AN: This is a pure dialogue one-shot, and Sherlock's dialogue was written by the amazing moriartea_and_scones on Archive of Our Own, John's and Greg's were written by me, onlyconsultingdetective.

SHERLOCK: JOHN: GREG:

(Fri 10:13pm)

You know, it is entirely possible to go a night without bringing some brain dead girl back to our room. SH

(Fri 10:13pm)

She's not brain dead, and I do have a life outside of you. Well I try. JW

(Fri 10:16pm)

You were the one who wanted to go to the chem lab and ignite the eyeball or whatever other experiment you were fussing about earlier. You can do that now. JW

(Fri 10:17pm)

Only because you brought that girl over. I would've been perfectly happy to leave it until tomorrow. SH

(Fri 10:18pm)

No you wouldn't, I've lived with you long enough to know how you act when you don't get to your experiments on time. JW

(Fri 10:18pm)

Whatever. I do not. SH

And I still don't like it when you bring them over. SH

(Fri 11:20pm)

Greg, I need to stay in your room tonight again. SH

(Fri 11:27pm)

John brought another girl over? GL

(Fri 11:28 pm)

The third one this month. This is getting rather tiring. SH

(Fri 11:29pm)

I'm sorry mate. GL

I'm at a party right now, I won't be back for a while. GL

(Fri 11:30pm)

That's alright, I know the extra key is under the placemat. SH

(Fri 11:33pm)

I'm not going to ask how you knew that. GL

(Fri 11:34pm)

It's the most common hiding place, aside from a potted plant or somewhere else equally inane. SH

(Fri 11:36pm)

Well I gotta go. Just don't blow my dorm up. GL

(Sat 12:06am)

How'd the experiment go? JW

(Sat 12:07am)

Fine. SH
I assume she left? It would be rather bad bed manners, even for you, to be texting me while lying next to her. SH

(Sat 12:07am)

She left ten minutes ago. Where are you now? JW

(Sat 12:08am)

Greg's room. They kicked me out of the library a while ago. SH

(Sat 12:08am)

Who's the latest one again? Morgan something? SH

(Sat 12:09am)

Michaela. You got the first letter right at least.

(Sat 12:10am)

Right. She's the one with the funny eyebrows.

(Sat 12:11am)

Of course that would be how you remember them.

(Sat 12:13am)

Well it's hardly my fault that the girls you bring back are all the same, with no unique personality. They're all loud, annoying, and brain dead. You have horrible taste. SH

(Sat 12:14am)

Thanks. That warms my heart. JW

(Sat 12:16am)

You really do. SH

Mackenzie, or whatever her name is, is considering getting back together with her ex because she thinks she might be pregnant. SH

(Sat 12:18am)

Now I need to go reconsider my relationship with her. JW

(Sat 12:19am)

Thanks a lot. JW

(Sat 12:19am)

You're welcome. SH

(Sat 12:20am)

Sarcasm. I was being sarcastic. JW

(Sat 12:21am)

I realized that. I am not as clueless about social cues as you think. I just don't care to act or not act on them. SH

(Sat 12:22am)

Why?

(Sat 12:23am)

Pointless. SH

It doesn't change the truth. Your girlfriend is possibly pregnant and definitely not that interested in you anyway. SH

(Sat 12:35am)

Would you prefer I hadn't said anything? SH

(Sat 12:36am)

I don't know. Maybe. Sometimes it's better to figure out things by myself. JW

(Sat 12:38am)

Mm. What about the one that was cheating on you? SH

Or the one that used to torture her sister's cat? SH

Or the one who wrote fanfiction for those terrible vampire movies? SH

(Sat 12:42am)

It's hard having a genius for a best friend sometimes. JW

(Sat 12:43am)

If you'll recall, I did offer to let you switch roommates. You could've avoided this. SH

(Sat 12:44am)

You might be an insufferable git sometimes, but I actually really enjoy spending time with you and your deductions. JW

(Sat 12:46am)

Just not when they involve your stupid girlfriends. SH

(Sat 12:47am)

More or less. I don't actually want you ruining all my chances of having a romantic relationship. JW

(Sat 12:49am)

If you wouldn't choose such awful girls in the first place, I wouldn't have to. SH

(Sat 12:51am)

What do you want me to do then? JW

I don't know what you want from me. JW

(Sat 12:53am)

I want lots of things. For you to stop dating stupid girls is just one of them. SH

(Sat 12:54am)

Everyone is stupid compared to you. JW

(Sat 12:56am)

I can think of three exceptions, but you're mostly correct. SH

(Sat 12:57am)

I still don't know what you want me to do about my dates. You clearly won't leave them alone. JW

(Sat 1:00am)

There's a girl in my chemistry class. Blonde. Slightly taller than you, likes puppies and writing poetry. And there's another with glasses who sings 80s songs when she gets drunk at parties, but that's really her only drawback. SH

Alternatively, there's a boy in my math class who acts almost exactly like your usual girlfriends with the benefit of not having any physical flaws to speak of. SH

(Sat 1:02am)

You're actually giving me dating advice? I was only kidding about that earlier. JW

(Sat 1:05am)

Oh, trust me, none of them would work out for you anyways. Nothing about them could possibly be described as bad, except that they're a bit boring. I was just proving that I am capable of offering educated opinions about your 'love' life. SH

(Sat 1:06am)

So basically I'm forever alone? In that case, based on your 'educated opinion' is there anyone in this world who I am compatible with? JW

(Sat 1:08am)

Do you remember Mary? You met her a few months ago when I went to Russia with my brother. SH

(Sat 1:09am)

She was great, but I can't imagine anything beyond friendship with her. JW

(Sat 1:11am)

Good. I am almost certain she'll have murdered at least half a dozen people within the next decade. SH

(Sat 1:13am)

Jesus. Why? JW

(Sat 1:15am)

I have biology with her. You should see the way she looks at the dead animals. SH

It's frightening, really. And I don't scare easy. SH

But she seems like your type all the same. SH

(Sat 1:17am)

You think my type is people with strange fascinations with dead things? JW

Well, actually, I did end up with you as my closest friend. JW

(Sat 1:20am)

I think your type is people with peculiar and potentially dangerous interests. SH

And I do not have a fascination with dead things. I just like figuring out how they ended up there. SH

(Sat 1:22am)

Ergo, fascination with dead things. But that aside, if you really think my type is people with peculiar and potentially dangerous people, why do I, according to you, "keep bringing back brain dead girls." JW

(Sat 1:24am)

You don't have to be a genius to be dangerous. SH

But anyway, your girlfriends, or potential girlfriends, alternate between dangerous and dangerously boring. SH

It's funny actually, you'll be dating a future murderer one week and then be with the dumbest girl in your class the next. SH

(Sat 1:25am)

Glad you find my failing love life amusing. JW

(Sat 1:25am)

I don't find it amusing. I find it intriguing. SH

(Sat 1:26am)

Intriguing for the great Sherlock Holmes translates into amusing. JW

(Sat 1:28am)

I won't argue with that. SH

But that isn't all it means. It's interesting, really. You're an addiction to dangerous people. SH

Most people aren't that interesting. SH

(Sat 1:30am)

I think that's the greatest compliment possible from you. Thank you. JW

(Sat 1:31am)

But I don't understand how I'm an addiction to dangerous people. I'm rather ordinary. JW

(Sat 1:39am)

Sherlock? JW

(Sat 1:46am)

Is that really what you think? SH

John, you skip class on a regular basis so I can drag you along to whatever morbid crime scene I feel like sneaking into. Your biggest complaint about the body parts in our mini-fridge is that there is no room for your food. You laugh and look at me in awe when other people scoff and get pissed off. And, as we've already addressed, you have wonderfully horrific taste in women. SH

(Sat 1:46am)

You are far from ordinary. SH

(Sat 1:48am)

Oh. I. JW

(Sat 1:49am)

Thank you. JW

I don't just let you 'drag' me around. I truly enjoy doing these things with you. JW

(Sat 1:51am)

I know. That's the strangest part, really. No one enjoys it. Even the police don't enjoy having to walk around and figure out how people died. SH

(Sat 1:53am)

I enjoy watching you deduce incredible things from the smallest of details. You save so many lives, and you do it all without a second thought. And as you've already pointed out, I have my morbid side. I actually get quite a thrill from dangerous situations. JW

(Sat 1:54am)

There. You see? I was right. You like danger. SH

(Sat 1:54am)

I never denied that I like danger, especially when I'm with you. JW

(Sat 1:55am)

So why break up with your girlfriends when I tell you how awful they are? SH

(Sat 1:56am)

Because it's not just what you say. It never felt right with them, and it still doesn't feel right with Michaela. JW

(Sat 1:57am)

Why bother then? SH

(Sat 2:01am)

I can't just stop trying. I can't let my whole world revolve around you Sherlock. I need someone else to distract me from you. JW

(Sat 2:01am)

Why? SH

(Sat 2:03am)

I don't have anyone to distract me from you. SH

(Sat 2:05am)

It's different. JW

Maybe you don't see it, but Sherlock, the more time I spend with you, the more time I want to spend with you. And it's destructive. JW

(Sat 2:06am)

Destructive? SH

(Sat 2:06am)

I don't know how to say it. JW

(Sat 2:09am)

You're like a train wreck, and some train wrecks you can't get out of. JW

(Sat 2:11am)

I see. SH

(Sat 2:14am)

One day you'll realize I'm boring, and I need someone else to be there when you do. JW

(Sat 2:14am)

That will never happen. SH

(Sat 2:17am)

Is that really what you think of me? That I'm a train wreck? SH

(Sat 2:22am)

I mean that it's impossible for people to not get caught in what you leave behind. I'm one of them, and even if you're paying attention to me now, one day you won't. JW

(Sat 2:24am)

Why wouldn't I? SH

(Sat 2:27am)
You're a genius. I'm not close to one. JW

(Sat 2:27am)

And yet I'm still here, paying attention to you. SH

(Sat 2:29am)

I'm simply a temporary distraction. JW

(Sat 2:30am)

What ever gave you the idea that you're temporary? SH

(Sat 2:40am)

You constantly need distractions and experiments to occupy that brilliant mind of yours. I don't fool myself into thinking that I am somehow a permanent part of your life. My novelty will eventually fade and I'll be left to pick up the pieces when you realize that. JW

(Sat 2:41am)

It's almost three am. I'm probably not making any sense.

(Sat 2:48am)

You're making perfect sense. SH

If you're so certain I'm going to leave you behind, why should we bother being anything to each other at all? SH

(Sat 2:49am)

What's the point of it? SH

(Sat 2:50am)

Because it would hurt infinitely more to let you go now. To know that there will never be more time with you, moments to treasure. JW

(Sat 2:51am)

Because, I fucking love you Sherlock Holmes. JW

I fell in love with you, and I know how stupid it is to confess that over text. JW

(Sat 2:52am)

I'm sorry. JW

(Sat 2:56am)

Ignore all that, delete it. Whatever, please. JW

(Sat 2:57am)

I'm so sorry. JW

(Sat 2:58am)

I didn't mean to push it on you like that. JW

(Sat 3:05am)

I love you too. SH

I have. For so long. From the day we met, from the first time I spoke to you and said something completely off the wall and you didn't act like I was a freak. It's always been you. Always. But how could I say it when you were so clear about not wanting any part of… of anything like that with me? You said you weren't like this. You didn't want it. SH

Did you really think I would've taken such a dislike to every girl you're with if I didn't absolutely hate to see you with any of them? You really can be so blind sometimes, you know. SH

Like now. SH

(Sat 3:07am)

We are idiots. JW

All this time. All this time we spent skirting around each other because we were afraid. JW

(Sat 3:08am)

But that doesn't matter now. SH

(Sat 3:08am)

It doesn't. JW

(Sat 3:09am)

Finally. SH

(Sat 3:09am)

Finally. JW

Tomorrow, tomorrow we talk face to face about this like adults? JW

(Sat 3:10am)

It's technically tomorrow. SH

(Sat 3:11am)

After the sun rises, I mean. JW

(Sat 3:12am)

Yes. Tomorrow then. SH

(Sat 3:13am)

Goodnight Sherlock. JW

(Sat 6:35am)

Hi. SH

The sun rose. SH

(Sat 6:36am)

Hi. JW

(Sat 6:36am)

Open the door. I'm outside. SH