Bad language, suicidal thoughts, child abuse

Pepper was still sitting outside the quarantine room, refusing to go home. What would home mean to her if Tony wasn't there? Things had been going a lot better since she had moved in Tony. It was always hard to hide from the paparazzi and the tabloids, but they had always managed to make it work somehow. And now, looking at Tony laying on the hospital bed through the glass separating them, she couldn't even imagine what she would do without him.

Rhodey stormed into the corridor, making Pepper jump. "What's going on?" was the question he first decided to ask. Rhodey hated not getting any answers and apparently, nobody knew what the fuck was going on.

"They don't know, but they are trying to keep everyone stable. They said that they have to keep Tony and the team in quarantine until they figure everything out."

"It's going to be fine." Rhodey said, giving Pepper a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. "He will make it out. He always makes it out."

A few minutes had passed and three people rushed inside the corridor. One of them tried to enter the quarantine room, but Rhodey stepped between the man and the door.

"Excuse me, who are you and what are you planning on doing here?"

Maria Hill entered with perfect timing. "They're with us."

Rhodey glared at Maria, still standing between the glass door and the doctor. "That doesn't answer my question."

Maria gave a sigh and introduced the doctor trying to enter the room. "This is one of our best doctors. He's sort of an... expert in this stuff."

The doctor tried to shake Rhodey's hand, not getting a response. "Dr. Steven Strange. I'm going to try to determine what's wrong with the Avengers and try to fix it, if you step out of the way."

Rhodey gave the doctor a quick look and stepped out of the way. Dr. Strange entered the quarantine room and began examining the Avengers one by one, starting with Tony.

"What do you mean by he's an expert in this stuff?" Pepper asked, moving next to Rhodey and watching Dr. Strange examine the Avengers.

"You'll see." Maria answered.

The Avengers were pulled back to their white little rooms after seeing the last set of Tony's memories. Seeing the happy memories Tony didn't even know he remembered actually made him cheer up a little bit. He liked seeing Jarvis and Peggy. Seeing Peggy's kids. Seeing Rhodey and his family. But then again, he had to also see Howard. Tony remembered nearly everything about Howard, but whenever he thought of him, the only thing that came to his mind was fear. How that fragile little boy was afraid of his father so much, how he was constantly sad and hurt. It made Tony hate himself, and Howard even more.

"Well, what do you think? I bet none of you guessed Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes were this close since they were kids."

The team protected their usual silent states.

"You are all awfully quiet. I'm starting to get a little worried. Is this too much to handle in one go, Tony? Oh, and I'm sure there's no problem with me calling you by your first names now, is there? We have already shared so much together." Tony could almost hear his sick laugh echoing in his brain.

"You all seem to be thinking the same thing. That I should 'go fuck myself.' Sorry, but that isn't happening. Not before I prove you that Tony is not worth being on your team. He is nothing more than a scared little boy, incapable of achieving anything. He doesn't deserve anything."

The white room morphed into a car with Jarvis driving and Tony next to him in the front seat. He was returning home from Rhodey's. Jarvis had come to pick him up and Tony hadn't protested when he saw the tense look on the butler's face. He had packed, said goodbye to Rhodey and left. Now they were driving quietly in the car. Tony was going to take his SAT scores any time now. He was going to go to college. He knew he had to return home sooner or later.

"What's wrong?" Tony said, the quiet had become unbearable real quick. "Did something happen?"

Jarvis answered, keeping his eyes on the road. "I have to tell you something, Tony. It's about Peggy."

"Oh, no, no, no. Did something happen to her? Is she dead?"

"No, she's not dead." Jarvis replied with an awfully calm tone.

Tony waited for a reply but when Jarvis didn't say anything, he shouted. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?!" Jarvis pulled the car to the side of the road and looked at Tony. There was an unmistakable sign of sadness on his face, and his eyes were a little bit watery. "The doctors said that there was something wrong with her brain. She forgets, Tony. She gets confused about her daily routine, she can't remember the date and time of her meetings, she-"

"Dementia." Tony whispered. It seemed unreal.

Jarvis nodded silently and put his hand on Tony's shoulder as he buried his face in his hands.

"The doctors advised not telling her anything. The symptoms would become worse if she's aware of it."

Tony took deep breaths and tried to keep himself calm. He knew what was going to happen. She would forget and forget and forget until there's nothing to remember. She wouldn't recognize the people around her. She would probably forget Tony.

He sobbed into his hands and felt strong arms pulling him into a hug. They stayed like that, unsure of how many minutes had passed. When Tony pulled back, he saw tears on Jarvis' face, too.

"She'll be fine." Jarvis said as he wiped away his tears. "She's strong, she'll be fine."

"She'll be fine." Tony repeated to himself, and although how much he wanted to believe it, he knew it wasn't true.

They drove quietly to the house, neither of them speaking again.

He arrived at the house and walked upstairs quietly, not wanting to be seen by his father. It was going to be tough, since he had to pass by his workshop to get to his room. He tensed when he saw the door to the workshop was slightly open and the light was on. He focused on not breathing too loudly and taking small and quiet steps. The floor beneath him creaked and he stopped at an instant. He heard footsteps towards himself. There was no escape now. The door opened fully and Tony saw Howard standing in front of him.

"Anthony." he said, almost surprised to see him. "Come in."

Tony was a little shocked to hear the gentleness in his voice and stepped inside the workshop. He only remembered this place from his memories. He wasn't allowed in here when he was a kid. He would come in without knocking to show something he built to his father and would be shoved aside, shouted at and slapped for entering without permission.

The room now looked smaller than he remembered from his memories as a little child. There was a large table at the corner of the room filled with papers and blueprints. Howard sat in the chair behind the table and gestured Tony sit on one of the chairs in front of it. Tony sat and waited his father to say something. Howard pulled out two glasses and what looked like a very expensive bottle of whiskey from one of his drawers.

"Did Jarvis tell you?" Howard asked. There was a certain softness in his voice Tony thought he had never heard before.

Howard nodded and filled the glasses. He put one in front of Tony.

"I don't drink."

Howard laughed. "You got your stomach pumped because of alcohol poisoning two weeks ago. Of course you drink."

"Not anymore." Tony said quietly, making his hands into fists and trying to contain his anger.

"A real man knows his limits, Tony."

Tony wanted to laugh. "Just like what you have been doing in the past 15 years, then."

"Don't you dare talk back to me."

"Sorry, sir." He said, putting as much sarcasm as he can on 'sir'.

Howard looked furious now. "Listen to me you little-"

"No, you listen to me! I have dealt with your bullshit all my life and-"

Howard slammed the glass onto the table and jumped to his feet. "You didn't even see the worst of me yet, kid! You think yourself a hero, don't you? I have seen heroes, Tony. You are nowhere near to being one. You're nothing but a pathetic and worthless burden. You should have died in your mother's stomach just like your sister."

Tony felt himself tear up and got up from the chair. He turned around and walked towards the door quietly.

He exited the room and stood on the doorway, his back turned to Howard as he let tears fall down. All the anger, all the courage he had was placed with sadness by just a couple of sentences spoken by his father.

Sister, he had said. Tony was going to have a sister and she had died before birth. Nobody had even cared enough to tell him.

Just as he was closing the door, he heard the man's voice.

"Stark men don't cry."

He didn't bother to wipe away his tears as he shut the door.

A few hours had passed since Tony talked to Howard. He was lying on the bed with sheets on top of him, staring at the ceiling.

Is my life even worth living, he thought. Would anyone even notice if I killed myself right here?

He shook the thoughts away from his head. He got up thinking he could maybe walk around the garden, get some fresh air. He could sit under the old oak tree, feel the night wind on his face. He got up and started walking, but his thoughts got interrupted when he bumped into his mother in the hallway.

"Anthony." she said, almost smiling. She was wearing a soft, white dress and had a glass of champagne in her hand. She smelt exactly like Tony remembered from his memories. Suddenly he wanted to hug her, bury his head into her chest and have her wrap her arms around him, maybe stay like that for the rest of eternity.

Instead he said "Hey mom."

A full smile formed on her lips when she heard his voice and Tony could feel his heart warming up just at the sight of her. God, he had missed her mother. He missed the way she would read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed. He missed the way she would play the piano just for him and he would listen to her all day. He missed the way she would hug him when he got hurt. He missed the way she would tell him everything would be alright and let him cry on her shoulder.

Tony could feel hot tears forming on his eyes so he cleared his throat and Maria's eyes slipped back on her child once again.

"Was I going to have a sister?" Tony asked, holding his breath as the look on his mother's face tensed.

"Who told you?"

"Dad." he simply said. He was shouting at me for being pathetic, and said that I should have died just like my sister.

"I miscarried." She leaned closer to Tony and whispered. "I was going to name her Rose. She is buried in the cemetery next to my parents now."

Tony simply nodded and looked away. Nobody had cared enough to tell him.

A minute passed while Tony and Maria were still standing in the hallway. Maria broke the silence.

"How's school?"

Tony looked up to see his mother smiling to him, as if the conversation between them had never happened. "School's fine." he barely whispered.

"Good, good." She nodded. "That's really good." She took a sip of her champagne and walk past Tony, roaming the corridors of the house like an invisible ghost.

Tony didn't really blame her. She was on medication for nearly a decade.

He kept looking at her direction for a few seconds after she disappeared from sight. He wiped away a tear and started walking towards the large garden.

He sat under the oak tree and felt the wind brushing on his face. He closed his eyes. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep until Jarvis found him in the garden and woke him up the next morning.

Dr. Strange exited the room where he had been examining the Avengers. Rhodey and Pepper got up and walked towards him with hope in their eyes. Maria Hill appeared behind them, waiting for an explanation.

"This is like nothing I have ever seen before. There is a serious amount of energy in the room. All of the team is somehow connected to Mr. Stark's mind. It's almost like a force is extracting information out of his brain and transmitting it to the rest of the team."

Rhodey looked at the doctor, slightly confused. "What kind of information?"

The doctor stared at him for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity to Rhodey. "Memories."

Pepper gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. "Are you saying that the team is trapped in Tony's mind and everyone is being forced to watch his memories?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Shit." was all that came out of Rhodey's mouth. He rubbed his eyes and sit on the closest chair.

Hill spoke without hesitation. "What do we do?"

"I may be able to trace the energy back to its source."

"Do it." Maria Hill commanded, and walked out.

"I need a few hours alone with them. After that, there is no point in keeping them in quarantine. Both of you can go and sit by his side."

Pepper tried to laugh, but it came out more like a sob. "Are you like, a magician or something?"

"Sort of." The doctor smiled and went back to the room, closed the curtains.

Pepper sat next to Rhodey and stared at the direction where Tony was laying in front of her eyes just a minute ago. They could do nothing but wait.

Somewhere far away from where the Avengers were being examined by Dr. Strange, far away from Tony's memories flooding into their minds, far away from SHIELD, a man was sitting in a chair, his eyes closed, mumbling something to himself. An older woman with scars and burns all over her body entered the room and shook the young man to wake him up. He simply opened his eyes and looked at her. He nodded, although no words were exchanged and walked out the door.

The team was sitting on their chairs in the white rooms, all of their conditions were slightly improved after their bodies were hooked into the machines in the SHIELD headquarters, which they didn't know anything about.

The voice spoke with a slight panic in his voice that the team never heard since they came here. "I'm going to have to leave you alone here for a couple of hours. At least you can chat and talk about your feelings while I'm gone."

Tony was the first one to feel him disappear. All this time, Tony had felt the sick man poking around in his brain and finally relaxed when his presence was no longer there. The rest of the team must have gone through the same experience because their expressions changed, everyone relaxed a little bit.

Nobody spoke for a little while. What would you say when someone was making you watch your friend's memories, and you realized that you never knew the man you called your friend at all?

The first one to break the silence was Clint. "You were adorable as a kid, Stark."

When had Clint started calling him 'Stark'? Tony turned his head towards Clint and looked at his eyes. His general expression had changed, although he was trying very hard to hide it. He looked at Tony like he was a fragile piece of glass, which would shatter instantly if you weren't careful. Clint had always been the one who had a darker sense of humor and joked more easily than the others. If Clint was looking at Tony like this, the rest of the team would be tiptoeing around him from now on.

"Do you mean I'm not adorable now?" Tony said, smiling. It wasn't the genuine smile, though. Not genuine like his smiles when he was with Rhodey, laughing at stupid jokes with him. Not like his smiles when he was with Pepper cuddled in the corner of the sofa, her head resting on his chest next to the arc reactor and his hand stroking her hair gently. It wasn't like what they have seen from the memories, when he was with Jarvis or with Aunt Peggy. It was the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Tony Stark smile. He smiled this way in front of cameras, around people he didn't trust.

Clint didn't even bother to retort. Tony's patience was running out and although he didn't want to, he couldn't stop himself from saying what he wanted to say all along.

"All of you. Stop treating me like I'm glass that's going to shatter any minute. I'm still the same Tony and it doesn't make it any easier to cope when you all look at me like that."

Steve was the first person to look at him in the eye and try to speak comfortably, but his voice cracked. "Why didn't you ever tell me you knew Peggy?"

Tony hesitated for a second but then decided, fuck it. What do I have left to hide?

"I should have." Tony sighed deeply. "I didn't because I wasn't ready, I guess. It still hurts, you know. She doesn't even remember me anymore."

Steve stayed silent, not knowing how he should respond. Steve had received files on his friends after he was unfrozen, and found out that most of them were dead. He had known that Peggy had Alzheimer's, but had been too afraid to visit her. That seemed like a stupid mistake now.

"She remembers you, though. You should visit her, Steve. She loves you very much. You can tell by just the look on her face."

Steve's eyes met Tony's and it suddenly wasn't really hard to see the difference between the young boy from Tony's memories and the man in front of him. He was still the same, he had just learned to bury all of his feelings so deep nobody had suspected anything.

Steve realized he had been crying when he felt a tear fall from his cheek. He turned his head, not being able to handle the look on Tony's face anymore. Natasha put a comforting hand on Steve's shoulder as he silently cried.

Tony didn't know how many minutes passed until the voice came back. This whole being trapped inside a white room in your head thing was making it hard to be aware of the time.

"Sorry about the inconvenience. It appears SHIELD has been trying to find me." The voice said. A spark of hope passed Tony's eyes. "But don't worry, they won't be finding me anytime soon."

Tony took deep breaths and tried to free his hands where they were still tied to the back of the chair, which now seemed stupid. How was he supposed to escape his mind?

He closed his eyes. Please don't make me go through this again, please don't make me go through this again, please don't make me go through this again.

"I'm sorry, Tony. No can do."

"Why am I still tied to the chair? It's not like I can go anywhere, right?"

The voice laughed. "It seemed more dramatic that way. I thought it would remind you of your days in Afghanistan." Tony winced.

"I hope you are ready for this, Tony. We wouldn't want you to break again, would we?"

I hope you enjoyed this. I'm so so so so sorry it's been so long, but I kept on writing and rewriting this chapter because I wasn't happy with the outcome. Then I just decided to post it since I made you guys wait like 2 weeks. I promise I will upload the next chapter sooner. Thanks to all of you that followed, favorited, reviewed, and took the time to read my story!

Until next time!