A/N: So yeah there I was thinking that after getting my last story out my muse would be satisfied and move back to one of the many other partially started video projects I had going. Nope turns out I was wrong, it wants to continue down the fanfic route for the moment. So you'll be getting this story and at least one more that I'm currently working on in the next few days, after that who knows.
In my head canon this story takes place in the same 'verse as my 'Discovery' story but it's not absolutely necessary to have read that one. I made sure that this one shot could stand on it's own.
Sitting on the porch swing in one of the many gardens located on Pete's estate watching the sun set (as had become habit for the two since returning to London a few days prior) Rose started a silent count in her head as yet again the Doctor's eyes fluttered shut and his head began to droop forward. '3,2,1' right on cue the Doctor jerked his head back up, blinking furiously only for the whole sequence to start again moments later.
With a small sigh she nudged him with her shoulder to get his attention. Immediately he snapped his head around again blinking rapidly "Yes, what, yes I'm listening…"
"Impressive since I haven't said anything for awhile now." Rose chuckled softly.
The Doctor rubbed his eyes, "right, sorry guess I got lost in my own head there for a bit."
"You know it's ok, I won't be insulted if you want to turn in early if you're tired, I know it's been a long few days. And now that you're human, well part human anyway, you actually do need to sleep so….."
"What….?" Dropping his hand the Doctor pushed himself up higher in his seat. "No, no I'm fine, not tired at all."
About to contradict him Rose paused as she saw something quickly flash in the Doctor's eyes then vanish. It took her a moment to identify the emotion, it being something she so very rarely saw the Doctor show - fear, it was fear that she'd seen flash in his eyes. She didn't need to ask why just the thought of sleeping would frighten him, she could only imagine the horrors bouncing around in his head waiting for the dead of night to come out and play.
Mentally kicking herself for not realizing sooner that he was having troubles, (hell she wasn't exactly sleeping all that great herself these days) Rose stood and held her hand out to the Doctor. "Come with me."
"Rose?" The Doctor hesitated.
"Do you trust me?"
"Always." With no further hesitation he took hold of Rose's hand and followed as she led him back into the house and up the stairs and into his room.
Letting go of the Doctor's hand Rose moved over to the bed and pulled the covers back, "come on in you go."
"Rose I'm not some child that needs tucking in." The Doctor protested, refusing to move. "I told you I'm not tired, but if and when I do become tired I'm fully capable of putting myself to bed."
"Have you slept at all since we got back?" Rose refused to back down.
The Doctor dropped his head sheepishly suddenly finding he couldn't look her in the eyes. "Some," he mumbled.
"So basically no," Rose raised an eyebrow. With a small soft sight she moved to take the Doctor's hand once again. "Doctor it's been four days you need to sleep. You're part human now you can't go for weeks on end without sleeping any more. Now come on before I'm forced to get Mum involved and remember she's got a toddler that could out stubborn anyone when it comes to not wanting to sleep, you would be cake walk."
Snapping his head up the Doctor could see that she was dead serious about getting Jackie involved if necessary and that was the absolute last thing he wanted, so with an exaggerated sigh the Doctor allowed Rose to lead him over to the bed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders slumped, the Doctor pulled his shoes off but didn't move to climb into the bed. "You don't need to feel obligated about me…."
"Meaning?" Rose tried to make eye contact but the Doctor wouldn't meet her gaze.
Bounding back up to his feet the Doctor moved over to look out the window, wanting to avoid this much need conversation. Sure he'd been the one to stupidly open the door, didn't mean he had to like it especially since it could very well lead to him losing the one last thing that held any meaning in his life.
"Doctor, what -" Rose gripped his arm forcing him to turn and face her "did - you - mean?" Her tone left no doubt that he was expected to answer.
"I was there Rose, remember? I heard everything he said, they way he just dumped me in your lap without so much as a by your leave." He tried to turn away again, but Rose refused to let go of her death grip on his arm. "You didn't ask for any of this...didn't want-" he cut himself off leaving the 'me' unspoken. "…. just wanted you to know that you don't need to feel obligated to look after me, I can look after myself. I found a way to muddled through without you before, I'm sure I can figure out a way to muddle through without you again. Just say the word and I'll be out of your life if that's what you want."
Stunned Rose momentarily found herself at a loss for words. As the silence stretched the Doctor once again tried to run away only to find himself being yanked down by a fist full of his t-shirt that was now in Rose's hand. "Now-You-Listen-Very-Closely-To-Me-Doctor!" She yanked him down till he was eye level with her and looking her straight in the eyes. "I am not doing this- any of this out of some misguided sense of obligation. I'm doing this because I am first and foremost your friend and no matter what happens between us in this screwy, turned upside down, messy life of ours I will always be your friend and would never want you out of my life. UNDERSTOOD?"
Not trusting his voice the Doctor just nodded, "Good now into bed with you." Still gripping his shirt Rose led him over to the bed and watched as he crawled in, decidedly not looking at a certain piece of his backside anatomy as he did so.
"Ummm….." the Doctor was confused when Rose crawled in after him.
"What…?" She nudged him til he moved over enough to let her fully in. "You're not the only one that's got some sleeping to catch up on and I'm fresh out of teddy bears, gave my last one to Tony before…..well before…."
"Yeah," the Doctor nodded as the two of them settled in snuggling up together. Laying there snuggled up together like they were, suddenly sleep didn't seem like such a bad thing and soon the pair drifted off.
Slowly being pulled back to conscious Rose froze at the unfamiliar weight of an arm around her waist. It took her a moment to remember where and who she was with and only a moment after that to realize that the low moans and slight twitching coming from the Doctor were what had awoken her.
Lazily she began rubbing his back, "Shh….shh, you're safe." With a sharp jerk the Doctor snapped awake, his eyes wild with fear and confusion. Pulling away from Rose as if he'd just been burned the Doctor fell off the edge of the bed, not losing a beat he scrambled away from the bed, shoving himself into the corner. Pulling his knees up he wrapped his arms around them and buried his face in his knees. Momentarily stunned by the Doctor's reaction it took Rose a moment to throw the covers back and follow after the man.
Cautiously kneeling in front of the clearly terrified man Rose slowly laid a hand on his arm, "Doctor?" Heart racing, lungs heaving, body trembling, the Doctor flinched back at the touch. "Ok, ok, no touching." She held her hands up. "Breathe, just breathe ok...in, out, in, out."
'Emptiness, so much emptiness….deafening silence….All consuming loneliness… he hadn't felt like this since he'd ended the war….He couldn't breathe, why couldn't he breathe….?'
Mind chaotic and racing it took several minutes for the Doctor to register Rose's gentle voice trying to sooth him. Latching on to it like a lifeline the Doctor began to do as she said… breathe, just breathe...in, out, in, out….
Slowly his heart rate and breathing began to return to normal. "Rose?" the Doctor blindly held a hand out not ready to lift his head yet.
"Yeah, I'm here." She quickly gripped his hand and positioned herself next to him wrapping an arm around him and resting her head on his shoulders, feeling the fine tremors that still ran through him.
"Are we sitting on the floor?" Rose nodded her head against his shoulder. "Why are we sitting on the floor?"
"You don't remember?" It was the Doctor's turn to shake his head. "You had a nightmare that caused you to have a panic attack." Rose didn't want to admit how disturbed seeing the Doctor in that state had made her.
"Oh…" the Doctor let a slight huff, "well that's new, never had one of those before...is this a normal thing for humans?"
"No...no, not really, but all things considered it's not really surprising that you had one."
"Really? Will this happen again? Happen regularly?" He really, really hoped not.
"I don't know, maybe….yeah probably….at first anyway." the Doctor turned his head to finally look at Rose, his eyes questioning. "I'm no expert by any means, but I know a lot of people believe that dreams are our subconsciouses' way of sorting through and trying to deal with stuff that we can't or won't deal with consciously. And you my friend have got a lot of stuff in your head, stuff that you've been stuffing into the deep recesses of your mind for years trying to ignore and now that you're part human you need to sleep a lot more than you ever did as a full Time Lord, maybe not as much as a full human but definitely more than a Time Lord, sooo…."
"Sooo until my subconscious gets itself sorted out I can expect more of this….great." Turning his face back into his knees the Doctor fell silent.
"Maybe not all the time and maybe not always this bad, but yeah it'll probably get worse before it gets better." Rose wasn't sure what to do, she wasn't used to this, in her mind the Doctor had always been the brave one, the strong, the together one, to see him like this left her at a loss.
"Rose?" The Doctor finally broke the silence some time later. "Can we get off the floor now?"
Rose let out a soft laugh, "Yeah, yeah I think we can manage that." Not letting go of his hand Rose pushed herself to her feet and gently pulled the Doctor up with her.
Crawling back into bed Rose guided the Doctor to curl into her side, his head resting on her shoulder. Curling up the arm under his head Rose lazily ran her fingers through his hair, listening as his breathing evened out. As the silence stretched out between them Rose, thinking that the Doctor had finally drifted back to sleep, was slightly startled when he spoke.
"How do you humans do it?" His voice was barely above a whisper. "How do you live with it?"
"With what?"
"The silence….up here." The Doctor tapped a finger against his temple. "It's so, so quiet now. I never knew silence could be so deafening. It's not too bad during the day I can usually find something to distract me, to help me tune it out, but at night….at night-." The doctor cut off as his voice cracked.
Lifting her free hand to cup the side of his face she used her thumb to sooth his brow, "Shh, shh you're ok, it's ok….I'm right here"
"For the first time ever in my life it's quiet in my head, so quiet." the Doctor reached up to grip the hand on his face. "First there was my family and then the TARDIS….but now...now everything's gone...They're gone….and I….I…."
"Shhh…it'll be ok, we'll figure it out together." It was breaking Rose's heart the sheer amount of sorrow and devastation pouring off the Doctor. She was clueless as to what she could do to help.
"Rose….please…." the Doctor suddenly gripped Rose's arm, wild panic in his eyes. "Please….whatever happens, please don't leave me behind."
"Never." She whispered back. Wrapping her arms around the Doctor, Rose pulled him in closer till it was hard to tell where one ended and the other started.
Nodding his head the Doctor returned his arm to where it had been wrapped around her waist earlier. If his grip was just a little bit tighter than it had been before Rose didn't say anything just laid a soft kiss on his forehead and settled back in next to him.
The warmth from the sunlight streaming into the room gently pulled the Doctor from his slumber. Moving to stretch out he paused as the weight of another body on his finally registered, looking down he found Rose lying there still sound asleep. Seeing that at some point their positions had switched and that she was now using him as a pillow the Doctor couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.
Glancing at the bedside clock the Doctor stopped and did a double take, 'no that can't be right' he thought 'ten hours….? We've been asleep for ten hours?...Surely that can't be right…..that was about as much sleep as his ninth and tenth self combined had ever gotten' Debating what his next move should be the Doctor was interrupted by the bedroom door slowly creeping open and a small blond head poking through.
Tony knew that he shouldn't be doing this, his mother had made it very clear that under no circumstances was anyone to disturb Rose and the Doctor while they were sleeping, but he was bored and looking for someone to play with. Besides what was the harm in just checking it wasn't like his was planning to haul in there like a banshee and dive bomb them on the bed. Seeing that the Doctor was awake Tony's face lit up only to fall in frustration again as the man held a finger up to his lips signaling for Tony to stay quiet.
Carefully extracting himself from under Rose the Doctor slid out of the bed and moved to the door. Scooping Tony up he exited the room shutting the door softly behind them. "Come on Tony I've got a little project I could use your help with."
A short time later Rose found herself pulled from the warm embrace of sleep by the wonderful smells of her favorite breakfast foods. Rolling over to stretch out she spotted a tray of food on her nightstand along with a vase holding a single sunflower and a note. Picking up the note Rose couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face.
'For the best teddy bear (and friend) a guy could ask for, thank you.'
'P.S. Tony would like me to inform you that the flower was his idea and to please try and not sleep the whole day away. He'd like to go to the park sometime today, but won't leave without you (apparently nobody can work the swing set as good as you).'
Just as she was about to start digging into her lovely breakfast she saw the door slowly open and the top of Tony's head start poking in only to come up short as a larger body snatched him up in a fireman's carry. "Tony do you want you mother tanning our hides, she made it very clear what would happen to us - to me - if we woke your sister."
"What? I wasn't plannin' nothin'!" Came the quick childish protest.
"Right and I'm the Queen." The doctor let out an exaggerated put upon sigh as he turned to haul Tony back out of the room for what felt like the billionth time.
Rose couldn't hold back her laughter any more, "Giving you a run for your money is he? Now you know how I felt some days trying to deal with you."
Feigning a look of shocked horror the Doctor brought his free hand up to his chest, "Are you Rose Tyler implying that I am a child?" She gave him a 'if the shoe fits' shrug, but before he could defend himself Tony began struggling to be let down.
The Doctor quickly put the squirming child down for fear of dropping and hurting him. Tony tried scrambling towards the bed before his feet were firmly under him and would have face planted it if not for the Doctor's quick reflexes allowing him to grab the back of Tony's shirt.
Flashing a quick smile of thanks Tony hurriedly climb up into the bed next to Rose. "So do you like it? The Doctor said that girls like surprises and to be spoiled and that we guys had a duty to make sure we did it as often as possible for the ones we love."
"Did he, now," Rose glanced at the Doctor seeing another emotion flash across his face that she didn't normally see him show - embarrassment.
"Yeah well…." The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, not sure how Rose would take that comment given the current state of things between them.
"Well he's absolutely right," Rose kissed the top of Tony's head. "And I absolutely love my morning surprise, especially the flower."
"Really?" Tony beamed with pride, "I picked it myself from the garden….just don't tell mum."
"Our little secret." The siblings each held a finger up to their lips. "Now why don't you and the Doctor go pack us a picnic lunch while I finish up here then we can go spend the day at the park."
"Yeah!" and like a flash he was off the bed, grabbing the Doctor's hand pulling him out the door.
"Oh and Doctor," Rose called out.
"Yeah?" He poked his head back into the room.
"You're not a half bad teddy bear yourself." Giving her a crooked smile the Doctor nodded as he allowed himself to be dragged away by the overly eager toddler. Maybe this living on the slow path, doing the human thing, wouldn't be so hard after all.