Matthew heard the sound of his breathing slow and clear, his senses slowly returning, starting with sound. At first he could only hear his breaths, and then he heard his heart beating. After a few more minutes he could hear a slow, rhythmic and repeated beep. A few more minutes after, sight began to ebb in. His eyes fluttered open slowly, vision going from black, to gray, to white…and then color. Muted colors like the kind…in a hospital. As he slowly recovered each sense he tried to sit up but was stopped by a hand, and he realized that there were tubes in his arms and orifices. He looked up to see the hand's owner and saw a pair of familiar hazel eyes "J-Jamey…?"

The eyes widened, followed with a wide and bright smile. "Matthew!" he leaned down. "Hey, how are you feeling? Ah, oh, right—probably best not to say anything" Jamey added "save your strength." He grabbed a glass of cold water with a straw from the bedside table and held it out to the honey blond "Do you want some water?"

Matthew smiled softly at the gesture and shook his head. He turned and saw that Alfred and Ivan were in the beds beside his.

"Oh" Jamey said knowingly "Doctor said they should wake up in a few hours."

True to their word, hours passed and Alfred woke, body metabolizing faster than Ivan's. He blinked rapidly against the bright light "Whaaa?" he asked slurring a bit. He turned his head what little he could and gathered that he was in a hospital and that Matthew was awake next to him and Ivan…Ivan still wasn't moving. "Mattie?" he asked, voice a bit awkward "what happened?"

Matthew looked over at Alfred as soon as his brother had spoken his name. "Alfie" he said in a whisper, all his vocal cords would allow right now. He smiled and held a hand out as far as he could next to the bed. Though he was unable to hug the other, holding his hand would be just fine.

Alfred smiled and reached out, no matter what had happened they were still all here. He slowly took Matthew's hand and held it in a surprisingly firm grip for someone who had been so close to death.

Matthew tightened his grip as much as his present strength would allow. He sat up a little before Jamey patted his other arm as a way to make him stop forcing himself, and was able to look in the next bed to see an unconscious Russian.

"Ivan? Is he…?"

Alfred looked over to the side towards Ivan, having a better vantage point than Matthew. He responded "…I'm not sure…" he said softly, a bit of fear setting in. Ivan was big and strong and seemed like literally nothing could stop him but…if anyone could, he could—Suddenly there was a gasp and choked coughing and Ivan was awake; worse for the wear but he was alive and awake. Alfred breathed a sigh of relief.

Matthew nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard Ivan waking up. A wide smile spread over his face as he saw a glimpse of semi-lidded violet eyes. "Ivan!" he yelped which followed with a cough, and Jamey quickly retrieving the water and guiding the straw to Matthew's lips to sip.

At the exclamation of his name Ivan looked over in Matthew's direction and gave a weak, teary-eyed smile "I'm glad you two are alright" he breathed. He had gotten the dosage right after all. It was a little low on his part, he had not been anticipating living through it, and he was still feeling lightheaded and weak but they would be alright and this way Ivan would be forced to let Matthew go for the sake of his mental health. Ivan realized he had been poisoning him, twisting his affection and though he truly did love Matthew more than anything he…needed to let him go, allow him to make his own choices and…if that meant seeing his love leave…then so be it. Ivan shut his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

~~~Years Later~~~

Epilogue

Matthew laughed as Alfred began slipping on the pair of socks with American flag stars and stripes patterned on them, unable to stop repeating how much he loved them. "I knew you would love them" Matthew said happily.

Jamey eagerly handed him a little present wrapped in shiny red paper and tied with a white velvet bow and said "Open this one next, Mattie!"

Matthew took the gift and set it down on his lap. He smiled as he started to untie the bow and tear the paper. After the wrapping had been shed, a dark red velvet box was revealed. Matthew grinned as he opened the hinge on the little box and saw that inside was a sterling silver necklace with the word 'best' inscribed on the theatre mask faces pendant.

"I have the other half" Jamey explained, lifting the silver chain from beneath his shirt to reveal a similar pendant with the word 'friends' on it.

Matthew thanked him for the gift with a tight hug and then pulled away when his phone started beeping. "Ah, the meeting!" he said, glancing at the reminder. He pulled on a white pea coat and a scarf and was out the door. The others wished him well and told him to be safe and back soon. "I shouldn't be long!" he went out to the Mercedes, got in, and drove out of the driveway and down the snowy road.

Matthew smiled, pleased with all of the success from the screen plays and films—and in such a short time! After college, he'd run into a director who recalled one of his other performances, and it was all uphill from there. The man had put him on the map, definitely. All of the shows and movies—the celebrities he'd been able to work with—and the parties—they were so high class! It was exciting to be able to live this way now. And to be independent and twenty five? How wonderful a feeling.

As he neared the corner with the familiar coffee shop on his left, he held his breath, and slowly pulled into the parking lot, gripping the steering wheel. It had been a long five years—much too long without him. The therapy sessions and the pills and medicines over those winters—the longest winters and lonely Decembers—yes, lonely! Though he had many to share these times with, none of them mattered. Only one mattered; one from, it seemed, so long ago. He cut off the car and pulled from his bag a little black velvet box tied with a red ribbon. Matthew waited for a moment and drew in deep, shaky breaths before getting out of the car. Each movement, each sound, was as heightened as it was then, if not more in this moment. He felt his breath still as he opened the door and walked inside.

A familiar Russian sat in the exact same spot from all those years ago, at the table—at their table, drinking tea with a piece of maple cake in front of him. He looked the same after all this time, which Matthew found himself thanking God for such health on the other's behalf. And the violet eyes-those eyes—they looked up, and met lavender.

Ivan glanced up from his tea when he heard the door, looking at the door again for what felt like the hundredth time in hope and, this time, it was founded. A bright smile spread across his face and he fought with the idea of running to him, things had changed so much over the last few years but he was worried that maybe he hadn't changed enough to be able to be with Matthew. His smiled smoothed out a bit but he still stood and went to greet the other. He stood a couple of feet away, afraid of getting too close and spoke softly, voice not holding the strong, perhaps arrogant air from before "It's good to see you again…"

The honey blond's heart fluttered in his throat, just like the first time, and he found it hard to speak. Though he had promised himself to remain professional, the urge to hug the other overwhelmed him, but he steeled himself and did not flinch, greeting the man with a smile and extending his hand, "Likewise" he knew what he had to do, and it didn't call for emotions at the moment.

Ivan nodded in an absentminded answer to his own question, if Matthew wanted to keep everything professional then that's what he would do. He extended his hand and gripped the other's firmly "Would you like to sit?" he asked, letting the other lead.

"Yes, please" Matthew nodded, and followed the man to the table. After they both sat down, he pulled the little box from his coat pocket and placed it in his lap. "Now, I just want to cut to the chase" He said bluntly, a smile in his eyes though he held a serious expression. "I have a new film I'm making. And I wanted to know if you would help me write it."

Ivan tilted his head to the side a bit "it has been a while since I have done much writing, what is it about?" he asked as he thumbed and fiddled with the sleeve of the beige coat laying across his lap that replaced his old black one; a nervous tick that had developed with one of the medications he was on.

Matthew lifted the box from his lap onto the table, opened it, and slid it to Ivan. Inside the box was a golden house key, gilded with scrollwork, and Ivan's first and last name, and it was strung on a golden link chain. Matthew smiled brightly with watery eyes—that were unexpected—and said, "…The title is 'new beginnings.' I want to write it and act it…with only you."

Ivan's eyes widened in realization "Does this mean…?" he asked cautiously. He didn't want to hope if it would only cause pain but he couldn't imagine being happier at the prospect that after everything that had happened, everything he had done…that Matthew would still care.

"I want you to live with me" Matthew replied, without missing a single beat. "I can't even begin to tell you how it has been without you—living without you—it's been hell" he gazed at Ivan with teary eyes. "I have a new place now, just for us. It's really nice!—you'll like it—kind of inspired by the style of your house" Matthew scoffed himself, seeing that he was getting off of subject. He cleared his throat and tried again, taking Ivan's hands—still so warm and so much larger—and he looked earnestly into the violet eyes as he spoke clearly and sentimentally. "I want you back in my life forever, Ivan. I want to wake up every day and see you beside me. I love you." The emphasis was placed solely and heavily on love and the word that followed, to tell the other naught had changed at all and that love, that word and action, was only for the other. The word that preceded, I, was used to show that only he could love the other so much, and for knowing what they had been through, it was more than true! And he repeated the words, "I love you."

Ivan's eyes started to water as he held Matthew's hands "I love you. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up, it's more than I could have ever hoped for. I don't know how you could have forgiven me but thank you, thank so much." He lifted Matthew's hands in his and kissed them since Matthew himself was across the table "I love you, I have always loved you, and I will always love you" he said kissing the back of his hand.

Matthew's eyes sparkled effervescently with the other's response. He got up from the table and came around to tightly embrace the Russian. "After all these years…you still feel the same" he whispered, a tear of joy slipping down his cheek as he stroked the man's snowy hair.

Ivan hugged him tightly, pulling him even closer "The only doubt I had was if you would ever return, I thought…I didn't dare to hope…"

Matthew just smiled happily, a huge grin spread over his face as he blushed a rosy hue and held Ivan tighter, rubbing his back.

The two sat and talked for hours on end, finishing their cake and milk tea. And when the cups and dishes were empty, they stood up and walked toward the door, supposedly Ivan would go and pack some things, and bring them. But Matthew shook his head and insisted that he drive them both to his home for the night. His mind raced with all sorts of misfortunes and tragedies that might possibly befall the other on the way home, and simply would not allow himself to be forgiven anything was to happen to him. As they drove to his home the honey blond contemplated all of the things that had happened, all of the struggles and strains of their relationship previously, were all in the past now. And if anyone had ever told the man that this would be his future, he would not have believed them for a moment. He would not have believed or ever even dreamed that he would ultimately and finally have his chance at the lead.

I hope everyone enjoyed this little journey of crazy emotions and characters and a huge thanks to everyone who stuck by it! If anything stuck out to you, anywhere in the story, please tell me in the comments; I'd love to hear about it! I've got the next one edited and now I'm sectioning it into chapters. but with all the tests it might take a touch longer than I'd like to get the first chapter posted but I'll try to get it for next week.

~Poison