Steven's head felt fuzzy. The past few weeks, things had been changing. Changing in a bad way. He and Connie still hung out just as much, even more so than they used to. But it was getting harder and harder to talk to her. He found himself stammering and going off, spouting nonsense that he wasn't even thinking about. What was wrong with him?
Steven let out a moan and flopped onto his bed, quieting his buzzing mind. The best way to figure out the situation was to clarify it.
"Why am I acting so weird?" He asked himself aloud, racking his brain and losing himself in several minutes of careful introspection.
If he was being honest with himself, which is what he was trying to do, then he was acting weird because he was worried about what Connie would think of him.
But why did that change? She still treated him the same way, she still showed him the trust and respect she always had done. Why was he suddenly becoming so self-conscious about it?
What exactly was it that he wanted Connie to think of?
As soon as the thought appeared in his mind, an image came up in his imagination.
The two of them were on the beach, talking and enjoying the colorful sunset. He leaned in close to her and the two of them smiled into a ki-
Stephen felt a blush burst on his cheeks and on his nose and even down his neck. He buried his face in his pillow, banishing the thought from his head.
Why was he thinking of that? There was no need to think of that.
Stephen stood up and hurried downstairs to try to find the Gems. That was enough introspection for the day.
"Stephen catch!" Connie yelled. He turned and saw her, jumping into the air with a grin on her face. She looked so happy, she was practically shining with confidence. He liked that; over time she had gained a little more confidence and a love for herself that he felt she deserved. It came out every once in a while, such as situations like this. Seeing her living life like that, open and happy and trusting, it made his heart twist and turn. He wanted desperately to be able to make her that happy. He wanted to be the reason that her eyes danced and her lips curved into the most graceful smile he had ever seen.
He was so busy daydreaming that he didn't notice the frisbee coming until it had knocked him upside the head.
"Ow!" He yelled.
"Oh my gosh are you okay?" She yelled as she ran up to him, kicking up sand and pebbles.
"Yeah it mostly just surprised me," he said, laughing it off with a shrug. But his laughter couldn't hide the betraying blush on his face.
What was it with the blushing recently?
"Oh Steven don't worry about it," she said, not needing an explanation, "I should have given you more warning."
He felt foolish, but when she grabbed his hand to run towards the waves, he forgot all of his emotions and he knew only one thing: Connie made him happy in a way that nobody else could.
***
Steven grabbed a handful of papers and sharpened a pencil until it could have been used as a weapon. He smacked them all down on the table and readied himself.
He pierced the pencil on the paper, ready for his thoughts to flow.
"I really like Connie." He wrote.
He looked at the sentence and frowned. He really liked the gems too. And he really liked his Dad. Steven erased the sentence.
"I really, really like Connie." He wrote. It still didn't do his feelings justice, but it got the point across.
"That means that I want to protect her. And make her happy. And give her lots of hugs. And-" Steven deliberately annoyed the annoying blush, "kiss her. And also to help her see how awesome she is," he wrote in a hurried scrawl. There were so many things he could say.
"Connie is the most amazing girl in the world and she makes me want to be a better person." He wrote.
He swallowed down the lump in his throat. He was so nervous! And he wasn't even confessing anything to anyone!
"Just myself," he whispered.
Just then the portal activated and the Gems appeared. Steven hurriedly gathered all the papers together and placed a blank one on top. They were watching him, confused.
"Hey Steven, what's up?" greeted Amethyst.
"Oh-oh nothing much," Steven replied. A bit of awkward silence fell between them before he snatched up his papers and pencil and bolted upstairs. Stuffing them under his pillow, he turned around and gasped as Garnet landed on the balcony beside him. She cocked an eyebrow and he began to sweat.
"Little boy what are you hiding?"
"N-nothing," he said, his voice cracking.
"Nothing?" She asked, her face nearly emotionless.
"Nothing important," he answered, backing up slowly to block the pillow.
"We'll be the judge of that," said a pristine voice behind him. Pearl had somehow snuck up onto his bed and was grabbing the papers out from underneath his pillow.
"No!" He screamed, "Don't look!" He lunged at her, but she practically danced out of the way, landing beside Garnet. Steven ended up clenched up on the bed, his eyes filling with tears.
"Don't read it! Don't read it!" He cried, burying his face in the covers.
He could hear the rustling papers halt as the Gems realized he was crying.
"Steven is this personal?" Garnet asked.
"Yes!" Steven yelled, his voice muffled by the blankets, but still discernible.
"Is it gem related?" Pearl asked.
"It's human related," Steven replied, his knuckles almost turning white from gripping the bed so hard. He felt his bed shift as the papers were placed underneath his pillow.
"Thank you," he breathed in relief.
"You're...welcome," Pearl replied awkwardly.
The gems jumped down from the deck and Pearl and Amethyst both opened the door to their rooms, leaving only Garnet. Steven sat up, wiping his face and feeling ridiculous.
"You know, if you ever need to talk about anything, you can talk to me," Garnet said quietly. Steven looked down at the Gem and nodded.
"I know. I just need some time to figure things out by myself," he said. Garnet nodded and left, leaving the house to Steven once more. Steven sighed deeply and fell back onto the bed. That could have been a disaster. He had to be more careful from now on.
Grabbing the dangerous papers, he made his way downstairs, snatched up the pencil and opened the screen door. He walked down to the beach and sat. He had to finish this. He had to know exactly how he felt.
"What relationship do I want with Connie?"
Nothing in particular, now that he thought about it. Their relationship was already amazing, but perhaps just getting his feelings off his chest would make him feel better.
But what if she got weirded out? What if it caused a rift to form between them? He couldn't stand the thought of losing her.
"I want-" he began writing.
"Steven!" A voice called out. His face turned white but he calmly folded the papers and put them in his pocket.
"Hey Connie!" He yelled in reply. She came up to him and gave him a hug.
"What are you doing out here?" She asked, sounding suspicious. Steven began to sweat immediately. He was awful at lying, and Connie was an expert at reading him.
"I...uh...I..." He stammered.
"You're missing the new episode of Under the Knife!" She said.
A wave of relief washed over him.
"Oh! I forgot!" He said in surprise.
"Well hurry! We haven't missed a lot."
The show couldn't keep his interest as well as it used to. The only thing he could focus on was Connie, sitting right next to him, her shoulder practically brushing his own.
The TV became background noise to his daydreams, ones in which he explained his feelings and she returned them without hesitation.
"But I love you Doctor!" Said one of the nurses on the show. Steven's attention snapped to the screen.
"Wh-what?" The doctor gasped.
"I've loved you for a long time. You give me meaning, you complete me. I can't live without you!" She said.
The doctor wrapped her up in a tight hug and planted a kiss on her lips. Steven's eyes followed every movement, unblinking and completely enraptured.
"You mean everything to me," the Doctor replied, and the episode ended with the fade out of another kiss.
Steven felt himself smiling.
"That was awful!" Connie exclaimed.
His smile withdrew and his heart felt icy.
"Why?" He asked.
"They completely ignored the other characters! What about the patient? He is dying for goodness sake! I want to see his struggle for meaning and his victory when he realizes that the most important things to him are his relationships! The doctor's little love triangle thing is only a tool to get ratings up." She leaned back against the bed with a pout.
"Ha, ha, yeah," he said, feeling the butterflies in his stomach start to shrivel.
Connie wasn't interested in romance. She'd proven it time and again. How was she going to accept him when she couldn't even accept a silly story?
What relationship did he want with Connie? His mind raced to marriage and happy-ever-after's but he reeled his imagination back in. Those were just cute little feelings. They were the butterflies, getting to him and making him want to just jump into things without thinking. He knew that wasn't wise…he had been taught to think about his actions before he did them. He thought about the Gems. Perhaps they really could help. He thought about talking to Amethyst. No, she'd just tease him and make him feel weird about it. She'd be no help at all. He thought about talking to Pearl. No, she barely understood humans at all, let alone human relationships.
He thought about Garnet. His fingers tapped against the table. Garnet was the summation of a good relationship, literally. If anyone could help, she would. Steven took a bite of his sandwich and enjoyed the sea breeze coming through the open windows. He loved days like this: not too hot and not too cold. Good for swimming or reading or watching TV or practically anything else he might want to do. This type of weather just had so many possibilities. Amethyst came through the door and headed to the fridge.
"Hey Amethyst!" he said.
"Oh hey Steven," she said without looking.
"Do you know where Garnet is? I have something to ask her."
"She left earlier while you were out pouting on the beach. She said she had to get something important."
Steven's eyes flicked downwards, "I wasn't pouting."
"Whatever dude," she said, grabbing a handful of food and walking back to her room, "I'm sure she'll be back soon."
Steven stared at the door as it closed, his gaze blurring as he lost himself in thought once more. He'd just have to wait. After eating he put on some music and pulled out his markers and some more paper, doodling and thinking, but mostly thinking. Shapes, colors, little blurs of words that made their way out through his fingers. Time passed slowly, but it passed. The portal hummed to life and Steven looked up to see Garnet step down.
"Garnet!" he called, "Garnet."
He ran towards her and was surprised when she picked him up and carried him over her shoulder. He giggled and let her drop him down on the couch.
"You're getting bigger," she said, "You're a lot heavier than you used to be."
He grinned at her, then took a breath, "Garnet I-"
She stopped him with a finger, sitting down beside him.
"Wait a moment. I have a story to tell you first."
Steven was perplexed, but he nodded and rested his head on her side.
"When Ruby and Amethyst first met, while they were getting to know each other, there was a lot of miscommunication," she started.
Steven felt his heart racing; Garnet had never talked about this before.
"They lied and tried to manipulate words so that they would seem to be more of a person to the other. But the dishonesty caught up to both of them really fast. When everything was finally in the clear, Sapphire ran off and Ruby chased after her. They ended up in a very dangerous area. Ruby finally caught Sapphire and together they talked it out. They came clean about themselves and decided, from then on, to always be honest and crystal clear in their communications. Then, to get out of the danger, they fused for the first time.
"And made you?" Steven asked.
"That's right," she replied, "I was created by love and honesty, so I am better than most at accepting people, flaws and all. I prefer to love all of a person, than to pretend that the bad doesn't exist. I don't know what's going on, or what you need to work out, but just know that I will understand, whatever it is, and I will still love you."
Steven felt starry-eyed as she handed him something.
"Here," she said softly. He grabbed it and turned it around, inspecting it.
"Two rocks?" he asked.
"Two rocks stuck together. It was what Ruby and Sapphire saw when they decided to fuse."
"You…you kept it?"
"I've always liked to think of it as representing openness. I want you to have it now."
"You're giving it to me…" Steven said, his voice catching. He pulled it close to his chest and knew that this was something precious. It stood for one of the values that Garnet lived for. And that she would give it to him so freely?
"I…I feel kind of silly now. It's not really that big of a deal…"
"If it's a big deal to you then it's a big deal to me," she said, wrapping her arms around him. He relaxed into her arms and let out a little laugh.
"It's just that…things are changing recently. Mainly with my…um…my feelings for Connie."
Garnet looked down at him, taking off her glasses and placing them in her lap.
"Go on," she said.
"I guess I've just…been thinking about her a lot more. And I'm always making a fool of myself when I'm around her. And…I don't know what to do because I don't know if she feels the same way and I'll just be so sad if she doesn't. But I don't want to talk to her about it because I'm too scared of her thinking I'm weird. Am I weird Garnet? Am I expecting too much? Am I being too silly? I've got so many questions and doubts swimming inside my head and I have no idea where to begin. I was trying to write out my thoughts but no matter what I do I can't organize them or understand what's going on. I feel so ridiculous but I just can't…" he grit his teeth, his frustration finally coming to the forefront of his mind, "I just can't understand what to do about how I feel."
Garnet sat in silence for a few moments. Steven started to worry that he had somehow insulted her.
"That's because," she started, turning to face him completely, "You can't define or categorize or even understand love."
"Love?" he asked.
"If what you say is true, then I know exactly how you feel. Both Ruby and Sapphire went through it. Your Father went through it. Your Mother went through it. You're not weird or ridiculous Steven, you're just falling in love."
"Well…" he said, his throat turning dry, "What do I do about it?"
Garnet stood up from the couch, replacing her glasses as she did so.
"Do what Ruby and Sapphire did. Talk it out."
She strode to the door and opened it up, leaving Steven alone with his thoughts.
"Talk it out, huh…" he muttered.
It had been a week since his talk with Garnet and nothing was better. He had gone through his confession a million times in his head and it never sounded right. It was too cheesy or too informal or too clingy or too…too…whatever it was! Steven pulled at his hair, feeling angry with himself. Why couldn't he just get up the courage to start talking to her about it? He planned to do it every day he saw her, but he always chickened out at the last minute.
"Steven! We should go to Funland today!" Connie said, giddy with excitement.
"O-okay," he said.
Within minutes she had dragged him away from the Temple and onto the boardwalk.
"Come on!" she giggled, "I wanna ride as many rides as possible before we eat supper. I don't do well with rides and a full stomach."
"Gross," laughed Steven, imagining what she meant. The two laughed childishly and raced each other to ride after ride. Steven saw Mr. Smiley glaring at him from the corner of his eye, daring him to mess up yet another of his rides. He'd been given permission to ride the rides again after the Gems had saved Beach City from the hand ship, but that didn't mean Mr. Smiley trusted him fully. However, Steven was too caught up in their fun to mind much. They rode the spinning rides over and over until they could barely stand up straight, then they sat on the bench until their stomachs felt better and talked about anything and everything. Steven was having so much fun with her, he nearly forgot all of his problems. Until they were strapped into the rollercoaster together. He felt his blush growing, pressed up against her side. When she hooked her arm through his, he gave her a nervous smile, and squeezed her arm as close to his as he dared. The rollercoaster started slowly, climbing up the big hump with a monotonous clicking.
"The waiting is my favorite part," Connie said in a hushed voice, "The adrenaline is nice, but the tension and anxiety while you wait is so much fun."
Steven wasn't sure he understood, but after a few more moments he didn't have the time to try to understand. He was too busy screaming and laughing. She grabbed his hand and twined her fingers with his. The sky was a brilliant blue, one of the colors you only get on a blaringly hot day. However, the evening was nicer than it had been mid-afternoon, and as the rollercoaster sped through the air Steven couldn't help but thank the weather for making Connie's eyes shine the way they did.
After a full evening of rambunctious play, the two kids grabbed hot dogs and chips and ate at one of the sparse picnic tables available at Funland.
"So Steven," said Connie after swallowing her last bite, "I've been wanting to talk to you about something."
"What's up?" he said.
"Um…" she said. She bit her lip and stared down at her plate, her eyes flickering this way and that.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, suddenly losing his appetite.
"I just…I feel like recently you've been acting really weird."
Steven froze, his fingers gripping the edge of the table.
"Oh…uh…really?"
"I'm just…I'm afraid that you've been growing so distant because…" he saw her eyes starting to fill with tears and he started panicking.
"Because you don't like me anymore?" she finished.
A beat of silence. Then, "What?" he asked incredulously.
"You've just been avoiding me so much. And I can tell that there are things you don't want to talk about with me and I completely understand that, but I assumed that we trusted each other the same and I'm terrified that maybe…maybe…"
Steven put up a hand and stopped her. He felt the gift Garnett had given him in his pocket and he knew what he had to do.
"Come with me Connie," he said, holding out his hand to her. She looked up at him with a face of concern, but took his hand. He led her back through Funland until they reached the very end, where the Ferris Wheel stood.
"We're going on the Ferris Wheel?" she asked, sounding confused.
He smiled at her, but felt his brain fuzzing like crazy. His heart thumped like a drum and he felt a hot blush on the back of his neck. Was he really about to do this? There wasn't any backing out now. He didn't agree with what Connie had said, the waiting was the worst part.
"Steven? What's wrong?" she asked. He let go of her hand, realizing that he had been squeezing it.
"N-nothing. Let's just get on." The hopped into their compartment and the Ferris Wheel began to turn.
"What is this about?" she pressed.
Steven felt his breathing turn shallow. He just needed to start. He could hear Garnett in the back of his mind: "You can't categorize or define or even understand love."
"I've been acting so weird…" he started, looking away from her and down at his feet. There was a little bit of water on the bottom of the seats from some recent rain.
"Yes?" she pushed.
"I've been acting so weird because there's something I've been meaning to tell you and I…just didn't know how to do it."
Connie gulped, he could see that he was scaring her.
"Nothing bad! I still want to be your friend! I still love being around you! I just…"
She grabbed his hand and looked straight at him, drawing his eyes from the floor and into her face. The sun was painted pink and orange and he could barely make out her features. He was left with a silhouette of shadow that said, "Just what?"
"I…I think I love you," he blurted out.
Connie dropped his hand. He could make out a look of silent shock on her face. Every butterfly, every twisted nerve, every short breath, every blush disappeared and left only a cold fear. It was a fear that washed over him as if he were trapped underneath waves. It grabbed his gut and spread through his body in a matter of seconds, squeezing his lungs until he realized he wasn't breathing.
"Oh my gosh," he squirmed, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that! I…had a whole speech planned out…I was gonna explain myself better, please, please, please forget I just said that!" His words were coming out like a waterfall, unstoppable. Tears started to slide down his face.
"Steven…"
"I've just been realizing how much you mean to me. You make me so happy and I love being with you. I love the things you say and the opinions you have, even if I don't agree with some of them. I love living life with you, it's my favorite thing! You are such an amazing, wonderful person and every second I'm with you I feel so alive. I want to protect you, and be with you all the time. And…And…" the tears were falling like rain now, dripping onto his clenched fists.
"Steven…" her small voice said, but Steven wasn't finished.
"And I want you to feel the same way! I understand if you don't and I understand if you feel awkward now. I didn't want to ruin the friendship that we had. I wanted it to grow! But I'm so afraid that I just killed it. I respect you, Connie. You're the greatest person in the world. I try all the time to make you see the best side of me, so that you will respect me too. And I was acting so weird because I didn't want you to know how I thought of you, even though I kinda did? I don't even know! Everything's so confusing when I'm around you and all I know is that…" Time seemed to stand still in this one moment… "You are everything to me."
Connie's eyes were wide. Tears dripped down her cheeks as she lunged forward. He felt himself gasp as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck, beginning to sob.
"Steven…" she said through her cries, "That's all I've ever wanted to hear."
He pulled her tight and held her, his tears drying up. He was too astonished to feel anything.
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"I've said before, I want to be a part of your universe! I want to be with you because you've given me so much more to live for than silly classes and good grades. You've given me a love that I've never felt before and for that I've loved you, ever since I first met you. I…I know that we're still just kids but I know that I love you like I'll never love anybody else. Steven, I am so…so happy that you feel the same way." Her eyes…gosh, her eyes. Swimmy and sparkling, but radiating golden and pink, her eyes were like flowers after a delicate rainfall. But perhaps the best part was that they were dancing because of him.
"I love you Connie," he said, his arms hugging her closely.
"I love you too Steven," she responded. A chill went up his back when she said his name so softly and sweetly.
She leaned in closer, pulling him towards her. He felt a moment of panic before her lips touched his, and then he lost all thought, all worry and all fear. A blush crawled onto their cheeks and noses and necks, but they only smiled and kissed again. And all Steven knew was that Connie made him happy in a way that nobody else could.