Well, Jiang Wei got his Canadian ass handed to him by the likes of Sima Zhao's forces. Sima Shi didn't like the current emperor, so he put a new one in his place. Meanwhile, there were more bitches that needed to be put down since they like the previous emperor better. Sima Shi was on the case, no doubt. He wasn't gonna let two random old men try to tell him how his pretty ass is to run the country. He grabs whomever was on speed dial and that was Deng Ai and Jia Chong. No, his brother is not even on the speed dial, don't bother asking.

Sima Shi tells Deng Ai and Jia Chong,"Okay, there are some bitches who don't like us, so we will give them the ol' Sima family tradition on how we deal with bitches! By killing them!"

"Yeah! Why aren't I working under you?! You're me with skin color!" happily exclaims Jia Chong.

"Because you are not worthy to be working under me. That's why you have Zhao as your master."

"No fair! I call shenanigans!"

" Deng Ai, let's go. Leave this guy with my brother."

"Whaaa...? Fine..."

"Ooh, I hope to see some new birds as we set out." says Deng Ai.

"Oh, we'll be seeing some birds. These fine birds are of the genus Head-us Decapit-us and they will fly real high once we put down those rebels."

"How exotic."

"Exotic indeed."

Sima Shi gets to the checkpoint with Deng Ai and Wen Yang announces,"I am Wen Yang, son of Wen Qin! This battlefield is mine!" Sima Shi scoffs and laughs while turning to Deng Ai,"Can you believe this guy? This guy. He has jokes. Well, let's deal with this joker."

"I don't think we should-"

"So what? He's just some pretty boy that may or may not be important to the story. Another thing I call my brother. Hahaha!"

"I'm over here! I am now going to try to take this base that is very important to the plot advancement!" announces Wen Yang while in the main camp.

Sima Shi angrily yells out,"THAT BASTARD THINKS HE HAS SUPERPOWERS?! Come on! We have to make sure he doesn't take all of our bases!"

"It's a long way back..."

"I know, I'm going to kill him just for making us go through that inconvenience!"

They ride back down of the map to get the main camp and when Sima Shi enters the camp, he sees Wen Yang fighting soldiers and he pauses to observe him. Sima Zhao and Jia Chong catch up to him from behind.

"Brother-"

"Shh. Listen."

"I am Wen Yang, son of Wen Qin!"

"See that? This is a guy who didn't pull his head out of his own shiny metal ass. I don't go around saying: "I am Sima Shi, son of Sima Yi!" I could, but I have some humility."

"Look who's talking about humility..." mutters Sima Zhao.

"What'd you say, dumbass?"

"Nothing!"

"Just look at those toned metal thighs, toned metal arms, and toned metal ass. He's me if I were a robot!"

"...That's not the conclusion I thought you-"

"Shut up, fleshy human!"

Wen Yang runs off and Sima Zhao is about to give chase, but Sima Shi stops him.

"Bitch, do you not understand how to appreciate art? Let him be. We'll go after him later."

"Now what?"

"We deal with the castles. We must take all of the castles. And the bases as well."

"Okay, brother..."

Sima Shi goes over to the east castle while Sima Zhao goes to the west castle. The two are busy trying to capture the castles when Wen Yang appears on the map again announcing,"I am back! Now to conquer this battlefield!"

"Ah, I got this." Sima Shi races towards the red dot on the map and faces Wen Yang. He defeats him and he retreats for a split second beefore appearing at the right castle.

"I am back to conquer this batttlefield!"

"This bitch doesn't know how to quit!"

Sima Zhao yells out,"Brother! I'm supposed to at that castle-"

"Shut up, dumbass! I'm going to stop the robots from taking us all!"

"Ding Feng is at the east castle! We have to capture that!"

"You do that or Deng Ai does that! But I am going to kick that metal ass back to Skynet!" Sima Shi runs into the western castle and meets with Wen Yang again with the Wen Qin generic.

"Son, what is this?! I thought you said you weren't seeing that boy again!" exclaims Wen Qin to Wen Yang.

"Eh? What are you talking about? This is the enemy!"

"Huh... Ah, you pretty boys all look the same. Kill him."

"Yes, Daddy!"

Wen Yang charges to Sima Shi and he unleashes his Rage Musou onto him. He defeats him along with his father.

"Ahhhh! Foiled again!"

"You disappoint me, son! Tonight, your dinner goes to your brother! At least he can do what's told to!"

"But, Daaaaaad!"

Sima Shi grins and commands his troops,"Alright! All we have left is Guanqui Jian and this battle is ours! Let's go!"

He marches towards the top part of the map where the target indicator is on the Guanqui Jian red dot. He is ambushed by three officers and he quickly defeats them.

"Get out of the way! I need to kill a bitch!"

He charges into the castle gates and slices up the masses of soldiers to get to Guanqui Jian.

"Well, looks like the bastard has arrived! Come at me, kid!"

Sima Shi walks past him, ignoring his words.

"Eh? Hey! Where are you going?!" Sima Shi walks a few meters behind him and turns around. He brandishes his sword with a maniacal grin and he charges forward with it straight out. Once the tip of the sword makes contact with the generic's behind, the camera pans away to the outside of the castle and loud screaming can be heard echoing through the whole field.

"Aw man! I was too late to see the execution!" exclaims Jia Chong. "Damn, I bet it was so cool!"

Sima Zhao groans and mutters,"He never goes with the talking route..."

"It's his sword that does the talking!"

The two are inside the castle and see Sima Shi wiping off blood off his sword.

"Oh, it's you two imbeciles. Emphasis on the 'imbecile' for Zhao."

"What happened...?" Sima Zhao is looking at the corpse, which had blood pouring uncontrollably from the behind and mouth.

"A bitch needs die like a bitch."

"...Um... He doesn't die here, though..."

"You're going to die here if you don't shut up."

Mmhm, he put down the bitches. One got what was coming to him, but the other bitch managed to run away. Like a bitch. Sima Zhao learned something that day. He is surrounded by psychos and he can't do a thing about it. The best he could do is live with them and try not to turn out like them. He was also starting to accept how much better his brother was than him and that he could never be like him. He gives up on the whole family business of conquering China and just goes home with his head hanging down on his shoulders. But... something was going on that eventually made him important again.

Sima Shi is riding his horse in the city with two generic guards.

"Really? This is it? This here was what was available in the bodyguard department? Oh dear, I hope no assassination plots try to happen today!"

A hooded figure is falling from above Sima Shi and has blades extending from his wrists. He takes out his sword and sticks it upwards to have the hooded figure is impaled onto it.

"I hope not another assassination plot happens today!"

An arrow is shot towards him and the guard whacks it away.

"Good job, Gery! You get a raise!"

"The tyranny of the Sima ends today!" shouts the generic that shot the arrow. Sima Shi looks behind him and sees three generics riding towards him.

"Seriously, do we both not have the budget to put more people on either side? Oh well, you people will be a piece of cake. This will be over soon." He races away, letting those three assassins chase after him.

Meanwhile, Sima Zhao, Wang Yuanji, Jia Chong, and Zhuge Dan are riding into a garrison when they have their set of assassins after them. The assassins are dealt with and everyone is safe inside. Sima Zhao looks sadly at the gates,"He's still out there..."

Jia Chong says out loud,"See what happens when you leave bitches alive? They bite the hand that spared their lives. Ungrateful bastards make up out population, understand that."

"But... But..."

"Kindness can't change the world."

"You stole that from someone."

"No, I didn't." Jia Chong turns around to play DW8 on a PS Vita. Wang Yuanji walks up to Sima Zhao and attempts to put a hand on his shoulder, but remember her size.

"Nrrgh... Nrrrghhh...! Um..." She settles for only his arm. "I don't want to alarm you... but..."

"He's already dead?!"

"Er... No... It's just... If he dies..."

"I become the main character! Why not just let him die? He has already treated me like crap! Who cares about him now?"

"No, no! That's not what you're supposed to be thinking of! Look, we need to save him!"

"Why? So that you have some piece of man-meat to look at when I go away? I see you looking at him!"

"Well, I like his face. Nothing else. He has a toxic personality like his dad, and I hate that. Look, you and Sima Shi are brothers. Deep down, I'm sure he loves you under all of those remarks and insults he throws at you. Brothers have to look out for each other. It's in our culture. That's literally one of the most important relationships a man must have to be a proper Confucian. A MALE Confucian anyway..."

"... I guess so... Alright... Let's get out there and find him! Open the gates!"

The gates open and Sima Zhao races out of there on a horse towards the city area to look for Sima Shi along with Wang Yuanji.

"Have you seen my brother anywhere?" asks Sima Zhao to a random city person he just saved from enemy soldiers.

"No."

"Seen him?"

"No."

"Hey, you. Have you seen-"

"No."

"Gragh...! I don't know who these people are, but I will find them and I will kill them once we find Shi."

"Calm down, my lord. I'm sure your brother is holding out for us."

"How can I calm down?! This could mean a big history change if we let him die or live! Do you understand the seriousness of our situation?!"

"Yes, I do! If he dies, we get historical route. If he lives, we get hypothetical route. Of course I know our situation!"

"Then help me look for him, for the love of god!"

"I am! He is just not f*bleep*ing here!"

"Damn you, Shi! Why were you so good at hide and seek?!"

Wen Yang: Hm... This doesn't feel right... Could it be that my dad's wrong about this...? I mean.. The Simas are not exactly bad, they just are assholes...

Wen Yang is temporarily withdrawing!

"Come on! Come on! You! I saved you! Tell me if you saw a five foot eleven man with black hair and a tiny hat around!"

A peasant points and says,"I saw Lord Sima Shi running over there into the garden! He didn't look very well-"

"Of course he didn't look well! He probably got twenty arrows stuck in his asshole right now along with the stick already in his ass since he was born!" Sima Zhao quickly gets on his horse to then ride it into the garden. He beats up the enemies inside while shouting Sima Shi's name.

Wen Yang: Hmph, I'm just getting my shiny metal ass handed to me... Maybe I'm doing the wrong thing here...

Wen Yang has surrendered to Wei Forces!

Wen Yang: I will help you people into whipping my dad into shape! He needs to understand how wrong he was into trying to kill you guys!

"He's not in here! Where the f*bleep* is he?!"

"Please, my lord... He isn't here..." says Wang Yuanji in a calming voice.

"That bastard! He just moves around! Why can't he stay in one place?!"

"Come on, Zhao. We have to put down the rebels. Do not break down on me yet."

"Thank you... I'm sorry if seem like a jackass..."

"No time for that. Let's go."

"Fine... Huff... Shi... If you die, this is all your fault..."

The two run out of the garden and the camera pans over to the garden bridge along the river it was built over. A clawed hand reaches out to grab the bridge and Sima Shi pulls himself out of the water coughing.

"Koff... Koff... They're all gone... Koff... Koff... Arrgh, my eye... I think something crawled in there to die... Wait, was that Zhao? Crap! I need to run after him!"

Wen Qin: You Simas are nothing but trouble! Prepare to die! Bastards just want the Emperor's power!

"You shut up!" Sima Zhao angrily slices at him over and over and eventually kicks him against the wall to then stab his sword into his chest. The generic's body fell to the ground with a audible thump. Wen Yang walks over and whimpers,"Dad..." Sima Zhao punches him in the face angrily,"F*bleep* your dad! Your dad's a dick! He reminds me of my dad, but less manly-looking!"

"Ow...!"

"You know what?! It's also your f*bleep*ing fault! F*bleep*ing metal thing comes in thinking he's forgiven of attempted assassinations..."

"Okay... I'll just go... Come on, Dad..." Wen Yang walks off with his father's body which automatically comes back alive to scold Wen Yang,"You little bastard! You were actually gonna go over to the Simas! Well, someone's not getting dinner tonight!"

"Sorry, Dad... I'll be good next rebellion..."

"You better!"

Sima Zhao is fuming and kicking dirt as he pulls on his hair.

"Stupid metal ass thing... Stupid assassins... Stupid hoarse voiced generic... Stupid Shi for hiding like a champ!"

"Zhao... Please calm down..."

"Shi's dead and now I'm just hearing his ghost voice!"

"Zhao..."

"Bastard used his hide and seek skills on me and it got him killed in the process!"

"ZHAO! Ugggh...!"

"WHAT?!"

Sima Zhao angrily turns to behind him and immediately softens his face to see Sima Shi wobbling towards him with a hand over his eye.

"...Huu... You make such a ruckus looking for me... Now I shall have to clean up your messes once after we reform Wei... Ugggh...!" Sima Shi falls to the ground and Sima Zhao catches him.

"Brother!"

"...Aghh... Being in that water really wasn't good for me... Oh my god... Did the pool boy NEVER clean the pond up...? Zhao, fire him after this is over..."

"Brother..." Sima Zhao scowls at him and ends up shaking Sima Shi angrily,"YOU WERE IN THE POND THIS ENTIRE TIME?!"

"Uuughhrguugh..."

Wang Yuanji shouts to him,"Zhao, stop it! He's going to...!"

"Urrgh... I'm fine... Oh god, that water stunk... I think my eye got something in it... Please tell me if it's bad..." Sima Shi removes his hand and the camera is only showing the back of his head and Sima Zhao's disgusted face.

"...Oh no... You just... Ew..."

"It's bad... Well, by second century medical standards, I will not make it... Zhao... I want you to know..."

"Yeah?"

"It's all on you now... It's now or never..."

"Please! You can make it! We can cheat and get the hypothetical branch!"

"No... It's over... It's over for me... Your time now, my dear brother... The main character title goes to you now..."

"Shi! No! Don't go! I'm not ready!"

"I wasn't ready either when Dad died... Now you know how I felt. Before I go... I just want to utter these words for the first and final time... I've always loved you. And here come the incest fanfictions... Bleh." Sima Shi drops dead in his brother's arms.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The incest fanfictions! You bastard! You left me with those!"

So that's that. Sima Shi passed away while attempting to put down the rebels. His brother, Sima Zhao was the final one left and the the generation long quest of capturing power for the Simas now rests on his shoulders.

Sima Zhao sits in a field that oversaw the sea/ocean/river/body of water flashbacking to his father.

Shi, Zhao, you know what this country needs? More stripper poles in every home.

No... Not the right conversation...

Shi, Zhao, do you understand why we're assholes? Don't answer that. I will tell you. If we're not the assholes, then who will? In a perfect world, there are goody-two-shoes for every asshole that exists. Being an asshole is not just a life choice, it's a living. And it's not just a living, it's a way of life.

Not this one either... Still somewhat inspiring.

Alright, you two louts. Listen up. We're very f*EFF!*ing smart men. And smart men need to rule the world. Imbeciles must be exterminated like termites. Smart men will do the exterminating of the imbecile termites. We are the smart men that will exterminate all of the termites in the world and that is why we are what we are now. We must use our god-given talents for the sake of our kind.

Alright... Close enough... It's good enough...

Jia Chong is now who he is flashbacking to.

Okay, you need to get off your lazy ass and do s*bleep*. I can't carry the whole team forever, you know. I can die. I hate it, but death is a bitch. Just like my ex-wife. No, wait... That's my new wife... My ex-wife was nice and not a bitch. Damn, I gave that up...

Now Sima Shi.

It's over for me... The main character title goes to you now... And here come the incest fanfictions... Bleh.

"Huff... I have to do s*Bleep* now... Argh..." He lays on his back and Wang Yuanji walks up to him.

"Hey, sweetie... Want to have sex right here, right now before I have to become an actual adult?"

"No."

"Can I at least get the thing where you do things with your mouth...?"

"No."

"Aw... But when I become an adult, I won't have time to spend it with you..."

"Jeez, you think I'm going to die soon?"

"Maybe...? We all drop like flies anyway."

"Huff... Sure. Fine. Let's go."

Sima Zhao was now the big boss now after Sima Shi died. But Sima Shi did a VERY good job in making people think he was there to stay and this threw things into chaos because people don't like change. People ran way to Shu, people decided to talk to the very people they just kicked the crap out of a stage ago... But Sima Zhao was stuck being a bitch to the Wei emperor, Cao Mao. Sometime later, something was going with Zhuge Dan. He seemed not like himself. Sima Zhao Wang Yuanji, Jia Chong, and Zhong Hui decided to go check up on him.

Zhuge Dan is dressed in red clothing with the Wen Qin generic while being on top of a castle wall.

"So, why did you come here?"

"I'm always the B+ person over there... After Sima Shi died, I lost all hope for myself... For a B+ man like me to be inferior to an F- man... Unforgivable..."

"Ha, you stopped wagging your tail for Sima Zhao?"

"Grr...!"

"Whoopse, I angered the doggie! Want a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit?"

"Stop it!"

"Aw, just messin' with ya. See you when we're stabbing Sima Zhao's head on a pike!"

Zhuge Dan gets a messenger and he gives him a scroll. He reads it and looks up to the sky.

"...My fate has been sealed in.. No turning back. I must make sure Sima Zhao dies here."

Over in another area, Jia Chong smirks when he gets a messenger himself and he whispers to himself,"Hehehe... The B+ has finally sat himself with the delinquents... A shame... Oh well, two birds with one sword."

"One stone." says the messenger. Jia Chong throws an axe at him.

"And they say don't shoot the messenger, but you don't see me following that. Okay, Zhao, let's go have some dog meat."

"Jesus, we're not that kind of people!" exclaims Sima Zhao.

"I am. Would love me some dog meat... Right after some human meat..."

"What?"

"What? Let's just go roast the dog."

"Okay, enough with those jokes."

Everyone goes along their way defeating the generics and advancing when they are stopped.

Zhuge Dan: Okay, just take out the bridge. They'll won't get me before the thirty minute mark like this.

Jia Chong teases the speech bar thing with Zhuge Dan's face,"Who wants a biscuit? Want a biscuit? You'd love a biscuit."

Zhuge Dan: Stop it!

"Here's a biscuit!" Jia Chong throws a dog treat right in Zhuge Dan's face in the speech bar.

Zhuge Dan: GRRR!

"Jia Chong, you're making the situation worse!" exclaims Sima Zhao.

"His fault for bringing this upon himself. He deserves all of my dog jokes now."

"Now we have to take the LONG way!"

"So?"

"Ugh, I'm just gonna go."

Skip all of the generic fighting to the climax...

Sun Chen: Why are my bitches just bailing out on me?! I need to put these bitches into place!

This dude that defects: Ahh! He just killed that guy! I don't want to be that guy! Let me join you! F*bleep* him!

Another dude: Yeah! Take me with you!

Dude #3: F*bleep* him!

"Wow, this is becoming easier now." comments Sima Zhao.

"I suppose you love that." says Wang Yuanji.

"Hell yeah. Why can't life be this easy?"

"It's not. If it were, then your brother would be still alive and not dead from water organisms eating out his left eye."

"Don't remind me... uggh..."

Wen Qin: Hey, doggie! Want a biscuit? Want a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit? You do! You'd want a biscuit! Have a biscuit!

*A dog biscuit hits his face* Zhuge Dan: ARRRRGH! I'VE HAD IT!

OMG, Zhuge Dan has executed Wen Qin!

Wen Yang: DAAAAD! Dad... Well, there's no point in me staying here...

Wen Hu: Yeah, let's bail.

Wen Yang and Wen Hu have defected to Wei Forces!

Sima Zhao declares,"Alright, let's finish this-What the...?" As Sima Zhao makes for the castle he leans over to see three generics with '?' over their heads.

"...Who are these? Meh." He shrugs and proceeds into the castle. The gates open for Zhuge Dan to shout,"It's now or never! One of us will walk out of here alive!"

"Zhuge Dan! Why are you doing this?!"

"I'm tired of being subjected to being your lapdog!"

"You were one to Shi..."

"He deserved me being a lapdog! You don't! F people get nothing! Time to die!"

"...Argh... Why won't you listen to me...?" He whacks Zhuge Dan once and defeats him.

Zhuge Dan stumbles back to collapse to his knees. He spreads out his arms and shouts,"Come on! Kill me! Or are you too much of a pussy to try?!"

"...I..." Sima Zhao lowers his sword and goes over to him. "Look, it's not too late. Maybe we could-"

Jia Chong interrupts by waving a dog biscuit in Zhuge Dan's face,"Want a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit? Who wants a biscuit? You'd want a biscuit! Here's a biscuit!"

Instead of a dog treat, he flings his axe at Zhuge Dan, killing him.

"Grragh...! Screw... Screw you...! Uggh..."

"You!"

"Uh, uh, uh! No one likes a tattletale! He was being a tattletale!"

"Jia Chong..."

"Aw, don't make that face at me... It makes me want to murder a puppy. You don't want me to murder puppies, don't you?"

"No..."

"Good! Let's get out of this dump and see what our dear Emperor wants of us now."

"... Huff... Fine..."

Wen Yang is sitting on small bench with his head in his hands looking gloomy when Sima Zhao approaches him. He extends a hand,"I'm sorry about your dad... And I'm sorry for back when-"

"Don't worry about it. I'm used to getting yelled at..."

"Want to talk about it?"

He sniffles. "...Now that my dad's gone... It's just so quiet... I'm scared."

"You're how old?"

"Twenty."

"...Jesus, how old am I then...? F*bleep*! I'm old! I'm at a dad age! Uggh! Ahhh!"

"Can I have a hug?" says Wen Yang as he looked as he was going to tear up.

"...Okay, why not?"

"Da-I mean-Master!"

"Were you about to call me 'dad'?!"

"No...! Da! Da as in 'big'!"

"That makes no sense, but okay."