"What would you say constitutes the validity of a promise?" I ask, my eyes staring intently out the window.

"What?" Cat says while looking up from the book in front of her.

"I sai-" I start.

"No, I heard what you said. I just don't understand," Cat says, marking her book with a bookmark and setting it aside.

"Was I not speaking English?" I say with an eye roll. Cat narrows her eyes at me in an annoyed way.

"I don't understand why you're asking that," Cat says. Her eyes lighten a little like they do every time she is trying to find an answer to a question she doesn't know.

"Can you just answer it for me? Please?" I say, finally taking my eyes away from the window and looking at her.

"I don't know. The stakes probably have to be worth keeping the promise, I guess. Will you tell me why your asking now?" she says while tilting her head sightly. I sigh and look back out the window.

"What if there are no stakes and the promise is just a promise?" I say. I try to make my words make sense but the thoughts in my head are so jumbled, I don't think it's possible.

"What would the point be in keeping a promise if there was no reason to keep it?" Cat asks.

"I don't know. Maybe to prove something. Or maybe because you're scared what would happen if you didn't keep it," I say. I lean my head back against the window sill and roll my lips into my mouth.

"Magnus, are you in some kind of trouble I should know about." Cat leans forward and rests her elbows on her knees.

"Yes. Well, not really. I don't know. Maybe," I say. My eyes roll over the waves as they crash into the golden sand. So many emotions overwhelm me that it's hard to pick just one to focus on. Longing, grief, sadness, but most importantly, fear. The other emotions are just a by product of the relentless fear that builds up in me. I want it to go away. I want it to go away so bad. It took everything from me.

"You know you can tell me anything, right, Mags?" Cat says, worry in her eyes. I know she means well, and I love her for it. I wish I could tell her but I can't and I know I can't. This is a weight I won't put on her shoulders, no matter how much it would take off mine. There are just some things people don't need to know.

"You know I love you, Cat. I really appreciate you being my friend all these years," I say with a small smile.

"I wish you would tell me what's bothering you," Cat says with a sigh. She leans back and picks up her book again. She knows this is a lost cause. It always is.

I watch the kids playing in the water, some even trying to ride their first surfboards. That was me, in every sense. That was what my entire childhood was like, and it makes me so sad to watch, knowing that's not my life anymore. Ever since that day, this small town has felt smaller than it ever did before. My days used to be filled with laughter, and joy, and doing what I loved most. Now I'm burdened with having to avoid places I long to go and people I wish I could see. But I know it isn't possible because going to those places and seeing those people would make my already difficult life infinitely harder. I'm not sure if I could survive the pain.

I glance at the clock on the wall of the small beach home and sigh. It's getting late and if I don't leave now, my mom will start to worry. I stand up and gather my bag off the floor. I walk over to Cat and place a delicate kiss on her cheek.

"I have to head home. I'll see you later?" I say while starting to make my way towards the front door. Cat nods and smiles at me. I open the door but Cat makes me pause before I have a chance to step out.

"If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Whenever you feel your ready. I just want you to know that," Cat says, her tone as sweet as it can get. I smile at her, a genuine smile that has become rare on my face.

"Trust me, Cat, I know. Maybe one day I'll take you up on that," I say. Cat nods and smiles at me. We both know the chances of that day ever coming are very slim, but sometimes it's better to delude yourself to help you push forward. Sometimes it's the only way to help you make it through the day.

I walk out the door, shutting it softly behind me. The smell of the ocean assaults my nose as I walk down the tastefully worn front steps. I inhale deeply and close my eyes for a second. The smell envelopes me and makes me feel cozy. There is nothing I love more than that smell. Well, actually, I can think of a few things. But ignoring those, this smell is one thing that wasn't taken from me. It fills me with a nostalgic feeling without the negative connotation I'm accustomed to these days. For a second, every thing feels normal and right. Everything is how it's supposed to be. But sadly, a second has to pass as time pushes it forward, bringing with it reality.

My steps forward are reluctant as I start the short walk back to my house. My feet drag on the ground slightly as I try my best to keep my eyes off the ever present ocean next to me. I block out the sounds that are permanently imprinted into my brain and focus on my route home. A light layer of sand covers the sidewalk, as it does everywhere in this town. It would be more shocking to find a street void of any trace of the beach, a fact I used to love. Lately, it just makes me feel more sick than everything.

The walk home isn't more than 5 minutes and in no time I am almost in front of the modest home I have lived in my entire life. Two houses stand in between me and my sanctuary. I was feeling safe and confident that I had made it home. Too confident, in fact. So confident that I let my guard down which was probably the biggest mistake I had made that day.

"Magnus," a soft voice says from behind me. I stop in my tracks and close my eyes. I know that voice. There is no way for me to not know that voice. If I was smart I would have kept walking home. If I was strong, I never would have stopped. But I am neither of those, so I do the only thing I can think of doing. I turn around and stare into those blue eyes that I try so hard to forget.

The man in front of me looks just as I would picture him to. His black hair is tousled and slightly damp, a sign of where he just came from. His sleeveless tee hugs him in all the right places and clashes perfectly with his patterned swim suit. A board I know all too well, having helped him pick it out three years ago, is held tightly under his arm. His feet are bare, as expected, considering his strange aversion to shoes.

"Alexander," I manage to say, my throat being constricted by every emotion I am currently feeling.

"How have you been?" he asks, his blue eyes staring at me with his untainted innocence. There's no point in even trying to lie to him. It would be a waste of my effort.

"I'm still going," I say. I force a small smile on my face to try to reassure him but I know it does no good. A silence falls between us as we just study the person in front of us.

"I miss you," Alec says hesitantly. I run a hand through my hair and stop myself from saying what I really want to say. I stop myself from telling him that I miss him and that the last six months have hurt me more than he could even imagine.

"I've been around," I say instead. Alec's eyes instantly get sadder and I feel bad for saying it, but I don't take it back.

"I know," Alec says with a small nod. He bites his lip and fiddles with the edge of his t-shirt. His eyes make it seem like he's debating what to say next. I wait for him to speak because I know if I let myself say something, it will be something that I eventually regret.

"Everyone is coming over my place tonight for a bonfire. Would you want to join us, you know, if you're not busy?" he finally blurts out. His eyes look at me expectantly, hope being the primary emotion I can find in them. I know I can't go. I know I can't do that to myself. But I also know I can't disappoint him, not again.

"I'm not sure. I'd have to ask my mom," I say while casting my eyes down.

"Oh. Of course," Alec says. His voice sounds a little sad, as if he knows it's not the truth. "Well, if she says yes, it would mean a lot if you could come. I'm sure everyone would want to see you. I know it would mean a lot to me if you came."

"I'll ask her when I get home," I say, not sure if I actually will or not, yet.

"It's at the same time as always. I hope you can come," he says. I look back up to him as he gives me one of his heart melting smile. He waves a little with his free hand before turning and walking in the opposite direction of my house.

I sigh as I walk back towards my destination. Why did he have to smile at me like that? It's like he knows what it does to me, the power it has over me. I know I should go to this. I know I shouldn't even consider it, but that smile. It's the smile that I've tried, and succeeded, to avoid ever since that day. It was hard to stay away before, but when he looks at me like that, it makes it practically impossible.

I push my yellow front door open and step in. I walk over to the kitchen where I find my mom leaning over the stove, cooking whatever it is she is cooking. I walk behind her and place my head on her shoulder. She turns to me and places a kiss on my cheek. I smile and sit down at the island in the middle of the room. I debate if I should even ask her what I said I would. I know what she will tell me, and once she does, I no longer have any excuses. No way to get out of what I know will only hurt me. I bite my lip and decide to just do it.

"I ran into Alec on the street just now," I say, staring at the tile on the island in front of me.

"Oh?" my mom says, turning to look at me. I nod without lifting my head.

"He wants me to go to a bonfire at his house tonight. I said I had to ask you first," I say, my hands fidgeting in my lap.

"Of course you can go!" my mom exclaims. She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist. "I think it would be good for you to go."

"I don't know, Mom," I say with a sigh. "I haven't talked to them since..." My voice softly trails off at the end.

"Honey, these are your best friends, the kids you grew up with. I'm sure they want to see you just as much as you want to see them." She rests her head on my shoulder and smiles at me.

"I-" I start.

"No, you're going. This isn't up for discussion," Mom says while walking over to the stove and continuing dinner.

"Okay," I say softly. She smiles at me over her shoulder and it makes me happy to see her happy.

"Now, go get ready. If I remember correctly, the party should be starting in a half hour." I nod and walk towards my bedroom. I shut the door and stare into the mirror on the back of my door.

I try to convince myself that I will be okay. That this will be okay. It's not like I'll be going to the beach, or worse. It's just going to Alec's backyard with the friends I grew up with. The same friends I haven't talked to in months. This is something I can do, a small gift I can give myself. This will make me happy and I deserve to be happy.

By the time I have finally convinced myself to go, I'm already five minutes late. I spend the next ten minutes rushing to get ready before I'm shuffling out the door, yelling a quick goodbye to my mom.

The route to the Lightwood house is familiar, too familiar. I wouldn't be able to count the amount of times I have walked these exact same steps. I can feel the emotions welling up in me as I continue to go. I have half a mind to turn back but I keep going, because I remember how happy my mom looked and how happy Alexander looked and I can't help it but want to make them both happy again. I walk up the few steps to the door and hesitate before pressing the doorbell.

The door is opened by Alec's mom, Maryse. She looks at me with wide eyes as a smile grows on her face. I smile at the women who could be considered my second mother. I've missed seeing her everyday and I can tell she feels the same by the way she looks at me.

"Magnus! Alec told me you might be coming," she says enthusiastically. I nod and clasp my hands in front of me.

"Well, don't be a stranger," she says before she pulls me into a large hug. I slowly wrap my arms around her thin waist as she rests her head on my shoulder.

She softly whispers the words, "Welcome home, Baby. Welcome home," into my shirt and it makes me want to cry. But I hold in the tears as best I can. I can't start this night by crying. I need to hold it together best I can.

Maryse lets me go, a large smile on her face and her eyes tearing up a bit. "Everyone is in the back," she says. I nod and walk in the direction on the back door. I pause and take a deep breath before pushing it open.

A fire sits in the middle of the medium sized backyard with a group of teenagers surrounding it. The sun is starting to set as the group laughs together over something one of them said. A small smile makes it's way onto my face as I remember when I used to be part of that circle, making the jokes or laughing along. I still would be part of this group, had in not been for that one stupid day that took everything from me. I loose my smile when I think of that and take another step into the yard. I let the door shut behind me with a bang, making everyones heads turn towards me.

The atmosphere instantly changes when they see me standing there. They all look stunned to see me and Izzy, Alec's sister and practically my own sister, goes as far as slapping her hand over her mouth. I give them a small smile and raise my eyebrows a little. I look over to Alec to see him looking at me with a huge smile, his eyes lighting up.

"Magnus! You came!" he exclaims, the excitement apparent in his voice. I nod and shrug a little, not sure what to say. Alec's statement seems to break Izzy out of whatever trance she was under and she jumps out of her seat. She races across the yard and jumps onto me, wrapping me in a tight hug. A catch her waist and hold her up for a second before placing her feet on the ground. I bury my face in her ink black hair while she buries her face in my shoulder, just as her mother did.

"I'm so happy you're here. I missed you so much, Magnus," Izzy mumbles, her voice a little shaky. I can feel the tears she's shedding start to seep into my shirt and can't help it when one falls out of my eye and into her hair. Izzy isn't the type of girl who cries. If I counted out the amount of times she has, I wouldn't even need two hands. So to have her crying into my shoulder like this, there is no other appropriate reaction than to cry with her.

She pulls away from me and roughly takes my face in her hands. "Never do that to me again, Magnus Bane, or next time you'll regret it. Do you hear me?" Izzy says through the tears falling onto her cheeks.

"I already regret it, so, so much." I shake my head, my lower lip trembling a bit as I look at the beautiful girl in front of me. Someone taps her shoulder and she turns to see her boyfriend, Simon Lewis, standing there. She moves over a bit and Simon pulls me into a quick hug. He puts his hand on my shoulder and smiles at me.

"It's good to see you, Man," he says. I smile back at him and nod. He lightly grabs Izzy's hand and pulls her back towards their seats. The next thing I know, I'm assaulted by a mane of red hair and tiny arms are wrapping around my waist. Tears are now continuously falling down my face no matter how hard I try to stop them.

"I can't believe you're here," Clary says. I smile down at her through my tears and see her eyes getting a little watery, too. When Clary let's me go, I'm pulled into another hug by Jace Herondale, who I would never hug on any other occasion than this.

"He's really missed you, you know. He's practically been a mess," Jace whispers to me before he let's me go.

"And you haven't, Goldilocks?" I say with a small smile. Jace gives a shaky laugh and covers one of his eyes with his hand, turning his face away a little.

"You haven't changed a bit, Sparkles," he says. The tears are falling harder now and any effort to stop them is slowly dissolving. Jace walks back to his seat next to Clary and takes her hand. I look to the last person left in the yard and give him a small smile. Alec stares at me, his eyes wide and his lips pouting slightly.

"No hug?" I say while opening my arms. He practically sprints into my arms and hugs me tighter than any of them. When Alec puts his arms around me, I break into a full out sob, crying into his shoulder. I missed him so much, more than I could ever express in words. Being here in his arms is somewhere I'd never thought I'd be again. I feel Alec pulling me over to the side of the house, away from everyone else's eyes, his arms never leaving me.

"I've missed you, Magnus," he says with a small sniffle.

I manage to choke out, "I missed you, too," though my sobs. The emotions are pouring out of me and there's nothing I can do anymore to stop them. It feels so right to be in his arms and there's no way I can deny it. I've spent the last 6 months running from this and I can't do it anymore. I need him even if I try to tell myself I don't.

"Please, don't ever do this to me again, Magnus. I can't handle you not talking to me," Alec says.

"I can't either, Alexander. I can't either," I say. My tears start to slow down and I pull away to look into those eyes that I love so much. "I'm not going anywhere. This is right where I need to be."

Alec dazzles me with his amazing smile again and wipes away the rest of my tears with the pad of his thumb. I smile at him as he does this. He loosely takes my hand and starts to bring me back towards the fire, back towards the people I have missed so much.

Whadaya think? Shall I continue? Is it stupid? If I do continue, it will probably be like my other Malec fics and only a couple chapters long. Not sure yet. Well, don't be shy! Tell me what you want me to do in the reviews!

-Hockeycrazy7