Fear, here.

I'm sure by now you've come to expect Sadness' account of things, so to those I've disappointed by being here today, you have my sincerest apologies. It wasn't exactly my idea to catch everybody up to speed personally anyway, but let's just say I should have seen this coming a while ago. The rest of the gang work hard to make me the best elected leader of June's Headquarters I can be…it's just unfortunate that the position comes with some forms of needing to address the, ah…public, or whatever you might call yourselves, with important updates like these. Still not overly comfortable with this sort of thing, but hey, it's a work in progress. I'm getting better.

June is sixteen now. Scary thought, isn't it? But I'll have you know that in spite of many ups and her fair share of downs, she is still as wonderful as ever, and we're all doing just fine, even after all of the changes that took place over the last eight years. Our console has expanded and the other Emotions have gained new tastes and...interests (I'll expand on that in a moment, here) and Headquarters is changing too, for the best I think. Disgust is doing a great job with adjusting things around here to June's acquired taste and style. June's Islands of Personality are still standing strong, and there have been dozens of expansions and improvements. The one Joy and I created has shifted to the middle, and stands as the only one that hasn't changed over the years. I'm not certain it ever will, but to be completely honest, I've grown attached to seeing it out there every day. It starts up when June is especially shy or embarrassed – the butterflies in the attraction hide the statuette entirely so that it can't be seen anymore – but it also starts up when she's about to do something that gives her a little thrill. It's kind of a reminder that being afraid isn't always necessarily a bad thing. You could say I think of it as a trophy Joy and I can share…but listen, don't tell her I said that.

Living with Anxiety isn't exactly a picnic, let me tell you. It was especially difficult when she was little, in the sense that it was much harder for me to watch her endure it. No child should ever have to suffer with worry. Of course everybody worries about something at any given point in their daily lives – we worry about our decisions, our loved ones and our futures… That's natural. It's when it gets in the way of being a kid, or of being yourself, that it can cause some major issues. And that, my friends, is where the problem of Anxiety comes in.

Turns out June has multiple Anxiety Disorders, which definitely explains why I'm always so exhausted when it's time to turn in. She has a bad habit of worrying too much over a general mix of rational and irrational things, and we're constantly asking ourselves questions like "What if I left my hair straightener on?" or "Did I just make a huge mistake?" or "What will I do if Mom or Dad call me at school and say that someone in the family has died?" And as if that wasn't troubling enough, she also has Social Anxiety, which makes it difficult for her to make new friends or go out in certain public places. She and I aren't fond of overly crowded malls, trying to make small-talk, unknown numbers calling us on the phone, or class introductions. Especially class introductions. Yeesh. The teacher has our name written on a list – come on! Does he really need us to go on and on about who we are in front of a number of people we may or may not know? I just don't get it.

I'd like to say those infamous chains haven't made a reappearance in the last several years, but it'd be a pretty rotten lie on my part. Actually, they've come back for me dozens of times since their first arrival. In addition to lending me the ability to craft what Sadness calls Worry Orbs, those little whispers and imaginations about unwanted situations that may or may not happen, I believe Anxiety is also responsible for those chains that root me to the console. They appear when there's some event or baseless worry that June and I are truly dreading for far too long. Sometimes the matter is serious, and other times, in the end, really quite trivial. I had the "pleasure" of being chained to the console again just last May for three days due to stressing over the year's final exam. It's not fun. It's exhausting. We don't sleep, we don't eat, and we've learned that the presence of those chains interfere with Joy's ability to steer the console properly. Sadness usually winds up doing just as much driving as I do, and Anger becomes a lot more active and frustrated, sort of out of nowhere. He's usually fairly level-headed...June isn't angry very often as a result, if you haven't noticed. We did keep that key that fell from my Core Memory, though for whatever reason, it only works when it wants to, which tends to be whenever the situation that brought the chains upon me in the first place starts to die down. Sometimes. Other times, as much as I hate it, I have to be a little more patient. But I can't blame June. I blame her Anxiety.

I'm not clear on the technical specifics of Anxiety, like where it came from, or how to make it go away entirely, but I do know that Anxiety and Fear aren't the same thing (and what a relief that conclusion was!), and to me, that's a pretty good start. It causes me to behave a little…hyperactive, sometimes. We'll put it that way. Amusingly enough, a counselor June was talking to once made the ironic comparison of Anxiety to an overly sensitive home security device…come on, you know, like an alarm. Alarms are meant to protect you and send out warning signals that danger is present, prompting Fright-or-Flight responses in your body, whichever is more necessary. This is normal. I'm here to protect you with those after all. But when that alarm is going off too frequently when it isn't necessary…Well, that's not so normal, obviously. It's a huge pain, actually, and it causes confusion, headaches, and unnecessary panic. I guess that's why they call Anxiety at this level a "disorder".

The Alarm is still sitting up there above our heads, and yes, it still works. But I'm happy to report that I've been able to keep it under control—for, uh, the most part. It goes off maybe two or three times a year, now, tops. The last time it went off, June had been driving Dad's car, and we accidentally ran a red light. No one was hurt, thank God; in fact, I don't even think any other driver noticed – I pulled her over, we sat for a moment and attempted to collect ourselves…and suddenly, it went off, like clockwork. There wasn't much I could have done at that point. A while back, the Alarm started to go off a little less frequently – especially in the few years shortly after June first learned that she had an Anxiety Disorder. I blame the onset of puberty for the recent increase in June's panic attacks – which, we learned, is the actual definition of what happens when the Alarm goes off. We've established a routine, by now: when the Alarm sounds we abandon ship. We tuck aside and keep ourselves together, and we stay away from the console. It is too tempting to try to use it to change the situation, and in our own panic, the thing can get badly damaged and is very time-consuming to repair, which is unhealthy for June. As difficult as this is for me, I try to turn everything over to Joy…she can usually fix just about anything, if June is willing to listen to her. The Worry Orbs I produce make it difficult for June to want to listen, but Joy has a positive answer for everything, and when those fail, we recall music. Joy and music go together in June's head like peanut butter and jam.

Another amazing force that gets us through our panic attacks is Riley Andersen. Yeah, even after all of these years, she's stayed an important part of our lives. We're really lucky she reached out to us when she did. Took us a few tries, but eventually we managed to tell her about our panic attacks, and three times so far, in the midst of the chaos of the attack, I'll turn to the View and realize that her vision is clearing up, that the noise is winding down, and I'll watch as June reaches out for her.

"riley are you there
im seriously freaking out right now
can we please talk?"

And no matter what she was doing previously, we'll get what is very nearly an instant response via our cell or on Skype, if we happened to be near the computer.

"Yes. Where are you? Can I call?"

She's patient, she's level, and she listens. Sometimes, that's all June really needs. Yep...Riley's a truly amazing gal. I'd love to meet the folks over in her Headquarters and shake Fear Andersen's hand. I bet we'd get along.

Riley moved away to San Francisco when June was eleven. Sadness was heartbroken, of course, but we banded together for her and reminded her that this is the age of technology. So, June Skypes with Riley for a little while almost every night. We get caught up on her hockey games and hear all about the drama she's encountered at her high school. Sounds to me as though all high schools are the same. Tedious, frustrating, god-awful…yet irresistibly charming!

Speaking of high school, June is handling it very well - better than she thought she would. She strives to be a straight-A student (Disgust would have it no other way) and we've managed to make a couple of close friends, which, believe me, is a huge deal. As well, June has aspirations of – get this – becoming a journalist. It's comes from her mixed love for radio show hosts and her love of telling stories all of the time. And, she's even signed up for a few extra-curricular activities. On Mondays and Wednesdays she helps out at the school library, and on Thursdays, she signed up for after-school dance classes, which was sort of against my wishes for a number of reasons – the other kids seemed so much cooler than us, for one. And their outfits? Ba-arf. Dad would have a conniption and ground us for the rest of the school year if we left the house in an outfit like that – but I figured it was only fair to let Joy make the decision, there…she powered Dancer Island up in the first place, after all, and now that June's been involved in the classes for quite a while, it doesn't seem like it was such a bad choice after all. It's a great outlet for June, and I still get to help her out. I count her steps, making sure she lands each one in perfect time. We perform once a year, and I'll be the first to admit it, I get pretty stressed out on the nights leading up to it. I keep her up at late and dream up enough Worry Orbs to make her want to back out permanently. But she's never listened to me. Thank goodness. We perform, and let's be honest here—we rock. And to help us get through the performance, I get to deploy those butterflies June's come to love. It feels so good to do something for her she can honestly appreciate in the end...she's told her friends that the butterflies are sometimes her favourite part about performing.

Shucks, June, it's the least I can do!

Well...actually, as you might recall, Joy can activate that very same button, and so I'm sure it's the association that June likes about the butterflies in her stomach. But Joy has her own reasons for playing around with that tool on the console. Don't you, Joy?

Uh…Joy? Hello? Fear to Joy, do you copy?

..Aaaand this brings me to our next development. Joy's latest obsession, let's call it. First of its kind, I guess, so I suppose I can be thankful that it hasn't been following me around for too long, because I'm already over it.

It? Yeah. It's name is Todd Kavanaugh. We share a biology class with him. Talk about your unromantic place to meet a guy – the life of worms and natural decomposition…Tasty! – and yet, Joy can't get seem enough of him. She replays memories of him over and over again on the View when we're supposed to be studying, or holds onto them late at night and just laughs and giggles at…nothing. It's so weird. I'm pretty sure I hate it.

"Hey June…?"
"Yes, Todd?" Joy answers, talking over June's reply from the memory. Not that June sounded anything like THAT.
"About last night's assignment: what did you get for question six? I think it's "Nucleus". Is that what you got?"
"Oh…absolutely, Todd, I would LOVE to be your lab partner for the next ten assignments. I'm so glad you finally asked."

Yikes. I don't know who needs their heads checked more: me, or Joy.

I'm not fond of this particular ordeal. At all. Todd is a year older than June (three little words for you guys: PROBABLY. HELD. BACK.), wears t-shirts of bands we've never heard of and can't find anywhere on Google, and when he looks at us with his hazelnut eyes (why do I keep calling them that?!) I get so uncomfortable I can't sit still and I seize the console, entering all of the Flight response codes I can think of, but nothing works quite the way it's supposed to. June's hands sweat and her chest feels tight, her heart skips a beat and she loses track of time. I'm telling you, he's a disease. I don't care how handsome or smart or funny he is, or how good he is at basketball, or how kind he was for picking up an apple June dropped on her way to her locker once (she kept it until it caved in) that boy spells trouble. He's totally cooler than us in every way and he is WAY out of our league so we shouldn't even bother hoping for his attention. So there.

...Though, once in a while...I wonder if he'd be just as good at taking care of her as I am?

Anyway, moving right along, I would love to give you an update on Justice. Haven't talked about him yet, have I? His cancer is in complete remission these days, and he has been studying Child Psychology at a university in San Francisco. Calls June his inspiration. He's partially the reason why June wasn't utterly crushed when Riley moved away, because when we go to visit him, we have a perfect excuse to visit Riley too. None of us are fond of the three-day drive, but it's only once a year, and it's perfectly worth it. Though I've tried, I still can't help but worry, sometimes...about his health, what will happen if the cancer ever comes back, or if he's pushing himself too hard in school...Ugh, here I go again. It's hard not to worry about someone who looks out for you the way he does. One of June's worst fears - you could even call it a phobia - is the death of a family member. It was truly devastating when we had to say goodbye to Ace. Even after all we've been through, I can say with confidence that it was one of the worst times of June's life, bar none. So we can't imagine what it would feel like if it was our own brother.

But, Justice is aware of this now. He calls once in a while and asks specifically for June, and he fills us in on his life, the shenanigans he's gotten up to at uni that we're not supposed to tell Mom or Dad (I think we should - Joy, Anger and Disgust are VERY against letting me), and reminds us to stop worrying. He never updates us on his health.

"What do you need to know that for? None of your business."
"Justice-"
"Seriously. I don't need to give you daily newsflashes about my bodily fluids, do I? Okay, maybe I do. How's this: I took a piss an hour ago and I spat on the way home from class-"
And then Disgust shoves me out of the way, shouting "UGH! WHAT THE ! #$ IS HE TRYING TO DO TO ME?!"

I guess Justice has a valid point. What would we do with that kind of information anyway, besides worry about it? We're going to worry about it anyway...but why make it worse for ourselves? Justice is a great guy. Maybe the greatest. I have him to thank for everything. We are who we are today because of him.

Well...and because of ourselves, I suppose. Because of Sadness, and Joy, and Anger and Disgust. And me, though I don't necessarily like to admit it.

I'm not proud of the things I've caused June to experience, whether it was truly my doing or not. I hate making her worry about things. I hate watching what it does to her. I hate overreacting when the Alarm goes off, and every time I see a memory of mine on its way to Long-Term, I feel responsible for causing her discomfort. Once in a while...I even hate myself. I'll admit it. I'd say that the Fear inside of your head probably feels the same way about the memories they create for you, even if the fears you harbour are completely legitimate. Maybe something awful happened to you in the past that you can't forget about because of us. Maybe you think you're afraid of something you think is trivial, like spiders, failing school or never falling in love with somebody. Believe me when I say that no matter what, we've got your best interests in mind. We're not trying to make your lives difficult...we're trying to help you. Sometimes we just help too much. And when that happens, I can safely say that we are sorry for the discomfort we cause you. We mean the best, but sometimes, we only make it worse.

But whatever you do...whether you suffer from Anxiety or not, do not let your fears define who you are.

Don't let them hold you back. You can do anything you set your mind to, no matter how many Worry Orbs it is filled with. Sounds cheesy, I know, but hey - just take a look at June. This is the girl who couldn't say 'hello' without choking, who couldn't look a stranger in the eye without losing her breath, who couldn't physically bear a drop of bad news. She's made it far enough to start chasing after dreams I didn't know she had until recently. Anxiety slows her down, some days...but it definitely isn't about to stop her.

Her story is just beginning...but it's here to ask you to keep that in mind about yourself. Forgive your fears and keep growing in spite of them. Don't let them stop you.

Who knows where you'll end up. After all..what if it winds up being a truly great place?

Thanks, gang. You've all been great.

-Fear

(Hey, would you look at that - I made it to the end without passing out! I'd call that an unqualified success.)

Had an absolute blast writing this lil fic. Thanks again to everyone who was so kind and encouraging while I was working on it, and I really appreciate all of the excellent feedback and criticism.

A sequel of sorts may or not be in the works, but there is no telling whether or not I will publish it - I don't want to bore anyone or go overboard with this storyline, but writing the epilogue gave me too many ideas for a second part. I'd also be more than happy to read any suggestions people may have for me.

Thanks again to everyone who stuck around this long :) It means a ton to me!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or landmarks from Disney Pixar's Inside Out. Cover Image belongs to Creative-Dreamr on deviantART . com.