Heavy Metal Idiots

"What lasts longer? Cirrhosis or lung cancer?"

Cloud belched and took his jacket off, tossing it back into the hotel room before leaning over the balcony. "I bet you'll die first."

Sephiroth snorted and took another drag from his cigarette. "I bet you're right."

"I envy you," Cloud said sarcastically. "You'll be out of hell, and I'll be stuck here, alone, for who knows how long."

"Long is the way out of hell that leads up to the light," Sephiroth quoted. "You haven't walked far enough to get cirrhosis, but you do stink like it."

"You don't have lung cancer," Cloud pointed out.

"Nope. But my lungs are dying faster than your liver."

"Alright, then, gimme." Cloud snatched the cigarette out of Sephiroth's hands and smoked it.

Devil Appeared Sporting Heels

Before he could grasp even an idea of what to say, he saw a shadow on the wall in front of him. He would've dismissed it if it weren't for the silhouette looking like a woman in heels somehow doing a full split while standing on one foot.

The blond sat there for a minute or two, his mouth opening and closing quickly as if he were stuttering silently. Eventually, he managed to ask, "Who are you?"

"I'm Tim Curry reincarnated, BITCH!"

The voice was obviously and undeniably male as well as loud. Cloud jumped back, knocking over a jar and a candle and causing the flame to go out.

By the time Cloud got over his shock and relit the candle, the shadow was gone. Quickly, the blond scrambled back into the center.

"M-mister Tim Curry, sir! Please come back!"

(SPOILERS) Doll (SPOILERS)

In record time, he made it to the alley where he saw the bit of silver hair and turned it. His breath hitched, and he stopped.

There, Sephiroth continued walking, his hair swaying a little limply – he didn't have an umbrella, either. But, from Cloud remembered, the cold probably didn't affect him at all, rain or no rain.

He wanted to call out to Sephiroth, but his voice was stuck. He couldn't even open his mouth.

There, in the flesh. Not a figure on TV or in a newspaper. He was real.

And yet, he almost didn't seem real. Cloud found himself unable to breathe; he was holding his breath and didn't know it until he snapped out of his trance. Boldly, Cloud stepped forward, after the man who seemed ghost-like at that very moment, and called his name.

"Sephiroth."

(SPOILERS) Assistant (SPOILERS)

"You're home early," Cloud remarked. He didn't turn around, just kept on drying the plate in his hands.

No answer, but the blond could tell that Sephiroth was still there. Cloud put the plate back in the dish rack, unable to procrastinate any longer. He turned the hot water on and grabbed a dish, scrubbing at it.

"Are you going to stand there all day?" Cloud asked bluntly.

"Why are you wearing that?"

Cloud held his breath, then sighed. "Lost a bet." Damn you, Zack, he thought. He'd hated the maid costume the moment he'd laid his eyes on it, but he wanted to burn the damn thing as Sephiroth continued to stare at him.

Surprise! (Scrapped)

The silver-haired man placed the box and the note onto the kitchen table, stiffening as he saw the box physically move and heard noises coming from it. He was tempted to pinch the bridge of his nose. He'd received a gift from Zack, and it was obviously a live animal meant to be a pet. He appreciated the act of kindness, but didn't Zack know that he couldn't take care of a pet? Sephiroth was constantly away and almost rarely ever at home. That was not the kind of life a pet deserved.

Sephiroth fingered the top of the box and decided to open it, at least to say goodbye to whatever was inside.

Tiny, pale blond paws peeked out from the top edge of the box, helping bring two little ears and a head out as well. The kitten looked around with a seemingly blank look in its eyes. A blue ribbon was tied into a loose bow around its neck, and the accessory moved slightly as the kitten mewed loudly. Sephiroth moved to touch it, but the tiny animal flinched before leaning forward to sniff the man's hand. He picked up the kitten and held it in one hand, bringing it close to his chest and petting it. The kitten stiffened under his touch but soon grew used to the soothing contact, purring and reaching for the man's hand with its claws when he stopped petting it.

Cruel Fairytale (Rewrite)

Midgar, the eastmost continent, was widely known as the sleepless and most technologically advanced city. Above its darkly hidden Sectors stood a plate, where the higher-classed citizens and the Shinra Electric Company resided.

Constant debate over who was truly the figure of authority over the city never died down, but, although the society did not think of their beloved home this way, Midgar was undeniably an empire shaped and led by Shinra. The company's power and influence stretched across the entirety of the Eastern Continent and across the ocean, though its control over the Western Continent was shakier in comparison.

Shinra's specialization in Mako energy allowed the company to be the monopoly of providing energy for nearly every settlement on the world map. In addition to electrical power, Shinra also provided formidable security and troops largely thanks to Mako experiments on human beings.

Shinra maintained an iron grip over Midgar and Junon in the Eastern Continent. Its interests in the rest of the land and in the Western Continent have waned over time, especially after the failed Space Program was canceled in Rocket Town. However, Shinra, upon discovering an abudant source of Mako even further west, had shifted its focus on Wutai. Ambassadors, accompanied by SOLDIERs, traveled to the small continent, hoping to negotiate with the officials there on placing a Mako reactor.

Wutai, being the proud, isolated nation it was, refused, as was in its nature. The population was mostly indigenous and they strove to keep it that way – no immigrants were allowed to live there, though traders were allowed to come and go to buy and sell goods as they pleased.

Shinra's proposals grew more insistent, and the Wutai people felt increasingly more and more threatened. Inevitably, violence ensued, and war broke out between the two powers.

From its naval port in Junon, Midgar wasted no time in deploying troops to begin the war. SOLDIERs of all classes were deported, and new recruits were rapidly accepted, for reinforcements were desperately needed months after the war broke out.

Among the new Third Classes waiting to be sent to Wutai was an eager Cloud Strife. He boarded the helicopter anxiously with several other young men, nervous about his first mission overseas.

The northernmost point of Wutai held the majority of the small but fierce conflicts. Little news made it back home on how the SOLDIERs fared or on the amount of casualties and the wounded. Despite this, Cloud was confident that their side was doing well, and he was ready to give it his all and contribute.

Notes:

Compiled: 2016年3月21日（月）

I'm dying to write Heavy Metal Idiots out so badly, it's almost not funny. Curse you, works in progress.

I've gone ahead and thrown some spoilers out both as a teaser and as a little thanks for being patient. I'll hop to updating eventually, I swear. I know the Doll spoilers aren't anything special or unexpected, but... You can't expect me to hand over spoilers for that one. :P Assistant, though, I don't really care about.

Yes, Cruel Fairytale will be rewritten. Rereading it was driving me absolutely insane, mostly because of the severe lack of world-building and quick, rushed, choppy rambling. The rewrite so far still seems like awkward rambling, but I still think it's a step-up from the original. Right now, I will only remake the first chapter, and then I will focus on completing the fic. That's more important, after all. I've posted the rewrite here so it can be compared to the original. It's more productive than writing down loads of notes that probably (sadly) won't even make it into the finished thing...

Next things to update are Doll, Tanuki, Gold and Silver, and Cruel Fairytale, among other things.

PS: If anybody wants to adopt Surprise!, you're more than welcome to. Do whatever you want with the idea, and don't worry about crediting me. It's not a very original idea anyways.

PSS: Doll and Tanuki are driving me nuts, too, and will most likely be rewritten in the very, very distant future. Don't worry about it, though; it's a long way off and both will be completed first.