As I was clomping down the stairs, lost in my thoughts, I heard my name being called. "Hey, Row!"
Pushing my hair out of my face, I see Biana racing up to me. I swallow my annoyance and paste a smile on my face. Having Biana follow me around was not going to work today. I needed to focus on the note and the Neverseen; not my hair or my clothes or my face or my hair or whatever else.
"Hey, Biana." I continue my descent down the stairs. I know I was brushing her off, but I didn't have any desire to work on me with her right now.
"What are you doing?" She asks, expertly climbing down the stairs in her bejeweled high heels.
"I was going to grab something to eat and t—" Biana cut me off with a squeal.
I jump and trip over the final step, catching myself before I eat the floor at the last second. I stare at Biana as she hops gracefully to the ground and turns to me, grabbing my hand.
"I just had the best idea!" She exclaims. "We should have a girls day with Sophie! She came by this morning and—oh my gosh it'll be perfect." Her grip on my hand tightens.
I study Biana as she waits for my answer. I really didn't want to have a girls day, even if Sophie was there with the note. But I appreciate the effort Biana is putting in to hanging out with me, so I shove my distaste down and answer her. "Sure, that sounds fun."
We just barely started walking again when Biana pipes up. "So, have you made your decision?"
My breathing hitches as my feet stumble to a stop. Oh my gosh. I totally forgot the Councilors are coming over today to hear my decision.
"Rowan? Is Thom gonna have a planting?" Biana gently squeezes my hand when I don't answer and guides me to a chair in the living room. "Here, sit down. I'll go grab something to drink for us."
A weight settles on my chest and in an instant my heart is a battering ram, my chest the door it wants to break down. Colors swirl as panic sets it, and it takes every cell in my body to hold back the fire that wants to be released.
"Row!" Biana's voice is faint against the ocean waves in my head and I squeeze my eyes shut. While my breathing quickens, hands grab my head and neck and suddenly I'm bent over, my head between my legs.
Biana's voice is soothing as she says, "Breathe, Rowan. It'll pass soon."
Her hands rub circles on my back and after a terrifyingly paralyzed moment the waves start to the die down. The swirling mass of colors that I saw when I opened my eyes slow to stillness; my breathing is no longer jagged, but becoming more normal; sweat pours down my face. I carefully lift my head and then Biana's there, wrapping me in an embrace that I don't shy away from.
"It's okay, Row. You don't have to explain. I've had them, too," Biana whispers.
In that moment, as warmth blooms in my chest—not the fire I was accustomed to, but of gratefulness—I didn't want anyone else by my side. The knowledge that Biana has suffered through what I just had happen to me was a thought that pushed any remaining ocean wave from my mind.
I rest my head on her shoulder, and her perfume wafts into my nose, but I don't care. I just needed someone right now.
"I-" my voice is too quiet, too low. I try again. "I'm happy that you were here, Biana. Thank you."
She pulls away and smiles at me, her hand still on my back. "I know what it's like to have a panic attack, Row. And at times there was no one to help me. I—any of our friends, really—will be there. I swear."
The lump in my throat is huge and I have to blink repeatedly to clear the tears from my eyes. But I see some in Biana's when I lean in to hug her again.
Fitz's voice breaks through the thick silence. "Did I miss something?"
I sit back to see him and the others all gathered in the opening to the living room, Alden and Della were behind them along with Grady and Edaline.
I clear my throat and swipe at my eyes. "No, we were just—"
"Bonding," Biana finishes. She glances at me and I smile, the warmth in my heart growing. She returns it and stands up, gesturing to the forgotten drink that are on the table. "Would anyone like a drink?"
"If I may," Alden says. "I believe the Councilors will be arriving any time now to hear Rowan's decision."
I stand and Biana grips my hand, giving it reassuring squeeze before she lets go. I take a deep breath and ignore the sourness in my stomach.
"Are we going to meet in your office again? Or are we doing it in here?" I ask, glancing at everyone still in the doorway.
Keefe comes over and flops onto one of the couches, propping his feet up on an ottoman. "I'm staying here, guys. This fancy talk can happen here."
I watch as Sophie opens her mouth with a disapproving glare in her boyfriend's direction but I don't give her the chance to speak. "In here, will be fine."
Alden nods and turns to whisper something in Della's ear. She nods once before she heads upstairs. I study Sophie as we all find a seat in Everglen's living room. Her eyes are bleary and dark circles are prominent on her light skin. I wonder if she has the note on her. I could bump into her "on accident" and slip my hand into her pocket, grabbing the note and then walking away. I peek at Alden and see his hands are clasped and he's watching us sit and talk.
"Are you nervous?" Keefe asks me, his thumb absentmindedly tracing Sophie's knuckles as they hold hands.
I shrug and try to put on a "whatever" facade. "Nah. I've been to enough of these to know that the Councilors may seem intimidating, but they're nothing compared to other things I've been through."
Sophie hums in agreement. "I'm with you, Rowan."
Alden grunts and we all turn to look at him. "Sorry. But I advise you don't speak ill of the Council when they are only seconds away."
As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Nausea sweeps over me and I swallow down any bile that is rising. Fitz, who was seated next to me, wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. I take in the faint scent of his cologne and begin to pull away, but the feel of his lips against my ear makes me freeze.
"You'll make the right choice. No matter what happens, we'll stand by you." A shiver snakes down my spine and I close my eyes for a brief moment.
"Thank you," I reply. I get to my feet and everyone copies me. Even though he still wasn't 100% comfortable around me—and I don't know if he ever will be—Dex still shoots me a dimply grin. Whatever goes down, I know that this group of elves will support me, no matter my upbringing, nor the choices I make, nor the actions I've committed in my past. These elves are beginning to be my group of elves. They're my friends, and while my heart and mind warn me to not believe this, I think they're starting to be my family.
"We've given you the full two weeks, Miss Jensen. Have you come to a decision?" Councilor Emery stares down his nose at me and I don't waver from it.
"Yes." My voice is curt and I pride myself in the fact that it doesn't shake.
Emery raises an eyebrow when I don't continue. "Well...?"
Pros and cons race through my head. Pro: Thom gets a Wanderling even though he was part of the Neverseen. Con: I'm betraying the people I still care about that are at the base. Pro: This is the only way I can be rid of the Neverseen for good. Con: Dad and Brant will know I've betrayed them and they'll definitely come after me. Maybe even come after my friends, too.
I fill my lungs with air and breathe out deeply before finally settling on an answer. "I'll do it."
•••
A/N
Yup this story is picking uppppp. I honestly don't know how y'all do it, reading this with all the mistakes. Half the time I cringe at past chapters. Thank you all so much for sticking with Row and everyone else. You don't know how much I appreciate it, and appreciate you all. Next chapter coming soon.
Don't forget to R&R! Reviews are always welcome and help motivate me. Hahaha, love you guys.
~Author