A/N: Thoughts are in italics, yo. The only one doing any thinking here is Kurt. Shocked? *crickets chirping in the distance* Yeah, me neither.

Kurt blinks. And this isn't even the strangest place I've found him. Which is kind of alarming now that he thinks about it, so he chooses to let it go.

He takes a deep breath, putting all of his willpower into charging up his bitch face for what he hopes will be long enough to last this conversation.

Satisfied that his bitch face was on point, Kurt began slowly, "What are you doing up there?"

Blaine sat with his back straight, hands resting on his bent knees. Casual. The very picture of innocence. "Hmm?"

Kurt just stared. "On the refrigerator," he deadpanned. "What are you doing?"

"This," Blaine said, raising his finger into the air, narrowly missing the edge of the spinning ceiling fan, "is a deeply spiritual experience you're witnessing. And perfectly normal where I'm from."

How he keeps a straight face is fucking beyond me.

After a moment of silence, Kurt decides he can't just let this whole thing go. He has got to get his husband off the fridge before he falls to an untimely death and quite frankly Kurt just isn't in the mood to scrub blood off the tiled floor.

"Ohio, Blaine. That is where you're from."

"Yes."

"Are you drunk?"

"That is immaterial. And I'd thank you kindly to stop ignoring the significance of my position."

"Right."

Loudly (making sure to avoid looking at Kurt because he just knew if he did he would very likely fall off the fridge laughing and wake up concussed), Blaine announced, "This is the official sitting place of my people."

Kurt felt his resolve breaking, and he turned his potential chuckle into what he hoped sounded like an exasperated sigh. "Get the fuck off the fridge and help me put these groceries away."

"...Yeah, all right," he agreed, hopping down more gracefully than his blood alcohol content should have allowed. Who am I kidding. He's probably sober as a judge.

Thank goodness I stood my ground...who knows where I'll find him next time if I encourage him... If he falls off the roof and breaks his neck I swear to Gaga I will not go to his funeral...

Blaine just threw him a shit-eating grin, causing Kurt to pause his inner grumblings long enough to roll his eyes and give a halfhearted attempt to hide the smirk playing on his lips.

Well, hopefully I'll be able to catch him before he hits the ground.

A/N: Oh, Blaine, you man-shaped child.

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