Chapter 18

The Purpose of Life

A/N: Deepest apologies for everyone who has waited literally years for this final chapter. I won't offer excuses. I'll just get right to it. I may add an epilogue someday, but I'll mark the story as complete now, so that people don't wait years for that too. Thank you all so much! Please enjoy!

"Orihime-chan!" exclaimed the shopkeeper as the red-headed teen burst into the shop.

"Where is he?!" she exclaimed. "I felt him! He's back here, isn't he?"

"Please wait, Orihime-chan," pleaded Kisuke, catching hold of her.

"No! He's here! I have to see him!"

"Let me speak with you first," insisted Kisuke. "Ulquiorra-san is not well──"

"What?!" exclaimed Orihime in horror. "What did they do to him? Let me see him right away! I can fix him!"

"Inoue-san!" gasped an out-of-breath Ishida as he dashed into the shop likewise.

"Ishida-kun," cried Orihime. "He's back, but they've hurt him! I have to see him!"

Breaking from Kisuke's grip, Orihime rushed past the other toward the back of the shop, ignoring the exclamation that followed her. With a sigh, Urahara motioned Ishida to come along, and the two followed after their panicked female friend.

Throwing open the door to the back room, Orihime pulled up short. Ulquiorra was there, standing silently. He didn't acknowledge her entrance at all.

For a moment, Orihime stood there in shock, gasping as she tried to catch her breath. He was back! But . . . why wasn't he looking at her? Why was he standing there, unmoving? Orihime swallowed, gradually bringing her breathing under control. As the shock began to wear off, worry crept in its place. He didn't look hurt, but something was definitely wrong.

Orihime approached the Espada slowly, unsure of what to expect. Ulquiorra didn't move. He stood still and solemn; hands clasped behind his back, eyes closed, and head slightly lowered. He might have been asleep if not for the fact that he was standing. The short, white robe that he wore emphasized his emaciated form more so than his old Espada uniform had, although it was difficult to tell whether he was any thinner now than he had been. When Orihime finally came to a stop just in front him, he still didn't move.

"Ulquiorra?" she said softly.

There was no response. Orihime bit her lip and moved a little closer, the worry turning quickly to dread.

"Please, Ulquiorra," she whimpered fearfully. When he still didn't react, she lifted a hand and, hesitating only for a moment, laid her trembling fingers against his ivory cheek. Even this produced not so much as a flinch. Orihime blinked back her tears, struggling to stifle a sob. Lifting her other hand, she gently took his face between her trembling palms.

"Please, Ulquiorra," she whispered. "Please, just look at me."

Still without a sound, the Espada slowly lifted his head and opened his eyes. Orihime drew back with a gasp. She found herself looking not into the eyes of the one she loved; rather the empty gaze that stared at her now was that of her former guard: the heartless Hollow from Hueco Mundo who had taken her from her friends. Orihime shook her head in disbelief, trying to convince herself that it wasn't true, but the cold, blank stare did not change.

"No," she breathed, still shaking her head. "N-n-no. Please, no!"

When Ulquiorra didn't move, continuing to gaze at her with that empty stare, her tears finally broke free, and Orihime turned and fled the room, unable to look at him any longer.

"Orihime!" called Yoruichi, but Kisuke laid a hand on her arm to stay her.

"Wait," he said. "Let me."

Returning to the shop, Kisuke found Orihime huddled in front of a display case, sobbing uncontrollably. Heaving a sigh, he sat down beside her and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Why?" sobbed Orihime. "What ... what did they do to him?"

"I don't know," answered Kisuke honestly. "Seeing that his body heals itself, I'm not sure we'll ever know." He waited a moment for her to calm herself a little, and then continued. "He did make an impression on young Hitsugaya somehow. From what Yoruichi tells me, it was the tenth captain's defense that made them let him return here. Ulquiorra wouldn't say anything in his own defense."

"They did something to him," whimpered Orihime. "He's not ... himself now."

"Orihime," smiled the shopkeeper calmly, placing his hands on her shoulders and turning her to look at him. "You changed him once; I'm sure that you can do it again."

Orihime's lip trembled as she returned the gaze. She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again, lowering her eyes.

"I don't know how," she murmured at last. "I don't know how I did before; I don't know how I can do it now."

"You can," Kisuke assured her. "And you will. It may just take time. But don't worry; he's not going anywhere. Not now."

"Orihime?"

The two turned to see a large, buxom woman enter the shop.

"Rangiku!" exclaimed Orihime, leaping to her feet. "What did they do to him?! What happened?"

To this, Rangiku gave no answer, opting instead to pull her young friend into a strong hug.

"He's going to be alright, Orihime," soothed Rangiku. Then with a smile, she added, "You'll see to that, I'm sure."

Orihime held tightly to her friend, trying to suppress her tears. "He's just . . . . He's . . . ."

"He's here," stated Rangiku, softly but firmly. "He's back here with you, and he won't have to leave again. That's what you need to remember right now."

With a few more sniffles and a hiccup or two, Orihime finally managed to stop crying, although she didn't raise her eyes. Rangiku simply continued to hold her.

"Soul Society is going to let him stay this time?" Orihime asked at last.

"Yes," smiled Rangiku. "You'll have to thank Hitsugaya-taichō when you see him next. He was quite the orator!"

Orihime sniffed again, forcing a little smile. "Thank you both. I know that you could have killed him that night. Thank you for sparing him. For letting him have a chance to come back to me."

Rangiku just smiled and tightened her embrace.

"In the end," she continued, seeing that the distraction seemed to be helping Orihime, "it wasn't only Tōshirō-kun who spoke for him. Hanataro of the Fourth squad apparently gave such a moving defense that Unohana-taichō supported him as well, and she's not one whom most want to cross. And then, hearing about how you protected him and he protected you, Kyoraku-taichō decided to side with freeing him also." Rangiku chuckled. "Even Suí-Fēng-taichō, while she did speak against him, apparently didn't argue as heartily as would have been expected. She would deny it, but I think that her fight with him and the fact that he spared her and myself did affect her. Of course, with the Second Squad, it's hard to say."

Orihime's smile was a little less forced as she asked, "So the Shinigami aren't going to attack him again?"

"So long as he obeys the rules, no."

"Rules?" Orihime drew back from her friend a little to be able to look in the eye worriedly. "What rules?"

"Nothing too difficult," shrugged Rangiku, attempting to wave away the restrictions as simply minor inconveniences. "And nothing you wouldn't expect. He's not allowed to eat human souls, living or dead. He can kill Hollows, but he's not allowed to make friends with them or give the impression that he's working with them. And he's not allowed to leave Karakura Town. Oh! And he's not allowed to release his zanpakto."

Orihime's face fell again. Her mind went to their time of flying above the clouds, remembering also that he had promised that they would do it again. If he couldn't release his zanpakto, then they couldn't do that. She supposed that it was silly to think about such a little thing, considering the fact that he was back and safe and was going to stay. She shouldn't be worried about something so little as a daydream of reaching the stars. It was a very little price to pay, after all. He was back! He was going to stay! They were going to be together!

No matter how she tried to encourage herself with these thoughts, however, Orihime's mind kept going again and again to the cold, dead expression in her beloved's eyes. He was as he had been so long ago, when he believed that humans were mere stupid nonsensical beings who spoke of such foolishness as "the heart" and "love." It was as if he had regressed back to the souless soldier of Aizen. Whatever had made him the wonderful person she had come to love had been stripped from him and destroyed. Could she find it again? Could he find it again? Would he even be willing to try?

Orihime licked her lips.

"May I speak with him again?" she asked.

"Of course," grinned Kisuke. "I think that that would be good."

"Orihime, before you go," cautioned Rangiku, "just know that he endured a lot of very bad things in Soul Society. It may take some time for him to recover mentally. If he doesn't respond well now, don't be too upset. You may have to give him time."

Orihime nodded wordlessly. She took a breath and lifted her head determinedly. She loved Ulquiorra fiercely, and she would fight for him, even if it meant fighting against his own mind.

Back in the little room, Orihime stood silently. Rangiku and Kisuke excused themselves, thinking that the two would be better off alone, but, for a time, there was complete silence in the room. Ulquiorra had closed his eyes again, standing motionless. Orihime had struggled with what to say, eventually giving up and saying nothing.

What was she to say? What had she said before? What had caused the change in him the first time? Her mind moved over their time together, but nothing came to help her. He had come to this world when she was in the middle of composing a message to him, but it wasn't even a deep message, and she hadn't finished it. Honestly, she wasn't sure that he had even read it. Then they had come here to Urahara-san's shop, and Ulquiorra had said that he would stay. Orihime had offered her home to him temporarily, and he had accepted.

Had that been it? Had it been because she had opened her home to him? Perhaps if she invited him to come home again, it would be alright. Orihime swallowed as she mentally scolded herself. No, of course not. He was welcome, and he surely knew that. Besides, he hadn't changed then.

Was it when they had argued? After all, they had had that fight only a few days later where she had yelled at him and called him a heartless Hollow for saying that love was a foolish human concept meant for the weak-minded. Was that it? After that, he had been nice to her. Surely it wasn't being mean to him that had changed him, was it? That wouldn't make any sense.

Perhaps when they flew to the stars together. Orihime was certain that that was when she began feeling something more for him, but had he felt any differently then? He hadn't seemed like it. It had actually frustrated her that he hadn't changed. No, he hadn't changed. That hadn't been it.

But it wasn't long after that that they'd spoken on the rooftop and he'd almost kissed her. Perhaps then? Surely he had changed by then! Yes, he must have. But it was so slight, really. He had tried to kiss her, but he still was nearly the same. Perhaps he had been curious. But no, he had also held her. Of course, he had held her when they were flying also, but he hadn't tried to kiss her then. Still, there wasn't anything particular in their conversation that night that she could identify as something that had changed him. What had they even said? She really couldn't remember now.

But yes, that was when he'd changed: that was when he'd said that he wanted to stay with her. The very next day was when he had spoken with Kurosaki-kun and told him that he was going to stay.

. . . And then he'd been attacked by Suí-Fēng-taichō and Rangiku. He'd had to wear that terrible gigai that he hated. And then they'd been attacked by Tōshirō-kun . . . . And then Ulquiorra had left.

Orihime felt the tears filling her eyes again. He had only just begun to change when he had been snatched away from her and had . . . what had happened to him? Why had they done this? Why had they taken him? Why couldn't they have left him alone? At least a little longer! He had only just started to truly feel, to recognize his own heart, and they'd stolen him away and done terrible things to him! Could she change him back? How? Was it even possible?

Closing her eyes and bowing her head again, Orihime felt fear and despair fill her. If she didn't know how he had changed in the first place, then how could she hope to change him again? If he didn't want to be changed, then what could she possibly do?

The door behind her slid open again.

"Orihime?" came Urahara-san's gentle voice. "Kurosaki-san is here and would like to speak with you, if that's alright."

Orihime glanced at Ulquiorra, but the latter still didn't move. Biting back a sob and a sigh, she turned to Urahara and nodded. Without a word, she followed him out of the room.

"Urahara filled me in," said Ichigo. "Why don't you head home and let me talk with him?"

"He won't speak to me," whispered Orihime. "He won't even look at me. He just . . . it's like we're back in Hueco Mundo again, but it's even worse." She looked up at Ichigo, biting back her tears. "I don't know what to do."

"Hey, you've done all that can," assured Ichigo, laying his hands on her shoulders and giving them a firm squeeze. "He's back. He's alive. Now just head home and let me knock some sense into him. Okay?" he grinned.

Orihime again sniffed, wiping her nose with a tissue, but finally nodded sadly.

"Okay," she murmured. "Please do. If anyone can, you can." Orihime managed a sad smile and a nod before turning and leaving the shop.

Ichigo waited until Orihime had left before turning to Kisuke with an angry scowl.

"Where is he?" he growled.

The shopkeeper responded with a resigned grin. "This way."

They walked silently through the shop and to the little back room. Once there, Ichigo stepped inside, and Kisuke pointed silently at a specific place in the room before gently sliding the door shut. Ichigo took a breath. Stepping forward himself, he thrust out a hand, wanting to be sure that he was speaking (and looking) in the right direction. He couldn't see anything, but his hand did meet with the resistance of a solid object, so he stopped, withdrew his hand, and took another breath.

"Kisuke says that you're not talking," he began. "Not even to Inoue." He paused, but, of course, he couldn't see or hear anything. "He said that those idiots in Soul Society are going to let you stay here, if you behave yourself. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Once more, he paused. He knew that he wouldn't hear anything that the other answered, but he was pretty sure that the Espada wouldn't have answered anyway, even if they could both see and hear each other.

"Look, I know it's a bad deal that they're giving you, and I can only imagine what they said and did to you while you were there, but being here now and ignoring everybody (not just me) is just immature. You knew that Soul Society was going to get involved eventually, so you shouldn't be surprised. You're smart enough to have known that it might be bad when they did, so pouting about it now is stupid! They sent you back! So what if they gave you some rules to follow? You think I ever listen to their rules? Besides, did they really say anything that bad that you can't do?"

At this point, Ichigo was really wishing that he could at least see the other, because he wanted to move right into Ulquiorra's face as he continued.

"It was a risk when you came here, and it's going to be a risk for you to stay, but that's life! Life is risk! I thought that you told me that you cared about Inoue. If you care about her, then you should think of her and not just you. She wants you to be with her. While you were gone, she told me about what happened the night you left, and I think I know why you left. You didn't want her to get hurt. If that's why you're not jumping at the chance to go back to her, then you really don't understand humans at all! Inoue doesn't need you to keep her safe from things that neither of you can control; she needs you to be there with her. And when bad things happen, you take care of it. So what if Soul Society is strong? So what if Inoue can't protect herself against them? She couldn't protect herself against Aizen either, but did that stop us from going straight into Hueco Mundo and beating every last one of you Espada? I didn't win against you because I was stronger, Cifer; I won because I was fighting for all of my friends, and because I refused to lose! You said that you wanted to stay here with Inoue, but you ran away at the first sign of trouble! That's not caring! Self-sacrifice isn't something she wanted from you! She never wanted me to die to save her, and she doesn't want you to do it either!"

By this point, Ichigo was becoming more and more frustrated with the fact that he couldn't see what reaction (if any) his speech was producing on the Espada before him. He knew that the other was able to lend him a little reiatsu, so that Ichigo could see him, if he wanted. Or, if not that, then he could at least give Ichigo some physical indication that he was listening. Given that the Espada had still done neither, Ichigo chose to assume that Ulquiorra was still ignoring him. This only upset Ichigo further.

"What's the point of even living, if you don't fight when bad things happen?" he demanded "The whole purpose of living is to protect the people you care about. If you're in it just for yourself, then why haven't you gone back to Hueco Mundo already? And if you are staying for Inoue, then stop thinking that abandoning her is the best option! Of course, there's going to be risk. There's always risk! If there wasn't any risk, then life wouldn't be worth living. The whole reason we go on is to face the challenges that life throws at us and overcome them. If you want a life without risk, then you don't really want a life at all. And don't try to argue that you're already dead! That doesn't matter. You want to live here with the living, so you need to learn to stand up to anything that comes and face it head-on, for the sake of everyone you've sworn to protect and everyone that means anything to you. If you give up, then you don't deserve friends, you don't deserve freedom, and you don't deserve to live!"

Ichigo paused again, still glaring at the silent, empty space. "You disgust me, Cipher. I thought that you were different!"

"Why are you talking to yourself?" came a bored voice from the doorway.

Turning, Ichigo saw Junta standing there, cleaning the wax from his ear with his finger and watching Ichigo nonchalantly.

The door was open. Ichigo knew that Kisuke had shut it, and Ichigo hadn't heard it reopen, though it was clear that it had. Ichigo glared at the smaller boy as a vein threated to pop in his forehead. Ulquiorra could at least have let Ichigo know that he was leaving, rather than abandon the other to his passionate speech to an empty room. Ichigo felt his nostrils flare in irritation. He silently swore that he'd get back at the Espada later.

"Ulquiorra-san."

Ulquiorra paused at the outer door of the shop.

"I thought that you might be wanting these," smiled the shopkeeper, extending a folded stack of white cloth to the Espada. "That robe can't be comfortable."

Without a word, Ulquiorra took the cloth. Lifting one piece, he observed as a white coat with long coattails came unfolded in his hand.

"I suppose you were right," grinned Kisuke. "Perhaps I do underestimate my own genius."

Back at her apartment, Orihime found herself wandering aimlessly from one room to the other. Everything there was a memory. There were memories of the last few days of despair, memories of the weeks before that with Ulquiorra, memories of the years of living alone, and memories even older of her brother Sora.

"What would you tell me, Sora?" she wondered aloud. "If you were here, what would you say? Would you tell me to just grow up? Would you tell me that he isn't worth it?" Orihime pressed her lips together stubbornly, lifting her eyes to the ceiling, as if seeing her brother there. "But he is worth it!" she exclaimed. "You don't know him! You didn't see him in Hueco Mundo and then here with me. Even if he was cruel then, it was because he didn't know any better. He didn't know anything really." Orihime clasped her hands together, her tear-filled eyes focusing on nothing as she continued. "He tried to be kind, even though he didn't know what it was or what that meant. You should have seen him!" She smiled through her tears. "It was so sweet! Even though he was one of the most dangerous enemies that my friends and I had ever faced, he still didn't understand something as simple as being nice. When he would look at me with that confused face, I just wanted to hug him and tell him that it was alright." Lifting her gaze again, Orihime smiled brightly at the ceiling. "He's always been like that. I don't think that he was ever mean for the sake of being mean. He didn't know any better. He just needed someone to love him and show him what that meant. And that's what I've done. And he was starting to understand! I know that he was! Even though he had never been around anything like that before. He knew Aizen and the other Espada and Shinigami captains, but that was all. And that's no good picture of love or kindness. But since he's been here with me and my friends, he's come so far! I believe he could truly be happy here with me, and I know that that would make me more happy than anything in the world!"

Orihime again lowered her eyes. Her hands were clasped together. Her smiled faded.

"I just want him back again," she whispered. "I just want him to be happy. And . . . and I want to be happy with him."

"Orihime."

With a gasp, Orihime spun around to see Ulquiorra standing there, watching her calmly. Frozen to the spot, Orihime found that she couldn't move; she couldn't speak. She was terrified of the possibility that she was dreaming or hallucinating, her mind playing tricks on her with her passionate desire. She didn't dare do anything that might break the spell.

Ulquiorra stood straight, his left hand in his pocket as his right calmly closed the apartment door behind himself. He wore the familiar white robes of the Espada, and Orihime thought that he had never looked so lovely. He stepped forward, his hard sandals making a quiet clacking sound against the floor, and Orihime felt another bout of tears building up inside her and she struggled with hope and fear. Was he real? Was he here? As her gaze finally moved to his hair and she noticed the missing Espada mask, her eyes widened, realizing that this was indeed him now, not a vision from the past. His gaze was still guarded, not quite as open as before, but there was again a little life in his eyes. He was here. he was real. With a sob, Orihime threw herself forward, burying her face in his shoulder as she grasped him tightly.

The feel was him. The scent was him. The reitsu was him. As two strong arms rose to embrace her gently, wrapping her in care and security, Orihime wept. Her tears flowed onto his uniform, but he didn't stop her. He silently ran his fingers through her hair, caressing her as she cried. He said nothing, but he didn't have to. He was there.

He was there.

For several minutes, they stood thus, long after Orihime's tears had stopped. She didn't want to let go. She just wanted to stand there forever, wrapped in his arms with her own around him. But, after a time, she did finally pull back to look at him with a smile.

"You're back," she said in a voice that quivered only slightly.

Ulquiorra's gaze darkened only slightly, but it was enough to bring all of her worry back again.

"You're going to stay, aren't you?" she gasped. "Please say that you're back to stay!"

"The Shinigami have said that they will allow me to live here," he said, "but only so long as I abide by the restrictions which they have placed on me."

Orihime swallowed and licked her lips. "Um, that's good . . . isn't it?" When he didn't immediately respond, she continued, "The restrictions aren't that bad . . . are they?"

"It depends," answered Ulquiorra. "I have no intention of abiding by them, if they prove to be exceedingly inconvenient, but it is less that and more that I simply do not believe them."

Orihime blinked at him in confusion.

"The Shinigami are liars," continued Ulquiorra calmly. "They have shown themselves to be untrustworthy in the past, and I have no reason to believe anything that they say now. If I stay, I have no doubt that they will find a reason to turn against me in the future, no matter how stringently I abide by their rules."

"I won't let them!" snapped Orihime, clenching her fists. "They can't do that! If you do what they ask, then they can't hurt you or take you away again!"

Ulquiorra returned her gaze silently, as Orihime didn't back down.

"They could not take me, if I did not allow them to do so," he said at last. "It would be my choice."

Now Orihime was confused. "Then . . . what's the problem? Or is there a problem?"

Ulquiorra didn't answer at first. He lifted a hand to run his fingertips carefully through her hair.

"The problem is you," he said at last. "If I stay, they may hurt you. They may take you prisoner. They may kill you. You will not be safe, so long as I am with you."

Orihime's eyes widened. She realized immediately what he meant and why he was struggling with this decision, and she wanted to snap at him that he was being foolish if he thought that she would rather be alone and safe than with him and in any sort of danger that might come. She almost wanted to slap him again to perhaps "knock some sense into him," as Kurosaki-kun would say. She didn't, however. As she looked into his deep green eyes that were so expressive to those who knew how to read them, she read the simple concern for the one for whom he cared. He cared for her. He wanted her to be safe. Even if he wanted to stay with her, the simple, logical answer was that he should leave, because she would then be safe. Orihime wanted both to laugh and cry at the same time.

Lifting her own hands, Orihime, placed on either side of Ulquiorra's face, gazing into his eyes with a smile.

"I'm not afraid," she assured him. "I want to be with you."

Once again, she saw the confusion there. She saw him struggle between what he wanted and what he felt was best. As his eyes moved, looking at her eyes also, she just smiled reassuringly at him.

"It'll be alright," she continued. "We'll be together, and everything will work out. I want to be with you, Ulquiorra." She rubbed her thumb over his cheek and felt him shiver slightly as his eyes widened again. "Please stay with me," she whispered. "Please, Ulquiorra."

His eyes moved over her face, and she saw the longing there begin to overcome the other emotions. She wasn't aware that she was leaning forward, but his eyes seemed closer and closer.

"Please, Ulquiorra," she breathed.

His face was so close to hers now. Her eyes fell to his perfect lips. This time, she was aware as she leaned forward and pressed her own to his gently. As smooth as marble and likely as strong, they still felt heavenly as she kissed him. A tremor ran through her as she felt his lips move carefully against hers. It was perfect. It was like nothing she would have imagined, and yet it was him and so it was perfect.

Eyes still closed, Orihime leaned her head against his shoulder again, breathing deeply.

"I love you, Ulquiorra," she said softly.

The hand that had gone back to caressing her back trembled slightly at her words, but Orihime continued to grasp him tightly.

"I love you," she repeated.

His hand had stopped, and they stood still for some time before he moved his hand again, continued to stroke her hair gently.

"Love," he said quietly. "An irrational human concept, meant to explain emotions which make no sense."

Orihime tensed slightly, not wanting to fight with him now and not wanting to cry either. She pressed her eyes closed tightly, taking deep breaths and trying to decide whether to say anything or not. Before she could fully decide, Ulquiorra continued.

"What I feel for you . . . . It makes no sense."

Orihime froze. As his words gradually sank in and she realized what he meant, she felt her heart swell in elation. A laugh escaped her lips as she hugged him tightly.

"It's alright," she smiled. "Some things don't have to make sense, and that's okay." Pulling back enough to look up at him again, she continued, "I love you too."