The bartender looked up from his polishing, as two of the most dangerous men in the world walked in.

Sasori was smiling, not that anyone could tell, what with his puppet's limited range of expression. To be honest, his face hadn't had much range even when it wasn't made of wood. He mostly switched between "irritated", and "very irritated". This suited his personality perfectly well.

His companion, on the other hand, was not smiling.

Deidara was heaving. His lungs seemed to be insufficient for holding all the air he needed, and his red face suggested he was near a breaking point. Slung over his shoulders, mumbling deliriously, Temari was about as active as one of Sasori's sealed puppets.

The bartender, still polishing the glass in his hands, did not even bat an eye at this otherwise impressive sight.

"How may I help you," he said cordially, still rubbing at the glass. It was not getting the slightest bit cleaner.

"I need any updates from Akatsuki Headquarters," Sasori said. "There's been a change of situation."

"Of course sir. Right away."

The Bartender disappeared into a back room somewhere, leaving the empty bar silent except for Deidara's desperate breaths. After a few seconds, Sasori had had enough.

"You can put her down," he grumbled. Deidara did not so much put Temari down, as let her fall gracelessly onto the hard wood floor, where she hit her head and ended up with her neck in a very awkward position. Deidara immediately met her on the ground, practically foaming at the mouth.

"A… Antidote…" he gasped.

"Hmm?" Sasori glanced down at him. "Oh yes," he said, as though remembering something. "You're not poisoned. I made that up. This is a perfectly natural cardiac arrest. You really shouldn't strain yourself so much."

"F… Fuck you... "

"And here I was about to offer you something to relieve the symptoms."

The bartender returned, frowning ever so slightly.

"There appear to be no new messages from the network," he said. "But it's possible they simply haven't arrived yet. Is there anything else?"

"Yes. Any news on the Kazekage?"

"Oh yes," the man said, brightening. "Evidently he's taking a vacation in Konohagakure. He appears to have suffered some accident there. The details remain unclear."

"Diabolical," Sasori muttered, stroking his chin. "He predicted our attack down to the very night. I fear we strongly underestimated this adversary."

Deidara mumbled something that could have been, "no shit", although it also could have been interpreted as "wurble wurble".

"I take it you are going to Konoha?" the man asked, his glass somehow having returned to his polishing grip.

"Indeed. If their front gate security is anything like how Itachi described it, we'll be in the village before sunset. Quit slacking off Deidara. We have work to do."

"All of it?" Tsunade said incredulously. "You mean to tell me all of his conditions just…. disappeared? Spontaneously?"

The doctor gave a nervous shrug. Tsunade rubbed at her eyes.

"Right. Of course. Silly me thinking it would take days to reverse a decade of sleep deprivation. I'm only the premier medical-ninja in the entire Elemental Nations."

"You are that," the doctor said, hoping to appease the leader of his village. "And he does seem to be very grateful for your treatment."

"Treatment? We gave him tylenol! We didn't…" Tsunade paused.

"I mean, of course. Yes. The treatment was an astounding success. Isn't that right..." Tsunade squinted at the man's name-tag. "...Daisuke."

"Yes of course, Lord Hokage," the man responded, laughing nervously. She grinned a predatory smile.

"Good."

With that, she swept out of the room, to meet the Kazekage once again.

"They did not exaggerate your abilities, Lady Hokage," Gaara said, frowning in awe at his seemingly miraculous recovery. He clenched his fist experimentally, flexing muscles that he hadn't realized he'd ever had.

"Right. Ahem. Yes. I'm only glad the treatment went so well."

"Astounding. I feel better than I have in years." Gaara continued to stretch his body in wonder. Tsunade found the image odd, although it took her a moment to realize what was throwing her off.

Gaara was smiling.

"Well, given you seem to be doing so much better," Tsunade said, a hint of bitterness in her tone. How dare he throw decades of medical experience out the window? "I think it's fine to take off the chakra suppressants."

It took only the barest of milliseconds after removing a large handful of inch-wide chakra sealing papers for his gourd to, sitting in the Hospital lobby, begin to rocket towards the prone Kazekage, knocking over not an insignificant number of doctors and nurses along the way.

It attached itself to his back with an almost animalistic fervor, pressing into him as if it were afraid of letting go. Gaara's smile widened even more, a sight that sent chills down Tsunade's spine.

"Now then. I do believe I'm on vacation," Gaara said, sweeping out of the room with a dramatic, almost noble air. Tsunade merely stood still, trying to wrap her mind around the almost instantaneous change in aura.

Gaara had, in the course of a few seconds, skyrocketed from low D to S-Rank.

She ran her hand over her face.

"Jinchuriki…" the Hokage mumbled.

Gaara meanwhile, stepped out into the open air, enjoying the feeling of sunlight on his face. It had barely been a day, but it was one of those things one got accustomed to. Like having sand pressing against your every patch of skin.

He was practically dancing out the door, despite himself. Naruto and Sakura watched in silent shock as the Kazekage skipped down the street, humming a happy tune to himself.

"Wow," Naruto said, scratching his head. "He seems, um…."

"Like you?" Sakura said.

"Kind of, yeah. It's just so, er…"

"Not like Gaara?"

"Yeah. That."

Gaara was nearly halfway across the village, when a green blur suddenly shot past him, immediately leaving a massive gust of wind in its wake.

The green blur immediately made a u-turn and shot back, skidding to a stop only a few feet away from Gaara, whose sand had instinctively flown up to shield him from impending assault.

"Oh Youthful Kazekage!" Lee cried, tears streaming from his eyes. "I can see you are practically bursting with youthful energy! I am so happy for you."

Gaara grinned, which Lee found oddly disconcerting for a reason he couldn't describe.

"Indeed. This is all very new to me, but I think I like it. Yes…" Gaara hissed, eyes glazing over, and sending shivers down Lee's spine. "Yes. I like this. Very much."

Lee brushed aside his mind's desperate warning signals, and gave the Kazekage a thumbs up. "Do you feel fit to continue our training, or have you decided against it?"

Against it? The exercise, however brief, had certainly been painful, but the reward was an energy he'd never felt before, even in his wildest dreams.

How could he say no?

"I've never been more ready for anything," Gaara said ominously, a dark shadow passing over his eyes. "I wish to have more of this… youthful energy."

"Excellent! I will inform Gai Sensei. Now. I wonder what we should start with…"

"What do you mean, you don't know where he is?!" Tsunade hissed, trying her best to keep her voice from exploding in a loud yell. Didn't you think that you should've done your job and followed him?!"

"But, uh, Hokage-sama…" the poor shinobi stuttered, righteously scared for his own well-being. "He seemed fine, so-"

The man stopped as the Godaime Hokage raised a finger, silently ordering him to shut his trap. "I don't want to hear it, actually! Now listen up!"

"Yes, sir! Er, ma'am!"

"Here's your orders: spread word to tighten the security around the village."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Tell the guards that they have to double, no, triple-check everyone who tries to leave or enter the village."

"Yes, ma'am!" the shinobi repeated more vehemently.

"Add more sentinels around the perimeter-No, scratch that. Send word to just send everyone."

"Yes, ma'a-Everyone, Hokage-sama?"

"EVERYONE!"

"Wait," Temari said, her voice resounding all over the large forest surrounding the borders of Fire Country. "So you're saying that you're a mercenary organization composed of missing-nin... and you plan on taking over the world with just nine members."

"You forgot we're all S-rank shinobi," Sasori of the Red Sand replied without even looking at her. "And they don't exactly grow on trees. You should know. Your village only has one."

"Whatever," the girl scowled. Her body remained paralyzed, hanging over one of Sasori's puppets once again. It was not a comfortable position.

"Why did you join, then?" Temari asked, genuinely curious. "And don't tell me it was for the children or something. You two don't strike me as heroes in disguise."

"I lost a fight," Sasori said, shrugging.

"Me too," Deidara wheezed, slowing down to take a breath.

"Wait, seriously? That's why you joined?"

"Yes" both of the renegade shinobi replied.

"It just... doesn't seem a good reason to devote your life to an evil organization bent on... whatever your true objective is."

"I told you, our leader wants to bring peace to the world," Sasori explained, sounding quite annoyed.

"Fine, whatever. Let's suppose your crazy plan-which I would like to remind you, you don't know much about-works..."

"Hmm?" Sasori said.

Temari tried to frown, but her face didn't move much. "What happens after your leader brings peace to the world? I mean, what use would a perfect peaceful world have for you two?"

A long silence fell on the trio after that. Even the puppet stopped, as if he was thinking about the issue at hand.

"Well... when you put it like that..."

"That's right," Temari insisted, hoping that her words were spreading doubts into the duo's heads.

"I… never thought about it," Deidara admitted, as he took advantage of the unexpected pause to rest a bit.

"I assumed there'd be some sort of pension, what with bringing about peace and all that," Sasori rumbled thoughtfully. "Seems like the sort of thing that would make up for any previous unsavory acts."

"I thought you weren't in this for the money?"

"What would you have us do?" Sasori said, getting more than a little irritated. "As far as missing-nin business goes, bringing about world peace is a pretty nice application. It's not like Sunagakure would welcome me back with open arms."

"You killed entire villages just for bodies to make puppets with. Not even foreign villages! Ours!"

"I was a teenager. I was going through a phase."

"A phase where you killed villages?"

"...I had a rough childhood."

"At least you weren't kicked out of your home for no reason at all!" Deidara protested. He whipped his massive fluff of hair in a huff, and then winced at the pain in his back.

"No reason at all? I thought you said you blew up a prison."

"Only one though! It's not like I made a habit of it, unlike your phase..."

"Have you two guys ever considered an alternative?" Temari asked, trying to defuse a possible fight between two S-rank criminals. Her survival prospects were, at the very least, not imminently fatal, and she decided she'd like that to remain the same.

"This is going to be fantastic. What is it sweetheart? Your "genius" alternative that we just happened to overlook?" Sasori's tone was taking a dangerous edge.

"Well…" Temari started, unable to believe what she was going to say. "You could've, you know… joined another village?"

Somewhere in the forest, a bird chirped. It was the only audible sound for miles.

"You're joking, right?" the puppet master finally asked, managing to sound actually incredulous.

"Is this the… how do they call it, the what-was-his-name syndrome?" Deidara mused, glancing at his partner in crime.

"No, too soon for that. Must be some side-effect from the drug… I knew we shouldn't have given her that much-"

"I'm perfectly lucid!" Temari yelled in her defence.

"Girl… maybe you forgot, but you're the hostage here. And didn't you just call us terrorists?"

"That's because you are. But let's be frank here… do you really want to go through your leader's plan without knowing what your place in it will be?"

"That doesn't concern you. It doesn't even explain why we should join your village, either."

"Yeah. Why would Suna even want to touch us with anything but a sharp kunai, anyway?"

"Because Suna needs something that you can give to it, desperately so."

"And that would be…?"

"S-rank shinobi… also, our spy network is… well, it hasn't done its job in recent years."

Sasori peered at her critically, his wooden eyes staring into hers, unblinking.

"...No."

Temari wasn't surprised by the answer, but it had been worth a shot.

"I'm not interested in having anything more to do with that village. Or worse, my grandmother." The puppet gave an involuntary shudder.

Deidara scowled.

"I'm getting tired of this. Let's just hurry up to the village, yeah?"

"We'd be there by now if you weren't so out of shape."

"I carried her fat ass for dozens of miles! Give me a brea-"

"WHAT?"

"Oy. Sasori! Got any more of whatever you gave her?"

"Plenty."

"Wurble wurble…"