"This isn't going to be another weird team-building thing, right?"
Germany grit his teeth, faintly aware of the sounds of protest coming from the steering wheel as his hands tightened.
"For the last time, no," he stated through clenched teeth.
"Well, good," America replied. "Because, seriously, Russia's a dick. Every time you guys make me do that stupid falling trust exercise with him, I swear he finds the nastiest patch of mud to stand next to or throws a bunch of thumbtacks on the ground and then drops me." America continued, unconcerned with how close his nearly two-hours of continuous chatter had driven Germany to crashing the small SUV into the nearest tree. "All this team-building stuff you've been having us do isn't working. The blind-driving exercise in London went about as badly as possible without resulting in actual death and dismemberment and the naked group bathing thing in Tokyo just led to a bunch of sexual harassment lawsuits. Dude, it's time to let it go."
Japan turned as best he could in the front passenger seat, looking past Italy and Romano in the middle row and to the American crammed into the tiny third row.
"We will be holding the G8 meeting in the Bavarian Rhön Nature Park," he began, hoping he could redirect America's attention toward topics less likely to drive Germany to contemplate murder-suicide.
"Duh." America rolled his eyes and let his head loll against the top of the car seat. "I do read my email, dude. Well, most of the time. We just don't usually go to nature parks for meetings." Closing his eyes, he said a silent prayer that they would get to the hotel or cabin or tents or whatever Germany was planning soon. The third row in this SUV was a joke – the space between his seat and the middle row was so small, he was practically bent into the fetal position.
"That is true," Japan agreed. "We are hoping that using a different setting for our meeting could stimulate new productivity or at least provide inspiration for restoring the ailing global economy."
America raised his head long enough to give Japan a skeptical look before dropping it down once again. After a few moments, he picked up his phone and unlocked it with a quick swipe to text his brother in the SUV ahead of them. Canada had been trapped with England, France, and Russia for hours while Prussia swerved to hit every bump and pothole they came across. He shuddered to think how hellish things had probably gotten in the other vehicle.
From the front of the car, Japan smiled slightly as he saw the light from the illuminated screen flash against America's glasses. With luck he would be distracted the rest of the drive.
From: Ameridiot
Germ swears tbis isnt teambuilding shit
From Ameridiot
LIES
From: Ameridiot
Gunna be HUumanVZombie all iver again
From: Ameridiot
My knees are in my chest and Romano is having Spain again
From: Ameridiot
Yelling b crying. Muttering. ARGH
From: Ameridiot
Romano is kinda upset too
From: Ameridiot
How sucky is your ride?
From: CanaBRO
England and France are fighting (shocking, I know). England was doing some needlepoint stuff and jabbed France "on accident" with the needle a few dozen times. France tossed his bag of threads out the window. England tried to stab him with sewing scissors.
From: CanaBRO
Things escalated from there.
From: CanaBRO
The car is either swerving because of the fighting or because of Prussia trying to hit potholes so they concuss each other and stop fighting.
From: Ameridiot
Russia?
From: CanaBRO
Reading. And napping.
From: Ameridiot
How's fish breath
From CanaBRO
Kuma is fine. And says he's gunna pee in your suitcase if you call him that again.
From: Ameridiot
Lol.
From: Ameridiot
Is said with love
From: Ameridiot
I re-read email, no ine said why we're going tonsone nature park. U heard why?
From: Ameridiot
Horseback riding?
From: Ameridiot
OMG, murder mystery party!
From: Ameridiot
YES. WANT.
From: CanaBRO
No one's told me. I'm starting to get a EurAsia-vibe.
From: Ameridiot
FUCK, more anti-North America shit?
From: Ameridiot
Or just "Aw, ickle babies!" shit?
From: Ameridiot
All equally shit
From: CanaBRO
I think bit of both. Kind of an "Aw, ickle babies from silly NA who don't know things" tone going on.
From: Ameridiot
Hate that
From: Ameridiot
Oldtimer dtuff could explain why Rpussia andRomano are here
From: Ameridiot
They usually sit out the meeting stuff.
From: Ameridiot
Wish I coud
From: Ameridiot
The meetings are glorified baby-sitting services
From: Ameridiot
Bosses drop us off and leave to do grwon-up work while babies play pretend
From: Ameridiot
Unless it's war or suoer small groups we don't get shit done and no one expects usbto
From: CanaBRO
That the reason for Globo-Warming Man?
From: Ameridiot
Yup!
From: Ameridiot
Ifbwe gotta be stuck somewhere for hoirs may as well have some fun!
From: Ameridiot
For reals,though, see if you can figure out what the crap is happening
From: Ameridiot
Germany will totes crash the car and kill us all if I ask
From: Ameridiot
His ears have gone all anger red
From: CanaBRO
I'll do my best.
From: CanaBRO
And please stop annoying Germany. He's trying to help. We just need to ninja-purge his library again. Too many Management Training books.
From: Ameridiot
Prussa got trapped in a confined spacw with England and France because of those books b he'll totally help us out again
From: CanaBRO
We'll ask him later. I'll see what info I can dig up on this trip.
From: Ameridiot
Cool beans! Keep me in the loop! Ttyl!