They were in their first year of high school when Haruka first noticed something was off about Makoto.

It was a Saturday morning around the end of September and Makoto had slept over at Haruka's.

Haruka had woken up first and when he stepped out of his bed, he saw that Makoto was still asleep, which wasn't that odd. The thing was that he was covered in sweat. That on its own wasn't that special either, considering that it was still fairly warm outside and the fact that Makoto was a teenage boy.

It was the amount of sweat that Haruka found to be weird. His best friend was drenched - his shirt sticking to his body in all the right ways - and so was the futon underneath him. He was quivering, but when Haruka touched his forehead, he didn't feel particularly warm.

He decided to wake Makoto up, because he looked very uncomfortable, and he was secretly worried that Makoto might get sick if he let him be.

''Makoto,'' he called, but Makoto was unresponsive.

He gently placed his hand on Makoto's shoulder, sparks shooting through his own arm from the contact, and he softly shook.

Makoto's eyes fluttered open and he looked up at Haruka, an expression of confusion on his face.

''Haru?'' he questioned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fists. He blinked a few times, before resuming his rubbing, as if his eyes just wouldn't focus.

''You're drenched.''

''Huh?'' Makoto looked bewilderdly around himself. ''Uwah! You're right. I'm so sorry!''

''It's okay.''

''No it's not. The futon's all wet!''

''Makoto. It's fine.''

''If you say so,'' sighed Makoto. He got up as well, only to topple over almost immediately, if it wasn't for Haruka's hand on his arm, keeping him from colliding with the floor. ''Woah!''

''Are you okay?''

''Hm? Yeah, I'm fine,'' Makoto brushed off as he regained his balance, his eyes saying 'don't worry'.

Haruka let go of Makoto's bicep. Makoto had grown a lot in the past few months. Not only had he become taller, but broader and more muscular as well. That fact was kind of like a double-edged sword to Haruka. He was the older one, so he should be the bigger one, he thought. How could he possibly protect Makoto when the other was much bigger than him? But at the same time, he really liked the way Makoto's body had become. He looked more mature now, handsome rather than cute, though he was still the same at heart. Sometimes he wondered if Makoto's body wasn't too large for his soft-spoken personality, but it wasn't as if he could help it, so he just tried to enjoy it as he could; admiring from afar.

Makoto had always been clumsy, but lately it seemed to be even worse than before. Haruka figured it was because he wasn't used to the size of his body yet, so he didn't mention it.

They went to brush their teeth together in the bathroom.

Haruka was lazily brushing his teeth when Makoto spat a bit of toothpaste in the sink. When Haruka went to the sink to rinse out his mouth, he saw that the toothpaste wasn't as white as it should have been. Instead it was mixed with what could only be blood.

He turned to Makoto with a questioning look.

When Makoto looked back at him and saw what he was silently pointing out, he turned on the faucet, as if erasing the evidence meant that it hadn't happened in the first place. He quickly rinsed out his mouth before turning the tap off again, putting away his toothbrush as he wiped at his mouth.

''Are you sure you're alright?'' Haruka inquired, his voice muffled around his toothbrush.

''Yeah, I'm fine, really!'' he insisted. ''I probably just brushed too hard.''

Haruka shrugged inwardly and he went to rinse his own mouth from the toothpaste. If Makoto said he was fine, then he shouldn't worry so much about it. It's not like he had much to worry about in the first place, so he let it slide.

''Take a shower. I'll put away the futon.''

''I'll help you.''

''Makoto.'' Haruka shot him a look that let him know there was no room for argument.

Makoto sighed and put his hands up in surrender. ''Alright, alright. I'll go take a shower.''

After Haruka threw the futon with the rest of the laundry he still had to do, he went downstairs to make the both of them breakfast. He was setting the table when Makoto joined him again, a towel wrapped around his neck.

''Sit down. It's almost done,'' Haruka told him and Makoto silently obeyed his command.

Haruka served breakfast, that surprisingly consisted mainly of mackerel, and they quietly began to eat together. Well, Haruka began to eat. Makoto was just picking at his food, pushing it from side to side on his plate, never actually taking a bite.

Haruka noticed this, of course, and he narrowed his eyes.

''You don't have to eat it.''

''Huh?'' Makoto looked up from his plate and he saw the offended look in Haruka's eyes. ''No, I'll eat it,'' he said, trying not to be ungrateful and he took a big bite.

Haruka frowned when he saw how much effort it took for Makoto to chew and he practically had to force the food down his throat. Maybe Makoto really had enough from eating mackerel so regularly, even if it was hard for Haruka to imagine anyone could grow tired from his favourite fish.

''You don't have to force yourself.''

''I'm not forcing myself, really! I want to eat it.''

He rolled his eyes at Makoto's obvious lie and he resumed eating without another word. If there was something wrong, then Makoto would tell him himself, it wasn't Haruka's job to pry it out of him. He could be having just an off day, so Haruka decided to drop it for now.

The rest of the day continued without any other incidents, and therefore Haruka forgot about all of his previous worries. That was until they resurfaced the following Wednesday.

Their last period of the day was PE and they were changing in the boys' locker room. Haruka was pulling his shirt over his head when he heard one of the other boys heading over to them. Makoto had just taken off his own shirt and that fact gathered the attention of their classmate.

''Yo, Tachibana! Those are some sick bruises,'' the boy remarked and he pointed at Makoto's bare upper body. ''Did you get into a fight or something?''

''Ehh?'' Makoto twisted his neck, trying to look at his own chest, back, shoulders and arms.

The comment of the boy hadn't gone unnoticed by the other boys, including Haruka, and some of them moved closer to Makoto.

''Who did you beat up?''

''I never thought you were the type to get into fights, Tachibana!''

''You did win, right?''

Makoto was shaking his hands in front of his body frantically, as if he was trying to defend himself from the guys that were bombarding him with questions and witty comments.

Haruka didn't say anything, but he caught every word that was said. Now that Makoto was turned away from him, he could see what the boy was talking about. Makoto's back was littered in bruises, the purple and blue spots standing out on his pale skin. When had Makoto's skin become this pale? He used to have a bit of a tan, but now he was even paler than Haruka. The fact that his skin was so pale only made the contrast of the marks on his back bigger.

Makoto couldn't have gotten into a fight. Haruka knew this for sure. There was no way in hell that Tachibana Makoto had intentionally physically harmed someone. Makoto wouldn't even hurt a fly. He was too nice, too kind to even think about it. And even if this wasn't a known fact, Makoto still couldn't have fought anyone. He had been with Haruka the entire time, and surely Haruka would've noticed if Makoto suddenly beat someone up or vice versa.

Then again, who would even want to fight Makoto? Everyone that knew him was fond of him, guys and girls alike, because it was kind of hard not to, Haruka guessed. Makoto just had this kind and approachable aura, and once you've seen the gentle smiles that make his eyes crinkle at the corners, you were sold for sure. Heck, Haruka doubted that hating Tachibana Makoto was even possible. One look into his forest green eyes and you were immediately drawn in. At least, that's what Haruka thought that happened. He wouldn't know himself, since he'd known him for practically all his life. In every memory of his childhood, Makoto was there some way or another, considering they'd known each other from birth. Makoto's, that is. But Haruka still thought he knew what it was like, because every time he caught a glimpse of the other's sparkling orbs, he was drawn in all over again.

But even if you were not enchanted by Makoto, anyone with a grain of common sense would think twice about picking a fight with a giant like him. Though his face was all sunshine and rainbows, his body looked a little more intimidating. Not that Haruka was complaining, but his thought were getting a little off topic.

''I-I didn't get into a fight!'' Makoto stuttered, trying to stop his peers from interrogating him even further. He quickly pulled his shirt on, already embarrassed because everyone had been staring at him.

''Really? That's a shame.''

''Really!'' Makoto looked over at Haruka for help, but Haruka only shot him a look that said 'wait until everyone's gone'.

The guys that had been surrounding them walked back to finish changing and Makoto let out a sigh of relief, glad that everyone had stopped questioning him. Though, he should have known it was a sigh a little too early.

Once they were alone, Haruka turned to him with a questioning look on his face, his eyes saying 'explain'.

''Haru...'' Makoto started, an unsure expression painting his features. ''Haru, I don't know where I got these bruises. Honestly.''

Haruka searched Makoto for any sign that indicated he was lying, but he found none; Makoto was telling him the truth.

''Are you sure?'' he asked either way, just because he needed the confirmation.

''Yeah, really! I'm fine, so don't worry!'' Makoto smiled at him like he wanted to reassure him.

''If you say so...'' Haruka shrugged as he turned around, leaving the locker room to go to the gymnasium. Makoto followed him quickly, not wanting to be left behind.

Their PE teacher assigned them to play soccer and unfortunately, Haruka and Makoto were on opposite teams. Haruka's team decided that he had to be the keeper, and honestly Haruka couldn't care any less about the game.

He was actually kind of glad with his position, since he didn't have to run - which was too much effort - and he could freely watch Makoto as he played. Partly, he watched Makoto because he wanted to, but he was also kind of concerned about his friend. It's not that he didn't trust Makoto when he said he was fine, but he had been acting really strange these past few days; the incident in the locker room had reminded him of what happened last Saturday. That, and Makoto had a habit of brushing off concerns about him, as he didn't want anyone to worry about him. Therefore he kept a close eye on Makoto during the entire game.

At first, everything seemed fine. Makoto was actively playing along, as he always did. Makoto liked playing sports and he was generally good at them, too. He also felt the need to do his very best for everything he did, sports, studies, and other things alike. Nothing out of the ordinary.

But after just a few minutes of watching Makoto run after the ball, Haruka noticed Makoto just couldn't keep up. He was looking even paler than before and he was panting lightly already.

Worry continued building up in Haruka's being the more he saw Makoto struggle. By then he was completely out of breath, yet he still tried to push himself, seemingly not wanting to stop.

Even if Haruka had wanted to, he wasn't able to pay attention to the game any longer. He had an uncomfortable feeling that was gnawing at his being, eating him slowly from the inside as he watched Makoto. It felt as if he was watching a train wreck, though he didn't exactly know why.

And then, he saw something flying past his face, and when he heard cheering, he realised it had been the ball, and that the other team just scored. His own team was a bit less ecstatic.

''Nanase, what the hell?!''

''Nice going, dude! Pay attention!''

But all of his team mates' curses went unnoticed by Haruka, as he watched Makoto with his hands on his knees, hunched over as he panted harshly, looking like was ready to pass out any minute.

Haruka ignored his team mates' protests and went over to Makoto. The closer he got to him, the worse he seemed to be. Sweat coated his forehead and he wobbled on his legs, looking questioningly up at Haruka.

''Haru?'' he asked as he straigthened his back, standing up again, but that only made him less stable. Instinctively, Haruka reached out to hold Makoto.

''Are you okay?'' It felt as if he had asked this for a million times these past few hours. ''Do you need to go to the nurse's office?''

''Yeah, I'm... just,'' Makoto breathed, his chest heaving with every syllable, ''Let me sit down for a second.''

Haruka kept a hold on Makoto's arm as he guided him out of the gymnasium, signing their teacher that they were leaving for a bit.

They went back to the locker room and he sat Makoto down on one of the benches as he walked to his bag. He fished a towel and a bottle of water out of it before returning to his best friend's side, handing him the items. Makoto let out a small 'thank you' before taking a big gulp from the bottle. Haruka plopped down beside him, feeling a bit of relief that Makoto was sitting safely by his side.

''Sorry, Haru,'' Makoto sighed as he twisted the cap back on the bottle, wiping his face with the towel Haruka provided. ''I'm just a little tired, I guess. Sorry to bother you.''

''It's fine,'' Haruka said as he gave Makoto a once-over. ''Did you eat enough today?''

''I wasn't really hungry.''

Haruka looked back at Makoto, eyeing him sceptically. Instantly, Makoto realised his slip up and waved his hands frantically in front of his body.

''I did eat! I'm fine, I just wasn't hungry!''

Haruka averted his eyes. It's not that he didn't want to believe Makoto, but it was just hard to imagine him not having an appetite. Even as a child Makoto had always been a big eater, but ever since he hit puberty it had become worse. It's not odd, for a tall, muscular guy to eat that much, but the fact that he now claimed to have lost his appetite made Haruka feel a bit weird.

Now, he didn't think Makoto was doing this on purpose. Though he knew Makoto tended to be a bit insecure, he didn't believe Makoto would actually skip meals to feel better about himself, especially when he clearly wasn't feeling any better. It couldn't hurt to ask, though.

''You're not, like...'' He didn't need to finish his sentence for Makoto to know what he was implying.

''What? No, Haru, no! No, it's not like that! It's nothing like that at all! I promise!'' Makoto quickly rambled, waving his hands in front of him again.

Though the fact that Makoto's response was nothing short of disstress, Haruka knew he was telling the truth. It's not like he expected anything else.

''Okay. I believe you.''

Makoto released a shaky breath and he slumped backwards against the wall, obviously relieved his best friend believed him. He took another sip of the water while Haruka peered at the clock that hung on the wall.

''We still have about half an hour of PE left. I'll go tell the teacher we're leaving early, so get changed,'' he stated as he got up and walked into the direction of the door.

''Haru, wait! I'm fine, there's no need for you to-''

Haruka shot him a look that made Makoto cease speaking mid-sentence.

''Okay.''

After Haruka told their teacher and they both got changed, he escorted Makoto home. Makoto was still wobbling slightly on his legs with every step he took, but as always he insisted that he was fine. Haruka was still woried that he would actually lose consciousness on their way, but luckily that didn't happen.

There was nobody home when they reached the Tachibana residence and Haruka guided Makoto upstairs, straight to his bedroom. Makoto lo

st consciousness the minute his head hit the pillow, and Haruka was glad they even made it to his grabbed the chair that stood before Makoto's desk and pulled it closer to the bed, sitting down as he grazed his eyes over his best friend's sleeping form.

He wanted to reach out and hold Makoto's hand, so he tentatively brushed his fingers over Makoto's knuckles. He quickly retreated his hand when he felt Makoto stir, in fear of being caught and waking Makoto from his slumber. He sat back, his hands folded in his lap so he wouldn't be tempted again.

Haruka stayed by Makoto's side for the rest of the afternoon, too worried to leave him alone in this state, but also because he felt the need to be there for Makoto. The other didn't wake the entire time Haruka was there, and Haruka only left after Makoto's family returned home. He simply explained that Makoto was resting because he wasn't feeling well, but it felt as if he was lying, even though he wasn't really. Perhaps it wasn't the whole truth, but Haruka couldn't bring himself to voice his worries and concerns to Makoto's family.

Makoto did show up the next morning, pulling him out of his bathtub with the usual outstretched hand and ''good morning, Haru-chan'', though his smile wasn't the same. Haruka didn't actually know why his smile felt different, because surely it looked the same as it always did. There was just something about it that made him feel like it took Makoto a lot of effort to actually curve the corners of his mouth upwards.

Haruka accepted the offered hand as he always did, together with his chant of ''drop the -chan'', but when he was pulled upwards, it wasn't as usual, as if Makoto didn't have even an ounce of the strength he usually had.

He got out of the tub without commenting on it, though, and continued with his morning routine. It didn't go as it usually did, though. The minute he put on his apron to make breakfast and lunch, Makoto was supposed to scold him like he did every morning, telling him he should hurry, that he shouldn't wear his apron over his swimsuit, to eat something else than mackerel for once, that they were going to be late. None of that happened, and it felt weird to Haruka.

When he returned to his living room, he saw Makoto sitting at the table. He looked as if he was drowning in fatigue. Haruka knew that Makoto wasn't a morning person, but he never looked this bad either.

''If you're not feeling well, then you shouldn't go to school today.''

Makoto looked up at him, blinking rapidly as if to wake himself from his hazy state, before attempting a weak smile.

''It's okay. I'm fine.''

Haruka rolled his eyes inwardly and sighed, turning to walk into the kitchen. If Makoto wasn't going to be honest with him, then that was his own decision. Haruka wasn't his mother, and Makoto was old enough to know what was best for him. It wasn't Haruka's job to worry about him, so he wasn't going to anymore.

At least, that was what Haruka initially told himself.

After that, it was as if Makoto was even worse off every second. His skin was even paler than before, he was constantly out of breath, and he looked more fatigued than he ever had. Yet, Haruka still didn't say anything more about it, stubborn as he was.

Until Makoto finally reached his limit the next Saturday evening.

Makoto and Haruka were at the former's house, playing video games in his room as they had every Saturday for as long as either of them could remember.

It was around ten o'clock, and they were going to resume playing after having put Ren and Ran to bed about half an hour earlier. At least, that had been the plan. As always, the twins tried to continue playing and stay up as late as possible with their brother and his friend. They protested, stating that they weren't tired at all - though the frequency of their yawns would suggest otherwise. When they were finally lying in bed and Makoto and Haruka thought they had given up the fight, Ran and Ren demanded that either of the elder boys read them a story, knowing that their brother was easily persuaded. Makoto gave in almost immediately, of course, way too sensitive to the pleading faces of his siblings and unable to deny them anything when they stared at him with eyes resembling those of a pair of kicked puppies.

Now, they were back in their room after Ran and Ren finally fell asleep. Their previous claims had been false; the both of them had drifted off before the story even reached the halfway point.

Makoto sat back down on his bed, picking up two of the previously discarded controllers and handing one of them to Haruka. The other reached out to accept the offered controller when he suddenly froze.

He saw a small, red drop slowly crawling down Makoto's upper lip, seemingly coming out of his nose. Obviously, he was shocked, but the first thing his mind came up with was the fact that Makoto was someone who couldn't handle seeing blood, and he didn't know how he was going to break this to him.

''Haru?'' Makoto questioned, confused by his friend's sudden silence.

''Makoto, uh, your nose...'' Haruka pointed hesistantly at Makoto's nose, which seemed to be bleeding faster and faster in mere seconds.

''Hm?'' Makoto, who was a little startled by Haruka's statement, tentatively raised his hand towards his nose, feeling the wet, hot bead that was staining his pale skin with the tips of his fingers. He retreated his hand, his eyes widening in shock as he saw the blood on his digits.

''H-Haru!'' he yelped, unspoken code for 'do something!'.

Haruka's eyes darted through the room, searching for a box of tissues of any sort, but he found none.

''Please, Haru!''

The blood was now flowing out of Makoto's nose rapidly, trailing down his mouth and chin only to drip on Makoto's upturned palm.

If Makoto's body was a river, his nose would be the waterfall.

Haruka tried to shake those stupid thoughts out of his head as he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. He dashed out of the room, only to come back with a roll of toilet paper. He unrolled it and pressed some of it against Makoto's face, who's bloody hand came up to hold it in place.

It didn't take long until the entire ball was drenched in red. Haruka quickly unrolled more of the paper and handed it to Makoto, who tossed the bloodied lump into the nearest trash bin.

This scene repeated itself for what felt like hours before Makoto's nose finally stopped bleeding. After throwing away the last of the used paper, Makoto's panic started to subdue at last. He looked as if he could faint any minute, though whether it was from the sight of so much blood or the actual blood loss, Haruka couldn't tell.

Makoto was shivering at this point, cold sweat rolling down the pale skin of his face. Haruka brushed his bangs away, placing his hand on Makoto's forehead to feel his temperature.

''You're burning up,'' he concluded as he pulled back his hand.

Makoto blinked several times. Then, he slowly raised his own hand to his head, as if to confirm his friend's words.

''I... I think,'' he started, ''I think I need to go lay down for a minute.''

Haruka nodded and helped Makoto settle down on the mattress, shoving the forgotten controllers aside in the process. Makoto looked up at him, his eyes unfocused, and a weak smile appeared on his face.

''Thanks, Haru.''

Haruka hummed in response. ''Need anything?''

''No thanks, Haru. I'll be fine after I sleep a bit...'' His eyes fluttered shut the second those words left his lips. His panic from before had drained Makoto from all of the energy he had left, which wasn't that much to begin with, considering the state of permanent fatigue he seemed to be in lately.

Now that Makoto was asleep with a peaceful expression painting his features, Haruka's erratic pounding heart was able to regain its normal pace. Haruka released a shaky breath. Now his own initial shock was over and his mind was clear enough to comprehend what had happened, worry made its way back into his being.

Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. Even though Makoto kept insisting that he was fine, Haruka knew he wasn't. He knew Makoto was just saying that because he didn't want to burden anyone. As if Makoto could ever be a burden.

Though he knew that he had told himself that if Makoto wasn't going to tell him, that was his own problem, he also knew he was lying to himself. Who was he even kidding; he was worried sick about the other. This was the last straw and this needed to be ended before it became worse. And so, Haruka decided to do what every responsible friend would do.

Telling Makoto's mother.

He glanced at the alarm clock that stood at the top of Makoto's bed. It was almost eleven PM by now, but he knew Makoto's mother would still be up; she's the type who watches late night soap opera and Korean dramas when the rest of the family was asleep already.

After brushing his fingers through Makoto's fringe to give both Makoto - who was out like a light -and himself some comfort, he made up his mind and got up, leaving Makoto alone in his room.

He slowly descended the stairs, not wanting to wake the sleeping members of the Tachibana family. As expected, he found Mrs. Tachibana on the couch, her eyes glued to the television that was lighting up the dark room, illuminating her pretty face.

She looked up when she noticed Haruka's presence, seemingly surprised to see him. When she saw his expression, her questioning look turned into something more concerned.

''Haru-kun, is something wrong?''

''Can I talk to you for a second?''

''Of course.'' She motioned to spot beside her on the couch. ''Sit down.''

He sat down beside her and Mrs. Tachibana reached for the remote and muted the tv, turning back to Haruka. ''So, Haru-kun, what did you want to talk to me about?''

''Makoto.''

She was used to Haruka's curt way of speaking, and nodded, encouraging him to continue.

''He's not doing so well lately,'' he began. ''He keeps saying that he's fine, but he isn't.''

A look of understanding appeared on Mrs. Tachibana's face, telling Haruka that she had noticed.

Haruka told her about everything that had happened the past week.

''I knew something was wrong with him, but I didn't know it was this bad. He has been skipping meals lately, and even when he did eat, it was never much. I asked him about it, too, but you know how he is. That boy can't lie for all he's worth, so of course I knew he was telling me the truth,'' Mrs. Tachibana responded when he was done.

Haruka nodded in response.

''He also came home absolutely exhausted every day for the past week. He just went straight to bed after school. I think you can already guess what he told me when I asked him about it.''

''I'm fine.''

''Exactly. At this point I'm not sure if he doesn't want to make anyone worry about him or if he sincerely believes he's fine.''

''Probably a mix of both.''

''Most likely,'' Mrs. Tachibana agreed.

They talked for a little while longer, until Haruka was practically dozing off on the couch, his own exhaustion finally catching up with him. Mrs. Tachibana sent him back to bed when she noticed he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer, and Haruka gladly listened to her.

He actually felt better after his talk with Makoto's mother. Surely, Makoto wasn't better yet, but Mrs. Tachibana had promised him that she'd take Makoto to a doctor as quickly as possible.

He was back in Makoto's room and he lied down on the futon, looking up at Makoto's sleeping face with a little more ease in his heart. He now knew Makoto was going to get help, and that brought him peace. At least enough for him to fall asleep not long after.

Mrs. Tachibana had kept her promise, and the next Monday, Makoto didn't show up in his bathroom. Haruka waited and waited, but he didn't come to pull him out of the tub.

Eventually, Haruka got out of his bathtub on his own, not bothering to dry off before he made his way back to his bedroom. There, he found his phone, the light flashing with an unread message.

As he expected, the message was from Makoto, telling him that he couldn't come to pick him up this morning because his mother was taking him to a doctor and how sorry he was.

Haruka sighed, having already expected this, and he went back to bed, even though he was still wet. He was late either way, and going to school was even worse if Makoto wasn't there, so he didn't bother going.

Makoto let him know that his doctor decided to examinate him further, because of which he needed to go to the hospital and therefore couldn't attend school the next day either. Haruka didn't know the specifics of the examinations Makoto was getting, because he didn't ask and Makoto didn't tell him either. He did feel bad for Makoto, knowing his fear for needles and hospitals in general - that's probably why he didn't tell Haruka about it, when he usually would.

A day or two later, the results of the tests came in and Makoto had to go to the hospital again. Haruka was sitting in his tub, waiting for Makoto to return. But it didn't take long for him to come out again, way too curious to sit around and wait. He then waited in front of his window until he could see the car of the Tachibana's parking in front of their house.

He quickly made his way downstairs and put on his shoes before he went to the Tachibana residence.

At the door he was greeted by Makoto's mother, smudges of make-up underneath her watery eyes and trails of mascara on her cheeks. She was crying. And that fact terrified him.

''Oh, Haru-kun, it's you. Makoto's upstairs,'' Mrs. Tachibana said as she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand, stepping back to let Haruka inside.

Haruka nodded because his mouth just wouldn't function. When he got inside he went straight to Makoto's bedroom. He knocked twice and when the door opened, he saw Makoto standing there, looking practically lifeless. Haruka walked into his bedroom when Makoto gave him the opportunity to, and he sat down on Makoto's bed.

Makoto closed the door behind him, and walked over to his bed, sitting down beside his friend, close enough that their knees could touch if they wanted to.

Haruka was staring expectantly at Makoto, who wouldn't meet his gaze. Instead, he was staring at his hands, that were folded in his lap.

A minute went by without either of them saying a word, until Haruka couldn't take it anymore.

''Well?'' he asked.

He heard Makoto sigh deeply, but he still wouldn't meet his eyes. Makoto mumbled.

''I have acute lymphocytic leukemia.''

Haruka blinked a few times, but his mind couldn't comprehend what Makoto had just said.

''What?''

Finally Makoto looked up at him. His eyes shone with so many emotions Haruka couldn't identify, yet at the same time, they looked dead.

''Haru, I have cancer.''

Four words. Four little words. Four words that should never be in a sentence together. Those four words were all it took for Haruka's world to crumble.

This couldn't be true. Surely his ears had betrayed him. He waited for Makoto to smile and say ''just kidding!'' but it didn't happen. Of course it didn't happen. Who would joke about something like this? But at that moment, Haruka would've done anything to make those words a lie.

Instead, he saw tears welling up in Makoto's eyes.

''I'm scared, Haru,'' he muttered as tears made their way down his face, marking his pale skin. ''I'm so scared.''

It all felt so surreal, like this was a horrible nightmare. But this was no dream and Haruka wouldn't wake up.

''I don't want to die,'' Makoto whispered, his voice cracking between his sobs.

Makoto couldn't die. Even when everyone else had turned their backs to him, Makoto had always been here for him. When his parents left, Makoto was there. When his grandmother died, Makoto was there. When Rin left for Australia and Nagisa went to another school, Makoto was there. Makoto couldn't be dying. He was all Haruka had.

''I'm so s-scared, Haru,'' he repeated as he launched forward, burying his face in Haruka's shoulder, his tears soaking Haruka's shirt almost immediately.

Normally Haruka's heart would've leapt inside his chest from the physical contact. He would feel the warmth of the butterflies in his belly. He would feel glad that Makoto trusted him enough to cry in front of him, glad that Makoto felt safe enough to drop his guard like he only would around him. He didn't feel anything like that; all he felt was ice.

Makoto's arms wrapped around his neck as sobs wrecked through his body. Haruka could feel his own tears burning in his eyes, but he wouldn't allow himself to cry. He couldn't cry, not right now. He had to be strong. For Makoto.

He wrapped his own arms around Makoto's back and held him close, trying to give him some sort of comfort. He wanted to tell Makoto that everything would be okay, that he wouldn't die and that he would get better, but he couldn't; the words were stuck in his throat.

Haruka couldn't remember a single moment in his life when he had felt this bad. The only thing that came close was the time when his grandmother died. She had been old, she had lived a fulfilled life, but Makoto, he was only fifteen. He was way too young to be sick, too young to die.

He blinked away the tears he couldn't surpress and he gently rubbed Makoto's back. He raised one of his hands to Makoto's head, tangling his fingers in the olive brown strands of his hair; the hair he was going to lose.

They continued to hold each other, one harshly crying, the other willing himself not to cry, until Makoto's sobs died out and his body became heavy. His exhaustion got the better of him and he had cried himself to sleep in his best friend's arms.

Haruka unwrapped their arms and slowly put Makoto down on his bed, lifting Makoto's legs so they were lying on the bed as well. It didn't take him nearly as much effort as it should have, as Makoto's body had become lighter. Too light.

He kneeled down beside Makoto's head, his hands wiping away the tears that were slowly drying on his skin. Then, he got up and left, softly closing the door behind him. Downstairs he heard the rest of the family talking, but he didn't stop to say goodbye.

When he got home, he immediately plopped down on his bed. He buried his face into his pillow as he allowed himself to break down. He cried and screamed like he never had before. He just felt so useless, knowing that there was nothing he could do to change this situation.

Makoto; his best friend, the boy he loved, was sick and Haruka stood powerless. He felt a lot of things: guilt, regret, despair, but most of all he felt sadness, as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest and all he could do was bleed. Like he was drowning and couldn't move his limbs.

He cried and screamed until he had no tears left and his lungs burned, until sleep finally took him as well, letting him forget about everything if only for a brief moment.