SPN; Fighting For Nothing

By: Paraflymore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Supernatural and if I did I would be way nicer to them all.

A/N: This is the final chapter of this story, but do not fret guys, I will be posting way more to accompany this story. Just look out for anything that I say is part of the Fighting For Nothing verse. The next story should be titled "Just Like a Ghost" I hope you all enjoy :)

Summary: Got no time to for spreading roots; The time has come to be gone.

Fighting For Nothing

Chapter Ten

"Ramble On"

When she was a little girl Lila was always outside. She loved to climb trees and she would spend her entire day up in them, looking down at the world and pretending she was a bird. One day she was playing and she found a baby bird that had fallen out of it's nest. Shocked, she scooped him up and carried him back to her house. She showed him to her mother proudly and proclaimed that she was going to take care of him.

Arlene tried her hardest not to freak out. The little thing in her daughters hands was squalling, and Lila seemed so pleased with her new friend.

But she hated birds, they carried diseases and her mother always told her that they were bad luck to keep inside the house.

She knelt down, eye level with her little girl.

"You can't keep the bird baby,"

"Why not?" Even at six years old Lila was stubborn, too damn stubborn for her own good.

"Because, it has a momma bird and a whole bird family that are probably missing him right now."

"But he's hurt. He can't fly. How is he supposed to be a bird if he can't fly?"

Arlene smiled, how could she not? Her daughter could be so dramatic at times.

"We will make him better, okay? Then we will let him go."

Lila shook her head eagerly.

They spent three weeks nursing the baby bird, that Lila had dubbed with the name Theo, back to health. She had grown so attached to the thing, she even slept with it in a box beside her bed.

And when they day came to let Theo go, the day Arlene had been dreading every second of those three weeks.

Lila clung to the box, refusing to let it go, with tears streaming down her face.

"I love him mommy! I love him more than anything."

Arlene knelt in front of her daughter and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I am gonna tell you something baby girl, something that momma told me once. You may love him, you may feel like you will never be able to go on without him but it's not true."

Lila sniffled. "But it hurts my heart..."

"I know it does." She kissed her forehead. "One day baby girl you will realize that if you love something sometimes you have to set it free, even if it hurts you."

She seemed unconvinced, but she handed the box over to her with a tear falling from her big brown eyes.

"Just remember, Theo will always know that you saved his life baby, and he will never forget it..."

...

She woke up and he was asleep in the chair beside her bed. The sunlight coming through the window behind him made him look like an angel.
And that is exactly what he was...
Her head felt cloudy but other than that she felt no pain. She ran her fingers slowly across the bandages on her stomach, she could feel the stitches. Thinking about how close to death she had been made her sick, and she wondered how badly it had effected him.
Lila had this irrational fear that he wasn't going to be there when she opened her eyes.
But there he was.
So why did her heart still hurt?
John walked in the door looking like a dream, clean shaven and wide eyed, a rare sight to behold for a Winchester.
She smiles, watching him sip from a styrofoam cup of coffee.
"I hate vending machine coffee." He muses, staring at the cup with an offensive look.
Lila nods, "I'm sure if you ask the right person they have a coffee pot around here somewhere."
He smirks, "I'm glad you're awake darlin'."
"Me too."
"I've got this job in Minnesota, so I have to be heading out soon, do you need anything?"
She shook her head. "No." Her eyes glance over to Dean. "How long has he been out?"
"He was awake when I went for coffee."
Lila smiles.
"Can I tell you something darlin'?"
She nods.
"You're lucky to be alive right now... and this, this will just be the first of many if you continue down this path."
"You trying to scare me John?"
He takes a long drink of his coffee. "Guess what I'm trying to say is, the two of you, you may think this is something and its special but it can't last. Not how it is right now. I know its gonna break both of your hearts. I don't have to be psychic to tell you that..."
"So, you're saying that I should what, let him go before it gets worse?"
He nods.
"I respect you John, probably more than I did my own father. But sometimes you are so absolutely clueless it's insane."
He chuckles. "I'm just trying to save you both."
Lila rests her head back on the pillow. "I don't want you to save me..."
John leans over and kisses her on her forehead. "Darlin' our lives are about to get real messy, I can feel it in the air. And I just can't stand to see you caught in the middle of it." His voice is barely a whisper and Lila can't help but to shiver. His words were so ominous, and they hit her like a punch on the gut.
"I'm not afraid..."
"You should be." John walks over on the other side of the bed, shaking his son awake. Dean looks up at him with a dopey, half asleep grin and the tears start falling down Lila's cheeks as John walks out of the room, leaving them alone.
They were leaving her.
She could feel it.
Dean wouldn't meet her eyes, he ran his fingers slowly through his hair and stood up, stretching. "Hey, why are you crying?"
Everything hits her like a ton of bricks. It's so hard to breathe.

He's right there, thank goodness because she needs something to hold onto. She wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her. Breathing in the smell of him.

I love you, on the tip of her tongue.

She didn't want to let him go.

He pulls away and looks at her, wiping a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. How was it going to be possible to walk away from her? How was he supposed to be that brave? It all made sense, it was all black and white. The two of them didn't belong, it was too good to be true. It was a disaster waiting to happen. They acted too much on their feelings rather than logical thoughts. It was something that would cost them both their lives.
He knew where this road led.
But he almost thought it would be worth it.
A clean break. That's what his father had said. Yeah its gonna hurt like hell but it will heal faster that way.
And Dean knew that his father was right. But he couldn't fathom the idea of not having her around him everyday. Maybe it was selfish, in fact he was sure it was.
But for the first time in his life, Dean Winchester wasn't afraid of what his father would do.
He just knew that he couldn't walk away from her.
Even if it killed them both.

"I just have this really bad feeling that you're gonna leave me..." She breathes, her voice shaky from the tears in her throat.

Dean swallowed hard. "You almost died, you know that right?"

She shakes her head. "I didn't. I'm here," She reaches for his hand, places it over her heart. "I'm okay."

He smirks. "Yeah."

"What did he say to you?" She asks frantically, seconds away from losing her shit. She didn't care what happened, she didn't care if they committed her. She was so beyond caring about anything at that point, other than him walking away. "Please don't let him change your mind about how you feel about me."

He kisses her, because its all he can think to do.

Lila's hand grips the back of his neck. She can taste the goodbye on his lips. The bitter flavor makes her eyes fill with tears.

She could not even fathom a life without him in it.

Was it even a life at all.

He dips his forehead to hers. "I called Del, she's driving down."

"Why did you call her?"

"Lila..."

"No. No, stop tip toeing around it Dean, if you want a way out, just admit it."

Maybe, he thinks, it will be easier if she just hates him. "Its gonna end bloody and messed up and I can't lose you like that. I can't be the reason you die."

She pushes him away. "You're a fucking coward."

If you love something, set it free.

That was always a crock of shit.

She's looking at him and she's thinking about that bird and how when she opened her hands and let him fly away he didn't even look back at her. It was like all that time she spent meant nothing. And yeah, it was just a stupid bird, but at the time it meant the world to her.

"I'm trying to do the right thing here. I'm trying to let you go..."

If you love something...

"I don't want you to."

Dean stands up off her bed, but she keeps a hold of his hand. "I should have listened to her Lila, when she told me that I was going to bring nothing but pain into your life. I shouldn't have let things get this far, I shouldn't have-" His voice trails off and she swears she can see tears in his green eyes. "This is breaking my fucking heart."

"Then stop." Everything is blurry from the tears brimming over her eyes. But she can see him slip off one of his bracelets, a simple leather piece that he told her was from his first leather jacket as a kid. He pressed it into her palm and closed her fingers over it.

"I want you to remember that I am always going to be there, if you need anything. But I can't be with you Lila. It's too dangerous, too much is at stake."

She can't speak, the lump in her throat is too tight.

What else could she say to make him stay.

Throwing those three words out then felt foolish.

And she didn't care if he was Dean Winchester.

She wouldn't admit it first, she wouldn't let him know just how deeply her feeling for him were. She couldn't bare herself to him like that, especially if he was willing to walk away.

Leaving was a cowards way out. It was what her father did to her mother. Some bullshit lie about keeping them safe and out of harms way. And that's all it was.

Bull shit.

A scared little boy who was too afraid to stand up for the things he wanted in life.

She looks up at him, wiping tears from her cheeks. "I can take care of myself."

Dean nods, a hard set to his jaw. "I'm just a phone call away."

Lila turns over in the bed, away from him, tucking her arm under her pillow. She couldn't look at him a second longer. She hated him with all of her heart, but the saddest part about it all was, despite the fact that he was leaving her, she would always love him.

She would love him for the rest of her life.

…

Del comes into the room with flowers and balloons. She has on a pair of white sunglasses that have been covered in rhinestones and they reflect light all over her room. She looked good, as she always did. But she wasn't smiling when she saw her.

"Baby girl, only you could narrowly escape death and still look stunning."

"Don't lie to me, Del."

She takes her glasses off and eyes her. "Okay, you look like shit."

Lila smiles faintly.

"I want you to know that I think you can do way better than that boy anyways."

She chokes on tears, "I really can't talk about that right now, okay?"

"Okay."

But the tears start falling anyways.

"I don't have anyone left..."

Del rushes over to her, pulling her against her chest, brushing her hand through her hair. "Oh, honey. Don't you ever say that again. As long as I have breath in my lungs you got me."

"I know, I'm sorry I just... Everything, it's all just hitting me at once. I don't know how to handle it."

She pulls away and looks right at her as she speaks. "Baby girl, you are stronger than you think. And I know you think that this is the end of the world. But this feeling in your heart will pass, nothing in life is permanent."

Yeah, she had heard that one before.

And Lila was starting to think that the only thing that was permanent in this life was pain...

…

She spent a week in the hospital, despite her constant protest and even one failed attempt at trying to escape.

And when the day finally came when she was signing release papers two men in police uniforms were waiting to talk to her.

Of course, because the week she was having wasn't eventful enough.

"We just have some questions Ms. Dawson about the animal attack..."

She sighs, zipping her jacket all the way up. "I already told the detective what happened."

He nods. "Just a few follow up questions."

The younger one opens a file folder and pulls out a picture. Lila has to hide the surprise on her face. It was the Chinese takeout guy. "Have you seen this man before."

Lila shakes her head. "No..."

"His name is Edmund Lee, he is a delivery boy at the Golden Dragon. He was last seen making a delivery, the name on the ticket was Dawson."

Lila puts her hand on her hip. "It's a common last name."

The older, crouchy one nods his head. "We thought that too, but you see when we cross checked the name in our database the only other Dawson we got is eighty four year old Elma Dawson, and she doesn't like Chinese food."

"Are you accusing me of something officer?"

He shrugs. "Your boyfriend, where is he?"

She winces at the word.

Was that what he was?

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"The young man who brought you in," The younger guy says, an apologetic look on his face.

She had to hand it to them, they had this whole good cop, bad cop thing down to a science. She was almost falling for it.

"Your guess is as good as mine, he- uh split town. I couldn't even tell you which way he ran..."

Older one smirks. "Convenient."

"You don't think that he had something to do with this guy going missing do you?" She says, sounding all surprised. She was a good actress too.

"We don't have much to go on here but the address that was given to the Golden Dragon, a motel out on the highway. The night clerk recognized you and your friend, said you two checked in late that night and then around four am he saw him drive off in a hurry."

Lila shakes her head. "Look, I couldn't let my aunt know that I was at a motel, so we made up the camping story. That guy never showed up... I went out to the vending machine to get something to eat and something attacked me..."

The younger guy pulls a tape recorder out of his back pocket and hold it out to her. "Can we get an official statement from you?"

The older guy pushes his arm back to his side. "I know your not from around here Ms. Dawson, but I advise you stick around for a while, we aren't done talking to you yet."

"Yes sir." Lila nods.

The older cop leaves and the younger one sticks around, reaching into his back pocket and handing her a card. "Look I know how it is, I've seen girls like you before, young, impressionable, naïve. You think you've found prince charming but really you've just stumbled upon some dead beat."

Lila smirks.

"You don't have to be afraid, I will make sure nothing happens to you."

"You're sweet." She tucks his card into her pocket. "I will call you if I remember anything..."

"Detective Bronson."

She turned on her best flirty smile and watched him leave, Del came in holding two Mcdonald's milkshakes.

"Did you get everything sorted honey?"

"Yes aunt Del."

She raises an eyebrow at her, but Lila just slightly shakes her head. She closes the door quickly behind officer friendly and takes her milkshake.

"We have to get out of this town."

Del sighs. "I have half a mind to call them damn Winchesters back here to clean up this mess they made."

Lila shook her head. "Don't you dare call them."

She takes a step back, "Okay."

"You're pretty good at escaping right? I know they are going to be watching me close."

"Oh I have a few tricks up my sleeve baby..."

…

FYI, Lila did not look good as a blond. She was staring at herself in the bathroom mirror from two towns over, the blond wig that Del had shoved at her hours before had seemed funny at first, but now it was just driving her crazy.

But Del didn't want her to take it off until they were out of Alabama.

Three more hours.

Lila grabbed her bag off the floor and slung it over her shoulder. She fastened the old baseball cap down over her eyes. On her way out of the gas station she grabbed a bag of funyuns and a diet pepsi. She paid with cash and scurried out od there before anyone could get a good look at her.

Del is putting gas in her car, she had a bright purple scarf tied around her hair. She was humming along to the radio as if they were just two people on a road trip.

"You are awfully chipper." Lila says, twisting the top off of her pepsi and taking a long drink.

"Breaking the law makes me that way. It really has been a long time, did your momma ever tell you about the time we robbed a bank?"

Lila laughs. "Vaguely."

"It was the seventies, everything was crazy. We were at war and we did a lot of drugs..."

"Excuses." She says, shaking her head.

Del swats her arm. "Well she and I had a fun go of things in our day."

"You miss her?"

"Every day." She says, hanging the nozzle back on the pump. "We talked at least once a week, some times two if we were lucky. She mostly talked about you..."

Lila felt the lump rise in her throat. She feigned a smile.

"She loved you more than anything in the world."

"I know she did."

Del kisses her forehead. "I know you're sad right now Lila baby but I want you to know something that your momma told me, a few days before..."

Lila felt her chest cave in on itself, but she kept on drawing in steady breaths.

"She said that boy has a darkness around him, and she was so afraid that it would cost you your life."

"Too bad she couldn't predict her own death." Lila says, a single tear falling down her cheek.

Del wipes it away with the pad of her thumb and kisses her forehead. "She knew something bad was coming. I know that you had some serious feelings for that boy but he wasn't good for you. You have to see that now..."

She nods.

Lila knew that Dean Winchester wasn't hers. He would never belong to anyone really. She took comfort in that fact. And looking back, she knew that it was a mistake and it was never going to last, but that tiny flicker, that maybe, that kept her heart alive.

And she would always love him.

Just like a junkie loves their junk.

…

Dean was staring at his phone, it was sitting on the table between them. John had been waiting for him to snap out of this funk, but here it was nine days later and he was still sulking.

He wasn't even flirting with the pretty waitress, or eating his burger.

"Have you heard a word I've said son?"

He looks up at him, looking so worn and tired. "Sorry, I was-"

"You waiting on her to call?"

Dean sighs. "I know she's not gonna call, but I'm thinking about what might happen if I called her..."

"You know this is for the best, don't you?"

"Yeah."

But he didn't sound convinced.

"Do you love her?"

Dean got a look on his face, this far away, misty look. And John Winchester felt like the scum of the earth because he didn't even have to answer, he could see it plain as day, the answer was yes.

But he knew better than anybody that attachments only led to more heartbreak, more bodies on your concious, more crossed to bear.

"I don't know. But I miss her..."

"She has a shot at a normal life this way son, without us in it. Her survival rate goes way up. We're just bad luck..."

Dean nods. "Yeah, you're right."

"I will make sure she is taken care of, her mom made sure that she would be taken care of too, the girl is set for life."

It helped, a little bit, only a little.

But he still felt like he was missing something. He read this article once, well actually Sam read it to him, about people who lose a limb and go to itch it or move it only to find it wasn't there anymore. That was kind of how he felt every time he looked over and she wasn't there.

But he was a Winchester, and they didn't have the luxury of missing someone for too long. They had a job to do...

Saving people, hunting things, the family business.

The job didn't do its damn self.

…

Three Months Later.

She wasn't sure what it was, but something had been telling her that it was time to go home.

Managing to avoid the place for six months was a record all it's own.

But something inside of her was just tired of running.

So, she packed up a bag and got Del to agree to let her borrow her car and she headed back to Decatur, Janis Joplin blaring on the radio.

After all this time, Lila finally realized that the only place that was ever her home was that small three bedroom house in the country. Where her baby pictures hung on the walls along with the tapestries and the Janis Joplin photographs.
Her mother worshiped Janis.
She even somewhat named her for the lady. She was in a tie between Janis and MaryJane for a middle name but thankfully she had decided on just Jane.
Even though, if it wasn't a Tarzan reference it was a weed reference that she was teased about as child.
It still smelled like inscents when she pushed open the wooden door.
It was such a strange feeling, looking through the door, waiting for her momma to come running towards her.
"She's not here..." Lila whispers to herself. She pulls the gun out of her bag just for good measure and checks every room and closet just to be sure she is alone.
Struck by the picture of her mom hanging in the hallway as she makes her way towards the final room. She was six months pregnant, a tiny little bump peeking out from under her cutoff tie dyed shirt.
She was such a fucking hippie.
Lila smirks, tucking the gun into the back of her jeans, taking the picture from the wall and looking at her mother's beautiful face more closely.
"You were right about him." She whispers, pushing her bedroom door open. "I'm sorry I didn't listen."
That boy has a darkness around him.
Del's words were still echoing in her ears.
Her momma's bed was always one of her favorite places in the world. It had always been so much warmer and comfortable than her own.
Without a moments hesitation she bounds into it burying her face in the pillows that still smelled like her.
She wrapped her arms around it, pulling it in close.
If she pretended hard enough if was almost like she was hugging her mother.

Crying had become the norm with her. It happened at the drop of a hat sometimes. She almost too k comfort in the salty tears streaming down her face.

She always felt better after a good cry.

Lila takes a long shower, using her momma's coconut shampoo and body wash. She's staring at herself in the mirror and she's looking at her hair and she's thinking that it just looks out of place. Like it belonged to somebody else.

Her hands are shaking as she pulls her hair to the side and chops it off, a good half a foot of hair in her hand.

She tosses it into the sink and pulls it to the other side, chopping it off more. She had never cut her own hair before, her momma had always cut her hair.

And as Lila thought about it she realized that the only reason she kept it so long was because she had liked it so much, and what did it matter now that she was gone.

It turns out decent enough, coming up right below her shoulders.

She felt like a different person.

She gets dressed, an old pair of jeans and a flannel from her momma's closet. She packs up a bag of clothes, a mixture of both of their wardrobes. She packs her favorite pictures into a box and some of her momma's old books. She takes down her favorite Janis photo and the purple tapestry that hung over their orange couch.

Last thing she took out of the house was her momma's jewelry box and then she sat on the hood of Del's car and smoked a big joint of her momma's stash.

"This is for you mom."

She pulls out the envelope that she had been carrying with her since Del handed it to her that day.

Now seemed like the right time to read it.

My Dearest Lila,

If you are reading this letter it means that I am gone. I am so sorry that I had to leave you baby.

She pauses, looking up from the paper to wipe tears from her eyes.

I want you to know that you are going to be okay. I ensured a long time ago that you would be well off when I passed, no matter how it happened. I want you to know that you are the best thing I ever did in my life baby girl. You were my one true blessing. I didn't believe in God until I laid eyes on you, my precious baby girl. I know that living your life will be hard now, I know that you are going to have to adjust to being on your own but you have always been a fighter. You have always been brave my baby girl. You have a fire inside of you that I have always envied. I will keep this short and sweet because I am balling my eyes out as I write these words to you, you are asleep in the next room and I am trying to fathom the idea of you ever having to read this. But all things in this life must end. But the love I have for you will always be inside of you my baby. You will always carry it.

On a lighter note there is a key in my jewelry box, the key will open a safe deposit box in Minnesota. I hope that this gift will make your life a little easier.

With all my love my darling,

Momma.

She folds the letter up and tucks it into her pocket. She slides off the hood and opens the back door, pulling the jewelry box out. She dumps the contents on the hood. There is no key, only her favorite pearl earring and a couple dozen gold rings. She is fastening the pearls in her ears when she realizes that the bottom of the wooden box, slides off.

Her mother was so clever.

She slides the wood out of its slot and smiling up at her is a gold key, a small folded up piece of paper is tucked underneath it with an address written on it and a five digit number that Lila assumed was the safe deposit number.

And her curiosity got the best of her, as per usual.

…

She drove straight through, only stopping for about an hour to take a quick nap halfway there. It was so much colder up here, and as she got out of the car she was reaching for her leather jacket. The bank was a small no name bank that looked like something out of a movie.

She is thinking that this is the kind of bank that gets robbed...

And then she starts laughing.

"Can I help you miss?"

Lila looks up, stepping towards the lady behind the desk. "My uh, grandma, she just passed away and she left me this key in her will. It's supposed to open a safe deposit box here."

The teller nods, typing something into her computer. "Do you have the number?"

"87344." Lila says, absently tapping the key on the counter.

The woman extends her hand and Lila holds the key closer to herself. "I'd rather hold on to it if you don't mind."

She makes a small noise of dissaproval but Lila chooses to ignore it.

She is picturing a woman in tie dye holding this place up thirty years ago and she is fighting the urge to bust out laughing.

"Okay, follow me."

She leads her back to a room, the walls are lined with different numbers, each of them a different box. Lila watches her anxiously as she pulls a small ladder towards the number, reaching for the key again. Lila hands it over to her reluctantly and watches her unlock it.

What exactly she was expecting to find, she had no idea.

It could be anything knowing her mother.

She was half expecting some golden marijuana when the woman sat the box down on the table and handed Lila the key back. "I will give you a moment alone. I will be right outside when you're finished."

"Thanks."

Never in a hundred fucking years would she have guessed.

Besides the very big diamond ring that Lila was sure her mother had also robbed from someone. There were saving bonds. Stacks of them. Millions of dollars worth of them...

"Holy shit." Resisting the urge to puke or pass out Lila scoops everything up and tucks it into her pockets. She opens the door and smiles kindly at the woman. "would you believe it was just some old pictures?"

The lady smiles. "I have seen some stranger things."

Lila shrugs, "oh well, grandma always was one for the dramatic stuff." she turns on her feet heading straight for the door. She was ninety percent sure that she was carrying stolen property.

And she really couldn't fucking believe this.

She calls Del with a shaky hand and screams in her ear.

"What the hell is your problem."

"I'm a millionaire!" She yells

"I see you found the key?"

"You knew about this?"

She laughs. "Well you momma did tell me everything."

"Del, please tell me that the bank I was just in was not the one you two robbed."

"It was the last place they would look-"

"I can't believe this." Lila starts the car up. "She was literally the most awesome person in the world."

"That she was."

Lila backs out of the bank and makes her way slowly towards the interstate. "We should take a trip, somewhere with a beach. How does Tahiti sound?"

Del is cracking up on the other end of the phone. "You sound just like her Lila."

She smirks, flipping the visor down so she can look at herself.

For the first time in months, her smile was actually genuine.

And everything felt okay.

Just okay.

At least it was for now anyways...