Numb.

That's the best way to describe how I'm feeling. "Feeling" being the understatement of the year, of course. It's not as if I didn't put up a fight to keep Miles. I tried winning him back. But I know very well when I'm defeated. Déjà-vu from Paris, much? I've come to realize that I can't compete with beautiful girls. And now that it's over, all I'm left with is wondering how it all started in the first place.

How did I get here? On the day after the storm I gave Miles an out. I made myself believe that it was to get back at Maya. Or even at his dad.

I didn't want to be an experiment.

A game.

A mistake.

Were any of his words that day even true? Some of them must have been or else it wouldn't have gone this far. But how did he fall for me? I'm not delicate like his exes. I don't wear dainty dresses or skirts and excuse me if my Versace Man doesn't smell like flowers.

I had Miles. Miles. Yet I couldn't keep my hold on this God among men. Even when I proudly showed Owen a selfie of us while we were dating the first thing he asked was, 'How were you ever able to score a guy like that?' And I remember replying with wonder that I had no idea. Guess what? The answer still hasn't changed but now I'm just a naïve fool.

And now that it's over, it's like it had never even begun. We haven't shared two words with each other ever since the break up. Thank goodness we have this week off for reparations. But I know it won't be long until school will be back in session and our next lab assignment forces us to work together. That's gonna be totes awks.

It was my deepest dream to have a guy like Miles but now I've woken up. Back to reality. I should have known better than to go for someone who was so obviously out of my league. All I know is that I need to put on a brave face. I was the one who chose to walk away. What I need a makeover. But not just yet. I still can't feel a thing.

I guess I was meant to have nothing after all.