Nekomaru Gets Sucked into a Game of Monopoly but if you Lose you Die
WARNING: THIS IS A PARODY I WROTE AT 2:AM
Twas a fateful day when Nekomaru and his friends were playing a game…that game was Monopoly. He and his seven friends weren't expecting what was soon to come…
Fuyuhiko: Okay…After Souda goes to jail for the fifteenth fucking time…
Souda: *cries*
Fuyuhiko: Whose turn is it?
Yamada: Ah, yes, doesn't this turn belong to Master Nidai?
Nekomaru: …NEKOMARU NEED DICE!
Souda: *hands over die while hysterically crying*
Gundham: Live in fear, mortal! For the Supreme Overlord of Ice has three houses on Park Avenue! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Junko: Like…damn. It's so, like, despairing that all I have is, like, Oriental Avenue…
Peko: Young Master, do you wish for me to purposely land on your railroad next turn?
Fuyuhiko: …
Mukuro: Yeah.
Nekomaru: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! *rolls die*
And then…that's when it happened. Mankind's Most Despairingly Maleficent and Monstrous Malefaction, also known as 'The Tragedy' occurred…
A single beam of light started rising from the center of the board. Bagels and stepping stones soon started pouring out of the center of the beam…
Fuyuhiko: THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!
?: AhahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHahahahahAHAHAHAHAHA!
Souda: *cries*
Yamada: *yamada screaming*
Peko: *shields Fuyuhiko from flying bagels and stepping stones*
Mukuro: *is too busy having war flashbacks to even pay attention to whatever the hell is happening* …Dan…
Gundham: I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN BY THE GODS!
And then, the bagels and stepping stones stopped flying out of the beam, and it turned into a hologram of a certain someone…
Peko: …Oh no…
Nagito: Oh YES! AhahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Souda: N-NAGITO?! *cries*
Nagito: That's my name! So, how are you folks doing tonight…on this night full of HOPE?
Nekomaru: NAGITOOOOOOOO! You will not ruin my game night EVER AGAAAIIN!
Nagito: Ha, you really think that's true? Your game nights are never safe from me, Nidai-kun.
FLASHBACK
Nekomaru: It is GAME NIIIIIIGHT! What game do you want to PLAAAAAAYYY?!
Nagito: I have an idea…hehe…
Nekomaru: Present your idea, Nagito! NOOOOWWW!
Nagito: Today, we will be playing a hopeful game of…*pulls out box from his jacket* Komaeda Pursuit!
Nekomaru: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
FLASHBACK END
Fuyuhiko: No…don't remind us…
Nagito: Aaaaanyways, you guys were looking forward to a great game of monopoly, RIIIIIIIIGHT?!
Gundham: You fool! You have disrupted the dark lord whilst he was winning this game of peasants!
Junko: Liiiiike…why the bagel beam?
Nagito: Because BaGeLs! Now let's get to the fun part of the game!
Peko: I do not wish to partake in any 'fun parts' of any games, if you do not mind…
Nagito: Don't worry, lil' tool! There's only one rule to this game, and it's not that complicated!
Nekomaru: EXPLAIN THE RUUUUUUUUULE!
Nagito: It's simple- If you lose, you die!
Peko: ?!
Nekomaru: AAAAAHHHH!
Mukuro: DAAAAN!
Souda: *velociraptor noises*
Yamada: TWO-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!
Nagito: I really HOPE you have fun! Now be careful, because you're about to get sucked into the bagel beam!
Fuyuhiko: The fu-
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *except Souda who just makes terrified velociraptor sounds*
And so, our seven heroes (and Souda) were sucked into the bagel beam, while Komaeda sickly laughed at them with his sickening laugh of pure sickness. Down, down, down, into the beam they went…until they hit the floor.
The floor was a monopoly board.
Nagito: So, you like it here? Because you'll be here for a while!
Fuyuhiko: What the hell is this? Some kind of life-size game of Monopoly?!
Junko: This is, like, hella weird!
Souda: WHY AM I STUCK IN A THIMBLE?! *cries*
Nekomaru: The same goes for why I am in this SHOOOOOEEEE!
Yamada: I HAVE BECOME CAPTAIN OF THIS BOAT!
Nekomaru: TELL US WHAT YOU ARE DOING, NAGITOOOOO!
Nagito: It's simple! Just play Monopoly! But if you lose, you die, and only one of you can win!
Souda: I-I don't wanna die! *cries*
Peko: …Very well. We must all sacrifice ourselves to ensure that my Young Master is the one to emerge victorious.
Gundham: Hmph, mortal fool. Are you choosing to succumb to the wrath of Gundham Tanaka?!
Fuyuhiko: Are you fucking crazy or something, Nagito?!
Nagito: I'm not crazy! I'm BANANAS!
Mukuro: …Huh? What's going on? Why are we in monopoly?
Nagito: Let the game BEGIIIIIIN!
The eight players were arranged on the 'GO' space.
Byakuya: Oy vey. I need to give those commoners some of my money?
Junko: Jeez, who invited the prick?
Byakuya: *sigh* That doesn't matter. Here you go…plankton. *throws everyone the right amount of starting money*
After the rude display from Byakuya, the players made the mistake of looking down.
Fuyuhiko: HOOOOLY-
Sonia: Hello! I am called the 'Go' space. Each time you step on my face, you shall receive two hundred dollars from the bank!
Souda: MISS SONIA! I'M SO SORRY FOR STEPPING ON YOUR FACE! *cries*
Sonia: That is of no concern. There is a boat on my eye.
Yamada: I AM THE SAILOR HEAR ME ROOOOOAAAARR! TWO-D TWO-D TWO-D GALORE! SHANANANANA! SHANANANANA! I AM THE SAILOR OF THE SEAS! NAGITO HAS A LIFE-THREATENING DISEASE!
Nagito: You aren't wrong about that.
Yamada: I AM THE SAILOR AND I SAIL A LOT! JUNKO HERE IS A REALLY BIG THOT!
Junko: …Kill me now.
Yamada: I AM THE SAILOR AND SAILOR'S RULE! FUYUHIKO'S A GANGSTER AND PEKO IS HIS TOOL!
Fuyuhiko: S-Stop it, you fat bastard!
Yamada: I AM THE SAILOR, MY OH MEE! THE BIGGEST PRICK HERE IS TOGAM-
Nagito: Okay, that's enough, Yamada-kun! Let's get started with this! First up is…Nekomaru! Hehehe, HOPE you do well!
Nekomaru was handed the die, but to his surprise…
Nekomaru: AAAAAAHHHH! THE DICE ARE LIVING!
Ibuki: Ibuuuuuuuuuki~!
Makoto: What's going on? Why am I a cube?!
Nekomaru: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Nagito: Haha, that's just a part of the game, Naegi! People are going to throw you around like trash! …If you put it that way, I should be one of the dice…
Nekomaru: I AM NOT GOING TO TOSS THESE CUBES THAT HAVE THE FACES OF MY FRIENDS ON THEM!
Sonia: If you do not mind, please hurry! My face is starting to cave in with all of this weight on it!
Nekomaru: …*sigh* WHY, KOMAEDA, WHYYYY! *rolls die*
Nagito: …Oh hey, you got a seven! What a lucky number!
Nekomaru: AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! *aggressively slides himself to his spot* I HAVE LANDED ON THE CHANCE CARD!
Nagito: That's MEEEEEEEEE!
A card with Nagito's face on it flew over to Nekomaru.
Nagito: AhahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm on a card!
Nekomaru: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Nagito: Let's see what this card says…
Nekomaru: …My building loan has MATUUUUUURED! I MUST GET ONE HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS FROM THE BANK!
Byakuya: Plebian filth. Take your money, though you don't deserve it at all. *throws money which lands in Nekomaru's huge shoe*
Sonia: What a good start! Next up is my stalke- I mean, Kazuichi!
Souda: *silently crying while grabbing the die which have the alive faces of his friends on it* D-Don't let me down…I have to impress Miss Sonia! *rolls die*
Nagito: A one and a three…looks like you've landed on income tax! Please pay two hundred buckaroos to the bank!
Souda: *screams*
Byakuya: *rich guy laugh* Yes, money money money.
Sonia: Next is the gangster who rides in the fedora!
Fuyuhiko: Daaaaaaaamn right. *rolls die*
Ibuki: Wheeeeeeeee~!
Makoto: I'M SO CONFUSED! WHAT'S GOING ON?!
Fuyuhiko: …A two? Are you fucking serious?!
Nagito: At least you landed on a community chest spot, little stepping stone!
Fuyuhiko: *slides forward in his fedora* Fine. Whatever. What now?
A card with someone else's face flew over to Fuyuhiko…
Kirigiri: Hello, Fuyuhiko.
Fuyuhiko: AAH! HOLY SHIT, THE CARD HAS A FACE!
Kirigiri: Do not be alarmed. I'm not as insane as Nagito…for the better of both of us, just get this over and read the card.
Fuyuhiko: Hmmm…Why is my life so goddamn weird? *reads card* It's my birthday. Collect ten bucks from every player. Huh, that's kinda nice, I guess.
Kirigiri: Did you read the fine print?
Fuyuhiko: There's fucking fine print? *reads the fine print* …If anyone playing is a mechanic with pink hair and unusually sharp teeth, they must pay twice that amount to each player.
Souda: W-WHY ME?! *cries while handing out his money*
Sonia: I see…Next is the black-headed woman riding the clothing iron.
Mukuro: This is all so confusing…Oh, hey, Naegi.
Makoto: Hey…
Ibuki: Ibuki is here, too~! Now roll the die!
Mukuro: If you say so. *rolls die* That's a five, right?
Nagito: Yup yup yuppers! You should land on Reading Railroad, then! Are ya gonna buy that?! Huh?! HUUUUUUUUUH?!
Mukuro: I-I guess. There's nothing better to do.
Nagito: Okay then! Give her the card for Reading Railroad, property dealer!
Teruteru: Sure thing! *laughs in his teruteru voice while giving Mukuro the card*
Mukuro: Uh…thank you?
Byakuya: Now give me your money, peasant.
Sonia: Next up is the one who wields the sword who is driving in a car. Good luck!
Peko: …These dice are a little bit…unsettling.
Ibuki: Roll the die, Peko-chan~!
Makoto: …I'm not even gonna ask anymore…
Peko: *silently rolls the die* Oh. I have received a twelve.
Nagito: Whooooooooaaaaaa! That means you've surpassed everyone on the board! This game is truly full of HOPE!
Peko: *drives to her designated spot in her car* What is this? The 'Electric Company', it says.
Nagito: That thing? It just gets you a whole bunch of money! AhahahAHAHAHAHA!
Peko: …Is the money from the other players?
Nagito: Yyyyyyup! Now are ya gonna buy it, or what?
Peko: …I choose not to. If it puts the other players in danger of going bankrupt, then I will not do so.
Nagito: Hmph, you're no fun, Peko. If you think about it, your purchase of the electric company is a stepping sto-
Byakuya: I do not wish to hear your mouth run anymore, Nagito. Just continue the game so more of these scoundrels can give me my money back.
Sonia: Very well then! Next up is the one who sang the song earlier on!
Yamada: OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…I AM THE-
Everyone: NO!
Yamada: …*sadly rolls die* A three! Is that a good thing, Master Komaeda?
Nagito: …That's Baltic Avenue, little stepping stone.
Yamada: Baltic, you say? Hmm, it only costs sixty dollars! What a bargain! I shall buy it!
Teruteru: …You're making a big mistake, my sweet Yamada.
Yamada: Just give me the card, Master Hanamura! I wish to have Baltic Avenue as my own!
Teruteru: If you say so…hehe…
Yamada: Soon, the Yamada empire will rule the brown spaces! FWAHAHAHA!
Sonia: Excuse you! Nobody is allowed to impersonate Gundham, unless he is impersonating himself!
Gundham: *embarrassed Gundham activated*
Souda: *cries*
Sonia: Next up is, as Hifumi Yamada said, the thot!
Junko: Don't call me a fucking thot! Just, like, give me the die!
Ibuki: Heh heh heh. Four 'heh's.
Junko: …That was, like, three?
Makoto: Just get this over with…I don't want to be a cube anymore…
Junko: *rolls the die* A six?! Ugh, like, whatever. *rolls herself there in wheelbarrow*
Nagito: It looks like you've landed on Oriental Avenue! You're gonna buy it, right? RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?!
Junko: Jeez, like, calm down! You're eyes are getting all swirly.
Byakuya: Just buy it. Even though it isn't much, I still get a little bit of my money back.
Junko: Fine, whatever. *pays money to the bank* Give me the card, bastard.
Teruteru: *gives Junko the card while having a nosebleed*
Sonia: And last is Gundham! Please do your best, Gundham! I believe that you will win this once and for all!
Gundham: …Hmph. I shall succeed! *rolls die* Eleven?! I can sense the darkness that looms within that number…Go, Gundham Jr! Ride me into oblivion! *rides on dog to St. Charles Place*
Nagito: Hehehehe…You landed on St. Charles Place! You gonna buy it, Tanaka-kun?!
Gundham: 'Tis for the best that I do so. Take my money, blond-headed mortal.
Byakuya: I am no mortal. My name is Byakuya Togami.
Teruteru: Here is your card, Gundham! *nose continues to bleed unhealthy amounts of blood*
Sonia: Yes! You are doing well, Gundham! I hope that you manage to get all of the pink-colored spaces and ensure that everyone goes bankrupt!
Gundham: That will not take long, Dark Lady! For the Tanaka Empire will rule all of Monopoly! FWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nagito: Man, this is on a roll! Now that you have the gist of it, I'll just be here in the chance pile where I belong! Garbage like me shouldn't be leading something like this, right? RIIIIIIGHT?!
Nekomaru: It is the turn of NEKOMARUUUU NI-
Ibuki: Ibuki just realized that being stuck in a cube and forced to flop around isn't much of a good time~…
Makoto: I feel you. But knowing Nagito, this probably won't ever end.
Nagito: BAGELBAGELBAGELBAGELHOPEBAGELBAGEL…hey, that sounds like a pretty good password! AhahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nekomaru: *rolls die* A FIIIIIIIIIIVE! HOORAH! *slides there in his shoe* HELLO, PEKOOOOOOO!
Peko: …You may buy this if you wish. But if Young Master were to roll a ten, I will personally have to deal with you.
Nekomaru: …I WILL BE BUYING THIS SPOT! GIVE ME THE CARD, TERUTERUUUUUUU!
Teruteru: Such a muscular man…hehehehehehehehe…*hands Nekomaru the card*
Peko: *draws sword* I have warned you, Nekomaru. It is a tool's job to protect their master, and that is exactly what I will do.
Souda: M-My turn! Please watch me, Miss Sonia! I'll actually do something good this time! *cries while rolling die* Three? That shouldn't be too bad…what could possibly go wro-
Nagito: BAAAAAAAGELS!
Souda: AAAAAHHHHH NAGITO IS ON A CARD!
Byakuya: Hurry up with this, will you? Both me and my bank are waiting for you to give us our money back.
Nagito: You should read this, Souda! It's a pretty interesting card!
Souda: *reads card* Let's see here! Go to…jail. Go…directly…to…jail…
Gundham: FWAHAHAHAHA! That is deserving of a fiend like you, Kazuichi Souda!
Souda: *cries*
Nagito: Waaaiiiit, did you read the fine print?
Souda: F-Fine print? *reads fine print* If you are wearing a beanie and your name starts with a 'K', you will have to pay one hundred dollars once you get into jail because you tried to bail yourself out but the jail refused and kept your money…*cries*
TO BE CONTINUED…