Disclaimer:
I do not own Haruhi Suzumiya, or any of the associated characters or universe(s). They belong to Funimation Entertainment.

Summary:
Kyon was a nobleman's son in the desert city of Adoptopolis, consigned to a life of boredom and duty with no adventure or magic in his life. This all changed when one fateful day, on a whim, he purchased a seemingly ordinary oil lamp. Containing a very un-ordinary genie of phenomenal cosmic power... and a mischievous streak a mile wide. Rated PG-13 for some fantasy action and romance.

Far out in the rolling dunes of the vast and trackless desert, there lay a city. A tiny kingdom founded on the sight of a lush and beautiful oasis, and built up from virtually nothing with blood, sweat and tears. At first little more than a prospering village and stop point for caravans passing through, it had in time grown in size and prosperity to become the blossoming kingdom of Adoptoplis, well known and highly spoken of across the lands.

As the sun set on the horizon slowly and the heat of the noonday sun died down, people began to emerge onto the sand-swept streets of Adoptoplis with greater intensity, going about their various businesses. Vendors hawked their wares with the greatest of enthusiasm as people filled the streets to the point of being packed. Farmers in town to visit the market, strangers from afar taking in the sights, street performers showing off their talents for a few measly coins, even the odd soldier of the Sultan's guard keeping the peace at every street corner. Truly, a city thriving amidst adversity. A real diamond in the rough.

And yet nothing ever unusual seemed to happen here. No wars were ever fought over the kingdom, no great catastrophe visited its walls with plague or drought or locusts. Most people enjoyed the stability such represented, enjoying they could find every day the same as the last. Adoptoplis was a dull, dry, boring city in the middle of the desert where nothing exciting ever happened.

Until today.

And it was all centered around this young man, currently wandering the streets of Adoptoplis.

His name really wasn't Kyon, but that was what people called him. The son of a lesser noble in the court of the Sultan, the boy who would be known as Kyon was given a name that some of his peers deemed too noble and magnificent to be used. Instead, the nickname they saddled him with him had stuck, even to the point his own family took to using it on occasion to address him.

Kyon accepted it as his lot in life, as he'd quickly come to accept so many other things about the way the world worked.

Growing up, hearing stories of fantastical adventures and battles with magical monsters, heroes, and princesses, he'd sometimes dreamed of living that kind of life. When he'd been younger, his father had indulged him and his fantasies, teaching him how to ride a horse and camp out in the open. Those had been good times. Alas, as he got older, his father had turned his attention to finances and politics instead, to take over the family business and continue their work as a lesser noble house. One that within a generation could easily be one of the top ten noble houses in the court of the Sultan. Perhaps even married into the royal family itself, if they had a beautiful princess for Kyon or a handsome prince for his little sister. Though a lesser family, they had connections in high places.

So after several years, Kyon's dreams of magic and adventure slowly faded away, and he accepted the monotony of his life. When all was said and done, there wasn't even much to it, especially with his father away fighting in another kingdoms war. He had no responsibilities, duties, or authority of his own. Everything was running smoothly, leaving him with no need to intervene, even if he could.

There was nothing for him to do. The highlight of his day had been going into the market for some oranges, which he now carried slung over his back on his way home. He'd just accepted this was his lot in life as well...

"HEY!"

Looking up in surprise, Kyon realized he'd almost walked right past the man trying to get his attention. No wait, it was a pair of them, both in simple robes and mis-matched cloaks, one with darker hair and the other with a more sandy shade of brown. It was the dark-haired one calling to him now.

"Hey you! Come on, we're having an excellent bargain today! Everything half off!"

"Half off?" exclaimed his partner. "Tanaguchi, we can't afford deals like that. I have a wife and kids I need to feed!"

"Stuff it and your fat wife, Kunikida!" the first one retorted hotly. "If we don't pay the rent this week we're out on the street and that means we need to sell sell sell!"

"Half off it is!" the junior partner switched gears with alarming speed, waving Kyon over.

"Act now and we throw in wrapping for free!" the other one said, also beckoning him in.

Their act was so enthusiastically fake Kyon instantly recognized it as such. They must have put on this back-and-forth display for every poor sap who happened to wander their way. He shouldn't have let himself pay them any more mind, but Kyon was too polite to just outright ignore them. And in truth, some of their merchandise did look somewhat appealing. Kyon wasn't entirely sure if it had much functionality besides looking pretty, but he supposed a few minutes browsing couldn't hurt. If he didn't find anything worth buying, he'd simply say so and be on his way.

Surely they could take no for an answer, right?

Okay, apparently not.

Tanaguchi and Kunikida, the two idiot merchants who'd suckered Kyon into their store, might well have been honest about everything being half off or less. But they'd also purposefully left no written prices by their merchandise, allowing them to charge anything they wanted and still be 'upright and honest' about their bargains. A crafty bit of wheeling and dealing. Kyon sighed at being suckered in, and was tempted to leave then and there, but the younger partner subtly shifted his body to block the doorway, and the chatterbox Tanaguchi was invading his private space, grasping his shoulder and showing off just about everything they had.

"Got these in fresh from Agrabah," he said, indicating some clay jars. Cracked clay jars, Kyon noted. "Genuine authenticity! Nothing finer!" the merchant proclaimed.

So genuine they were bound to fall apart the moment they were filled with anything.

"Ah, but I can see you're a more discerning sort," he went on. "Perhaps some rare desert roses?" he said, showing a row of bright blue flowers in pots. "For the special lady in your life?" he added with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Haven't got a special lady yet, Kyon thought. Though not for lack of trying. He did honestly consider the azure roses for a moment, but ultimately decided against purchasing some. Too much work and water to keep them alive.

Cheap bronze jewelry, assorted artwork scrolls, some luxury carpeting and rugs, the two of them seemed to have amassed quite the collection of junk. Regretting this decision more by the minute, the young nobleman's son tried to find another means of escape, but the two of them, perhaps sensing a lost customer, pressed in more intently than ever.

"There must be something here to interest you," Kunikida pleaded.

"Look, I don't know..."

"Surely there is something you desire?"

A way out would be nice.

"Sorry we're fresh out of those," Tanaguchi replied. "But we do have this excellent new selection of jade from the far, far off east. Finest quality."

Another array of pretty works of art that served no real practical purpose. Sure, they looked nice, but Kyon didn't want to just throw his money away. He was a noble but his family didn't become such by casually tossing gold this way and that.

"Please, sir, something..."

"Anything...!"

"Ugh, alright, fine, I'll... take... this!" Kyon proclaimed, grabbing up an oil lamp hanging from the ceiling.

"That old hunk of junk?" asked Kunikida.

His partner swiftly elbowed him in the gut, perhaps a bit harder than necessary. "Shut up you moron." He was all smiles moments later as he took Kyon's shoulders. "I see you have an eye for quality my friend, this lamp here, you see, has a unique and colorful..."

"Ten gold," Kyon interrupted, anxious to be done with this.

"Thirty," Tanaguchi replied, without missing a beat.

"Fifteen," Kyon countered.

"Twenty-seven."

"I'm not going higher than twenty."

"Twenty-five gold pieces, and I throw in this bit of oil to go with it," Tanaguchi said, holding up a small jar.

"Done."

"Done."

They spat into their hands, exchanged a firm shake, and Kyon was finally able to slip out of the merchant's shack before they could entice him with any other bargains, deals, or once-in-a-lifetime savings. Securing it at his hip, the lamp jangled against his leg as he slipped back onto the street, throwing his bag of oranges of his shoulder once more. Privately resolving no more detours or sight-seeing, Kyon headed directly home.

Never having any idea he had just made the purchase of a lifetime.

By the time he got him, the sun was just brushing against the sandy horizon, painting the skies an alluring shade of crimson and scarlet. Kyon paused by the entrance to his family home to admire the skies for a moment before slipping inside, bidding a greeting to his mother and little sister before climbing the steps to his room. Dinner was long since passed, so he'd have the remainder of the early evening to himself before bedtime.

His room was at the top of their modest two story home, along the northeastern corner, right beside a storage closet and above the baths. It was about four great strides wide and six or seven strides long. At the far end was his bed, propped up on the ground with a number of heavy cushions and pillows propped up all around it. Many more lay scattered about the floor, a comfortable place to sit and relax while he pursued his interests. Several small lamps hung from the ceiling, similar in design to the one he'd purchased only today, though these were of cheaper quality and simpler design. Most of the furniture was mahogany, imported from the western forests, and the embroidery of his cushions and comforters was a rich crimson in color, making the entire room have a warm, welcoming feel to it. But the greatest aspect of it was the balcony which gave a breath-taking view of the eastern horizon. Every morning when the sun came up, it always shined through into Kyon's room to help him wake. When he'd been younger, he'd relished the rising dawn and the chance for an exciting new days.

These days he just grumbled and pulled his covers up over his head, waiting for a more civilized time to rise.

Kyon set his oranges on the dining table nearby for later, then sighs and slumped onto a throw cushion in the middle of his room. As he did, the lamp jangled against his hip, reminding him of its presence. Having all but forgotten about it, Kyon lifted it up to look more closely at the ill-advised purchase he'd made.

It was very old, even older than he'd first thought, positively ancient looking. Made out of what appeared to be a beaten bronze, it had kept up its shape remarkably well over the years, the metal was still smooth and un-broken by time. Tiny runes, which he couldn't quite make out, surrounded the lid at the top. The underside of the lamp was also embossed with some sort of odd, circular symbol he didn't recognize.

It almost looked like a pair of 'S's and an 'O' surrounded by odd squiggles... like something a child would draw. This really was just a beat up hunk of junk, as Kyon suspected. Still, a little polish and it could be useful, he mused, grabbing a handful of his own robe and rubbing it against the lamp's side. Just needed a little...

His thought was left uncompleted as the lamp began to shake and vibrate in his hand, making Kyon drop it in disbelief. The whole thing suddenly lit up, no longer dingy and rusted over, but glowing like it was made of the purest gold. Kyon stumbled backwards, tripping over a throw pillow and falling flat on his backside, unable to tear his eyes away from the lamp as it lifted off the ground, the metal seeming to warp and convulse before a stream of purple smoke was exhaled from its tiny opening, pouring into the room with alarming speed and density. Fearing for a moment it might be poisonous, Kyon stumbled backwards across the pillow before something else happened.

Just as swiftly as it had appeared, the smoke receded, leaving in its place a young woman floating in mid-air above the lamp.

She looked no older than Kyon himself, a girl on the cusp of womanhood, in the latter part of her teenaged years, with a bright smile and eyes a rich shade of brownish-gold. Her skin may have well have been poured from a jug, so smooth it looked, only lightly tanned by the sun's rays. Long, silky brown hair was done up in a ponytail that descended down her back, brushing against the small of it thanks to its incredible length. It seemed to sway back and forth with a mind of its own, like it was caught in its own personal breeze.

The young woman was garbed in purple silks, partially transparent around her strong arms and legs while leaving her toned midriff bare. Small bits of golden jewelry rested at her throat and dangled from her ears, and a pair of simple bracelets encircling her delicate wrists. A veil, stretched from cheek to cheek, did nothing to hide the smile on her face, completing the look.

She regarded him. He regarded her. And then finally she spoke.

"Well hi there. I'm Haruhi Suzumiya. Marid Class, Phenomenal Power, Cosmic Level. And I'm guessing you must be my new master, right?"

Master? What was she talking about? She didn't sound anything like what she was expecting, he'd half been prepared for a voice that echoed with otherworldly power. This Haruhi sounded like any other girl he might know.

"I mean, you rubbed the lamp, right? There's no one else here?" she turned her head, looking this way and that a second time, then turned her gaze back to Kyon. He sat up slowly as she sank down closer to his eye level, her bare feet finally touching the ground. She stood a little shorter than Kyon himself as he watched her from his cushion.

"Yup, must be you. What's your name, master?"

"Uh... most just call my Kyon," he said automatically, out of habit. "But my real name's..."

"Kyon's fine," she interrupted, moving away already. Her gaze flicked across the room, having found no other occupants, she was now taking in the architecture and decorating instead, taking a good long look at the bedspread, and then over to the windows to admire the view outside.

Kyon blinked, watching her go. Was she... ignoring him?

"Uhm... Haruhi, was it?"

"Yup," she replied, not even looking back. She treaded with an easy grace, hips swaying as Kyon watched, and plopped herself down in a cushion across from him, legs folded across one another. "So, you think of your first wish, master Kyon?"

Wish? What wish?

"You do know how this works, don't you?" she asked, eyeing him skeptically. "Geez, how dull are you? Haven't you ever met a genie before?"

Not before today, no.

"Ugh, well okay I guess time for some basics," Haruhi said, brushing back her ponytail and straightening her shoulders. "A genie is compelled by magical law to grant three wishes," and here she raised the requisite number of digits to illustrate her point, "to their master, whom is the one who summons them. The summoning can come in a variety of methods, in my case I am bound to the lamp. Whomever holds it is my master until the three wishes are granted, at which time they are compelled to relinquish me to another."

Kyon nodded dimly, doing his best to take this all in. He might have been inclined to think this was a hoax of some kind, or some cheap trick, but he'd seen how Haruhi had appeared, literally in a puff of smoke, and could not very well deny what he saw with his own eyes. She was really a genie, it seemed.

And now she was trying to grant him... wishes.

"Wishes must be stated verbally within the genie's range of hearing and at least consist of the word 'wish' to be considered valid. You receive only three," she again emphasized with her fingers, "no more and no less. Wishing for additional wishes is not permitted. Transferring wishes is not an option. Wishes may not be used to return the dead to life. Genies are not allowed to end someone's life. It is not possible to create true love with magic, although it is possible to stimulate feelings of desire and attraction. Do you have any questions?"

Finished with her lecture, she folded her arms again and regarded him with a curious air, as if expecting him to have his wishes in order and ready to go. In truth, Kyon had more questions than answers now, and was doing his best to try and understand the rules of the game he'd suddenly found himself playing. Apparently, there were a lot of them.

"... can you repeat that?" he asked.

Haruhi took the time to explain each stipulation and rule to Kyon in greater detail, making sure he understood how being a genie and master relationship was supposed to work. It seemed inordinately complex, especially to simply dump in his lap like so much hot water, but Kyon did have a clever and quick mind and after making sure Haruhi was not hiding any hidden loopholes from him, he was positive he understood how this worked.

That left only one question.

"So... what's your first wish to be, master?" Haruhi asked, folding her arms and giving a little bob of her head, ready to work her magic.

"... I don't know," he replied honestly. He wracked his brain, but couldn't think of anything. His gaze drifted downwards as he tried to think, but when he looked up again Haruhi was right in his face, gazing at him intensely.

Kyon stumbled backwards. "Gyah! What?!"

"Are you sure you're my master?" Haruhi demanded to know.

"Grah... of course I am," he replied. "Apparently. Look I just don't know what to wish for right now."

"Well that's kinda a problem because it's what I'm here to do," Haruhi replied. "And I won't accept boring wishes!" she suddenly said, pointing her finger at him, so close to his nose had to look at it cross-eyed.

"Is that a rule too?" he asked, pushing her hand gently away from his face.

"It's a personal rule!"

Great.

"I just need some time to think," he said.

She rolled her eyes and climbed to her feet with unnatural grace, almost like levitating off the ground. Haruhi idly picked up an orange from the nearby table and began to peel it while Kyon tried to think about his wishes. Stories about magical genies and wishes were some of Kyon's favorites growing up, and he'd enjoyed how often a quick-witted re-wording of a phrase could spell either doom for an antagonist or success for an antagonist.

Okay, so note to self, no wishing for eternal life, at least not without eternal youth as well, he mused. Probably don't want to really rule the world, but maybe ruling a kingdom of my own wouldn't be so bad...

Try as he might, however, he couldn't quite think of anything he wanted to wish for that didn't sound... well... either ridiculous or trivial. And Haruhi had forbidden him from 'boring' wishes, though that seemed to be a matter of debate. Try as he might to think of something he wanted, in truth, he spend most of his time thinking about her.

Watching as she lifted her veil and plopped a juicy slice of orange between her lips, Kyon realized he now knew a bit about genies... but little about Haruhi herself.

"Were you... born a genie?" he asked tentatively, realizing halfway through his question it might've been something of a social gaff.

She shook her head, ponytail swaying. "Nope. I was once human, just like you."

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said, plopping back down into the cushion across from him. "I... don't remember it too clearly, it's been quite a while, but I think I was an explorer... or maybe I was a wizard's apprentice? Either way I came across this lamp, but it was empty you see."

Haruhi picked up the lamp to show to Kyon for emphasis as she told her tale.

"Since it was a magical relic from the Genie Realm, it was meant to summon a genie, but one had never been properly bound to it. So when I touched it, it made me into the genie of the lamp."

"That's horrible," he said, unable to imagine what it must've been like, suddenly finding yourself with incredible magical power, and yet constrained to such a tiny living space.

"Oh it's fine," she said, waving dismissively. She honestly didn't seem too concerned. "It was a long time ago."

"How long ago?" he asked. The lamp looked ancient, which should have meant...

"Uhm... what year is this?" she asked, looking thoughtful.

Kyon rattled off a year, and Haruhi held out a hand, conjuring an abacus out of thin air and rapidly sliding beads back and forth across it before reaching her answer. It vanished as she replied.

"Ten thousand and eleven years."

"Really? Wow... you look good for a millennia old lady," he said with what he hoped was a charming grin.

And it did seem to leave Haruhi rather flustered. Was that a blush he saw behind her veil?

"H-hey! No flirting with the genie! That's definitely not allowed!"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, not wishing to offend her. "I don't mean to be rude I'm just... I don't know how to talk to girls, I don't get many opportunities much."

She eyed him with those bright, inquisitive eyes. "You don't seem lonely," she remarked.

"I'm not!" he protested. "I'm just... I dunno life can be so dull, day in and day out... dad's off fighting someone else's war, mom's busy with the other court ladies, little sis is apprenticing to a baker and is usually off with her friends raising havoc..."

"She sounds like fun," Haruhi said with a veiled grin.

Kyon had to admit she was right. "But I don't see her much. They all have stuff to do and I'm just... here. I mean... sometimes I just wish my life held a little excitement..."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Kyon's eyes opened wide with realization. And they widened further still as Haruhi grinned like a cheshire cat who'd just caught a particularly juicy canary. Her hands came together in a soft little clap, like she was congratulating him. And then the magic began. A puff of purple smoke materialized, sweeping across the room, swallowing up Kyon, Haruhi, and her lamp. When it cleared a moment later, they had all vanished into thin air.

Authors Notes:
Adoptopolis, translated from Latin, roughly means "to wish for yourself" and "city." Seemed fitting for an adventure involving a genie. I would have used the name of Haruhi and Kyon's hometown but damned if I can't seem to find any reference to it anywhere.

Many thanks to IdarkshadowI, who accepted my commission for a genie Haruhi. It was adapted for the cover artwork.