over to the large brown cloth bag and opening it).

Dirty Harry and Star should really meet up one day and exchange ideas on how to properly shoot suspects (ding).

Star: *Menacingly* Where's Marco?

Okay animators, I'm going to knock off a sin because Star looks amazingly intimidating right now (reverse ding).

Ludo: That wasn't a gift, you ding-a-ling.

God, what a jerk. Though he is a bad guy, so I don't even know why I'm surprised (ding).

Marco: Look, if you're after the wand, it's harder to get than you think. Lots of people have tried.

Uh, by my count Marco, only Ludo has tried (ding).

(Marco tries to punch Toffee, but ends up hitting his reflection on the glass).

Um, no writers, this isn't like Jurassic Park; Toffee was clearly in front of Marco when he handed him the sandwich, not behind him (ding).

Marco: Yeah, well, you're boring; and you dress like a lawyer.

Pathetically lame insult comeback is pathetically lame (ding).

(Star holds up the keys that clearly belong to Ludo).

Star: Looks like these are yours.

Ludo: Those aren't mine.

Suspiciously specific denial (ding).

Ludo: It's the circle of life.

(Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba.) (ding).

Star: Well I don't like his... Uh...uh...

ZarroWWolf: What was that scene for? (ding).

(Buff Frog grabs a chain saw with his bare hands).

And thus Disney was forced to cut this bit of the episode out for future rebroadcasts because they received complaints from the parents of the kids who were stupid enough to imitate what Buff Frog did (ding).

(We cut to Toffee, whom we see has had his left arm blown off by Star's laser blasts. It is slightly gruesome to look at).

Guest # 1: Oh that reminds me Star Wars is out this year (ding).

Justin: You know, for kids! (ding).

(Star leaps down from the chandelier with the most angrily determined expression on her face. The attacking monsters quickly surround her, but she conjures up a blue smoke-like barricade, stopping them in their tracks).

Star: No.

Damn. Just…damn (reverse ding).

(Star prepares to conjure up the biggest laser blast she has ever fired as the wand, the hearts on her cheeks and her eyes glow. Marco ducks as she fires the blast, shattering Marco's prison).

Discount 'Kamehameha' blast (ding).

(Toffee regrows his left arm).

Toffee: That's no way to treat our guest of honor.

Jesus Christ (ding).

(Star prepares to, once again, shatter Marco's prison).

Toffee: That's not going to work again.

"That's not going to work" cliché (ding).

Marco: (Straining to hold up his prison, which is slowly coming down on him) Don't worry Star. I think I got it.

(The Dark Knight's Two-Face: Have you ever had to talk to the person you love most, tell 'em it's going to be alright, when you know it's not?) (ding).

Toffee: Do you think I'm like Ludo?
Justin: Toffee would be great at Star vs the Forces of Evil sins (ding).

Toffee: Surprise!

(Jack Skellington: Surprised, aren't you?) (ding).

Toffee: Marco's waiting.
(Star looks over at Marco, who is nearly squished by his prison).

Marco: Star?

(Star then looks at the wand and with a sad expression, she kneels and picks it up).

Star: I'm sorry.

(Star performs the Whisper Spell).
Justin: With how fast it took for Marco to almost be squished into the ground, he should have been dead LONG before Star finished with her spell (ding).

Toffee: Gentelemen, it's been a pleasure…

"It's been a pleasure" cliché (ding).

(As the wand begin to violently cackle with energy, Toffee smiles a very smug and evil smile).

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious (ding).

Star: Look, nature!
(Ludo emerges from the egg laid by the chicken monster).
ZarroWWolf: Are you telling me that the whole damn castle exploded, Toffee disappeared, everyone is practically dead from the blast, and yet Ludo managed to survive the explosion in a most likely very fragile egg, WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CRACKS AT ALL? Okay. We know they still want Ludo for future episodes... but something could've really changed in that scene, writers (ding).

Ludo: Where is my castle?

Star: It's gone.

Ludo: And where is your wand?

Star: That's gone too.

Ludo: Everything? WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS!

Star: We never were friends.

Ludo: You are now my mortal enemy! This day, I vow—huh?

(Star opens up a dimensional portal and throws Ludo in it).

There's nothing wrong with this scene. This scene is gold.

(Star and Marco hug, holding each other very passionately).

My God…..my chest….these feelings…..so powerful…so full of…joy. And who put a bowl of onions next to my face, and why am I smiling so much my cheeks hurt (reverse ding x30)

Unicorn: *Speaking Italian* Excuse me.

Why is this creature speaking Italian? Random foreign language is random (ding).

(Star receives her new wand).

Exotos135: Unicorn ex machina? (ding).

Marco: Uh, do I know you?

Jeez, what kind of kid doesn't recognize his dad's voice? (ding).

King Butterfly: *Whistling his 'S's' So, basically, just to recap…

Wait a minute, he's never had that kind of speech impediment before (ding).

(Queen Butterfly hugs Star).

Star: So, you're not mad?

Queen Butterfly: (With a smile on her face) Oh, I'm always mad, but I'm happy that you're safe.

"Strict parent turns out to have an understanding heart of gold" cliché (ding).

But then again, this moment is nice, so….(reverse ding).

Queen Butterfly: We can call back.

Glossaryck: No, it's fine. I'm just doing a little gardening.

(Proceeds to shave his left leg).

Exotos135: Fan disservice (ding).

Glossaryck: I hope you found all the pieces of the wand.

(King and Queen Butterfly look at each other as we cut to the other half of the crystal star, which is lying in a different dimension, glowing a sickly green color).

Ah, so it's going to be like 'Gravity Falls', answer most of the season one questions but leave everything else for season two. Got it (ding).

Ending theme song begins.

Ending theme (ding).

Episode 13 Sin Tally: 24

Sentence: Watching Glossaryck shave his legs, forever.

A/N: And so, we finally close the chapter that is Star vs the Forces of Evil Season 1. This was a really fun thing for me to write and I love all the feedback that you readers and reviewers left. While I wasn't setting out to write the most critically acclaimed fic in this category, I was honestly surprised at how many of you actually enjoyed it; so to you I say my thanks.

Thank you everyone who participated in sinning the season finale. I know there wasn't that many that participated, but I'm very grateful for the material I was provided with and I would like to be able to do that again, hopefully with more people participating.

Speaking of doing this again, a lot of you are probably ready to ask me when I am going to be doing a Cinemasins fic of Season 2. Well the answer is that I don't know.

Why do I say that? Well, one can only hope that there won't be a swarm of people that will more than likely be inspired to do a Cinemasins of season two as soon as the first episode airs; so perhaps I'll be doing that as well. We'll see, because the future isn't written in stone.