Inadequate, version 2 [censored version]

(rough draft)

A DreamWorks' How to Train Your Dragon fanfic by Raberba girl

Summary: Re-write of Inadequate, because the original version makes me cringe.

o.o.o

Astrid had spent so long being disgusted by the opposite sex that even when she finally, finally found an attractive male specimen (well...when she finally realized that an attractive male specimen had been right under her nose all these years), it took a little time for her to get used to the idea that she could want to be close to him and touch him and kiss him.

The first kiss had been impulsive, a little "I'm mad at you but I'm not actually mad at you" gesture.

She'd had more time to think about the second kiss, enough time to be nervous and then to do it anyway, to tell him without words how glad she was to see him awake, and to put a claim on him in front of the whole village, so that Berk would know that their new hero belonged to her.

Then the comfort kiss, because she could see how much he was hurting even though he'd made everyone else so happy.

Then the reward kiss, because it surely must have galled him to make that sacrifice for Snotlout, who'd done nothing to deserve it, but Hiccup had taken the loss so gracefully. She wanted to show him how much he admired him, and that he really was a winner despite the lack of medals around his neck.

So Hiccup had always earned her kisses. But after weeks of thinking about him and watching him and falling, bit by bit, a little more in love with him almost every day, Astrid was starting to get comfortable with the idea that she could want to kiss him just because he was amazing and she loved him and was attracted to him. Not because he'd done anything in particular or needed an extra boost, but because he was her boyfriend and she wanted to.

"...so I was thinking if I just do some more sanding, it should really-"

What was he babbling about, again? Didn't matter. They were alone and it was late and dark and safe, and he was so warm lying beside her, gesticulating at the stars as he spoke. Astrid turned, knelt over him, and kissed him.

His startled noise was muffled by her mouth. After a moment of hesitation, he lightly rested his hands against her waist and kissed her back, but then tried to pull away. She held him tighter and forced her tongue deeper, then let go of him so she could yank his tunic free of his belt and slide her hands over his deliciously bare flesh.

[. . .]

Astrid finally gave a long sigh. "Marry me soon, Hiccup." She wanted him in a bed, not a hilltop in the middle of nowhere; she wanted to do whatever she liked to him without her mother's "Don't even think of letting anyone near your maidenhead before he's bound himself and his wealth to you" nag at the back of her mind.

He flinched, then struggled over until he was facing her again. "Marry- What?"

She froze, shocked and starting to be outraged. Snotlout or Tuffnut, she could have understood, but she hadn't expected Hiccup to be that sort of man. "Yes, marry," she said in a dangerous tone. "Just because you're the 'Pride Of Berk' now doesn't mean you can get away with using me without committing to me."

"No, no, I mean-! That's not what I meant; you mean, you want to marry me?"

Why did he sound so shocked? Hadn't they been dating for almost two months now? What had he thought those kisses meant?!

"I...I thought you liked me," she said uncertainly, not quite sure yet whether to feel horrified or angry. How, how could she possibly have been mistaken?! Hadn't he been madly in love with her for the past five years...?!

"I do, I mean-! I mean...I don't know what I mean," he said in a small voice.

They stared at each other. "...We are dating, right?" she said. It occurred to her that neither of them had never stated this outright - could she possibly be wrong?

He drew in a breath. "Ohhh...yes. Yes, we are dating, you are my...girlfriend." Contrary to his actual assertions, he sounded like he was only just realizing this, like all his dreams had just now come true instead of having already been true for a while.

"You don't sound convinced!"

"Convinced?! Um, you're my girlfriend- I love you! I love you more than anything, I adore you and would die for you, I would do anything for you, and now you're totally going to break up with me, aren't you."

"What?"

"What?"

They stared at each other again. "...I think we are not on the same page," she finally said.

He gulped. "This page is good. I like this page."

"Hiccup, we're fifteen years old, and you've killed your first dragon. Not...not the most typical initiation, but you did do it, you're an adult now. I...I mean, I know none of the rest of us have, but obviously things are different now than they were for the past 300 years, maybe training a dragon can count as an initiation now instead of killing one; and your dad was giving me the impression that he's expecting and announcement any day now, and..." She hated, hated, hated feeling confused and uncertain about anything, much less something like this. "Why haven't you proposed to me yet, Hiccup...?" 'If you reject me after stringing me along all this time, I will hit you.'

He was still staring at her like she was an apparition. "I...didn't...know...you wanted me to."

She stared back, at a loss. "...How was I not clear?!"

"I, I, no, I mean, it's just, uh...I'm still, uh, waiting for the phase to pass. You know?"

It seemed like she just got more confused the more she talked to him. "What phase?"

"You know...the phase where people actually like me?" He sounded almost cheerful when he said that, though his voice dipped into a low, sad tone as he added, "The phase where you like me. And look at me without disgust, and listen to what I have to say without cutting me off, and k-kiss me without it being a, a daydream..."

She kept staring at him, guilt now squirming in her heart.

He winced. "It just...I just...I'd rather be your toy for as long as you'll have me and get thrown away whenever you're tired of me than for me to...than for us to get married, and then you remember one day how much you hate me, and divorce me. Or...or stay married but don't want anything to do with me. I can... I don't want to do that. I'd rather have this than that."

"What...what makes you think I would do that?! Why would you ever, ever think I would do that?!"

"I..." He dragged himself to his feet and started dusting himself off, not looking at her. "I'd better go home, it's late..."

"Hiccup." She grabbed his arm. "Do you really think so little of me?!"

He cringed. "Urgh, I'm sorry, no, you are a very responsible and not-fickle person-"

"Stop that," she ordered sharply, and he immediately stopped speaking. "Don't ever do that to me again, Hiccup."

"Okay?! I won't, I promise! Got it!"

"You don't even know what you did wrong, which means you're still doing it."

He gulped. "I shouldn't talk, should I. I should just shut up and let you hit me or something."

"Stop, Hiccup," she exclaimed in exasperation. 'Do I really hit him that much...?' "Don't ever rattle off what you think I want to hear just to appease me. Just to write me off, get me to shut up and leave you alone. Don't do that."

"Astrid," he wailed, "I don't know what you want from me."

"I don't understand! I thought we knew where we stood! I- If you need an apology, I suppose I..." She took a deep breath. "I do owe you one. I know I used to be wrong about a lot of things, and I didn't understand you, and I didn't treat you the way I should have. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, Hiccup, and I wish I could go back and do it over again."

She took both his hands in hers. "But it's different now, I understand who you are, and I love you - I love you, Hiccup, this is not a fling and you are not a toy - and since we're both adults and we love each other - I assume you still love me, you're making me think I misunderstood - and we'd make a good match even if we weren't, everyone's been expecting a marriage proposal. No one really knows what you're waiting for."

His fingers tightened on hers. "I guess...I just don't understand...why you like me-" He sucked in a deep breath. "No. I know why you want me now, and that's fine. It was...pretty impressive, taking down a mega-dragon. I'm cool, great. I just...I just don't understand...why you want this, too," he said, pulling a hand free to gesture down at his body.

"...You don't think you're attractive," she realized.

"I'm not attractive."

Well, it was true in a way, but she'd actually forgotten. "You're not tall and muscly and Viking-like. There's a difference."

He stared at her.

She drew him close, locking an arm around his waist and holding his head so she could kiss him slowly and thoroughly. "...There's a difference," she finally whispered.

He made a noise as if he meant to speak, but then gave up.

She rested her forehead against his. "It's like...when I started liking you, I started liking your body, too. I don't know why."

He laughed as if he didn't believe her, but then hugged her tightly and buried his face in her shoulder.

They stood holding each other like that for a long time, then he pulled away and took her face in his hands. "Hold still, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I asked you to?"

She smiled a little and held still and was delighted when he kissed her.

When he finished, he smiled back. "That was my first one."

"First what?"

"The first time I kissed you."

She laughed. "Your counting skills need some work, babe." She loved the way he shivered in her arms at the endearment.

"No," he said warmly. "I mean the first time I kissed you."

"Oh, are we keeping track of that sort of thing? What, your manliness was feeling threatened?" she teased.

She didn't expect him to agree. "Yes." He sighed a little. "I know it's dumb, but I am a guy, Astrid, and I really will do anything for you, but it...kind of makes me feel a little better when I can at least act a little bit like a man sometimes..."

"Aww." She suddenly hiked him up into a bridal carry. He yelped and then glared at her. "So is this threatening to your manly pride?"

"Yes," he sulked. "Yes, it is."

He was adorable and she felt very loving and affectionate toward him in that moment, but at the same time, she understood. She set him back on his feet. "Okay, babe," she murmured, kissing his cheek and then the corner of his mouth and then more of his face until he finally stopped pouting and smiled. "Let me know whenever you need a manliness boost, and I'll massage your muscles and tell you how brave and smart you are."

"What muscles?" he laughed.

She demonstrated, loving the excuse to touch him again. "These~"

"Mm..."

"And these~" She moved from his admittedly lean but well-defined biceps to his narrow shoulders as he grunted in pleasure. Then yelped in pain. "Sorry!" she exclaimed. "You're so bony..."

"Nice job boosting my manly pride."

"I suppose you still ride a Night Fury. You get some Manly Points for that."

"I do ride a Night Fury," he preened.

"I hope you don't think you'll lose any points with the other kind of riding, because I'm looking forward to that."

He choked.

"Soon. Not yet. You haven't signed a marriage contract for me yet, after all."

"I...guess I'd...better get on that, huh?"

"Uh huh." She smiled. For now, let me ride home with you...?" Stormfly was out in the woods somewhere playing with Toothless, but tonight Astrid felt more like doubling up with Hiccup, holding him in her arms and feeling his warmth and heartbeat as they flew.

"Your wish is my command, milady~"

o.o.o

Author's Notes: This was a "scratch the writing itch" fic, because I haven't written anything in almost a week. I happened to be re-reading Inadequate...I hate that fic more and more every time I re-read it, so I decided to do a complete re-write. (I'll leave the original version up, though, since I figure there's probably someone who likes it enough to be mad at me if I completely replace it with this version.) This version is better, but still misses the mark.

I'm starting to hate writing HiccStrid. I just cannot get them to work the way they're supposed to be in canon, I do not understand them as a couple. The only times I've ever felt comfortable writing them so far have been in Carried Off, where their relationship is heavily abusive and toxic, and To Put It In Perspective, where they're dragon-style mates rather than human-style mates.