Almost two weeks to go before Dean finally moves to Ohio and for the last three days, he's tried to get a head start in packing his belongings but he just can't manage to find the motivation to do so. Whenever Daniel tells him to at least start packing a bag or two, Dean suddenly feels overwhelmed and just can't get himself to do it. Maybe it's the whole thing about leaving his own house and moving somewhere he hasn't been to since his childhood. Maybe it's something else. He doesn't allow himself to linger on that something else for too long and guesses it's just the nerves about leaving his life here.

Dean's thoughts are interrupted when Seth walks in, knocking once at the door to announce his presence, and comes to stand behind Dean, who's standing in front of a mirror. It's been three weeks since the night Roman told everyone that Dean's leaving and since then the both of them haven't spoken to each other about this, it's weird that Seth hasn't said anything against the move yet. This is all a bit too confusing for Dean because well, he thought Seth would, you know, tell him to stay or at least talk about it. But, nada. Nothing

It's like Seth's presence has soothed Dean without him even laying a hand on him. Seth looks slowly around the room, eyeing the furniture and the painting on the wall realising it's not going to remain here for long. He glances over at the empty boxes on the floor. He brushes his fingers over Dean's shoulders and then glances at him.

"You're really going through with this, huh?," Seth asks slowly, watching the stranger in the mirror like he doesn't recognise him.

"Don't, Seth. Please, just don't," Dean says, voice tired.

"No, listen to me. You're rushing into this. Trust me, he is not endgame. You deserve someone better."

Not this again, Dean thinks.

"What do you want me to do? Go back to Roman? I don't know what I'm doing but I can't go back to him, he probably hates me. He has every right to hate me. I have to do this. I deserve this."

Seth shakes his head quickly and tugs on Dean's shoulders until they're facing each other.

"Don't you ever fucking say that you deserve this. You do not deserve to be unhappy, Dean. I know you think you're doing the right thing but you're bloody not." It's the first time that Seth's said how opposed to this Ohio move he is. It is literally two weeks before the move. Great timing, that. "If you go through with this, I'm not running after you this time. I'm staying here with Melissa and Roman. I will always love you, Dean, but I can't sit here and watch you be unhappy at your own doing. Or watch you waste your life away being a sodding idiot."

Dean looks down at the floor, not able to look Seth in the eye. There's a scratch in the wooden slat that his right foot is standing on. He wonders how it got there. It's easier to focus on mundane details than the screaming of his heart and the words coming from Seth's mouth.

"Dean, for fucks sake. Don't do it. I know you don't think you deserve Roman, but you do. He loves you so much and I know you love him. Just do yourself a favour and let yourself believe this can work between you guys." Seth pleads. He runs a hand through his hair and messes it up. "He's not going to wait for you forever, so make your move before it's too late otherwise you'll regret it for the rest of your life."

No, no, no. This is not what Dean wants to hear.

"I feel like a disappointment, Seth. I feel like I'm doing wrong to so many people just for my sake and it's messing with my head," Dean reasons, fiddling with the button of his jacket and watching Seth shake his head again.

"Fuck them, Dean. Fuck them. Fuck all of us. You don't owe us anything. You owe it to yourself to be happy. Stop finding excuses, and just be with someone who loves you and you know will treat you right. It's not only about Roman anymore; it's about you finding someone who'll make you happy. I personally don't think Daniel fits that part."

"Why?", It was all Dean could manage to muster together; although it wasn't much, Seth understood what the question held.

"Because you both want different things in life.", Seth simply stated. "He's a good guy, but he's not for you. You're not for him either."

Dean shakes his head back at Seth and glances at the stranger in the mirror. He looks as sad and lost as Dean feels.

"People can work through differences, Seth. It happens." Dean tried to convince Seth.

"Do you believe he truly loves you?" Seth asked, ignoring what Dean just said. "That this is it?"

"I think that's a question for him to answer." Dean replied, unsure of what he should've answered with.

Seth took a step back and sat down on the bed then replied.

"Dean, if you have to speculate if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don't. It's not that complicated. Love, in most cases, betrays the one feeling it. Don't waste moments waiting and wondering. If you can't feel it, it doesn't exist."

There's another knock on the door and Dean looks up to see Melissa, all soft curves and loving smile, standing at the door.

"Can I have you for a minute, Seth?" she asks.

Seth nods and then comes closer to Dean to whisper in his ears. "If you really want to start this new life, just make sure Daniel loves you for the right reasons and that what you two have is real. Don't make the mistake I made."

He steps away and gives Dean one last look before leaving. When the door clicks shut behind him, Dean lets out a breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding.

Dean is sitting in Daniel's bed, plush comforter covering his bare legs, as he stares unseeingly at the wall in front of him.

"Baby…" Daniel starts but then lets out a long sigh. "Dean, say something."

Dean looks back at him, blinks a few times and shakes his head to clear it. Daniel's biting his lip and Dean reaches out to pull his lip from between his teeth so there won't be teeth marks later.

This can't be happening.

Dean watches Daniel, watches how his chest rises and falls, how his muscles are tensed, bare and exposed because he hadn't thought to put a shirt on when rolling out of bed to take the call. He's got a fading lovebite on his neck from a few nights ago when they'd gone out and partied and Dean had pulled him into the bathroom like a stupid teenager to make out. Daniel's hair is still mussed from sleep, but his eyes are alert and worried.

"Baby-"

"Why do you love me?"

Out of all the words being linked together in almost incoherent sentences inside of his fucked up head, that's the thing to come out of his mouth? Really? Dean needs to get a hold of himself.

"What?" Daniel asks incredulously. He's staring at Dean now, wide eyes and a slightly hurt and surprised expression on his face.

"Why do you love me?" Dean repeats. "What is it about me that made you feel like I'm the one you wanted to move out to Ohio with?"

Dean shifts in bed and pulls the comforter up to his bare chest to cover himself, suddenly feeling vulnerable. His muscles are tired and he just wants to go back to sleep, but it's nearing one in the afternoon, so he really should be getting up as it is.

They'd gotten in late last night after one of Daniel's business functions. It'd been a black tie affair, Dean had found it uppity and not something he wished to ever attend again, but Daniel had smiled at all the right people and was ever the charmer. When they got home, Daniel drew them a bath and they'd both sunk into the warm water and let the long evening melt off of their skin. Dean had initiated the first kiss and before he knew it Daniel was spreading him out, marking him up, and slipping into him.

Sex with Daniel is actually pretty good. It's not amazing, but it gets the job done and scratches the itch. It's not very adventurous but Dean doesn't complain and while he wouldn't mind some spice, the sex isn't bad.

It's just lately, ever after Seth's visit last week, he's been picturing grey eyes behind his closed eyes and the feeling of soft smooth skin. He's been reminiscing about using an authoritative voice and watching those grey eyes cloud and feel the body beneath him sink and relax before slowly coming back up and those pretty grey eyes watching him so trustingly it hurt.

If those thoughts and memories start to creep in during sex with Daniel, then Dean can't really help it.

Daniel's still staring at him like he's grown an extra head and Dean is still waiting for an answer.

"Well?" Dean prompts, a little hysterically.

"I, uh," Daniel stammers. "I love you because you're a good person and you make me laugh. And we're compatible, we've known each other for the longest of times, and I think we make a good couple. You're gorgeous but there's more than a pretty face. You're smart and sweet and I just…I love you. I don't know. I can't really find a way to describe it. We've been together for a while, known each other forever so it seemed like a logical step."

Somehow his confession falls a hell of a lot shorter than Dean was expecting.

Dean sighs. "And you want me to move halfway around the country with you for your job, a job that makes you work longer hours and requires even more work to be done at home, and that's the description you give me of our undying love that can cross oceans?" Dean snarks. He shakes his head and lets his eyes fall to the comforter. It's soft under his hands and Dean pinches the top part to feel the soft cotton in between the covering.

"Well, I mean we're doing well and this is a job of a lifetime. It'll pay double what I'm making now and we'll get to start our lives somewhere new," Daniel reasons.

Dean wishes Daniel would comfort him or something. I mean this isn't devastating news, great news in the world of business that someone so young got promoted to CEO, but at the same time it's earth shattering because Dean is being asked to move across to a new state for someone else's benefit.

Isn't that what people in love are supposed to do, though? Move heaven and earth and go however long the distance is to be together? All of this is making his head hurt and he's only been up for half an hour.

Dean's phone beeps on the night stand and he sees he's got a text from Seth.

Can you pick up the invites for me, please? Checking out venues right now, so I'll come by yours later tonight to pick them up.

Dean sighs and puts his phone back down on the table.

"Look, I need to process all of this and we'll discuss it more later," Dean says as he gets out of bed. He stretches and relishes in the pull of his sore muscles.

"Where are you going?" Daniel questions as he stands up from the bed. At least he put on some pants to answer that damned phone call.

"I don't know, I need to get out of here for a while," Dean mumbles as he reaches for his discarded clothes and pulls on his dress shirt from last night. It's wrinkled and smells of expensive cologne and champagne.

"A while?"

"I don't know, Daniel. An hour, maybe a day. I need some time to think about what I want."

"Can you come back over tonight so we can talk?" Daniel asks, after a moment of silence, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Probably not." Dean answers, almost as a reflex. Then quickly dresses in the rest of his clothes from last night and heads out the door.

It feels an awful lot like leaving after a one night stand. Dean kills that thought as he gets in his car.

One hour and many tears later, Dean arrives at Roman's home. It's been almost a year since he came to this house, the shutters are still forest green and Roman's still got pink flowers growing in his garden out front. The house looks dark save for the flash of the telly screen through the curtains on the main floor. Dean is so scared, he's shaking. He's not sure why he's here, he just knows he wants to see Roman and talk to him. Ever since Seth made Dean question his decisions and choices, he's been confused about everything.

Dean stands outside the door for a long time, fist held in the air ready to knock but unable to do so. He can hear voices on the other side of the door, listens as a laugh track plays from the television, and wishes he could have the courage to go inside.

Dean takes a deep breath and knocks lightly on the door. He's not sure if it's loud enough to be heard from inside, but he hopes he won't have to spend another hour working up the courage to knock again.

The door opens and Randy's standing in the doorway. A very shirtless Randy, he noticed. Dean's surprised, to say the least. He hasn't seen him in a few days, Dean knows that Randy's been Roman's second saviour, who picked him up when he was down, and he really shouldn't be surprised to see Randy standing there but seeing him like this made Dean feel a certain kind of way and he also felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Dean, hey. What's up?," Randy greets him with a warm smile. He doesn't move aside to let Dean in and his eyes are wary. "What are you doing here?"

Dean felt like directing the same question at Randy. It's like he's chastising him for showing up late on a school night when he knows that he has a strict curfew. Dean suddenly feels like he's nineteen again and wants to cry even more than before.

"Is Roman here?" he finally manages to ask. He has to clear his throat a few times before the words make their way out.

"He is," he says but stays put, blocking Dean's view of the inside.

"May I see him? I really need to see him, Randy." Dean pleads, eyes wide and lips pouted out slightly. "I know he probably doesn't want me around, but I promise it's going to be different. I really need to talk to him."

Randy considers him for a few moments, eyes carefully scanning over his face like he's trying to decide if he can be trusted.

"I don't know if he's going to want to see you." he tells him eventually. He turns back from the door but doesn't call out.

Dean realizes that Roman's probably in the hallway somewhere a bit behind Randy. There's a few beats of silence before he turns back to Dean and sighs.

"I'm sorry, man. He's not up to visitors tonight. Maybe tomorrow?" he says with a warm, knowing look in his eye. Dean's really not sure what to feel towards Randy right now. Jealousy? Because that's his instinct. Gratitude? Because Randy's being really nice to him. "You know how he gets sometimes."

Dean hears a deep grunt from the other side of the door and just wants to push the door open and see his beautiful boy. Well, Roman's not his boy, but the urge still remains. He just wants to look at him and make sure that he's ok with his own eyes.

"Alright," Dean relents, scuffing his polished dress shoes against the sidewalk. He then hears the noise of footsteps fade away. He guesses it's probably Roman heading back in the room.

"You look nice but a touch rough," Randy comments after he turns back to check whether Roman's still there or not and then reaches out to give Dean a side hug. "Big day, tough day?"

Dean's suddenly very aware that he's still wearing the wrinkled tux minus the jacket that he wore to the party the night before. He really just wants to bash his head against the wall and then grovel on the floor for Roman to see him.

"The latter. Some fancy dinner party last night with Daniel's company then crashed at his place, left in the afternoon and now here I am." Dean answers and gives him a small smile.

"It took you half a day to get here? Where does Daniel even live?" Randy humours him.

Dean smiles at Randy's effort at trying to make the situation a little less tense, then shakes his head and lets out a long sigh. His back hurts from driving so much and he just wants to sleep, preferably with Roman's arms around him.

"Nah, didn't feel right so I drove around for a bit plus I had to pick up the invites for the wedding. Barely had the time to go home to change. Somehow I ended up here rather than my own house." Dean tries to joke. It falls flat but Randy's polite enough to smile.

"I see," he says with that same knowing tone he used to use when he understood everything Dean couldn't put into words.

"Please, Randy. I really need to talk to him." There's an edge of hysteria in his voice and Dean swallows down all the words he wants to say. This needs to be face to face.

Randy turns back to look inside, not finding Roman standing there anymore. "Ro?", Randy calls out, Dean doesn't hear any response but hears footsteps coming his way and stop after a bit. Randy then makes a motion with his hand, his body swaying a little. He lets out a grunt of disapproval before turning back to Dean.

"Another night, yeah? He's just being stubborn."

Dean knows it's more than that. He knows he's hurt Roman, maybe even beyond repair. He's not sure why Randy is even standing there talking to him. He should tell him to leave because Dean is definitely a terrible person.

"Well, I'll stop embarrassing myself," Dean tells him as he turns to leave. "Tell him I came to see him in case he doesn't know."

"I will. Have a good night and look after yourself, yeah?"

Dean nods, reluctantly walks back, starts his car, and drives off. He glances into the rearview mirror but Roman's not standing at the front porch watching him leave anymore.

Everyone speaks the words that the human body can stand a large amount of pain while the only thing getting in the way is the brain. But I swear to God, when I saw Randy at his doorstep in that condition and knowing that Roman had voluntarily decided not to come to answer the door, it was so much more than my body could handle. And it wasn't just my brain getting in the way because I could physically feel my heart break in more ways than one and the feeling that maybe, maybe this time I was too late was finally dawning on me. I know now what people mean by saying they are heartbroken. Because these dimples of mine can only be visible for so long and these eyes of mine cannot always be so dry and these knees of mine cannot always be so steady.

Somehow Dean managed to get back to Daniel's house to talk although he said he wouldn't be going back there again today but courtesy of Daniel's persistent calls and texts, Dean is now here sitting on the foot of the same bed they fought on this earlier in the day.

"What happened to us, Dean?" Daniel sits down and turns to Dean properly. "I thought when I asked you to move with me that you loved me, that you were confident in us."

"I did….I do. I did." Dean stutters.

"Then what happened?" Daniel asks imploringly. His eyes search his face as Dean sits there silently because he really doesn't have a nice and neat answer for that question. "Are you still in love with him?"

Dean starts and shrinks away from Daniel defensively. A name wasn't even mentioned but they were both more than aware of who this was about. And after a long time, Dean didn't let out a 'no' immediately but he took his time to actually consider this possibility.

"What?" Dean asked, wanting to be sure he head Daniel right.

"You still love him, don't you?" he asked, running his fingers through his hair. "You never got over him."

"What makes you say that?" Dean's furrowed brows, the gleam in his eyes, the sorrow in his voice; it all gave him away too easily. He sighed and closed his eyes, as if he could unsee this moment, unhear its words, unlive its memory.

"Everything you do. And everything you don't do. Like, how you absolutely hate karaoke now. How you don't like hugging me when I wear anything that smells musky. How you don't look me in the eyes when you tell me and yourself that you love me. How you don't like it when my hair is in a bun because it reminds you of him." Daniel could have gone on and on, knowing Dean would never deny it but secretly hoped he would. Dean, in the other hand, did nothing to defend himself because he never really realised that Daniel was aware of this. Hell, sometimes Dean himself wasn't even aware of this. Daniel waited for Dean to say something, anything. But much to his dismay, nothing was said. So, he continued.

"And it sucks, you know? To be alone in this relationship? To think, I'm lucky he doesn't try to turn me into him? To want just the minimum, but still feeling like it's too much to ask? To love someone who can possibly never love me back as much as he loved the other guy?" Daniel didn't cry, although his voice was breaking. He couldn't cry anymore.

"I'm sorry," Dean choked out. It was hard for him, Daniel knew that, but that didn't make it easier for either of them.

"So, are you in love with Roman?" Daniel asks, one last time, staring right at him.

"Yes," Dean says without giving himself permission to. Daniel looks like he's been slapped, but he doesn't look all that surprised either. Admitting it makes Dean feel lighter and he has to force down his bubbling excitement at the fact that he finally admitted it out loud where someone could hear him. Daniel stands up from his chair looking red in the face and ready to scream.

"Are you two still...?" Daniel didn't finish the question but Dean understood what he meant.

"Oh, no. Nothing is happening. It's not what you think. Hell, he barely talks to me anymore." Dean says, standing up as well. Then he adds, "I guess the feelings just never really went away."

Daniel nods and mulls over that information for a few minutes. Dean rubs his sweaty hands over his pants and tries to calm himself down. This is not how he thought today would go.

"Did you ever love me?" Daniel asks after a while.

"I did love you, Daniel," Dean says. "I did. Or at least, I think I did. I just… I've always been so in love with Roman. Even when everything was over, I turned him down multiple times but I don't think I ever really stopped. I tried to stop, I really did but it never happened. But I did love you. You're a good man, Daniel. Yes, we didn't always work and there were some major kinks in our relationship, but it wasn't a bad relationship. I think we could have worked, it's just..." Dean swallows harshly and tries to sort through his words. He wishes he could just stop talking and not break Daniel's heart like he knows he's about to do. He wishes things weren't as complicated, were different somehow. "I will always be in love with Roman and I can't stop." Another irrational burst of happiness from admitting the words out loud. "I tried. I really tried. I didn't want to still be in love with him after all this time. I wanted us to work, but I realize now that we can't. Truth be told, I never was yours."

Dean watches Daniel run a hand through his hair and then bury his face in his hands.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you, but I don't think we can or that we should, move out to a new state and start a new life when we want different things in the long run, when we're not even in love like we should be."

Daniel's got tears in his eyes but he doesn't look very surprised by Dean's declaration. Maybe he caught on a while ago that Dean's heart wasn't in it. But there was a little part of Daniel that hoped that this would work out, that no matter what, they were going to make it.

"I know I wasn't always the best boyfriend to you, Dean. I know that. I do love you though, and I haven't stopped loving you, if that's what you're assuming here."

"You don't love me anymore either, Daniel."

Daniel stares at him for a long time. Dean just looks at him with no emotion on his face.

"But I do," Daniel states, simple and unemotional.

"No, you don't. If you loved me the way you should have for this to work, you would have tried harder to keep my attention, spent time with me, at least considered some of my desires." Their relationship was nice, but Dean knows that both of them should have tried harder. It was lacking in so many areas. Now that Dean thinks about it, everything's so clear. They never would have worked. "I mean, I know I could have tried harder, but you should have too."

"I did spend time with you." Daniel protests, anger seeping into his tone. "Don't tell me I didn't."

"But you didn't. You always complained about me not being in town, that I'm always away. But when I am in town, me coming over to your place to watch TV by myself while you worked in the back room or taking me to events to show off your wonderful boyfriend is not spending quality time together, Daniel.", Dean said, his tone stern.

"You should have said something." Daniel grits out, throwing his hands up in the air in an exasperated motion.

"Well you should have noticed on your own. You obviously aren't shocked by the information about Roman. If you noticed that, how could you not notice the fact that I needed some attention and that you should have tried harder to keep me if you really wanted to rather than taking me for granted?" Dean ended, voice close to breaking.

It's a fair question. Daniel clearly had sensed something going on and hadn't lifted a finger to stop it.

"I don't know," Daniel says through a strangled groan of frustration. "You shouldn't have just flounced off with an ex when you were already in a relationship."

"Hey, I didn't flounce off anywhere, I don't know about you but I've done my best to remain faithful in this relationship so just because I said I'm still in love with him doesn't mean that I fucked him in order to realise that." Dean says while he attempts to rein in his anger. It's no use shouting about it. They were both in the wrong, but Dean doesn't appreciate being accused of cheating, no matter how he feels about Roman. "And I'm sorry for breaking it off like this, but still, Daniel, we both should have tried harder."

Daniel spins around and punches his fist into the wall and lets out a loud grunt. Dean takes a step back.

"I still love you," Daniel whispers into the dented plaster.

"Yeah, but it's not enough. We both deserve to not settle."

It's so clear now, the way Dean was about to settle. He thinks he always knew he was choosing the lesser option, but it's so glaringly obvious now. Daniel just huffs out a breath and walks to the other end of the room, putting as much space between them as possible.

""You deserve someone better than me," Dean said. He paused, and then added, "I deserve someone better than you too."

It broke Dean's heart, knowing he was hurting Daniel, but he cleared his throat and continued.

"And I'm not saying you're a terrible person, and I certainly do not think I am a terrible person either. It's not your fault, nor is it mine. We are just…incompatible with each other. You deserve someone better for you than me, and I deserve someone better for me than you. "

He sighed, and closed his eyes. He hoped he would understand. Daniel's silence suggested otherwise. So, Dean continued.

"I know it doesn't feel this way now, but I think… I think this is for the best. We deserve to be with people who will make us happy and who want the same things as us."

"Daniel," Dean says softly, prompting Daniel to say something because the silence is deafening and Dean's watching Daniel process all of this as he's wiping the tears away from his face and trying to calm himself by controlling his breathing. It's all too much for Dean to take, he doesn't like hurting people and he's not sure how they got here but somewhere in his heart he's glad he took this step because it's saving them both from an ultimate heartbreak.

"Just go," Daniel says around a lump in his throat. "Go."

Dean stands to leave and hesitates only for a moment to see if Daniel will look at him. He doesn't. It's like a huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders after finally telling Daniel that he's still in love with Roman. He feels like he can breathe for the first time in ages. All he needs now is Roman.

Roman's currently sitting on the couch watching an old episode of Gogglebox. Dean had gotten him hooked on it one afternoon and now he's just wallowing, thinking of his shitty situation, and watching stupid TV.

"What was that about?", Randy asked, as he walked back into the living room and headed for the bathroom to retrieve his t-shirt from the dryer. He spilled water on it earlier in the day and Roman suggested he just chuck it in the dryer so it dries quicker.

"Nothing." Roman replied, loud enough for Randy to hear it as he came back to the room fully clothed and plopped down on the couch opposite to Roman.

"Nothing? You're going to give me nothing for what just happened?" Randy asked, exasperated, making air quotes with his fingers around the word 'nothing'.

Roman took a long breath and turned his face away from Randy, instead chose to stare at the floor. "Didn't feel like seeing him."

"And why is that?", Randy asked slowly, trying to not trigger him.

"I don't know.", Roman sighed, as he fiddled with his phone. "I feel like seeing him would destroy any and every progress I've made so far."

Randy shook his head in disagreement, "And you think avoiding him is going to help you move on?"

"Isn't that the point?", Roman shoves his face into the cushions beside him and thinks maybe he can suffocate himself with them so he never has to deal with any issue ever again.

"Well, no." Randy started, not sure how to phrase his thoughts. "The point is that you're supposed to move on altogether and at one point, be ok with seeing him. If you continue this, then you'll only move on from the parts you can control. Then when he will show up, your defenses will crumble. That's not ideal."

Roman just looked at Randy in return because he knew he was right and right now, he wasn't in the mood to argue.

"He's your best friend. You can't avoid him forever, Roman." Randy continued.

Roman's further silence triggered Randy to voice out something he had been wanting to just let Roman know before something major happens.

"I want to tell you something."

"What is it?" his face still buried.

Randy sighs, gets up from the couch and walks over to Roman and wraps his arms around Roman to hoist him back into a sitting position. When he's sure that Roman is focusing on what he's saying, he starts talking.

"When the time comes that you have to go back to him or anyone and I have to let you go, don't even think twice to leave. Do not leave me with sweet words. Just walk out and don't look back. Do not kiss me anywhere. Not in my forehead or cheeks or lips. Just disappear. If one of these days, I won't receive any of your calls and messages, I will know. Do not let me see that you are hesitating to leave. Do not make it hard for me, nor for you. This is just an escape for both of us. I'm happy to take your mind off the negativity for a while and now I'm glad things are alright for you. Whatever it is, I'll always be your friend. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy again. Whenever this ends, it ends. It's ok."

Roman's just a tad thrown off by this, he's staring at Randy trying to figure where this suddenly came from but even though Randy's gaze is fixed right back at him, he can't figure it out.

"Why are you saying this now?" Roman finally asks.

"Because I don't know when I'll see you next and we both know we aren't going to last forever and that someday this will have to end so I just wanted you to know this beforehand." Randy shrugged.

Roman nodded his head understandingly. It makes sense, you know. Roman was somewhat glad to hear that from Randy, sure, they have a great bond and an impeccable chemistry but they've both got their baggage and it wouldn't be right for them to do this in the long run especially considering Randy has a daughter, a family. He's simply glad to have found someone as unselfish as Randy who willingly helped him get through all this in the last few weeks and expected nothing in return.

Before Roman could say anything, Randy continued.

"He sounds like he needed you. Be a friend and talk to him about whatever he wants to. Don't lose him as a friend in the process of moving on from him.", Randy suggests, as he picks up his keys from the coffee table and gets up from the couch. He gives Roman, who's still sitting down, a side hug and kisses him gently on the forehead. "Do what you need to do. I'll see you in a few days, yeah? Call me if you need me."

Roman nodded in return, thankful that Randy's been kind enough to be so patient with him lately. They were off tour so Randy's going home to spend time with his family; Roman wasn't too disappointed about not being able to see him for a few. He had a bit too much on his plate right now than to worry about Randy's absence, to be honest.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the main door click shut and let out a long sigh as he leaned back against the couch contemplating as to what could possibly be the reason Dean came to see him.

No, no, no, no. Before that, Roman's not sure when he'll see Randy next so, he wants to make sure everything's cool before he leaves. In an effort to do that, Roman stands up from the couch and sprints outside to find Randy about to enter his car.

"RANDY" Roman shouts. He's not sure why he's being so loud considering it's his driveway and Randy's literally the only person there. Oh well, emotions or whatever.

"Holy shit, pipe it down." To say Randy's startled would be an understatement. "What is it?"

Roman starts walking towards Randy, his mind running a thousand miles per hour because honestly he has no clue what he wants to say. He stops a few feet away from Randy and opens his mouth in order to say something but quickly stops himself before he could. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry for when I have to go or this ends." Roman manages to muster together, looking at Randy when he finished that sentence. He's unsure as to what that 'go' or 'ends' stood for but he's assuming it meant moving on with someone new. Randy was understanding enough to not question Roman and ask him to be more articulate because in a way, he understood what Roman meant.

"Don't be. I told you it's okay." Randy softly answers as he holds Roman's hands in his.

"You sure?", voice barely audible.

"Yeah, you softie. I'm a big boy, I can handle myself." Randy smiles at him.

"I really am sorry." He repeats, not sure where this is suddenly coming from.

"Jeez, shut up already." Randy chuckles, trying his best to lighten the moment. "We just spoke about this. I want to stick with it. Ok?"

Roman nodded.

"Now, go talk to him. Sounds like he needs you."

"Thank you, Randy." Roman finally looks up to meet Randy's eyes. "You've been incredible to me these last few weeks and I can't thank you enough. You helped me get through so much. I'm so -"

"Hey, hush." Randy knew confessions are only going to make this harder for them because he was more than aware this was something that wasn't going to last forever. He hates to think of it this way, but he knows he somehow played into the role of being Roman's rebound. He had no problem with it though as long as he knows he helped Roman, he was more than happy to do it. Maybe this arrangement will come back to bite him in the ass later on but this wasn't the right place or time to think about that. But he was certain from the get-go that this wasn't anything long term. So, confessions right now didn't seem like the best idea. "I know all of this; you don't have to say it now. You're going to make this really difficult for both us, so, don't. We weren't in this with a future plan, we were in it to help each other, and we both made each other happy and that's what counts."

Randy squeezed Roman's hands to ensure him that this was said with the utmost sincerity and it was, it most definitely was.

"See you soon?" Roman's tone making it sound more like a question than a statement, his eyes are sad but he manages to bring a little smile to his face.

"Sure, whenever we're in the same town." Randy smiles back, as he pulls Roman closer. "Come on now, bring it in."

Roman untangles their hands and steps in closer to hug Randy. It's soft and comforting and Roman feels blessed to have had this man by his side the past few weeks.

"Thanks, man. I love you." Roman whispers, against Randy's neck.

"Jeez, Ro, don't you think it's a bit too soon for that?" Randy humors him, which earns him a shove from Roman who tries to pull away. Randy just pulls him in closer in return.

"Don't be a douche." Roman warns him, tone soft, trying his best to hide his smile as he rests his head on Randy's shoulder. Randy squeezes him tighter and holds him close cherishing their last few moments together as he leans back against the car. Although they didn't mention it but Randy and Roman were fairly certain and both were aware deep down that this was the end of their escapade and wanted to bask in the moment for a bit. Weirdly, it didn't feel romantic and somewhere inside them they were both glad that there was at least some level of platonic friendship left between them that they could continue with the next time they see each other. They were sure nothing was going to change; they were going to make sure nothing would.

"I love you too." Randy says after a moment of silence, it was so soft that it was barely audible but Roman caught on then slowly lifted his head up and then separated their bodies. He genuinely smiled at Randy who mirrored the smile back at him. He finally stepped away so Randy could enter the car.

"See you around." Randy waved at him before closing the door.

Dean hears the noise of footsteps coming his way and he's thinking it's either Daniel or Seth; to be honest, he doesn't have the energy to deal with any of them right now.

"You really need to start locking your main door", He hears Seth's voice casually say as he enters Dean's room and starts looking around. "Anyway, thanks for picking up the cards. Where'd you keep them?"

Well, he's somewhat relived it's Seth rather than Daniel, well, now that he's here, Dean might as well get a few answers.

"Did you know about Randy?", Dean asks, paying no attention to Seth's question whatsoever. Seth stopped dead in his tracks when he heard that, not sure how Dean found out but he was hoping this wouldn't come up. He closed his eyes, let out a long sigh and with his back still turned towards Dean, continued searching for whatever it was he was looking for. At this point, he isn't even sure what he's looking for but he's just trying to look nonchalant and not look into Dean's eyes.

"Well, I think I have an idea on who that is," Seth humors Dean. But the look on Dean's face made it fairly certain that he's not in a mood to joke around. Ok, then. "Uh, okay. What about him?"

Dean's not buying it.

"Roman and Randy? What's their deal?", Dean asks, staring daggers at Seth's back. He's aware that Seth's avoiding eye contact but at this point, he doesn't really care. He just wants answers.

But the problem is – Seth doesn't have any.

"I have no idea." Seth replies. Well, he's not entirely lying.

"Don't fucking do this with me right now, Rollins." Dean shouts as he gets up from the bed, startling Seth. "Turn around and tell me what's going on."

Seth knew better than to not listen to Dean so he followed the order and turned around to face him.

"I think they're dating. I really have no idea.", Seth sounded almost apologetic.

"Dating?", Dean repeated slowly, struggling to get the words out, "They're dating?"

Seth nodded in return. He wasn't sure how to deal with this situation currently, why was Dean even being weird about this? He's supposedly over Roman, isn't it? Then why the sudden surprise over the news? Seth was a touch confused.

Dean, on the other hand, was struggling to process the information he'd just been given. Well, more like confirmed. He was hoping that it wasn't something of this kind but guess that would be too good to be true.

"How..." Dean trailed off as he sat back down on the bed and rested his face in his hands. "When? How long?"

"I told you, man. I really don't know." Seth sincerely answered.

"Please, Seth. Don't lie to me." Dean looked up at him.

"I'm not fucking lying. I actually have no clue. I found out about it myself four days ago when I went to his house. He told me they went on a few dates, they're having fun and it's going well. He's finally doing good." Seth started off frustratingly, but towards the end made sure to soften his tone to not be so hard on Dean.

He's finally doing good. He's finally doing good. He's finally doing good. Dean's head repeats that line over and over again until he feels like he's going to throw up.

He's finally doing good.

Well, isn't that delightful? No, really, it is a great thing. Any other time Dean probably would've been overjoyed at this news but finally coming in terms with his feelings which he had been trying to suppress for all these months and now he was just hoping that maybe, maybe there was still a chance for him to right his wrong so hearing that Roman is actually dating someone else isn't the best piece of news.

"Why does it bother you though?", Seth asked, sounding blunt.

Dean's head shot up at that question and he was contemplating whether or not to tell Seth about the moments of realisation he had today. He decided with the option to go with it.

"I broke up with Daniel." Dean almost murmured hoping Seth wasn't going to ask him to repeat.

"You what?" Now it was Seth staring at him while Dean focused his vision on the floor.

"Yeah, just a while ago actually." Dean chuckled a little, he's not even sure why. "I thought about what you said last week and I asked him about why he wants to move in with me and why he loves me and all that. In the end, it was underwhelming and I guess that's not the feeling you're supposed to get when someone expresses their love for you. So, I called it off."

He figures he should've phrased it better but if there's one person who could understand Dean right now, it would be Seth. Well, a man can hope.

"Called it off because it wasn't right or called it off because you're still in love with Roman? Both different things." Seth knew this was a long shot but he still went with it. The answer that followed made Seth's long shot seem like nothing.

"Called it off as it didn't feel right because I'm still in love with Roman." Dean replied, voice a little louder now as he looks up to meet Seth's gaze.

Seth just sighed in frustration. This isn't the right time for this.

"Dean, what happened? All of a sudden, where's this coming from?"

"All this time I pretty much managed to convince myself that I was over him but eventually seeing him again and spending time with him and then going home to be with Daniel, it just didn't feel like something I wanted to do for a lifetime. I'd rather have a broken relationship with Roman at this point than a complete and healthy relationship with Daniel. If that doesn't tell you something I don't know what else will." Dean sounded like he was about to fall apart. Well, to say he's had a long day would be an understatement.

"But you shot him down whenever he asked you for a chance." Seth stated as a matter of fact as he started pacing around in the room.

Dean wishes Seth would just stand still and stop with the goddamn third degree.

"That was because I felt like I tried so hard to prove to myself that the feelings I had for him were gone, and I was certain they were but it doesn't always work that way. It was a mistake, I admit that and that's why I want to fix it now."

Seth stopped and leaned against the window as he examined Dean.

"In that case, the timing isn't right, Deano. He looks like he's moved on and I told you last week that I'll encourage you to pursue him until he's waiting for you and now, I don't think he is, so my suggestion would be to let him live his life the way he wants to."

"But..." Dean started, his voice low, "I love him. He can't move on so quickly."

Seth stared at him incredulously.

"Did you expect him to wait forever? You certainly didn't, why should he?" Seth knew it was a low blow but he wasn't in the mood to hold back anymore.

Dean ignored that comment because he has other issues in his head right now.

"Does he still love me?" Dean questioned Seth, at this point he just wanted to be assured.

"I don't have the answer to that, Dean." Seth said, a little calmer now.

"I messed up; I shouldn't have let him go." Dean whispered into the thin air.

"Then why didn't you let him in and give him a chance when he was begging you for one?" At this point Seth was even confused on how to react.

"Because I was fucking scared." Dean shouted back, turning away from Seth, "There, you heard it. Happy now?"

"Scared of what?"

"That I'll not be enough." Dean answered after taking a deep breath and calming himself. He looked up at Seth who looked more confused than anything so he continued, "That every day I'll be terrified that he'll wake up one day and decide he doesn't love me anymore. I haven't done this properly before, we didn't conventionally start, when he left I felt like I wasn't good enough for him and that stuck with me since then. The idea that I wasn't enough for him was engraved in my head. That if we get together, one day he'll see my full potential and it won't be enough for him. It sucks to be in love and to be scared of it at the same time. I've been out of me for so long, somehow I'm afraid that I'm really not good enough for him anymore. But I don't want to live in that doubt anymore, I want to give it a shot."

Dean's voice was shaky as he finished his sentence. He sat back down on the bed and turned his gaze away from Seth, who was in his own world of confusion.

Seth was unsure what to follow that up with. Dean never told Seth that he was scared of not being good enough for Roman. That never came up, but now that Dean's mentioned the actual reason as why he's not letting Roman in again, it sort of puts things into perspective for Seth as to why Dean's doing what he is. Dean's problem isn't Roman, it's his own mindset and fear that's held him back and Seth's not sure what to do with that information. On one hand, he's glad that there's finally reasoning as to why Dean's tried his best to not get involved with Roman and that probably with a bit of convincing, it could be changed. On the other hand, Seth thinks about Roman and Randy, or just Roman moving on, in general; how long that's taken and how much he begged Dean to let him in and he's not sure whether Roman wants to go down that road again. Maybe if it was a few months ago, or even a few weeks, it might've worked. But right now, he's thinking the timing's just not right.

Seth sat on the ledge of the window and folded his arms as he decided on what to say.

He had to choose between being a supportive friend to Dean and doing the right thing for Roman.

"It's too late." He quietly said, as he decided to go for the latter.

Dean's head shot up as he felt a sudden ache in his chest, he looked at Seth with teary eyes as he whispered a barely audible "no".

This was the last thing Dean wanted to hear. He feared that this would be the case but to have it confirmed by someone else wasn't what he needed to know. This was the one thing he was hoping wasn't true. That somehow maybe Seth's wrong this time.

It took all of Seth's will power to not go and give Dean a hug at that moment as he watched his best friend fall apart the same way he did a year ago. He wants to comfort him but at the same time he wants to be right to Roman, who's spent the last few months trying to move on from Dean and now that he finally making a bit of progress and found some happiness, Seth feels it wouldn't be right for Dean to make a move. He had his chance.

"I want what's best for you, Dean." Seth walked over to Dean and put his hand on Dean's shoulder, "But I also want what's best for Roman. You've done more harm than good to him lately, so I'm not sure what he wants anymore. I wouldn't recommend you pursuing him but go with what you think will be right."

"I can't let him go without giving us a real chance. I'm still in love with him." Dean can't remember the last time he's said these words and felt so relieved.

"Just think about him as well before you do something." Seth patted Dean's shoulder one last time and then showed himself out. "I'll come by later to pick up the cards. You take care of yourself."

Dean nodded, still staring holes into the floor and soon, heard the main door click shut.

He hates it. Absolutely hates the way Seth basically told him to not go for this. As if Dean, himself, thinking that this isn't a good idea bad enough but Seth's uncertainty about this made him feel worse.

Dean feels like he's suffocating, he needs to get out of this house. Somehow these walls around him are making him feel confined feel like and he just can't do this anymore. He wants to get out of here, needs to leave this house and just go. He's not sure where but he just knows he wants to go away from everything for a bit to clear his head. He gets up from where he was sitting on the floor and starts looking around for a bag. Anything that'll fit two-three pairs of clothes; he finds a few luggages and backpacks lying around but they're pretty much still packed because he's usually living out of his bags even when he's off tour and never really unpacks his stuff completely and some empty boxes which were meant to carry his things to Ohio, well, he can throw those out now. He looks around in his cupboard and finds a half empty duffel bag which he hasn't used in a while and thinks it's better than everything else he just found. He takes the bag out along with a few t-shirts and jeans. He opens the bag and turns it upside down to empty it, because right now, the last thing he wants to do is take his time with unpacking the damn bag. Dean quickly scans the items that fall out of the bag to ensure that there isn't anything important that fell out of it. He's almost certain there isn't, but just then his eyes land on a tad crumpled envelope where he sees his name written in a messy handwriting which looks way too familiar. Wait, this can't be, right?, he thinks to himself. He picks it up while trying to figure out when and how this got here. He doesn't quite recall seeing it and tries to remember the last time he used the damn bag. After a bit of brainstorming, his mind jumps to a few months ago, the day he was supposed to leave for the UK tour when he saw this same envelope lying on his nightstand — pretty certain he never saw the side with his name on it at that time — and chucked it in this bag with the plan of reading it later. Well, he never got around to doing that.

He quickly tears the envelope the best he can, the fact that his hands are shaking isn't helping him, and he's unsure what to expect because he remembers this is from the time Roman left his house. He can feel his heart racing as he unfolds the piece of paper and sits down on the bed because his knees feel like they're giving up.

He finally holds the paper in front of him to see what's actually written in it,

Dean,

I just left your room. You were so beautiful lying there sound asleep that I couldn't bear to wake you. But I'm not feeling so great, and you don't want to see me anymore, but there are things I promised to tell you that I fear I may not get the chance to before it's too late again. I know you said you didn't want to talk to me, so I'm not going to force you to, that's why I'm writing you this. You can come and talk to me whenever you feel it in your heart; I'll wait for as long as I can.

Be mad at me. You should. But after that, try to understand that I did what I thought was best at the time. I wanted to tell you. So many times I snuck down to your hotel room planning on telling you everything, but I just couldn't.

Partly it was for you – yes. You needed time away from me and I didn't want to influence your choices, even once I didn't realise what was happening between us, even more so then.

Partly the choice was selfish, and for that I am sorry.

But now I do, I understand that better than anyone else. Falling in love with you only made those choices more complicated and I feared that you might choose to not love me anymore by the time I started falling in love with you. I couldn't let that happen. But it did happen. I know you said we're over but I just can't let it go. I can't let you go again. Maybe it's selfish of me to want someone I can't have but I can't help it. I'm sorry, I never knew I was hurting you so much by letting you go.

For so long now people have been trying to fix me, but where they failed, you succeeded. You've given me more life in the last couple of months than I've had in years. I want to be with you, love you, make memories with you, fear for you, I want to show you the beauty of life instead of the terror – it is bittersweet, but more importantly, it is real. I want to show you all these things; I want to experience it all with you. I want to be a part of the reason to your happiness, I know that it's selfish but I can't help it.

I know this is the part when I tell you to listen to your heart and to go on, live your life and be happy with whoever you please. But I don't need to say those things. I know you. Your life will be extraordinary, with me or without me. You certainly made mine feel that way.

Maybe we would've been beautiful. Maybe we would've been a catastrophe. I still just kinda wish you would have chosen me.

Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I wish we had more time, but I want to thank you – for being a blessing in my life and for being someone I could confide in during the hardest moments.

I know you said I was too late, but if and when you do find it in your heart to forgive me or give me another chance, I hope with all my heart that it won't be at a time when I've already found happiness elsewhere and I'll have to look you in the eyes and tell you that you're too late.

My love for you is eternal.

I'll be waiting, for as long as I can.

Roman.

Dean's telling himself a thousand times that this has to be real. Right now he'll justify it to himself, and to anyone who will listen because, Jesus Christ, Roman wouldn't have said and written all those things if he didn't mean them. Right?

Dean's hurting. Physically, emotionally, you name it. He can feel his chest burning, his mouth is dry, he's struggling to keep a steady breathing rate, his eyes are teary, and his hands are still shaking as he's clutching the paper tightly. He's going over the letter a million times while he's lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. He is going over every single I love you, I miss you, I'm yours, baby, Roman ever said and it is running through his head like a train stuck on the same track. He's going over every single I love you and thinking, he meant it he meant it he meant it, there's no way he didn't mean it. Right?

But the hours string along and he's still gone and Dean starts to question himself because why would Roman say all those things if he never planned on staying? Or maybe he did, but Dean didn't let him. But Dean loves him, oh God, he loves him so much that if he could hear his heart he knows it would only beat to the sound of Roman's name.

And if you love somebody that much, if you give your heart to somebody with that much trust, he had to have loved you back. Right? But for how long? That was the real question.

Dean wants to call Roman. He wants to hear his voice and just talk to him about everything. Maybe give themselves another shot.

But he's scared.

It's just…he's spent so long thinking he wasn't good enough for Roman and now he thinks that he might actually be what Roman wants and needs and it's a lot to process. He wants to go see Roman, he's just worried that he's messed up so badly that Roman's finally given up on him.

And it's probably stupid to call. Too late at night, he's curled up in a corner of his bedroom. But that stupid letter in his hand that he's clutching so tightly as if he's hanging onto it for dear life is all the hope and confidence he needs to pursue Roman. It's stupid and sad and desperate, and there's probably something wrong with the amount of relief he feels the second he hears Roman's voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello?"

Dean struggles to breath because his tears won't stop running down his face. "Hey"

"Uhh, you okay?" Roman asked, voice a little soft. The line was quiet, except for Dean's light breathing. Roman knew Dean was crying. This was not the first time he heard his sobs disguised as sighs.

"Come get me," Dean says, voice fragile and faint, and Roman doesn't hesitate for a second before replying.

"Give me 20 minutes."

They don't talk much as they drive, not at first. Roman doesn't ask why Dean needed to leave, and Dean doesn't ask why Roman had come for him without knowing the purpose of the call. They just drive down an isolated highway through the rain slicked road.

Roman knows something is wrong, he's just not sure what. When he agreed to pick Dean up, it was more of a reflex than anything else. Dean's voice was soft, he was crying, Roman instantly knew something was bound to be wrong. Dean had even come to see him earlier on in the day but Roman did not feel like seeing him then so he had to leave. He really wants to ask but he also does not want to break this wall he's spent the last few weeks building. Maybe this is the problem, maybe Randy was right and that by now, Roman should be able to develop an ability where he can differentiate whether to treat Dean as a friend or nothing at all. He wants to go with the former because he'd rather just have Dean as a friend than nothing at all. His thoughts were interrupted by Dean.

"Am I...", Dean closes his eyes to stop them from watering, and takes a deep breath to steady his voice as holds the same tear stained piece of paper in front of him, "too late?"

And boy, did Dean fail at steadying his voice because his voice broke at the last two words. He hates that this is taking such a toll on him but he really needs to do this.

Roman instinctively turns to look at Dean for the time in the night and he immediately regrets it. The street lights are mildly illuminating Dean's face and Roman can see that, well, Dean doesn't look right. His hair is a mess, eyes are teary, he's anxiously biting his lower lip, and he looks tired. Or sad. Roman turns his eyes away and focuses on the road again before he could decide.

"I'm not sure I get what you're asking." Roman replies, deadpanned.

Dean sighed in response then picked up the piece of folded paper and held it infront of his face asked again, "Am I too late?"

"Dean, I don't understand what-" Roman set off on Dean again but turned to look at him in the middle of that sentence and then saw the paper, and stopped himself. He looked back at the road to make sure it's clear and then turned back to Dean. Just as he was about to question him about the paper, he recognised his own handwriting in that paper. Now, wait, is that?

No, no, no, no, no.

"Is that...?" Roman started but couldn't continue, but Dean picked up on it.

"I just read it a few hours ago."

Wait, what? But Roman had given it to him a long time ago. This can't be coming back right now.

"A few hours ago?", Roman repeated, as he turned his attention back to the road.

"I don't know, I saw it on my nightstand a few months ago and I chucked it in one of the bags and never really got around to reading it... until today." Dean slowly said, eyes tracing Roman's each and every reaction.

Roman just shakes his head in disbelief. There he was wondering about why Dean never had the audacity to talk about this letter with him and now it turns out, he never really read it before. Talk about luck.

"You didn't answer my question." Dean states, at Roman's silence.

"There's nothing to answer.", there's not even an ounce of emotion in Roman's voice.

"What does that mean?" Dean asks, confused by that answer.

"This was written like half a year ago, Dean. Does it even matter anymore?"

"Well, if you claim what you had for me was real then it does."

"And what's that going to do now? You're moving to Ohio in a few days, I really don't want to do this now. Why does it even matter?"

"I'm not moving.", Dean replies, as he leans back into his seat and stares out of the window.

"What?"

"I broke up with Daniel today.", he repeats.

Oh, well, Roman didn't see that coming.

"And you wanted a shoulder to cry on, I'm guessing?" Roman hisses, he knows he's being unreasonably bitter and harsh but he can't help it right now. Maybe he's glad they broke up. You know what? It's good they broke up, it was an unhealthy relationship anyway but as long Roman's not in the loop, he doesn't want to get involved in it. He's not even sure what the fuck is going on right now.

"Roman, stop the car. Look at me, talk to me." Dean sternly states.

"There's no need for that."

"Ro, Please." Dean pleads.

Roman turns his head to face Dean at the sound of that nickname. Oh has it been long since he heard Dean call him that. He notices Dean's pleading eyes so he steers ahead and stops the car at the side of the deserted road.

"What?", Roman harshly asks. His voice is all sharp knives and vicious bite. Roman's shoulders are held back and his arms are folded defensively against his chest. Dean wishes he could reach out and pull Roman's arms down and around him.

"I want to make things right with you."

"But I'm not sure if I want to do that again. It's taken me a while to pull myself together after giving my heart out to you time after time only to have you crumble it and throw it back at me. I don't know if I can do it again." For the first time in the night, Roman softened his tone and Dean was somewhat thankful that Roman was maybe finally letting his shield down. Here's a start.

"I'm sorry. If you want I'll apologise a million times more, anything to make you believe that I am actually sorry for the way I've treated you lately."

"What's that going to do now?" Roman's voice stern, as tried not to look at Dean, "You've clearly stated you want nothing to do with me so I don't see as to why it would be a problem for you all of a sudden."

"You think that was fun for me? That I enjoyed it, Roman? Have you really forgotten who I am and what you always meant to me?"

"At this point, I can't speak for you. But yeah, I have forgotten who you actually are because this is not the man I fell for." And that harsh tone was back.

"Aren't you going to give yourself a little credit for that?", Dean spits out, anger seeping in his tone, "Because I wonder how this all really started."

"Don't fucking put this on me, Dean.", Roman points at Dean, raising his voice. "If you wanted out, you could've said it but no, you stayed in it till the end so don't be saying shit like that to me."

Dean hates where this is going, he came to Roman to make up with him not fight with him until there's nothing left of them. What are they even doing?

Dean decided it was best to not retort back and just work on trying to fix things so he took a deep breath and calmed himself. After a bit of silence, he continued.

"Whatever you wrote on the letter, do you mean it?", Dean thought he might as well get to it because truth be told, that letter was the only ray of hope that made Dean do this.

"Yes." Roman instantly answered, a little calmer now himself.

Good, Dean thinks.

"Every word?"

"Every goddamn word of it." Roman's voice is very stern and this makes Dean feel a bit more confident.

Roman's unsure on what to say, he wants to say a million things right now but he just doesn't want to expose himself so much that it leads to another heartbreak which isn't something he's prepared for.

How can Roman tell him that Dean was his escape from the harsh reality and from the voices he kept on hearing inside his head? That when he left, the voices were replaced by Dean's, ranging from the hushed whispers of sweet nothings to the sound of his hysterical laughter. Roman never seemed to determine whether that was beautiful or insane.

"What's Randy to you?" Dean slowly asked, as if scared to hear the answer to this, breaking Roman out of hi thoughts.

"What?" Roman immediately turned his head towards Dean, surprised where that came from.

"You and Randy? What's the deal?" Dean asked again, sounding nonchalant.

So Roman did hear that right, he releases a long sigh and rests his forehead on the steering wheel as he wonders what to tell Dean.

"We went on a few dates, it's over now. I guess it was a rebound, I don't really know." Roman wasn't lying, he actually isn't sure what they were. He feels weird to call Randy a rebound but if he were to put a label on it then it is what it is.

"Do you like him?" Dean hesitantly asked, looking at Roman, who's head's still down.

"Dean, if this is what you wanted to talk about then I think we should be heading back home." Roman answered, sounding irritated.

"Just answer the question." Dean almost pleaded. "Please."

Roman released a ground but then still answered.

"Yes and no. I wouldn't say 'like', it was simply infatuation. He seemed like a source of comfort and that was it. Everything felt too platonic in the end." Unknowingly Roman feels as if though he may have given away more information than he would've liked. It wouldn't be a lie to say that Dean was somewhat stoked to hear that.

Dean wasn't sure what to say now. Should be apologise again? Confess his feelings? Stay quiet? He was unsure.

"Can you tell me where you want to go so I can drop you? I'm not in the mood for a chit-chat." Roman said, sounding irritated.

"Why are talking to me like that?" Dean was surprised a that tone, "Did I never mean anything to you?"

Oh, crap, Dean thinks because this is not the question he needs an answer to.

Roman looks at him incredulously, and then turns his head away.

"Did you notice something, Dean?" Roman finally asked, eyes on the road. He didn't expect Dean to answer so he continued. "You know how it's pouring down rain now, and we just passed from under that bridge and when we did, everything stopped. Everything went silent and it felt peaceful for a while. Then we finally got out from under the bridge, and everything hit us a little harder than before. Yeah, you were my bridge."

It took Dean a while to figure that out but when he did, he felt his heart sink. What made it worse was that Roman was not even looking at him. The atmosphere becomes thick with unspoken words and miscommunicated feelings. Dean thinks that he can reach out and touch the tension like a living, breathing, scared animal with its hackles raised in defence if he imagines hard enough.

"I'm sorry." Dean says again because he feels like no matter how much he apologises it's not going to be enough to make Roman understand how much he hates himself for doing what he did. "I just realized it was all my fault. I pushed you away when you were always there for me. What I did to you was way worse than what you did to me. I hope it's not too late now because I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Dean thinks it's kind of ironic that people actually think that being expressive is bravery. Because now that he spoke of his feelings, voiced out his thoughts, weakness and vulnerability were bestowed upon him.

"Roman-"

"Tell me where to drop you, Dean, I'm tired and I want to have an early night," Roman says as he sinks into his seat and avoids Dean's face.

"No."

It takes all of Dean's mental strength to keep his feet firmly planted. He doesn't want to run out the car, which is a good sign. He just wants to run to Roman and hold him tight.

Roman then turns to him and watches him. He stares at Dean for a few moments of heavy silence, watching him closely, and Dean thinks that maybe Roman's waiting for him to run. But Dean's made up his mind that this time he's not running away.

"I'm not going to break your heart again." Dean says, voice surprisingly strong even if his insides are quaking.

Roman nods with furrowed brows and turns to Dean, crossing his arms.

"You aren't?"

"Nope." He makes sure to pop the 'p' just to be obnoxious. It wins him the briefest of smiles before Roman turns to look outside the window.

Another point for Dean.

"And what makes you so sure?" Roman questions. Dean can see where his fingernails are digging into his biceps as if to ground himself in the feeling of pain and Dean wants to take his hands and make him stop. He can't. Not yet.

"Because I am stupidly in love with you and I never ever want to leave you."

All of the walls and pretences that Roman has been trying to keep up come crashing down right before his eyes. He looks like he did six months ago when he first came to confess his love for Dean, with wide, vulnerable eyes and bitten red lips. Roman seems to shrink into himself and Dean hates it. He only ever wants to build him up, not tear him down.

"But you've done it so many times over the past year. So many times, D. I can't get hurt like that again. I won't."

Roman may look all vulnerable and cherubic, but his resolve hasn't shaken much. There was the use of a nickname though, so maybe Dean is getting somewhere.

"I know, Roman. I know I treated you way worse than I should've and it tears me up inside every single day thinking about the many times I've made you upset or shot you down. It kills me." Dean starts off strong, but by the end, his voice has withered away and frays around the seams.

Roman reaches up to play with his bottom lip, eyes appraising Dean as he lets Dean's words settle in. Dean has told him how sorry he is a million times and the way he looks at him, but he wonders if Roman's ever believed him.

"I love you," Dean says, makes sure his voice is strong and loud. "When I saw you I realized that I was still in love with you. I realized that I never stopped loving you, not in the past year, and I don't think I ever will." Dean paused, Roman just looked at him, he didn't say anything, he was silent. Dean sighed, "You don't have to feel sorry for me, it's my fault. I should've known that I was still in love with you; I hadn't really let you go. I never really moved on, and I hurt someone because of that. How stupid was I? I really thought that I could distract myself long enough to make myself think I was over you."

Roman's eyes begin to fill with tears and Dean isn't sure whether they are good tears or not.

"Dean-"

"No, let me talk, Roman. I need to get this out." Roman nods incrementally and Dean takes a deep breath. He's been thinking of everything he needs to say for about a year now, but right now he's drawing a blank. He just starts to ramble instead. Rambling sometimes works, he figures. "I don't know when exactly I fell in love with you because one day it wasn't there and the next day it was. But I'm so glad it was something I got to experience. I have loved you since the day you first let Sam put flowers in your hair and your hair fell into your face. I have loved you since you smiled wide at me with your obnoxious look, cheering me on every time I do something well. I have loved you since you agreed to help me practice and workout with me into the early hours of the morning. I have loved you since our irritating carpool karaoke sessions."

Roman smiles at the memory and Dean counts it as another point.

"I have loved you even during the day you told you couldn't do this anymore and left. I have loved you since I saw you staring out that stupidly large window at that God awful hotel we were at our last time. I have loved you since you swallowed your fear and came to me to tell me what you felt for me. I have loved you since the day you left everything behind just to work things out with me. I have loved you since the days you kept coming back even though I was being a dick to you and-"

"Dean," Roman chokes out. There are tears pooling in his eyes and his eyes are puffy.

"Let me finish," Dean whispers, voice hoarse with emotion and his body shaking with the amount of feelings coursing through his body. Dean puts his hand out for Roman to hold. "And I have loved you, Roman Reigns, every single moment in between. Even when we were miles apart and I was sure that you hated me with all of your being, even when I thought I was sure I hated you, but truth be told, I have never stopped loving you with all of mine. I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that I will not run and that I love you as long as you let me."

That might have been the sappiest thing that Dean has ever done but by the look on Roman's face, he's done something right for a change.

"I swear to you, with everything that I have, that I will never run away from you again. You're it for me, Ro."

Roman's hands are a few inches from him but he doesn't reach out. Dean wants to scream and cry because he has literally just bared his soul, something that he never thought he'd be able to do, and Roman still isn't touching him nor even looking at him.

"I'm scared," Roman admits quietly, fingers curling into his jeans as if he's fighting off the urge to touch Dean. "I'm scared you're going to take this back. I don't know if I can handle doing this again."

"Roman-"

"But I'm also scared that I won't feel anything like this with anyone else."

"I'm scared you will." Dean responds, his voice soft.

What a turnaround this has been, Dean thinks as he watches Roman's tense body before him.

"I know you are scared, Ro, but I promise I won't leave. I promise."

Roman looks down bites at his lip.

"You really hurt me, Dean, and I can't just let that go. Not again," Roman says finally, looking up from the floor and into Dean's eyes.

"I know," Dean says softly. He knows this doesn't fix everything. "But maybe you can give me another chance? I want to prove to you that I can be better."

Roman considers this for a few moments, seeming to toss the idea around in his head and feel the weight of the proposition on his tongue.

"I love you, Dean," Roman tells him, eyes focused and brows furrowed. "But if you run, you don't come back," Roman warns, eyes growing hard and voice surprisingly steady for the way tears are pooling in his eyes.

"I won't run," Dean repeats, needing to get that through Roman's head. "I won't run."

"But if you do, that's it."

"That's it," Dean echoes. He feels like he should be terrified of the ultimatum but he's not. He knows he won't leave Roman again. He quickly does a check through with his brain to see what it's telling him and how his body feels, firmly planted on the seat, and realizes that the itch to hightail it out of the situation is non-existent. Good.

"Ok, then," Roman says, inching forward a little more.

"So, we can try again?" Dean asks, hopeful and ready to bounce up to meet Roman half way. "I'll be yours, and you'll be mine, and we'll try to work this out? You and me, against the world and all that?"

Roman smiles at him, still a bit tentative but full of affection. Roman's eyes sparkle like glinting in the afternoon sunlight and some strands of his long hair falls a bit into his face. Dean reaches up and pushes the hair behind his ear and then decides to keep his hand buried in the softness he finds there.

"Truth be told, Dean. I was always yours," Roman says before inching closer to Dean. Roman feels Dean's hand shift on his neck, ever so slightly, causing his head to come closer. Slowly, inch by inch, Dean's face descended on Roman's, stopping just a breath away from his trembling lips.

Dean wanted it. Badly. Roman wanted it. His lips parted a fraction, letting a thread of air escape.

"Can I?" Dean's breath was warm on his lips.

"Yeah," Roman whispered back. He closed the distance until his lush lips covered Dean's.

Almost one year Dean had to wait for that kiss and oh God, it was worth it. He doesn't remember the last time he felt so electric just by pressing his lips into someone else's and for once, everything feels so peaceful.

Roman lips moved softly over Dean, who tightened his grip on Roman's neck as their lips pressed deeper. Roman's face is still wet with tears and they're smiling too much for a proper kiss, all teeth and breathy giggles, but it's everything Dean will ever want.

"I'd forgotten what it's like, you know? It's been so long… I'd just forgotten how incredible it all feels." When tears rushed his eyes, he blinked them away. So he could stay right in the moment, within the tenderness of Roman's gaze. He placed a hand on his chest, over his heart. "I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you did for me. You've become everything that's good and right in my life. And I'm sorry if I made things difficult for you." His eyes glistened, two sparkling bits of heaven over a thin crescent of tears.

"Dean, you're breaking my heart over here."

"I'm just so grateful, and it's important to me you understand. You gave me a second chance at happiness. You know that, right?"

This time it was Roman who pulled Dean and closed their lips together. All of Dean's answers were in that kiss.

"You sure about this though?" He pulled away again, their foreheads resting together, wanting to confirm this. "I can convince you all night if you want."

Roman let out a little laugh and nodded.

"Yeah because I'm stupidly in love with you too," Roman said with a fond smile, as he plant a light kiss on Dean's lips, then whispered "because I cannot imagine living my life without you. I want to see your face in the morning, and then at night, and a hundred times in between. I want to grow old with you, I want to laugh with you, and I want to sigh to my friends about how managing you are, all the while secretly knowing I am the luckiest man in town."

"What?" Dean demanded, faking an offended look.

Roman shrugged. "A man's got to keep up appearances. I'll be universally detested if everyone realizes how perfect you are."

And this is it, this is everything Dean's ever wanted and needed. And you can bet he's going to work his ass off to ensure that this never goes away again.

"You know, beyond some miracle that I'll never understand, I get to keep you, so I'm going to cherish you forever because I'm only just beginning to understand what it means to truly want something. Because I want so much now. I want to make you happy. I want to give you the world. I want you to be proud of me. I want to comfort you. I want you to comfort me. I want to be the one to hold you when you're in pain. I want to hold you when you're scared. I want you to hold me when I'm scared. I want to make you laugh. I want to make you blush." Dean wanted to go on but Roman leaned in and continued for him, he whispered, "I want to make you scream. I want to give you a home. I want to fill it with children who I hope aren't a pain in the ass like their dad, obviously you. I want to take care of you. I want to grow old with you. I want you by my side, every day."

Dean smiled against Roman's lips as he looked at the man in front of him and counted himself blessed.

And this it all they ever wanted.

So, they just travel down the rain-slick road with no destination in mind but away, Dean with nothing but the clothes on his back and a hastily thrown together duffel, and Roman sitting in the driver's seat next to him. And there's this invisible string a fate that is indestructible and keeps pulling them closer and closer, no matter what they do it will never break. And only they know the truth of how this will end - it won't… because neither one of them is ever letting go.

And it's been a long time since anything's felt this much like home.

This is it! My first ever fic is officially over!

Thank you to each and every one of you who has read and liked this story. You all are amazing and I can't thank you enough!