Pinako's Discovery

Edward was still adjusting to his automail limbs. He was still rehabilitating and it was one of the most frustrating things he ever had to go through. Well, being without limbs was pretty frustrating, but he was in a daze most of that time. What brought him out of it was that colonel coming to visit him.

Ed managed to walk himself to the bathroom without help. Well, he would have had help if he told someone where he was going, but he was sneaking there.

When he reached the bathroom, he glared into the mirror. He looked awful and pathetic.

You couldn't even keep your little brother safe, he thought to himself. You ruined his life. You have to get him back. Mom would hate you for this.

Edward bit his lip until he drew blood. It didn't even feel bad. He took the automail he was still becoming adjusted to, pinching his flesh arm's skin. It was painful, but in a good way. It seemed to bring him peace.

He left the bathroom.

The next day, he returned.

Ed did what he had done before. He pinched his arm with the automail, becoming more adjusted to doing so than he had been before. It was getting a bit easier, anyway. He was just glad he got the privacy to indulge in this small relief.

The next day, it wasn't cutting it anymore. The relief was too dull for him. Edward had to pinch harder until he accidentally ended up splitting the piece of flesh. It dribbled with small beads of blood.

It still didn't feel as good as it could have.

Edward looked into the cabinet and saw a straight razor. He assumed it must have belonged to Winry's father at some point, and silently apologized to the man he thought of as an uncle before rinsing it with water. He then ran it across his skin.

It felt amazing.

It was the most relief Ed had found since his mother died. It made him feel so much better about the situation he was in.

"Brother?" Alphonse asked, knocking on the bathroom door. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, Al," Edward said. He grabbed a towel in the bathroom, pressing it against the cut on his arm.

"Do you need any help?" the younger brother asked. It wasn't a secret that sometimes Edward needed help with simple tasks like going to the bathroom with his new automail.

"Nope," Ed answered. Once he was finished cleaning up the blood, he pulled the sleeve of his black sweatshirt over the cut, stashing the bloody towel and straight razor underneath the sink. Someone would find it one day, but he wouldn't have to deal with it when that day came.

Edward walked out with a small smile on his face. "Sorry I worried you, Al," he apologized.

"I'm just glad to see you smiling again, brother," Alphonse said. "Granny made lunch. She said it's good practice for your automail to feed yourself."

"Sure, I'll be down in a minute. I just have to do something," Ed said. Alphonse nodded, walking downstairs. Edward went to the room he had been sharing with his younger brother, sitting on the bed and enjoying his new-found relief. He had finally found something he could abide by now that his mother was gone.

"What is this?" Pinako asked as she held up the bloody towel and straight razor. She had immediately gone to Winry with this question. She assumed that maybe Winry had begun puberty, being nearly twelve years old. The woman hadn't come up with an explanation for the razor yet.

"I don't know, grandma," Winry answered. "Maybe it was Ed?"

"You and Alphonse stay out here, understand?" Pinako ordered. Winry nodded, as did Alphonse he happened to be nearby. The woman walked upstairs to the patients room where Edward had been staying.

"Ed..." Pinako trailed off.

"Yeah?" Edward responded.

The woman sighed and sat down beside the bed. "Ed, you have to understand that I've been around for a long time."

"I think I got that by now," Ed joked with a small smirk.

"I found a bloody towel and Urey's straight razor underneath the sink," Pinako said.

"...You did...?" the blonde boy asked.

"Were you responsible for this?" the woman asked bluntly. She was sick of dancing around the subject.

"What would I possibly have done with a straight razor and a towel? Plus that thing has blood on it," Ed said. "I'm obviously not bleeding or anything."

"Well, then, you won't mind if I do a check-up," Pinako said.

"W-What?"

"I told you I've been around for a long time," Pinako mentioned once again. "I've seen people who cut their bodies to feel better. In fact, a lot of the patients I treat admit to it."

"I didn't..." Edward trailed off. Because he did.

Pinako gently took hold of the boy's flesh arm, raising the black sleeve to reveal the puffy pink line.

"When did you do this?" she asked.

"A couple days ago..." Ed answered quietly. He couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"I'm not going to tell you to stop," Pinako said. "This is something you're responsible for. Just clean up your mess."

"Yes, ma'am," Edward said. Just before Pinako left the room, he spoke again. "Um...are you gonna tell Alphonse and Winry?"

"No."

I know that in the original story Pinako claimed that Edward didn't even know that she knew about his cutting, but this was an idea I had wanted to do and just never got the chance.