Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad?

This piece was the first work of fan fiction I have ever written, and probably the first piece of non-academic writing too. I originally posted it on AO3 and was inspired by the Craigslist post of the same name which can be found on Tumblr. This fic is in fact 100% completed.

Sarah slammed her phone down on the receiver and let out a frustrated snarl. "Goddamn it!" Sarah flew into the kitchen and poured herself a gin and tonic - heavy on the gin. She stomped back into her living room and slumped down into her easy chair. The afternoon light filtered into her apartment from the busy New York streets outside. What time was it? Three pm? Eh, it was 5 o'clock some where. Sarah took a big swig of her drink. Karen had been hounding her about dating and 'finding a nice boy' since she was fifteen. Now her mother was breathing down her neck as well. For the past six months all of the 'authority figures' in Sarah's life had been calling and dropping not-so-subtle-hints about her finding a man. It was getting really really annoying.

It wasn't like Sarah was a spinster! She was twenty three, for fucks-sake! You'd think that they'd be happy for her. She had graduated from college five months ago with a degree that didn't guarantee a job - a BA in Creative Writing - but had managed to find a job the week after graduation. And it paid enough that she could afford a one bedroom apartment in downtown New York. In a decent part of town too! Do you know how fucking lucky that is? Fuck! But no! Goddamn parents wanted grandchildren like nine months ago. She just finished one huge milestone. College was rough! Couldn't she have some time to just figure out her life? Her relationship with Karen and her parents had been amicable for the past eight years and this was a major strain on their relationship. Why was everyone suddenly so eager to pawn her off on any grubby dude who came along?

"Fuck that." Sarah grumbled. She was already half way through her drink. "I wish I could show up with an absolute asshole and piss them all off. That'd show em."

Sarah felt a slight breeze brush through her hair. Weird. All her windows were closed.

"I can be that asshole." A voice said from above her. Sarah looked up to see the Goblin King leaning over the back of her chair to give her a beaming smile.

"Ugh." Sarah downed the second half of her drink and stood up. "No, Jareth. Go away." She made her way back to the kitchen to make another gin and tonic.

"Aw, come now." Jareth pouted at her retreating form and then quickly moved around the chair to take her vacated seat. "I'm an excellent date!"

Another groan could be heard coming from the kitchen. "Why do you always show up when I wish for something dumb? You don't show up when I wish for a million dollars." She came back to the living room and frowned at him. "Move - that's my chair." She made a shoo-ing motion with her hand and the Goblin King obliged - after more pouting - and moved to the nearby sofa. Sarah sat back down in her chair.

"Because Sarah, that wish would be boring." Sarah snorted and Jareth frowned. "I'd much rather be your 'absolute asshole date' and meet your parents."

"No!"

"Please?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Cause I said so." "You realized that you made a wish, correct? I could just show up at your next family function and claim to be your partner. Wouldn't it be better if we worked as a team?"

Sarah was quiet for a moment. "Would you actually do that?"

"Only if you force me to."

Sarah took another sip. Fuck. Why did he do this? He always showed up randomly - she didn't call on him specifically. I wish the goblins would take you away. She asked for that one...I wish I could show up with the goblins to a family dinner. Huh. She should have wished for that - that would have been more interesting. Maybe she could try that million dollars wish again. She sat and thought for another minute and then sighed. "Prove it."

"Prove what?" Jareth quirked an eyebrow.

"Prove to me that you could be a horrible fake-boyfriend who would get my parents off my back." Sarah took another swig. Day drinking always got her in trouble.

Jareth smiled - his pointy teeth were looking particularly predatory today and that made Sarah uneasy. "Well, the Fae - my race - have always had a proclivity for mischief. It's almost part of our biological makeup."

"Is mischief your middle name?" Sarah mumbled.

Jareth continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Because of this I would have no qualms about distressing your family - in fact it would be my pleasure. I could openly flirt with other female guests while you pretend to be oblivious. Male guests too if you'd like."

Sarah had been mid-sip and Jareth's comment made her laugh but then she choked on her drink and sputtered. Jareth gave her a concerned look but when she recovered she said, "I'm not sure how many other guests would be at any event - it would probably just be family. You would be hitting on my step-mother and father."

"Is that unacceptable?"

"No that's fine. Just wanted you to be aware. You look about their age anyways."

"Excuse me?"

"What?"

"I look to be the same age as your parents?"

"Well…Yeah." Sarah quirked her head to the side and squinted. "You look about forty. That's pretty close. They are in their early fifties. That'll really piss em off. They'll want me to find someone in my own age range."

"I should take that as a compliment - as I am much older than forty years old - but it feels like I should be offended."

"Oh you should be!" Sarah exclaimed. "But please continue anyways."

Jareth frowned and grumbled a bit before continuing. "I can begin instigative discussions about politics and religion."

"Do you know anything about human politics or religion?"

"No, but nothing is more infuriating than someone who believes an uneducated opinion is the correct opinion."

"True."

"I could propose to you in front of your family."

"No!" Sarah sat up a little straighter. "Absolutely not." She didn't feel like getting tricked into some weird Fae-marriage.

Jareth smirked. He didn't really think he was going to get away with that. "I can pretend to become more and more intoxicated as the evening progresses."

"Pretend?"

"Do you really want a Fae actually drunk at your family event?"

"No, I suppose not." She suddenly felt self conscious about being two drinks in at three in the afternoon.

"Lastly, I could start a physical fight with a family member or guest. Either inside or outside - perhaps on the lawn for the neighborhood to see?"

"I don't think we will need to be quite that drastic. I don't actually want you to fight my dad."

The two of them were quiet for a few minutes. Silently staring at each other, both thinking and sizing the other up.

"What's in it for you?" Sarah finally asked.

"Nothing but your company and perhaps a free meal I might receive as a guest."

"No tricks?"

"No tricks."

"And no dragging me down to the Underground?"

"Perhaps, but not on this occasion. No."

Sarah glared at him. In your dreams, buddy. How would this even work? When was she going to see her family next? She glanced at the calendar on the wall. Oh! It was already mid-October. November was next month. She'd be seeing her parents for Thanksgiving and probably at home. That could be interesting. She turned to the Goblin King. She really shouldn't drink this early in the day. "Does next month work for you?"

Jareth's smile was so big he was practically beaming - it almost hurt to look at him. "Yes, of course. What event will I be attending?"

"Thanksgiving dinner, probably." She swirled the melting ice in her glass. "I don't have details yet but I should know in the next week or so." That would mean more phone calls with her family and she didn't want to put up with their nagging for another month and a half.

One minute Jareth was on the sofa and the next he was on both knees in front of Sarah holding her empty hand in both of his. Sarah went completely still and made wary eye-contact with Jareth. "Call for me when you have more information about our plot."

"It's not a 'plot'. Maybe a 'scheme', but not a 'plot'." Sarah tried to tug her hand away - no luck. He held on. "And how do I contact you?" Jareth lowered his head and lightly kissed the back of her hand. "Oh Sarah, you know how to contact me." Then he was gone.

Sarah immediately slumped into her chair. "Do not." She grumbled. She wiped some condensation from her glass to the back of her hand and then scrubbed it on her jeans. Trying to get his cooties off. She pulled her legs up on the chair and curled herself around them. Shit shit shit. What did she get herself into? Could she get another drink? Was three drinks by - 3:45? That's it? Yeah, three drinks before four was probably too much.