ALRIGHT. I'M HERE! I'TS HERE

I present Ch.2 of How Shall I Love You

Author's Note: Okay it's been literally about two weeks from exactly 2YEARS since this was updated. Please forgive me to those who have waited so patiently. ESPECIALLY to those who have waited like 3 years for You're Worth It (you should check it out. its hot heavy and good/decent). A lot has happened to me the past two years (4 relationships, 1.5 years of being legally homeless, moving 4 (about to be 5) times and blah blah blah) BUT I've finally gotten my life together and had random inspiration for this story. I got this done in two days so I probably shouldn't be posting this yet but I'm about to move again and I wanted to get this done before it was too late. I hope you guys love it as much as I do and there WILL be a third chapter not too far from now.

Dedications

HaruhiFujioka1425: I'm so glad you felt that way! I remember crying a little when I first wrote that chapter because I couldn't believe I was doing this to the twins.

BOLTO1: THANK YOU THANK YOU! I'm so sorry that this took about 2 years for me to update and I'm sorry to disappoint on You're Worth It since I've yet to update it. I'm not giving up on it I swear but its going to be a while longer before I can go along with it. It's next chapter will be short only because the rest will be its usual 3k+ words.

HeartQueenVavaldi: AWE thank you ^_^ I tried to put it in a way that really ties all the aspects a relationship and I was rather happy with it.

AlisonWest: Thanks. Here you go.

Anonymous: I knoooowwwww!

THURSTY: Here is the second. You get more xp

Existiert Nicht: This is gunna have you like -_o

DychiTokuga: I love how your review was typed 'hilary' for two years XD

sonicshadowbro: Here yous gos

Nonius9: If you ever get tired of the clichéd lovey-dovey fics then you should go on wattpad. the stories for these two are all so depressing and heart breaking that I went into depression for months. All kind of hardcore and gets into some deep stuff and made me hate haruhi with an unrealistic passion for a year.

crazy and random child: Thanks for the offer. If I need one you will be my first thought.

Pairings: Hikaru x Kaoru

Disclaimer

I do not own Ouran or its characters because if I did it would be an intense yaoi or at the very least wouldn't have ended in a hug. I mean come on, if you are about to die with the girl you love in your arms we all know you aren't going to just hug her and hope for the best.

Italics: Kaoru's thoughts

Bold Italics: Hikaru's thoughts

Enjoy ^_^

Hikaru's POV

'Please Kaoru... please you have to forgive me.'

I got myself off the floor and tried to calm down a bit. Feeling like the biggest jackass is well deserved but now is not the time. I need to think. For once, I needed to think about how Koaru must feel. This may very well be my final chance to help the situation.

I stepped back into my bedroom a few minutes later, still trying to wrack my brain on how to go about things. 'OUR! I meant OUR bedroom!' I groaned 'This… may get worse before it gets better.' I need to show him that I still care about our relationship. And more importantly, him. But how...?

'Think. Think. Think damn it!'

Once I got within about arm's length of my brother, I knew thinking time was over and it was time for plan B. 'Just speak your mind. Just say something. Yeah. Just to get the ball rolling. You cannot make things any worse. So just say, anything.'

So, I did just that. I put a firm hand on his shoulder and with all the the confidence I had I spoke to him. And so, the first thing out of my mouth... was a mistake

"I couldn't have known you thought so highly about sex Kaoru." 'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!'

Kaoru's POV

I can't breath too well. I'm starting to feel hot and that's not a good sign. 'Shit I need to find my meds soon before I lose it on a rampage. God forbid Hikaru finds out I didn't take them. Oh well...

'I can't believe I just ran out like that. What am I some school girl who just got rejected by her crush? Well I guess in a way I might as well be.' I sighed despite my tears. 'No. No I'm done crying over him. But the look on his face. If I didn't know any better I'd say he looked guilty and offended. Hmph. Serves him right.' I almost let out a chuckle at the thought.

I heard what sounded like a thud to a wall. 'He's gonna hurt his hand like that. Dumbass.' A moment passed and I could hear him walking towards me. His steps were slow and hesitant. He came to a stop just a few feet away and put a hand on my shoulder. 'No. Just go away. I don't even want to hear you apologize anymore. No matter how much you plead I just can't forgive something so-'

"I couldn't have known you thought so highly about sex Kaoru."

Wait.

What?

'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!'

I gritted my teeth together and tilted my head back with a crooked and dark smile. I somehow managed not to break the hand on my shoulder and instead brushed it off. "Was that supposed to be a joke?"

He started babbling like an idiot, probably trying to find his bearing. Maybe take his foot out of his mouth. "Uhm…I didn't, not in that...I-I just wanted to...uhm, yes?"

FAIL

I can tell he's trying, 'but right now I couldn't give any less shits to even turn around to look at him.'

"This isn't just about sex Hikaru!" I threw my arms down to my side and ducked my head down. My body was shaking, out of anger or sadness was anyone's guess. I just wanted to be anywhere else but here. "I doesn't matter anymore anyway, just leave me alone will ya. Shouldn't be too hard right? You've all but mastered it at this point!" I spat bitterly.

"Kaoru please. Let's just talk about this." I felt his hand grace my shoulder but I chose to stand firm and step away from it. Something I had never done before.

"Talk? Now you want to talk? Well in case you hadn't noticed, I tried that. Many, many, oh so very many times. Spoiler alert, it doesn't work too well." I wrapped my arms around my torso closing in on myself, I couldn't even be bothered to wipe what I swear to be the last of my falling tears.

"Yeah... you're right. I'm thick headed and I don't listen and I'm always causing us trouble. So then how about you talk this time. And I promise to hear you. Just, just tell me how you're feeling. from start to finish." He said sounding desperate but sure and determined.

I peeked over my shoulder at him, just to see if he meant what he said only to turn back to facing the wall. 'Damn it don't make that face when I'm pissed. Shit is my face red?' No god damn it we are threw! But still.. "You'll really listen? You'll hear my feelings?"

"I swear."

I sighed with nothing less to lose "Starting with the whole sex problem, the simple fact is that you weren't treating me right. I'm not just some whore who needs to be drilled into and screwed every day. But I'm also not a talking sex toy you can carry around for your convenience, only to be ignored unless needed. I'm not either of those things Hikaru." 'I was your boyfriend for crying out loud.' "I'm a human being so of course I wanna go at it like crazy." I let a soft yet bitter chuckle escape at my honesty. Hey we are teenagers after all, "but I also have emotions and a soul."

I whipped myself around glaring straight at Hikaru, "I was your boyfriend. For a long time. But more importantly I'm your brother, your friggin' twin!" I'm sure my face perfectly matched my rage and I grabbed his collar in a choking grip. His eyes like dinner plates "How could you think so lowly of me? Just when the hell did I become your toy you bastard!"

No stop.

You can't go there.

Let him go and breath.

So I did just that. With a bit of a shove I released him. My face dark I'm sure as I looked at him. He just stared like I had stabbed him. Damn it.

Yet still he seemed to really be listening. And he was staring at me. Right at me. 'Now you look at me? Now do you see me?' I decided I needed to calm down, but like earlier as soon as I did I felt my heart breaking.

Heart break? Anger? There is no lesser of two evils between the two here.

"Doesn't that mean anything to you anymore?... You would think if it did..." I paused getting choked up again. "I thought that if it did... if I just got you to look at me, just one time, you could realize how bad things are and how unhappy I was." Turning my head down to the side, I folded my arms as if trying to protect myself from my own words. "You'd feel like a jackass. Then look like one trying to apologize just like you always do-" I held back a sob and gave such a pitiful half smile. "And we could go back to the way things were."

Thinking way back to the day we first confessed our feelings, I remember how obvious it was to each other. The look on his face that day has always been my most favorite memory. Still is in fact. We must have repeated the words 'I love you' a thousand times in about a hundred different ways that day. That kiss may not have been our first, but it was absolute proof. Proof that what we felt belonged only to the two of us.

Just imagining it gave me a stroke of happiness. 'I want to feel that love again Hikaru. But I have doubts that you still feel that way now.'

I couldn't help as I walked toward him. Just a couple steps and we were so close together. Just enough space for me to place a gentle hand on his chest. I felt his heart beating. It was so calm yet rapid. I stared deep into his eyes. Same color as mine. But so much more beautiful.

I know he doesn't hate me. -At least I hope not- but for these past few months he leaves me alone. He shuts me out. He still jokes with me, we play video games, we talk at family dinner and hang out still...but is that it. We have -what he considers to be- sex on a sort of regular basis and sleep in the same bed, but he never holds me anymore. I know I should be glad that I don't get kicked out of bed anymore but that's only because Hikaru doesn't get overheated anymore. Because he lays so far away from me. It gets cold at night.

I'm so confused

My hand moves to the back of his neck.

I just can't tell

My other grips his tie.

What do you feel

I grip his hair forcing him to lean in closer to me

Am I your brother or your boyfriend?!

I step a little closer until there is just enough distance between us so he can see the crazed and confused smirk on my face.

I'm breaking Hikaru!

"Tell me Hikaru. Just how do you love me?"

Can you see it yet?!

"I need to know."

"K-kaoru?"

BAM

CLIFFHANGER!

I already know what I want to do next so I don't see this taking me too long to update. Maybe a month or two. Sorry for the cliffhanger btw.

Oh I had an idea and I want you guys to put in your opinion along with your reviews for the chapter. Y'know how there are a LOT of HikaKao stories that are just SO close to the end but never got finished? Well I was thinking of started a story/stories filled with one shots of how I wanted to see the fanfic end (with credits to the author of course). What do y'all think?

Also I've been WAY into Natsu x Grey fanfics lately. So, if you have one written I'd love to read it. I'm pretty sure I read all the good ones on here though (by good I mean more than one chapter and not them having multiple partners) not that those AREN'T good, I personally just don't like those too much.

And with that I bid you a goodnight.

Please, review and tell me what you think ^_^