I'm back! So sorry for being gone so long, life happened. I had a great job, but then I got laid off. Unemployment sucks. But I've come back to writing with a passion! Thanks to those of you who are still reading this story! I have to offer you a somewhat longer that usual chapter, and I've already got a decent start on the next one. Not to mention, I've started a new story. I've not uploaded it here yet…I kind of what you guy's opinion on if I should go ahead and upload what I have so far of that story or wait until this one is finished to start uploading my other one…Let me know in comments!

As always, I love any and all feedback so please keep those comments coming! Alright, on with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, but I wish I did! Thanks to J.K.R. for such fun characters to play with!

"What if I were to agree now and change my mind after a few lessons?" He asked suddenly, looking up to watch her through his hair.

Mayble blinked in surprise, "Well, I would want to talk about it. Just so that I could understand what was going wrong, or making you uncomfortable, and either work on finding a way to fix it going forward or find you another teacher who could meet your needs better."

Harry stared at her with wide eyes for a moment, his head having risen as she spoke. He blinked after a moment and ducked his head in embarrassment, thoughts spinning once again. Well, that's…different.

Making his decision Harry nodded resolutely. "Alright then, if you can promise that, I'm in." He thrust a hand out, a determined gleam in his emerald eyes.

Mayble took his hand firmly, a look of pride glimmering in her deep chocolate eyes. "I promise, Harry."

ooOoo

"Do you think they'll be alright?" Sirius asked, worry crinkling his brow as he glanced back over his shoulder for the third time since he and Jasper had left the sitting room. Since he'd left Harry alone with Mayble. A woman the boy had just met that day. A certified Healer who had just found out about the boy's abuse. "Maybe I should go back and make sure Harry's ok…"

"Sirius!" Jasper's exasperated voice broke into his swirling thoughts and Sirius jerked his head around to look at the man. "They'll be fine. Stop worrying."

Sirius sighed and hunched his shoulders, running both hands over his face. "He doesn't trust me, Jasper." He dropped his hands and met his friend's eyes. "I know it takes time but he was hurt. He was in pain, and he didn't trust me enough to tell me! He thought I would think him weak, weak Jasper, for asking for help."

Jasper let out an irritated sigh and reached out, grabbing Sirius' shoulder in a tight grip. "You are utterly infuriating," He growled as he yanked Sirius into a tight hug. He held on as Sirius stiffened and tried to pull away before giving up and relaxing into the hold. "You need to talk to someone, Sirius, you need help healing from your time in Azkaban, mentally and emotionally. I can only help you so much by healing your body…"

Sirius went rigid again and tried to yank himself away only to fail. He stood stiffly in Jaspers arms. "What are you saying, Karten?" He hissed, glaring at the far wall.

"I'm saying, Black, that Mayble is probably offering to act as a Mind Healer for Harry, Merlin knows the boy will need it to deal with all the shite he's been through." Sirius paused at that, a little of his anger ebbing away. "And I'm saying that you'd benefit from talking to someone as well. You can't help Harry if your struggling with your own demons."

Sirius sagged, dropping his head onto Jasper's shoulder in defeat. "Who would I even begin to ask? I'm a wanted criminal…"

"Try looking outside the country. You do have some properties in France and Spain, even in the Americas if I'm not mistaken?" Sirius nodded against his shoulder. "I'm sure one of those countries would be willing to give you asylum if you asked, plus it would give you and Harry a nice little bolthole if things went pear shaped with Dumbledore."

"That's…a brilliant idea!" Sirius pulled back, this time Jasper let him go freely, and beamed. "See! This is why I keep you around Jass!"

"Don't call me that…" Jasper sighed, his face settling into boredom now that Sirius was effectively broken out of his funk. "I have a feeling I've just volunteered myself for a whole lot more work…"

Sirius smiled sheepishly at him and rubbed the back of his neck, "Well, I can't very well go ask for asylum myself, now can I? If they said no I'd be handed over to ol' Fudge and Kissed faster than you could blink!"

"Yes, yes, we'll bring it up with Mayble as well," Jasper rolled his eyes. "I'm sure she'd be willing to help. Between the two of us I'm sure we'll be able to find a country willing to house you. Now, I really must be going, I have another appointment this afternoon. I'll be back in a week for another check up, just floo me if anything comes up between now and then."

Sirius frowned at that and reached out to stop the Healer before he reached the entrance hall floo. "But, Jasper how am I to know if something's wrong if he won't tell me?"

Jasper paused, studying the distressed look on Sirius' face for a long moment. "You'll just have to keep a close eye on him, Siri. And trust that he'll keep his promise to tell you if anything's wrong."

Sirius heaved a sigh and dropped his hand. "Alright. I'll try, Jass. I just worry about him…"

Jasper relaxed his shoulders slightly, a fond glint in his eyes. "I know Siri, I'll work on finding you a Mind Healer." Jasper flashed a quick smile before stepping into the floo. "It'll get easier, you'll see."

A flash of green flames and the Healer was gone, Sirius dropped into a chair by the door. I hope he's right…

ooOoo

Harry looked up from his book as Sirius entered the library. They hadn't spoken much in the two days since the healers had come. Sure, they'd continued with lessons, and exercise training, but any regular conversation had been stilted and awkward.

Harry sighed and lowered his book, marking his page with a scrap of parchment, as Sirius disappeared behind a book shelf without a word. If he was being honest, Harry knew he was the source of most of the awkwardness between them. He just felt so guilty over hiding the fact that his back had reopened, that he hadn't trusted Sirius enough to ask for help.

That coupled with his agreement to let Mayble teach him the Mind Arts…

Harry just couldn't help but feel that he'd let his Godfather down. And it seemed like Sirius felt the same, with the way he'd been avoiding Harry lately.

Harry sighed again and dropped his head into his hands. This was getting ridiculous, he needed to suck it up and talk to his Godfather. With that thought, he tightened his resolve and let his hands fall away from his face.

"Sirius?" Harry heard the rustling of pages stop off to his left. "Sirius, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, Pup…" Sirius' voice sounded from between the shelves, Harry let out the breath he'd been holding. "Give me a second to find this book, alright?"

"Sure, no problem," Harry hoped his voice didn't sound as nervous as he was feeling. Not a minute later Sirius emerged from the stacks, an old leather bound book in hand.

"What did you need, Harry?" He asked, sitting down across the table, an open, if nervous, look on his face.

"I - I just thought…" Harry swallowed, he couldn't bring himself to look at the man so he stared down at his book, fidgeting with the spine. "I - I…"

"Harry," The understanding tone of Sirius' voice had Harry glancing up into his soft gray eyes. "I know things have been a bit…awkward, since Jasper and Mayble's visit, and I'm terribly sorry for that,"

"No!" Harry interrupted, flushing at Sirius' raised eyebrows. Before dropping his gaze again. "I mean, you shouldn't be sorry. I - I'm the one who let you down. I hid things from you, I ditched you for Mayble, I-"

"Harry! Slow down!" Sirius halted Harry's sputtering, placing a warm hand over Harry's own. "You haven't let me down, Harry. I promise you, and as for ditching me for Mayble." Sirius shook his head, a fond look on his face. "I told you, I'm rubbish at the Mind Arts, I'm just happy you have someone able and willing to teach you."

"But…" Harry shook his head, still staring down at his fidgeting hands. "But you've been avoiding me…" He trailed off, embarrassed at how small his voice sounded, at the slight tremor it contained. A deep sigh from Sirius had him glancing back up again.

"I - I didn't think you'd noticed…" Harry watched uncertainly as Sirius ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I have been avoiding you, but not because of anything you've done. Please believe that." Sirius met Harry's eyes intently and reached out to grip his hand tightly.

"Alright…" Harry nodded, squeezing Sirius' hand before gently pulling away and hiding his hands in his lap. "But if it wasn't because you were disappointed with me, then…why?"

Sirius sighed again and let his shoulders slump as he pulled his hand back and let it rest in his own lap. "Harry, I…Azkaban isn't a nice place, Pup. It's a harsh, frozen, isolated place. And every cell is guarded by dementors."

"Wait, your cell was guarded by dementors? I thought they just guarded the perimeter, like they did at Hogwarts…" Harry leaned forward, horror coursing through him.

Sirius shook his head, "Oh, no. They ghost though the halls of Azkaban, leaving nothing but fear and pain in their wake." Harry shivered, the hair along his arms raising in instinctual fear. "People lose their minds in Azkaban, insanity drips from the walls there. The only thing that saved me was Padfoot. Escaping into animal form gave me a small respite from their effects."

"How?" Harry questioned, eyes wide.

"From what I can tell, the Dementors don't pick up animalistic emotions like they do human ones." Sirius shrugged and shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure, Jasper and Mayble have me researching it but…well that leads us back to the point I'm trying to make here."

"Oh, right. Why you've been avoiding me…" Harry sat back, ducking his head once again. He peaked through his fringe to see Sirius running his hand through his hair again.

"Right." The man grimaced before seeming to steel himself. "Thirteen years in Azkaban left it's mark on me, Harry. I…I know Mayble offered to act as your Mind Healer," Harry flushed at that, and dropped his eyes back down to the table. "Being mine too would be a conflict of interest. So Jasper and I are looking outside the country to find me someone to talk to."

Harry jerked his head back up, eyes wide, as the implications of Sirius' words clicked in his mind. "You…you're going to see a Mind Healer too?" He ignored the way his words came out as a strangled whisper, too intent on Sirius' answer.

"Yeah, I was planning on telling you once I found someone. I didn't want to worry you with my issues." Sirius reached out and nudged Harry's chin up to close his gaping mouth with a small smile. "I know it's hypocritical since I ask you to share these things with me, I realize that, and I will share these things from now on, I promise you. I just wanted you to have a stable adult to rely on, I just…" Sirius dropped his hand and let out his breath the small smile long gone. Replaced by worry.

"You just didn't want me to worry." Harry supplied, a small smirk twisting his lips. "I know the feeling."

Sirius gave a rueful chuckle, "We're both learning, Pup. We'll get better, it-"

"Just takes time." Harry finished with a smile, "Yeah, I'm starting to see that."

ooOoo

Sirius looked up from his most recent correspondence with the Goblins, the plans for extracting the Basilisk were progressing quickly, as an owl flew in through his window.

He didn't recognize the small muted brown creature and immediately drew his wand and started casting revealing charms and diagnostic spells over it and the small package it carried.

He frowned heavily when all of his spells came back negative. Hesitantly, still highly suspicious of the unknown sender, Sirius reached out and untied the twine keeping the small parcel attached to the owls leg. Said creature huffed and shuffled indignantly at having to hold its leg out so long. Once relieved of its burden the owl nipped Sirius' finger viciously before swooping out the window.

"Bugger! Mankey blighter!" Sirius yelped, immediately sticking his bleeding digit into his mouth. He continued to grumble darkly to himself as he eyed the brown paper wrapped package on his desk. It was rectangle, and Sirius could tell it was under a shrinking charm.

Sighing he waved his mother's wand to reverse the shrinking charm, the package grew to be a little over a foot long, and about four inches thick, two inches wide. He could see the corner of a letter poking out from the edge of the brown wrapping.

Pulling in free Sirius resisted the urge to cast more scanning charms, shaking his head at his own paranoia. The envelope was blank, so he quickly cut it open and pulled out the folded letter.

Greetings Mr. Menheim,

Please find enclosed with in the attached package the two wands you commissioned previously. Regarding the spare wand attuned to Miss Joanna, I've included all of the necessary charms. Indeed you shall find all of the basic requirements for the average adult's wand.

My apologies for the longer than expected wait, some of the materials used were quite interesting. Only available under certain conditions, I'm afraid, and therefore challenging to find in our current climate. I'm sure you understand.

I have forwarded the request for the remaining payment to Gringotts, as instructed. It was a pleasure serving you and young Miss Joanna. I hope to do business again.

Regards,

Valgus Repping

Sirius sighed as he lowered the letter. So, the components of Harry's new wand were illegal. Brilliant.

He shook himself in a gesture much closer to something his doggy counterpart would do. It wasn't as if Harry just having a second wand wasn't illegal. and judging from Repping's note he'd indeed left off the Trace charm.

Right. He'd just have to be sure to impress upon Harry just how important keeping this wand secret really was. Truly, he wasn't all that worried. Harry seemed much more mature than his age would imply, probably a side effect of living with those sorry excuses for human beings, the Dursleys.

"Kreature." He called, pulling himself from dark thoughts of revenge. The old house elf popped in, his stance tall, shoulders squared. Sirius had to smile to himself at the difference in the elf. As much as he hated the blighter, he couldn't deny that Harry's plot had worked wonders on the elf's self worth.

"Master called for Kreature?" The elf croaked, bowing low.

"Yes, please tell Harry I need him to come to my study. No rush, just as soon as he has a moment." Sirius instructed. He'd wait to open the wands until Harry was there.

"Yes, Master." Kreature bowed again and popped away. Sirius leaned back in his chair, he hoped Harry would believe that he didn't have to hurry, but he didn't really think the boy would.

Sure enough, a few moments laters Sirius heard the sound of feet racing up the stairs. He sighed and hung his head a little, he'd hoped Harry was getting comfortable enough here but…

Shaking himself once again, he pulled himself out of that train of thought. It wouldn't help anyone, let alone Harry. They would get there, it would just take time.

He looked up, a small smile on his lips, when he heard a firm, if timid, knock on his study door. Even if he and Harry were not the only two in the house, not including the house elves, those pesky buggers never used doors, he would have known it was Harry knocking. It was a strange mix of determination and nervousness that could only come from his paradoxical godson.

"Come in, Harry." He called, smiling wider when he saw the boy's flushed cheeks and obvious attempt at controlling his breath. "You didn't have to run, didn't Kreature tell you it wasn't urgent?"

"Oh, y-yeah, but it'd be rude to keep you waiting, so…" Harry trailed off with an easy shrug, but Sirius' sharp eyes caught the boy's fingers twisting nervously at the hem of his shirt.

"It's fine, Harry. I just wanted to let you know our new wands came today." His smile grew when he saw Harry brighten at that.

"Really? Have you opened them? What does mine look like? Does this mean I can start practicing my magic now?" Sirius held a hand up with a chuckle when Harry had to pause to suck in a breath.

"Slow down, Pup. Take a breath." Harry ducked his head and blushed, but still leaned forward eagerly. "I haven't opened them yet, I rather thought you would want to be here to open them with me?" Sirius raised his eyebrow in question.

"Yes!" Harry nodded emphatically.

"Good, and yes. This means you may start practicing magic this summer. However, there are a few rules we need to talk about." He met Harry's eyes firmly. He frowned slightly when he saw fear flicker through the green orbs, and the boy's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed nervously.

"Okay, what rules?" Harry asked, Sirius could almost hear the and what are the consequences for breaking them? hanging in the air.

"Mostly common sense stuff," Sirius said reassuringly, "No magic unless I, or another trusted adult, is in the room." He paused to get a nod of understanding from Harry. "I'm sure there are going to be more rule's we'll have to discuss when we encounter issues, but for now there is just one other rule I want to impress on you."

He paused again to make eye contact with the young man across from him. Harry's brow was wrinkled in concern but Sirius could see the glint of determination in his eyes.

"You must not tell anyone else about your spare wand. Not unless you trust them absolutely, and you and I have discussed it before hand." Sirius said solemnly.

"O-okay," Harry said, confusion clear in his tone.

Sirius leaned back in his chair and cast a calculating eye over his charge. Maybe it was time to test his ability to decipher the infernal double speak prevalent in the…less than legal communities. He'd been planning on asking Mayble to start teaching the boy a bit, Merlin knows she had a smoother tongue even than Sirius, being in Slytherin. But here was an opportunity to see just how much training the young man would need…

"Tell me, what do you make of this?" Sirius asked suddenly, sliding the letter from Repping across the table. Harry started slightly, surprised by the apparent topic change.

"Erm…" Sirius watched as the confusion grew in Harry's eyes as he scanned the note, his brow furrowing in thought. "Well, I think the first paragraph is saying that he's left something off my wand that is generally put on underage wizard's wands?" Harry asked uncertainly.

Sirius inclined his head, waiting for the boy to go on.

"Er…I'm assuming that's what you were talking about in the shop when we first went in? When you said something about paying more for less, and how privacy is hard to come by and all that? So maybe it's some sort of monitoring or tracking charm? A way to track underage magic?" Harry was on a roll now, his eyes gleaming as he went back to scanning the letter.

"Very good, what else?" Sirius murmured, unwilling to jar the young wizard out of his thoughts.

"Hmmm…this is interesting…its almost as if he's saying some of the components for my wand were hard to get because they were out of season in Britain? That can't be it though…current climate…political climate? So maybe some of the materials used for my wand would be frowned upon by the current Ministry?" Harry finished, raising an eyebrow at his Godfather.

"Very good, pup!" Sirius beamed, "You missed a few subtleties but I'm very proud at how much you did understand."

"What did I miss?" Harry asked, frowning back down at the letter in his hands.

"Well, judging from the delicate phrasing, and the fact that he included it at all, I'd say the materials used for your wand would be for than frowned upon by the Ministry. Probably more like downright illegal and extremely dark." Sirius said, running a hand over his facial hair. "I'd also wager Mr. Repping has a good idea about who we really are, judging by the fact that his owl came directly here instead of being filtered through Gringotts…"

Harry looked up at that, his eyes wide. "Isn't that a bad thing? He could sell you out to the Ministry!"

"Hmmm…I don't know yet. Everything he's done and said makes me believe he's willing to work with us…" Sirius said, tilting his head. "And it's not as if he has any proof to give the Aurors…so we'll just have to keep an eye on him, I think."

Harry nodded unhappily and Sirius had to hide a fond smile. His Godson cared about him. It made a warm glow swell in his chest.

"Right then," Sirius said, clapping his hands together. "Lets take a look at these wands, eh?"

ooOoo

Harry sat forward eagerly, nodding his head. He wanted to be able to use magic again. Now that he could feel it swirling under his skin so freely he'd been itching to let it out.

Not to mention how twitchy it made him, not having a way to defend himself that wouldn't get him expelled. The exercise sessions with Sirius were helping to develop his muscles, but he was still a far cry from being ready to excel in any sort of physical confrontation.

Sirius smiled indulgently at him and started to unwrap the long parcel on his desk. "Here you go, Pup. Open yours first." Sirius passed him one of the two slim boxes.

Harry sat back in his chair, a smile playing on the corners of his mouth. He could feel his magic swirling, reaching out to the wand made just for him. He pulled the lid off and set it aside, there was a small slip of parchment on top of the box lining.

"Hmmm…looks like Mr. Repping included a list of the materials he used." Harry murmured, glancing up at his Godfather. "It says the wood is eleven and one thirds inches of Silver Lime? I've never heard of that…"

"Hmm…well, from what I can remember of the wand lore lessons my Grandfather insisted on…Silver Lime is a rather rare wood. I think Silver Lime wands had a reputation for choosing Seers. And those skilled in the Mind Arts…"

"Oh, so it means I'll be good at Occlumency and Legilimency?" Harry asked, cocking his head slightly and giving his Godfather a hopeful look. "Well thats good, isn't it?"

"It could mean your magic has a certain proclivity towards those practices, yes." Sirius nodded thoughtfully. "What's the core?"

Harry frowned back down at the slip of parchment, "It says the core is…Horned Serpent horn? Serpent as in snake?" Harry looked back up at Sirius in alarm.

Sirius leaned back in his chair, eyeing his Godson carefully, "Yes, Horned Serpents are snakes, and now I understand Mr. Reppings letter."

"Huh?" Harry articulated, confusion showing on his face.

"Horned Serpent renderings are banned in England. They can be used in quite a few dangerous potions, and when used as wand cores," Sirius gestured to the box sitting in Harry's lap. "They typically choose…Parslemouths."

Harry swallowed nervously, he had told Sirius about being a Parslemouth, but he was sure the man had forgotten. They had sort of glossed over that bid of information in their hurry to share their knowledge and thoughts. If he hadn't forgotten Harry was sure the man would have brought it up, angry that the product of his close friends could have such an evil gift. Sure the man had been excepting of Slytherin tendencies, even had at least one Slytherin friend…but this was different. Parsletongue was evil. Right? Everyone said so.

"Harry," Sirius started, but Harry cut him off.

"Why would my magic react to something like that?" Harry laughed nervously, feigning confusion. "Maybe there was some mistake, he must have-"

"Harry." Sirius said more forcefully, causing Harry's words to die in his throat. "It's okay, Pup. I didn't say anything about it when you told me, and perhaps I should have, but it's okay. Parsletongue is just like any other ability. You use it, it doesn't use you. It doesn't define you."

Harry let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding and sagged slightly in his chair. He kept expecting the other shoe to drop, for Sirius to realize what a worthless freak he was, and turn away from him like everyone else. He knew, intellectually, that Sirius had gone to a lot of trouble to be here for him, to intervene and help as much as he could, but Harry just couldn't help the life time of conditioning he'd had that told him he would mess it up eventually. That everyone would leave and it would be his fault.

But Sirius was slowly proving that conditioning wrong. His Godfather had rescued him from the Dursleys', had found out about his abuse, and listened to his rants and his secrets, and he had stayed. He'd accepted Harry like no one else had. And he was being exceptionally patient, understanding that it would take Harry time to come to trust him.

And here he was again, excepting a part of Harry that everyone else had shunned. That everyone else had reviled him for, at part of him that he couldn't help. But here Sirius was, staring at him calmly with understanding and…was that love? shining in his eyes.

Harry took a deep breath and dropped his head into his hands. "You don't care that I'm a Parslemouth? You don't hate me because I can speak to snakes?" He asked softly, his voice muffled by his hands.

"Of course not," Sirius answered, his voice low and calm. "Like I said, it's an ability. One that we can hone and one that may help save your life someday. It's part of you, I could never hate any part of you."

Harry looked up at him, he couldn't keep the hope he felt swelling in him from showing on his face. He knew he had to look pathetic, but at that moment he really didn't care. But after a second of meeting Sirius' level gaze he felt a wash of shame heat his face. "I-I'm sorry,"

"What do you mean? Sorry for what?" Sirius asked, a frown flickering across his face.

"I keep doubting you. I know you keep saying it'll take time, but I just hate that every time something comes up I expect…" Harry dropped his head again, hating the niggling doubt that wouldn't leave him.

"Harry," And suddenly Sirius was there, holding him against his chest in a solid hug. Harry froze but couldn't bring himself to draw away from the warm comfort his Godfather was offering. "I love you. I'll always love you, whether you doubt me forever or come to trust me. It wont effect my love for you."

They stayed like that for a few moments before separating. Sirius walked back around the desk to his chair as slowly as possible, giving Harry a moment to discreetly wipe his eyes.

"Thank you, Sirius." Harry mumbled. He shook himself and took a deep breath, looking back down at the slip of parchment he had all but forgotten.

"Well now, let's see," Sirius said, settling down in his chair and refocusing on Harry. "You've got a Silver Lime wood, Horned Serpent horn core wand. As I said, Honed Serpent parts, particularly the horn if my memory serves, are rumored to respond to Parselmouths. The wand lore I remember learning also suggests that they make for a powerful tool for both Light and Dark magic users."

"So I have a wand that has a proclivity for the Mind Arts and that will allow me to…choose my own path, in a sense?" Harry asked, a frown line forming between his eyebrows. "And what does speaking Parseltongue have to do with my wand? Are there Parseltongue spells?"

"So it would seem," Sirius inclined his head. "I'm not sure about Parseltongue spells, but I'm sure we can find a book on it, if not in the Black library then down Knockturn Alley."

Harry nodded, happy with that answer for now. He looked up, a little bemused when he heard his Godfather clear his throat meaningfully.

"Well? Are you going to pull it out and give it a try or not?" Sirius asked, amusement evident in his eyes.

"Oh, right," Harry chuckled, embarrassment creeping up his cheeks. He refocused on the box in his lap and carefully pulled back the layers of lining that were hiding his new wand from view.

He couldn't help the sharp exhale that left him upon seeing the beautiful instrument that came into view. It was pure white and seemed to glow with a eerie silver radiance in the dimly lit room. "It's beautiful," he breathed, brushing a hand over it, feeling the smooth texture for himself.

He shifted it out of the velvet lined intention and noticed a thin, raised line of silver toned wood that wrapped around the handle like vines, it was mostly straight, with a arc at the handle, it fit Harry's hand perfectly.

Harry let his eyes slip closed as he reveled in the feeling of his magic pouring into the wand, evaluating it. It seemed to take a lifetime, but eventually his magic settled, bonding his wand to him more tightly than Harry thought possible. He opened his eyes, a huge grin on his face, only to see his Godfather staring at him with wide eyes.

Harry noticed the study looked like it had been hit by a wind storm, papers strewn on the floor, knickknacks knocked over, and Sirius' hair looked distinctively ruffled.

"Er, sorry?" Harry squeaked, it came out more like a question.

Sirius let out a shaky breath and grinned widely, "Sorry? Pup, that was bloody amazing. So much magic!"

Harry blushed and ducked his head, "Heh, I'm just glad I can access my magic now. I hated feeling cut off from it."

Sirius smiled and nodded, "I understand that, my Mother's wand's been getting the job done but I'll be much happier to have a wand of my own again."

He reached out and grabbed the remaining box sitting on his desk, pulling it to himself eagerly. Harry had to stifle a chuckle at the childish exuberance rolling off his Godfather. Shaking his head he leaned forward to get a better view.

Sirius took his time pulling off the lid and paused as a slip of parchment fluttered out onto the desk. Harry quickly reached out and snagged it with his Seeker's reflexes, making a face at his Godfather's outraged sputtering.

"Oi! That's mine!" Sirius shouted indignantly.

Harry stuck his tongue out at the man and laughed. "You were taking too bloody long!"

"Yeah, yeah, cauldron meet kettle…" Sirius grumbled, leaning back in his chair with a roll of his eyes. Harry grinned, detecting a hint of amusement in the old marauder's glare.

"Let's see, its says your wand is twelve and one half inches of Dogwood…" Harry snorted, "Well thats fitting, isn't it?"

"Hmmm…Dogwood is interesting indeed," Sirius mused, his head quirked slightly. "They're known to be mischievous and not without their own quirks…yes, I'd say that is rather fitting…"

Harry chuckled and shook his head, glancing back down he read farther, "The core is Jackalope Antler…what's a Jackalope?"

"I believe it's a creature native to North America. Other than the fact that it looks like a large hare with antlers, I truly don't know much about it. I haven't heard of Jackalope Antlers being used in wands…" Sirius was gazing curiously at the rather long, dark, twisted looking wand resting in his hand. A warm wind swept gently through the study and a soft glow enveloped the man for a moment.

"Well it looks like your magic connected with it just fine?" Harry said, making it sound more like a question.

"That's much better," Sirius sighed, "My magic hasn't felt this strong since before Azkaban."

Harry smiled and settled back in his chair, content to play with his new wand as his Godfather did the same.

ooOoo

The rest of July passed in a whirlwind of new knowledge and training for Harry. He was getting more and more physically fit each day, much to Healer Karten's approval during his weekly check ups, his relationship with Sirius was improving just as steadily, much to both wizard's delight, and most importantly Harry's magical prowess was growing by leaps and bounds under the supervision of both Sirius and Mayble.

"This is wonderful, Harry!" Mayble clapped her hands, joy shining in her eyes as she gazed around at the various streams of memories flowing past her. "And you said you've figured out how to recall certain memories?"

"Yeah, I just have to have a general idea of the time frame." Harry nodded, pride welling up in his chest at her praise. "I have all the streams set up to be in chronological order so it's not hard to find specific memories, and it will be easy upkeep too. They'll automatically be added to the correct stream as they come in."

They were 'standing' in Harry's mindscape, surrounded by several streams of memories. Harry had taken to Mayble's Occlumency lessons like a duck to water, and Mayble couldn't be more thrilled with his progress.

"I'm so proud of you, Harry! It couldn't have been easy to go through all of them and get them sorted…" Mayble trailed off, watching Harry closely.

"Yeah, there were a few less than great moments I'd just as soon forget…" Harry flushed, ducking his head. In truth, going through his childhood recollections had been just about the hardest thing he'd ever had to do. Rewatching, re-feeling, all of the insults, the beatings, the hunger and loneliness. Harry shivered just thinking about it.

He'd thought he had perfect recall before, but now he realized he'd been shutting out parts of his memory, to protect himself. He was so grateful to Mayble, she'd been there for him through some of the worst of it. She'd let him talk it out, rant it out, scream, rage, even cry about some of the injustices heaped on him.

"It happened, Harry. It happened, and it hurt, it still hurts, but your stronger than they are, your strong enough not to let their actions keep hold of you." She'd said, "You're here now, just remember that."

Harry had taken her words to heart, he'd thrown himself into his work out routine with Sirius, as well as his magical studies. He was determined to be as strong as he could be, so no one could hurt him like the Dursleys had, and so he could protect himself from Dumbledore's manipulations.

Harry grinned at his teacher as she wandered around his mindscape, inspecting every detail.

"How are things between you and Sirius? Last time I was here you said you still hadn't spoken to him about the night your parents died." Mayble asked suddenly, look up at him expectantly.

Harry frowned and ran a hand through his hair. In his organizing he'd come across the memory the dementors made him relive. The memory he had found was crisp and clear in the beginning, he could clearly hear his parents' final word, see the fear in his mother's eyes as she stood between him and the shadowed figure of Voldemort. He must have fallen unconscious when the killing curse hit him, because there was only pitch black for a few moments after the bright green of the killing curse.

But then the memory continued, dim and a bit choppy, but there. He'd seen Snape crying over his mother's body, which creeped him out far more than he could even begin to express, and then sneaking away as Sirius cam roaring in on his motorbike. He'd been shocked at how much different Sirius looked in his memory compared to the one in the present.

Memory Sirius had been slim, yes, but he'd had defined muscles rippling under his Muggle t-shirt and denims, was well as a warm golden tan gracing his youthful skin. It had shocked Harry how much older, and paler, present day Sirius looked compared to the one in his memory, how much frailer the man looked now.

The memory had showed Sirius, tear tracks on his face, as he stepped carefully over Lily and scooped Harry up, trying to sooth baby Harry's tears. Harry had felt a twinge in his chest at the sight of his Godfather, so shaken, holding him tightly and fussing over the open cut on his forehead.

Then Hagrid had come. And Sirius had handed Harry over like a parcel to be delivered. Leaving him to be taken to his Aunt's while Sirius when tearing off, seeking revenge.

Harry had felt so angry after viewing that memory, his emotions had clouded his entire mindscape, forcing him to retreat back into the real world.

"It's okay to be angry, Harry. It's okay to feel betrayed. Your feelings are your own, but you have to remember that Sirius didn't intend on leaving you with your Aunt." Mayble had said, "He loves you. You need to talk to him about this. Otherwise you'll never be able to trust him as you wish to."

Harry knew she was right, but it was hard. Every time he thought about it he could feel the anger and betrayal welling up inside him, and it scared him a little. He didn't want to confront Sirius with his anger, he was still too afraid that Sirius would…well he didn't know what he was so afraid of.

"I still haven't." Harry sighed, running a hand though his hair. "I'm just so afraid I'll get angry and-"

"And what?" Mayble cut him off, frowning at him in concern. "Shout? Cry? What could be so bad that you're afraid of his reaction?"

"I don't know!" Harry huffed, turning away from his teacher. "I don't know, but every time I go to bring it up I…freeze."

"Hmmm…" Harry could feel Mayble's eyes evaluating him. He cringed slightly, waiting for a sharp retort or sarcastic reply as she was so good at providing. "I think I've taught you all I can about ordering your memories."

Harry started and turned to look at her in surprise. He'd not been expecting the abrupt subject change. "Eh?"

"Yes, I think you've quite got the hang of manipulating your memories and sorting them properly. Impressive to have mastered it so quickly, you're rather a natural." Mayble shot him a proud look, causing a flush to creep up Harry's cheeks. It seemed even in his own mindscape he couldn't hide his embarrassment.

"Er…thanks," Harry rubbed a hand through his hair, but brushed off his confusion. "So what's the next step?"

"I think you're ready to start trying to keep me out, building defenses is tremendously easier once you've sorted what you're trying to defend." Mayble smirked at him, "So, first lesson. I've attacked and infiltrated your mind. How do you keep me from finding whatever memory I want?"

Harry stared at her for a moment, thinking quickly. "Well, whatever I do I'd need to do quickly and effectively…having a drawn out battle in here could really damage my mind."

"Very good," Mayble praised, "So you have a couple choices, you could try and throw me out using pure force-"

"Which would risk failing and allowing you to retaliate and damage my memories, or risk missing you and damaging my mind on my own." Harry cut in, frowning at the thought.

"True. Your other choice would be to use trickery to confuse your enemy." Mayble replied.

"But how would that get them out?" Harry asked, cocking is head. Mayble just smiled and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to try and think it through on his own. "I guess I could try and force them around in circles until they lost the magical power necessary to hold the Legilimency probe…"

"That's one way to do it," Mayble agreed, "Can you think of any other?"

"Well…I could…" Harry frowned and racked his brains for a moment before brightening, "Oh! If I knew what they were after I could create false memories for them to find, or just allow them to find certain memories while hiding others! They would leave thinking they got what they wanted, but my memories would still be protected!"

"Very good, Harry!" Mayble positively beamed at him. "You could always use a blend of the two methods as well. Using a more direct, blunt force approach with your outer layers of defense, but using subtler methods as…I guess you could call it a back up plan."

Harry nodded, thinking deeply. The streams of memory around him seemed to speed up and random memories seem to flash to the forefront every so often. "Hmmm…that could work…and if I…" Harry continued to mumble to himself for several minutes before Mayble broke him out of his planning.

"Before you get too lost in plans why don't we start learning how to set up mental defenses?" Mayble said, a smirk on her face. Harry blushed and ducked his head. "Now first things first…"

ooOoo

Harry gasped for breath as he leaned back in the rigid, high-backed chair. Mayble sat across from him, a small smile on her face as she waited for him to settle.

"I…hate you…" Harry wheezed. "How…are you…not…just as tired…as me?"

"Lots of practice, sugar quill." Mayble said, her small smile turning into a full smirk. "Now, stop your chatting and catch your breath so we can speak properly."

Harry nodded, after cringing at Mayble's new pet name for him. She'd started calling him a different magical candy every she'd come for lessons and Harry couldn't help but shudder to think what she would come up with in the future. Shaking himself, he relaxed into his chair, well as much as he could, the chair wasn't very comfortable. He barely noticed Mayble pulling out and book to read as she waited.

After a few moments his breathing started to slow down, he reached over and took a great gulp of the water he'd asked Dobby for before they'd started.

"Alright, I'm better now." He sighed, causing Mayble to look up form the book she'd been busying herself with.

"Good," She said, closing her book with a sharp snap. "You seemed to be picking up the techniques I was showing today quite well, practice on setting up some light misdirection layers this week and we'll test them out when I come back for our next lesson."

Harry nodded again, already thinking about what he could use to stump his Slytherin teacher.

"Right, well before you get too wrapped up in whatever you're plotting," Mayble laughed, seeing the thoughtful gleam in the young wizard's eye. Harry looked at her sheepishly. "There's one other thing we need to do before I leave this evening."

"Oh, there is?" Harry cocked his head, confusion etched on his face.

It was Mayble's turn to nod, "Yup, come on then." She stood and moved towards the door, leaving Harry to scramble after her, trying to catch up with her swift pace.

Harry trotted along after her, trying to puzzle out where she was going. She seemed to be headed somewhere with a purpose, the library perhaps? Maybe she wanted to set him so reading about the new techniques?

Harry was confused even further when Mayble passed right by the library and continued down the hall at a rather fast clip. He was just opening he mouth to ask her, again, where they were going, when she suddenly stoped. Right outside of Sirius' study door.

Harry shut his mouth, a feeling of dread settling in his gut as he watched Mayble rap smartly on the closed door. He could only think of one reason Mayble would think it necessary to speak with Sirius about Harry's Occlumency lessons.

Harry's anger with Sirius was something she'd brought up during every session since they'd first started organizing his mind. He'd always brushed off her questions, deflected her insistence that he speak to Sirius about it by saying he was planning to.

"It's open," Sirius' voice called from inside the room, he sounded distracted.

Harry's shoulders slumped, obviously Mayble was tired of Harry's avoidance of this issue. He grimaced as he stepped into the small, brightly lit room, Mayble's hand firm on his back. He couldn't help but think this was going to be an extremely uncomfortable discussion.

"Mayble! Harry!" Sirius exclaimed happily when they'd stepped completely into the room. Harry had to roll his eyes fondly at that, who else would it have been?

"Siri," Mayble greeted, an amused smirk gracing her own features as well. "There's something I think Harry needs to speak to you about,"

Sirius turned a curious gaze onto Harry. Harry wouldn't meet the man's eyes, instead casting a furious glare at Mayble. The boy's discomfort in the situation was evident in the way he was standing, stiff and turned slightly away from the other two people in the room. His hands were tangled tightly in the hem of this shirt.

"Right…" Sirius said uncertainly, "Well why don't we all sit and have a cuppa while we chat?" He stood and moved around the desk, leading them towards the small cluster of armchairs by the fire.

"That sounds like an brilliant idea," Mayble said, she gave Harry a small nudge when it looked as though he wasn't going to follow Sirius.

He cast another vicious glare at her before taking the chair farthest from Sirius, though it had the disadvantage of being directly across from the man, forcing Harry to face him. Sirius called Kreature and asked for a full tea service, then busied himself playing Mum for a few moments.

Once everyone had a cup of hot tea and were settled in their seats an uncomfortable silence fell over them. Sirius seemed to be waiting for either Mayble or Harry to begin, and Mayble seemed determined for Harry to do the honors.

"So…does this have to do with your Occlumency training?" Sirius asked, breaking after a few moments. Not that you'd know it was uncomfortable by looking at Mayble, she seemed to be as serene as if just sitting and enjoying a cup of tea with friends.

Harry shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on the fire, flickering merrily behind the grate.

"Er…" Sirius floundered, Harry saw, out of the corner of his eyes, the man turn to look confusedly at Mayble. Mayble heaved a sigh and placed her tea cup down on the small table between hers and Sirius' chairs.

"Harry." Harry jerked his head up to glare at the former Slytherin. "Enough of your sulking. This wont go away on it's own, and having those feelings linger, unresolved, will only cause problems for you down the road. Both with Occlumency and with your relationship with Sirius."

Harry ducked his head again, a blush of shame heating his cheeks. He didn't want to talk to Sirius about his feelings at all, let alone the veritable rage he felt overtime he thought of the man he was growing to respect handing him off like it was nothing.

He knew it wasn't truly Sirius' fault, the man hadn't known he'd be railroaded into Azkaban after all, nor had he known that Harry would be shipped off to the Dursleys'. But still…

Harry sighed and raised his head to meet Sirius' gaze. The older man's grey eyes were wide, worry glinting through them. Harry took a deep breath, but still the words just wouldn't come.

"It's okay, Pup, you can tell me anything," Sirius murmured, obviously trying to reassure Harry.

The breath whooshed out of Harry and he sent a pleading gaze at Mayble, silently asking her for help. She seemed to understand but only reached over to squeeze his hand. She wanted him to do this on his own.

"I…I found a memory." Harry said finally. His voice wobbled, but at least he got the words out.

"A memory?" Sirius prompted when Harry fell silent again.

"Yes, I found the memory of the night my parents…the night Volde..the night it happened." Harry finished lamely, unable to say the words. He noticed a concerned frown on Sirius' face and plowed on before the man could say anything. "It started as the memory the dementors force me to see…Voldemort killing them, and then trying to kill me but…"

Harry took a deep breath, it was now or never. He ducked his head, unable to meet Sirius' eyes. "But then it continued. I saw you come to get me…you were so upset, not that I blame you, and you picked me up…and you were going to take me away, but then Hagrid showed up." Harry stoped talking, he was afraid of the anger beginning to boil in his stomach.

"Harry I…" Sirius started, but Mayble cut him off with a hand on his arm, much to Harry's relief. After a moment of silence, broken only but he popping of the fire, Harry released another deep breath.

"You looked relived." He said tonelessly, "You looked so relived to pass me over to Hagrid. You couldn't wait to get rid of me so you could go after Peter…" Harry hugged himself, but couldn't stop the angry words now spilling from him.

"You said it was a mistake, but you looked as if there was nothing you'd rather do that hand me off to someone else! Revenge was more important to you! I know I'm not your son, but I thought-" Harry cut himself off with a gasp, his hands were shaking so he curled them into fists and jammed them under his armpits.

"I thought there was someone, besides my parents, someone alive that wanted me." He blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears pooling at the corners of his eyes. "But you were so happy to be rid of me."

"No, no, Harry!" Sirius said, finally regaining his voice. He'd been stunned into silence by the anger and hurt rolling off of his Godson during his tale. "I was so stupid that night, Harry! But never, never, doubt that I love you. I've always done, ever since you were born. That will never change," Harry watched with wide eyes as Sirius stood abruptly and dropped down in front of him, grabbing his arms tightly and looking into his eyes. "I will always want you, Harry."

Harry took a shuddering breath, unconscious of the tears beginning to leak from his eyes and spill down his cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted, I just…why did you give me away so easily?"

"No, there's nothing to apologize for," Sirius said, pulling Harry into a tight hug. Harry relaxed bonelessly into the embrace as Sirius started speaking again, carding a hand through his hair at the same time. "You can come to me about anything, Pup. We'll work through whatever it is, if you need to shout, shout. I'll never send you away again. Now, about that night…I do regret giving you to Hagrid,"

Sirius tightened his hold on him as Harry stiffened and made to jerk away, "No, Pup, listen to me. I know I was…enthusiastic…about leaving you with Hagrid and going after Peter that night, but…well, like they say 'pensieved memories are always clearer.'"

Harry cocked his head at that, pulling back slightly to get a better look at his Godfather. "You mean like 'hindsight is twenty twenty'?" he asked with a slight smile at the man's bewildered look. "It means you can always see mistakes you made clearer when looking back at them."

"Yes, exactly," Sirius said, relief coloring his tone. with one last squeeze he let Harry go and stood to go back to his chair. "Oi, where did Mayble go?"

Harry gave a strangled laugh, "She probably snuck out when you hugged me," He said, trying to quickly wipe the now dry tear tracks from his face.

"Probably," Sirius grumbled, sitting down and picking his tea cup back up. He frowned down at it for a second before muttering the incantation for a warming charm. Glancing up he gestured with his wand and sent the same charm over to warm Harry's cup as well.

"So…you…regret handing me off…now?" Harry asked hesitantly, wrapping his still shaking hands around his now warm cup.

"Of course I do," Sirius said, he ran a hand through his hair. "I was so scared when I got to Godric's Hollow. I saw smoke coming from the cottage, and the closer I got the more damage I saw. The entire second floor looked like it was caved in…"

Harry sat forward, hanging on Sirius' every word.

"I was so afraid you were all dead. James was the only real family I'd ever had, my own family hated me for not being Slytherin or dark enough, my brother Regulus had joined the Death Eaters as soon as he graduated form Hogwarts…" Sirius sighed again.

Harry watched him sadly, only now beginning to understand what Sirius had gone through.

"I was so frightened that my best friend and his whole family was gone, that my Godson was dead after only being in the world for just over a year." Sirius looked up at him, a haunted expression marring his features. "I didn't stop to think about how Voldemort had found you until I had you safely in my arms. I'd just come to the conclusion that Peter had betrayed us when Hagrid showed up, and I dealt with my feelings of betrayal and fear the only why I knew how…by getting angry."

Harry leaned back in his seat, pulling his cup to his chest. His thoughts were rolling, he truly could understand Sirius' feelings now that he knew the whole story. Harry felt shame well up in him, he'd been so selfish! Of course Sirius regretted his decisions that night, hadn't they lead to the man landing in Azkaban?

As if reading his thoughts Sirius began speaking again. "If the only consequence of my own stupidity had been getting chucked in Azkaban I could live with that…I'd still be right angry, but I doubt I'll every be able to forgive myself for leaving you to be left with those bloody muggles."

Harry blinked owlishly at Sirius for a moment before slumping forward and taking a deep breath, a smile forming on his face. "I really am sorry, Sirius." He said quietly but raised his voice when Sirius when to interrupt him. "No, really. I was so angry with you, but I wasn't thinking of how you'd been feeling that night. You couldn't have known how it all would turn out."

"It's understandable to be angry Harry," Sirius said quietly.

"I know, thats what Mayble's been telling me. She's been trying to get me to talk to you about this for weeks now," Harry muttered, ducking his head in embarrassment.

"Well, she was right." Sirius said simply, a smile gracing his face.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." They fell into a comfortable silence, each lost in their own thoughts, quietly sipping their tea.