This is a collab with Heather (heatherhargitay on twitter!) we both wrote half of it and we loved it so much that we decided to put it up. Medical stuff probably isn't 100% accurate, and I apologize for that, but I think its at least plausible. This is set post Beast's Obsession, Murphy is not at the squad, Olivia doesn't have Noah yet, and Bensidy is still together. We don't own the characters you recognize. Read & Review, if you want! Enjoy!

Olivia sat at her desk, rubbing her temples. Her head was pounding, she wanted to go home, have a few glasses of wine and just forget this day, forget nearly everything from the past year. She heard a knock on her office door and she cringed. "Come in," she said weakly, lifting her head to see Nick and Fin walk in and sit down.

"Liv, we need to talk," Nick said gently.

"Can this wait, I really just need to get home, I'm really not feeling too hot."

"No, it can't. You going home is exactly what we're afraid of."

"What are you—"

"Your drinking, it's out of control, Liv," Nick stated matter of factly.

"That is none of your business. I'm fine," she said sternly.

"No you aren't. Your eyes are blood shot, you're coming in every morning hung over."

Olivia stood up. "You're out of line, Detective," she went to move to the door and stumbled, seeing Nick and Fin rush to her side. "Get off me, I'm fine. Leave me alone."

"You're not fine, Liv. I've known you for a long time, this isn't you, and you know it." Fin's tone was serious.

She scoffed and looked in his eyes. "Go to Hell," her voice was angry and she stormed off to the bathroom. She rested against the sink and let out a breath. She ran cool water over her face and patted it dry when she heard the door open. "Leave me the hell alone, Nick. I'm fine," she said, not looking to see who walked in.

Brian stepped forward and spoke gently. "Liv? It's me."

Olivia's jaw dropped. "Oh God, they called you?" she asked, wiping tears from her eyes. "Brian I'm fine, don't worry, I'll be home soon."

He put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "You never could lie to me," he said gently. "You're not fine, Liv. You haven't been for a while."

She averted her eyes to his feet, ashamed of her actions. "I'm nothing like her," her voice was stern, adamant. "I am not my mother."

"I know you're not. You wouldn't hurt anyone. You're having a hard time, and after what he did to you, it's no wonder. I'm surprised alcohol is the only issue."

"Don't patronize me, Brian." Her request was weak, her resolve breaking. "I just want him out of my head. The wine makes him go away."

"I know you want him to go away, but the wine can't and won't do that forever. Eventually you'll want more until you're passing out. Your squad knows your struggling… You're not hiding it as well as you think you are. I heard about that ADA, the one who showed up to court drunk, nearly lost everything, got shipped off to court ordered rehab. Is that where you want to wind up?"

"I can handle it, Brian," her voice was unsure, because she wasn't sure she could handle it. But, she was Olivia Benson, she was tough. But lately, she didn't feel so tough. "Nobody… Nobody knows. No one understands. I just… I want to be me again. You can't tell me you don't miss the woman I was before Lewis. I just… When do I get my life back?"

"Do I miss the old you? Yes. I miss that woman, but not for the reasons you think," he whispered. He lifted her head. "I miss you smile, your laugh, I miss acting like kids, running around like idiots. You will get your life back, you've already started. You're a Sergeant, the head of this squad you love so much. You just need to ask for help. Nick, Fin, and I, we're here for you. We don't want to hurt you, or lock you up. Just let us help."

Olivia bit the inside of her cheek and closed her eyes. "I miss you," she whispered and fell into his arms, her forehead on his chest, tears streaming down her face. "I'll stop," she whispered through her sobs.

He rubbed her back to soothe her, keep her from getting too worked up, but it was too late. "I miss you too, Liv. I know you're still there, you just need a little help to let her out. This… this drinking isn't you. You're stronger than this, you can get through this, and we'll all be here at your side to make sure you do. The fact that you're willing to stop means so much to me. I didn't want to have you put in rehab, but if it came down to it, if it meant that I wouldn't lose you I would have. None of us want to lose you, Liv. I don't want to lose you."

"I hate him," Olivia whispered, sniffling. "But most days… I hate myself more. I should have—"

"Don't." Brian cut her off. "Stop," his voice was calm, but stern. "What that monster did to you is not your fault. You survived. You came back to me," he whispered, hugging her.

"But I should've. I should've fought back. I couldn't get away, he shoved bottles of alcohol down my throat. Gave me meth, God knows what else." Her breath started getting heavy, her panic rising. "If I can't even protect myself, how am I going to protect them?"

Brian held his face in her hands. "Baby, breathe," he whispered. "You have to breathe honey." He kissed her forehead. "He kept you in a state where you weren't capable of fighting back. You were drunk, drugged, and I know that's not even the half of it baby. But you still came out of it alive. You saved yourself. You didn't wait for someone to come to your rescue. That's how I know you're still in there." He searched her eyes, tears in his own..

"Maybe," she said gently. "But there will always be a part of me now that's… Missing, broken. I don't… is anything ever going to be okay again?"

"It will, but you have to stop using alcohol as a crutch. If that means stopping until you can handle it and you won't be downing bottles and bottles at a time than so be it. And you have to eat, you can't starve yourself. You're wasting away and it's killing me to watch." He rubbed her back, still trying to calm her down, sensing she was becoming more and more overwhelmed. "Baby steps, you need to breathe, baby, or we need to bring you into the ER. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from Lewis, but I'm here now to protect you from yourself, and for the rest of your life I will be here to protect you."

By this point, she was struggling to breathe. "I… Bri…" Her anxiety had taken over. "I can't… I can't breathe," a fresh batch of tears started. "My… My chest."

"Your chest hurts?" Brian asked, trying to figure out what she was trying to tell him.

She shook her head. "It's not... I can't get air in." Her breath was coming hard, she felt as if her chest were collapsing around her lungs, not allowing them to expand so she could catch her breath.

"Let's get you to the ER okay? Get you on some oxygen?" She nodded and gripped onto him as they walked out of the bathroom and headed towards the car. She looked at her squad and then at Brian, still trying to catch her breath. Brian saw Nick and Fin and motioned Nick over with his head. "Nick, come on, she needs to get to the hospital and fast."

Nick rushed to her side and helped Brian walk with her and Fin grabbed the keys. "Come on Liv, keep trying to breathe for me," Nick whispered.

"What's… Hap… Happening… To me?" she asked through her tears. "Why can't… I take… a breath?" She gripped onto Nick and Brian tighter trying her best to stay steady, her labored breathing making her feel faint.

Brian gripped her a little tighter, to keep her upright, contemplating just picking her up. "Liv, honey, you're having an anxiety attack, just try to relax, don't talk. We're almost to the car."

"I'm… Dying." She whispered through her tears. "He's… Dead… But he's still… Going to… Kill me." She leaned more on Brian once they got to the car. Brian climbed in the back seat with Olivia, Nick climbed in the driver's side while Fin got in the passenger seat.

"Breathe baby, I promise you'll be okay," Brian whispered as Nick sped through traffic, lights and sirens going, desperately trying to fight his own tears. He saw Olivia struggling to remain conscious, he yelled at Nick. "Drive faster, she's going to pass out!" He held her tightly and whispered. "Please Liv, hold on. We're almost there. You beat the beast, you have to make it through this. I need you to make it through this," he was unable to hide his tears any longer.

Nick drove faster, as fast as he could, every few minutes looking in the back seat to see if her eyes were still open. Olivia looked up at Brian and gripped his shirt. "I… Love… You…" she whispered and caressed his face. "Always." Her eyes were panicked, she was convinced she was dying. "You're… The one thing… he didn't take." As the words rolled off her tongue she passed out in Brian's arms, just as Nick pulled up to the hospital.

Nick hopped out of the car running inside to tell the doctors what was going on, Brian picked Olivia up Bridal style, laying her on the gurney that the nurses had brought out for him, yelling for them to help her while Fin went to park the car. Brian ran next to the gurney until one nurse stopped him. "We'll come get you when she's stable," she said with an apologetic tone, his love for the woman on the gurney was obvious, but they needed room and time to help her.

Brian watched them through the doors until he could no longer see them. He sat in the waiting room, his head in his hands, dejected. Nick sat next to him, resting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, man. I tried…"

Brian shook his head, seeing Fin sit next to him. "It's not your fault. It's his," he said, saying the word his like it was poison, because to him it was. He got up and got the paperwork from the nurse doing check in and filled it out.

Two hours later they were pacing the waiting room, waiting to hear something from her doctor. There's no way it should take this long to figure out what was wrong. "What the hell is taking so long?" He walked up to the nurses station. "I need an update on my girlfriend, Olivia Benson, its been two hours."

The nurse looked up at him. "I'm sorry, I don't have any information. She's in good hands, sir. I promise."

Brian grew frustrated and let out a scream. He walked to the double doors of the ER and saw the doctor who was taking care of her coming towards him. "How is she doc?" He asked anxiously, wringing his hands.

"She's stable now. Her breathing was erratic, her blood pressure and heart rate were dangerously high. She's on oxygen now and we gave her something to bring her pressure and heart rate down. We've been monitoring her very closely, but as of now it looks like she'll be okay.

"Can I see her? Please? I… I need to see her." He said, desperately needing to see for himself that she was okay.

"I'll bring you back. She's not awake, but she should be soon." The doctor lead Brian back to where Olivia was. When he saw her is heart broke. She looked so small, so frail in the hospital bed, the oxygen mask over her face, electrodes on her chest monitoring her heart. He moved closer and kissed her forehead.

Olivia felt his lips on her forehead and she groaned, her eyes fluttering open. "Bri?" she asked, moving the oxygen mask. "What happened? Where am I?" She asked in a throaty voice, starting to panic again, gripping Brian's hand tigt.

"Shh shh shh," he soothed, pushing her hair back. "Just relax. You're in the hospital, you had an anxiety attack, you passed out on the way here. The doctor said your breathing was erratic and your blood pressure and heart rate were high. You're going to be okay.

Olivia looked up at him. "Explains why I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

He gave her a small smile. "Just relax, leave your mask on," he whispered and slid it back over her mouth and nose. "Just get better for me. And for you. God, you need to get better for you."

She took his hand and looked into his eyes. "Don't leave me," she spoke, her voice weak. "Please."

"Never," he whispered, kissing her knuckles, then her forehead, lingering a little longer. He pulled up a chair next to her and smiled softly at her. "I love you too, Liv."

She smiled and caressed his face. "Thank you." She whispered. "For taking care of me, and for loving me."

He kissed her knuckles again. "Don't ever scare me like that again though."

Fin and Nick walked in and Fin smirked. "Never seen this one so scared." Olivia finally let out a small laugh. "That's the Liv we all want to see again. All the time."

Olivia looked at Brian. "I'm sorry," she whispered, looking into his eyes, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. She then turned to Nick and Fin. "Guys, I'm so sorry. I know I haven't been myself lately. I'm done with that. And I'm sorry I scared you all today." She bit her bottom lip. "I guess I do need help," she whispered.

Brian smiled. "We're just glad you're okay."

"I guess I'm taking some time off, huh? At least to get back on my feet. Please don't burn down the squad room while I'm gone, okay?" She said barely above a whisper, giving a half smile, disappointed in herself that she had let herself sink this far.

Fin smirked. "I got it Sarge. You get back in fighting shape."

Brian smiled. "I'm going to take some time off too. I don't want you pushing too hard. I'll take care of you. I promise."

Olivia looked at him and shook her head. "You don't have to do that, I'm fine," she said gently.

"Says the woman lying in a hospital bed," Nick retorted.

"Watch it Amaro, I may be in a hospital bed, but I'll still kick your ass." She smirked and Nick laughed.

Brian looked at Olivia. "Maybe we could go away for a few days, get your mind off everything. And so I can make sure you don't go into work," he smirked and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Mm, where?" she asked gently.

"Anywhere you want to go to relax," he said gently.

She closed her eyes and smiled. "The Bahamas." Her eyes opened with a devilish smirk in them. "Just you and me."

"You got it baby." He said and gently caressed her face. "How about you get some sleep and I'll come back tomorrow. I promise."

Nick nodded. "We all will. Everyone loves you, Liv."

Olivia squeezed Brian's hand. She looked into his eyes, tears welling up in her own. "Bri, please…" she whispered. "I… I don't want to be alone right now," she tried blinking back her tears. "Not here." She closed her eyes and brought his hand to her forehead, using every ounce of willpower not to cry. "I'm scared," she admitted meekly, embarrassed that she'd made the confession in front of her squad.

Nick and Fin got the hint, gave Brian a nod and walked over to give her a hug, promising they would be back in the morning. Brian sat on the edge of the bed and cradled her as best he could. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. You have nothing to be scared of. I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you again. I promise.

Olivia pushed herself up to a sitting position, raising a hand. "I'm okay," she whispered, looking into his eyes. She ran her fingers over his lips, looking from his eyes, to his lips, and back again. She moved the oxygen mask and leaned in and kissed him gently. She broke the kiss and smiled. "I needed that." She whispered, putting the oxygen mask back on and laying down, patting the empty space on the bed. "Lay down with me."

Brian smiled and nodded. "Of course," he whispered and he lay down on his back, allowing her to rest her head on his chest. He smiled and stroked her hair, kissing her head. "You comfortable?" he asked not wanting her to be in any discomfort from the wires on her chest or the IV in her hand.

"I am now." She smiled and closed her eyes, letting his heartbeat soothe her. "I'm sorry I scared you baby. I… I guess I just got overwhelmed by everything and couldn't get out of my own head."

He kissed her head again and rubbed her back. "It's okay. You're okay. We're okay," he whispered. "That's all that matters."

She smiled. "We are okay," she whispered. She held onto him tightly, letting his heartbeat soothe her to sleep.

Brian looked down at her and smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. "Goodnight, my warrior," he whispered. And with that, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep with the woman he loved in his arms.

A/N: Thanks for reading, please leave a review, here or on Twitter (mariskaxcouric & heatherhargitay)! Kisses!