Hello.

Back with another Doctor who fic.

I hope you all enjoy this one.

This is a thoughty story.

The Comparative

Clara tapped the pack of post its on the table.

She knew that she should have gone home but she couldn't concentrate there.

Mainly because it was Wednesday and she was sure that the Doctor would be there when she got there and try and whisk her on some adventure.

He now knew that Danny didn't know that they were knocking about together.

Clara knew that it wasn't fair for both of them. It seemed like the Doctor was her dirty little secret in her life.

After the incident with the moon, she knew that one day she would have to make a choice between them. Between the man who can give her the normal life she wants and the man that gives her an extraordinary one.

Clara looks down at the essays she was attempting to mark.

She had said that she was going to give them back during parents evening but she was too distracted.

She looks up at the clock.

4:05

She has less than an hour before parents evening starts.

Clara sighed as she pushed her chair back and got out of it, heading to the whiteboard.

She picked up the pen and drew a line down the middle. One side putting Danny, the other, The Doctor.

Clara picks up the post its and starts to write their differences.

It was an easy place to start.

Danny

Human

30

Shows her a life on Earth

Kind

Considerate

Doctor

Alien

Over 2000

Shows her the universe

Can be kind when he has to be

Rude

Clara stops and looks at the last two on the Doctor's side.

She sighs as what Psi said to her finally hits her.

"I have been around you too long." She said to herself.

She realises that she just takes it all. His insults to begin with hurt, they were always going to.

But now she just shrugs them off as part of his personality.

Clara wonders why she has put up with it for so long.

But then she had to remind herself that he wasn't the same man that he was before he regenerated.

The more Clara thought about it, the more she realised that maybe her relationship with Danny was because she missed the closeness that she had with the Doctor.

She wasn't addicted to the adventures they had, she was addicted to him.

You can't really tell if something's an addiction till you try and give it up.

The Doctor's words were never truer than the moment they fell from his lips.

Oh and how she had tried to give him up.

She knew Danny was right when he said that you're never finish with anyone while they can still make you angry.

The Doctor had made her so angry that day and had her thinking about what happened for days.

The last hurrah was just a test to see if she really wanted to leave him and after feeling the thrill of the adventure again, it felt wrong to leave him.

But then being the Doctor helped her understand him better.

And maybe she understood why he was rude.

Some people can be right idiots, or pudding brains as the Doctor likes to say.

Clara grabbed the pack again and started to write.

There was one thing that was common between them.

A soldier that didn't want to survive

Clara had seen the Doctor that wasn't the Doctor, the one that he wished to hide from the universe.

The one that believed it was his job to stop the Time War.

She remembered how old he looked and how tired he must have been.

She knew he didn't want to be a part of the war but needed to be to defend Gallifrey.

Danny had never really explained why he left the army but he had told her that he left because he wasn't in the best of places.

Clara sat back and looked at the list so far.

She probably shouldn't be doing it.

There was so much more she could put down but there wasn't enough time now.

She had to get ready for parents evening.

Clara picked the post its off the board and grouped them together.

"What are you doing?"

Clara jumped.

"Please don't do that."

"Do what?" The Doctor said coming into view.

"Scare me like that." She said, sighing. "I was concentrating."

"On your scribbles?"

She watched as the Doctor walked up to the wall and looked at his side.

Clara had brought it home and had managed to write a few more.

The Doctor picked one off.

"Do I really give you an extra-ordinary life?"

"Danny asked why I did it when he found out. I told him that I saw wonders."

The Doctor turned and looked at her.

"I mean, how many other people can just show up and offer you the whole of time and space?"

He nodded and replaced the post it.

She watched him as he stopped at one.

Bowtied Idiot turned Angry Scot with Attack Eyebrows

"I am starting to clutch as straws."

"Does PE know you are doing this?"

Clara sighed at the use of Danny's nickname.

"No, he hasn't seen this and I don't want him to."

"Why?"

"Because I just don't."

"He still doesn't know does he?"

Clara turned her gaze from him to the wall.

"Petty humans." The Doctor muttered.

"Don't group me with the rest."

"I don't see why you cannot tell him."

"Because I lied to him. It feels like I am constantly lying to him."

"No relationship can be built on lies."

"Ours was."

Clara allowed herself to look at the Doctor.

"It was. I was your impossible girl that had already died twice. You never told me about that."

"I did, you just cannot remember it."

Clara sat down on her sofa and placed her head in her hands.

"Life would be simpler if we just liked the people we were meant to." Clara quoted.

She watched as The Doctor's brow scrunched in concentration.

"What is that meant to mean?"

"Well it is a bit like in fairy tales …" Clara started.

"No the only comparison."

"The 'A soldier that didn't want to survive' one?"

"Yes that one."

"Well it is true. You may want to forget that version of you, the Warrior, but I have met him. You didn't want to fight in that war. You didn't want to survive it."

"I was the only one trying to stop it."

"I haven't really asked Danny about his time in the army because it just seems too painful for him. I know he left because he wasn't in a good place."

The Doctor stopped and thought for a moment before picking up the post its and writing one.

"What you doing?"

"You missed one."

Clara watched at the Doctor ripped it from the rest and placed it on the wall before starting to write another one.

"You said I had missed one."

"They are the same one."

Once the Doctor had placed the other post its up, he turned around to leave.

"Are you going to babble about some planet you have found?"

The Doctor stopped and gave her a small smile.

"You have tonight for your scribbles. I come by tomorrow."

Clara looked back at the wall.

"Hopefully I will be able to sort out my life."

The Doctor just nodded as he slipped into her bedroom.

Clara closed her eyes as she heard the engines of the TARDIS go.

It had been a noise she had always loved and could never get tired of hearing.

She loved that the Doctor was a part of her life. He had moaned on a number of different occasions about her not being a 'full-time companion'. Not this Doctor as such, it was more the Bowtied Idiot that had. The Angry Scot seemed to like travelling on his own and pick Clara up when he had found something worth sharing.

Clara had always thought that her Bowtied Idiot would jump from Wednesday to Wednesday, dropping her off just to pick her up again, just so he didn't get lonely.

Standing up, she went over to see what the Doctor had put.

Loves you, cares about you, would go to hell for you

Clara looked and saw that they were on both sides.

It had made things easier to think that the Doctor didn't care about her in the same way as he ones did. But the words were there.

Loves you

She willed herself not to cry.

Clara didn't know why at first but the Doctor's regeneration hurt her a lot. She had seen all his faces and still it was a shock when he was talking about changing.

She didn't want him to go.

Over time she had come to realise that she had fallen totally and utterly in love with Bowtied Idiot.

Clara knew that with time she could love the new face and personality.

I am not your boyfriend.

She did mean every word that she had said to Vastra.

She hadn't fallen in love with the Bowtied Idiot's young face. She had fallen for his personality and the adventures that they shared together.

Clara had tried desperately hard not to fall for this face but it was hard.

She remember trying to control her breathing as he walked down the stairs of the redecorated TARDIS, his suit crisp, rambling on about his mistakes.

She knew then it would be insanely hard to be with him.

His rude comments had helped her to repress some of those feelings and the ones that she couldn't repress she tried to push onto Danny.

It wasn't fair on Danny.

But she does love Danny.

As she loves the Doctor.

Clara groaned.

When did her life become so complicated?

He wasn't lying when he had said that he had made many mistakes.

Sometimes it felt like his whole life is just one big mistake.

The Doctor sat in his winged, leather armchair.

He shouldn't have put the post it up but he had to let her know somehow.

He knew that Danny loved her, it was hard not to see.

It was all not hard to see that she loved him as well.

The look Clara gave Danny after he had distracted the Skovox Blitzer was one that the Doctor was sure he had seen many times but not recently.

He knew he had set the wheels in motion for her departure.

He could curse himself for tell her that he wasn't her boyfriend, that he was her mistake when it was her that was his mistake.

The Doctor knew it was stupid but he was hoping to detach him from Clara.

He had always become too attached to his petty humans. Their short life span was the major disadvantage.

It didn't help that she was the first face that he saw.

She had already been a big imprint on his life as soon as she jumped into his timeline to save him.

In that moment, the Doctor had realised how important he was to the universe.

He couldn't see them, but he felt every victory turn into a defeat. Every star he had ever saved go out.

It was a horrible feeling.

"Clara, Clara, Clara." The Doctor said to himself. "My Clara."

He didn't want to lose her, at least not in the same way he lost the Ponds.

He would never recover if he lost her.

It wasn't like he hadn't let anyone else go.

He had finally let Rose go when he left her with his Meta-Crisis. Martha had made her own path in life and he was happy for her. Even though Donna couldn't remember any of their adventures, he was glad that she had found someone that would show her the love she deserved and that she was happy. He let the Ponds go when he regenerated. The Doctor believes it is the only reason he is now Scottish. Still annoyed that he isn't ginger though.

He had readied himself for the day that Clara would turn around and say that she had, had enough of the travelling and she was going to settle down.

After the incident on the moon, the Doctor believed that was it. They were finished.

Not the best note to leave on but he had come to terms that she wasn't coming back.

Her phone call asking for a last hurrah had delighted him.

He saw it as a one last chance to impress her.

Coming round for dinner wouldn't be boring, it would be a very human thing to do but to the Doctor, it wouldn't be boring. He would be with Clara. Nothing would be boring with Clara.

The 'Bowtied Idiot', as Clara called him, would have found it boring. He always hated staying still.

If Clara asked him, the 'Angry Scot', as she called him, would happily stay still.

The 'Bowtied Idiot' was too wrapped up in the mystery of her to fully appreciate Clara.

Even though he didn't show it, he did appreciate her as a person.

This regeneration had fallen back into old habits. Habits he hasn't had since his first regeneration.

The Oriental Express had shown him that he had gone back to looking for the thrill of the adventure rather than the safety of those around him. Like when he met the Daleks and Thals for the first time.

Maybe he should just let Clara have a life with Danny. He was good enough for her.

The Doctor cursed himself as he got up out of the chair.

He was a selfish man and would love for Clara to leave her life behind and travel with him full time.

But a part of him was happy that she had found someone that would look after her.

Maybe in some sense losing her would be a victory rather than a defeat.

Danny was a good guy and one that the Doctor knew would look after Clara. The Skovox Blitzer showed that.

He had always been concerned for his companions when it came to love. He just wanted them to be happy.

The Doctor leant against the control panel.

"What do I do old girl?" He said.

The TARDIS hummed in response.

"Oh Clara. Clara, Clara, Clara, my Clara. You are going to be the end of me."