"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

At a small café in Trigleph, Jude sat cupping his second mug of coffee with both hands. He looked up to greet his guest, smiling in spite of his fatigue. Ludger took a seat across from him, appearing just as tired as he was, but smiling all the same.

"Yeah, our work schedules aren't exactly merciful on our sleep cycles, are they?" Jude laughed, running a hand through his hair, chuckling to himself. "But at least I'm not running around chasing suspects all day. I'm just in the lab."

"To be honest, I think I'd prefer chasing suspects. I've seen the way you work." The waitress came over and poured Ludger a cup of coffee, which he gladly began adding creamer to. "But after receiving all that private funding, I can see why you'd put so much into it."

Jude took a sip of his own drink, his body craving the caffeine after pulling an all-nighter to meet his deadline. "Yeah, it just felt like there was a lot more at stake when we had the chancellor start handing us checks. Talk about nerve-wracking."

Ludger idly stirred his coffee, resting his chin in his free hand. "Didn't she make a big PR deal out of it too? Not sure what her motive is, but at least the funds are clean. You wouldn't believe how disorganized things are still with half our directors missing."

"Even after all this time? I would have thought Julius would have things under control by now…"

A heavy silence fell over them, Ludger's hand stilling over his coffee as his expression fell. "Actually… That's one of the reasons things are so crazy. Julius quit."

"What?" Jude blinked in shock. Julius had been the director of Ludger's department for years, and one of the few that stayed on board after the Exodus investigation. He was dedicated to his job almost as much as he was his brother. To hear he just left… "But why?"

Ludger gulped thickly, pushing his coffee to the side as he rested his elbows on the table. "He's gotten sicker, and it has been affecting his work. He thought it was time."

Jude lowered his gaze, sorrow welling in his chest. He knew Julius's condition had been rapidly worsening, but the man insisted on working because he wanted to support Ludger. It was only a matter of time before he wasn't able to push through the pain anymore. Jude felt for them; the brothers were close, and Julius was the only family Ludger had left. "I'm sorry, Ludger. I wish there was something I could do to help but… None of my spyrites can cure what he has."

The agent quickly shook his head, dyed hair falling into his eyes as he offered Jude a somber smile. "That's not why I called you out here. I know you did what you could when you came to see him last, and we're both grateful for it." A pause, another sip of coffee, before Ludger set it aside again. "I'm leaving Spirius, too."

"You too?!" Jude sputtered. Things had been hard, and yes, the corruption had certainly tainted the public view of the conglomerate, but "I thought you always wanted to be an agent? To follow your brother's footsteps?"

Ludger chuckled through his nose, as if he had expected this reaction of Jude. "It was, yeah. But after doing the work, seeing what I had to do for the sake of my job… My heart just wasn't in it after that time in Duval. I think Julius leaving was the last straw."

"I see…" Jude wasn't sure how he felt about that. On the one hand, he felt responsible for involving Ludger in that mess, tainting his view of the company. But on the other he almost felt relieved; Ludger was skilled in combat, but he was kind, almost too kind for all the dirty work he was having to do in the name of Spirius. This led to another question. "What do you plan on doing then? If Julius isn't working either, then…"

The pale man smiled, brushing the stray bangs from his face. "The barkeep of Café Noir offered me a job as a cook. I've always enjoyed cooking, so I figured it'd be a good place to start. It's a huge pay cut, but…"

"But it's something you'd enjoy doing, isn't it?" Of all people, Jude knew exactly how it felt to have a job he loved and very little funds to show for it. It was hard, but far more fulfilling way of life. That, and Ludger's cooking was already restaurant quality in Jude's opinion. Why not make a career of it? "If it's something you want to do, then I'm glad for it. Just let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay?"

A firm nod, another winning smile. "You'll just have to come down to Duval more often to have dinner from now on."

The two shared a much needed laugh. It had been a couple weeks since they had been able to sit down and enjoy each other's presence. Between Ludger's ever increasing workload due to the shortage of agents and Jude's research deadlines ever looming over his head, the two had hardly time for themselves, let alone visiting. But Ludger had left Spirius, and Jude had finally pushed his last prototype out to the field lab for testing. Now they could rest, and enjoy a few moments for themselves and their loved ones.

"How's things with Gai- I mean, Erston?" Jude ventured, searching for a topic of conversation that was far removed from their jobs. It was strange to think that a casual friendship with the ruler of his homeland was one of the end results of the Exodus ordeal. It was still a little scary speaking so plainly to the king, but Gaius had proved to be an honest and reliable friend. That, and he clearly adored Ludger, which was really all Jude hoped for in the end.

A heavy blush crossed Ludger's cheeks and he averted his gaze. "They're going well, I think. He's always busy with his royal duties, but he always takes time out to visit." He gave a nervous chuckle as his eyes returned to Jude. "He said if anything happens, he'd provide for me. I don't want it to come to that, but the offer is tempting."

"A king providing for you… Isn't that a bit like being a concubine?"

The blush only worsened. "D-don't say it like that. It makes it worse!"

This time Jude chuckled, waving a hand to calm his friend. "I'm joking. But I'm glad things are going good. Erston is the kind of guy to speak bluntly, so it's easy to see what he thinks of you."

"Yeah." Ludger said, mind clearly drifting to his lover, judging by the grin on his face. Jude tried not to laugh. He was happy for them, but also a little envious. They had been together for a while, and Ludger always looked so happy whenever he was around. For someone who was going through so much, it was nice to see Ludger genuinely smiling again.

It reminded him of a time he genuinely smiled for someone else. Such memories made his face fall, his previously contented expression fading.

"It's been two years, hasn't it?" Jude snapped to attention at Ludger's expression, the man's own face conveying the concern he felt for his friend. "Have you gotten anything from him?"

Jude lowered his eyes, slowly shaking his head. Without prompting, he knew exactly who Ludger was talking about. "No… Nothing."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't…"

"No, it's…" Jude was quick to cut off any apologies. Ludger had been friends with him too, it was only natural for him to ask. "It's fine. I just have to keep waiting."

"All this time though?" Ludger sounded genuinely surprised. "You'd think he'd at least send a letter or something…"

Jude knew what he was getting at; the person he was waiting for all this time… "I know, but he has to come back eventually, right?" Jude didn't quite believe his own words, but he voiced them anyway if only to keep himself going. "I'd be satisfied just knowing he was okay. So I'll just wait for him." A lie, a boldfaced lie, but this was something he had kept to himself. Ludger didn't need to know his feelings, how he was beginning to doubt the man would return, that he was even still alive. Voicing these fears would only give them validity, a place in reality, and Jude wasn't ready for that.

He wasn't sure if he ever would be.

Ludger reached across the table and gripped his hand, offering a sympathetic smile to his friend. They had grown so much closer since Jude's return to Rieze Maxia. Ludger had become Jude's confidante, his support when things get rough. And in return Jude had offered the same. In another time, Jude thought they would have probably ended up together, but Ludger had Gaius, and himself...

"I'm sorry." Ludger spoke, thumb running across the back of Jude's hand. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

Jude placed his other hand atop Ludger's, smiling as brilliantly as he could muster. "It's fine. I'm okay. Just gotta focus on work, right?" Another boldfaced lie and they both knew it, but Ludger wasn't about it point it out.

Ludger's phone went off and he pulled his hands away, retrieving the device from his pocket to check the message received. "It's from Erston, we're meeting up in Duval. Do you want to come? It's been a while since we all got to relax together."

With a laugh, Jude raised his hand to decline. "No, I still have a report to write up. Next time, okay?"

The phone was pocketed and Ludger stood, leaving some gald on the table for his drink. "All right, but call if you need something? Leia's been worried about you, too."

Jude nodded, feigning the smile as best as he could. "Of course. Same to you, though. I know it's rough with Julius's condition."

A hand was placed on Jude's shoulder, a familiar gesture. "Thanks, Jude. I'll call you later." He waved before heading in the direction of the station, leaving Jude alone to pay his end of the tab.

With a sigh, he stood, shelling out some gald before grabbing his bag and heading towards his apartment.

Over the course of the years, the near-empty apartment had evolved into something resembling a home. There still wasn't much in the way of decor; the living room was still mostly empty, with a few plants and a pair of lamps being the only new editions. What odds and ends he recovered from his old place had been brought over with the aid of Ludger and Leia. His bookshelves were set up in his room, his computer placed upon a desk. The room itself was still bordering on becoming a disaster area, but Jude did his best to keep it contained to just the bedroom and not let it spread into the living area. Maybe it was for the sake of bettering himself, or maybe it was because he wouldn't want anyone to see the apartment entrusted to him destroyed by his negligence.

Jude set the stack of mail he had gathered upon the kitchen counter and began sorting through it. Junk mail, bill, newsletter, bill, a notice from the landlord… He opened the notice first, feeling his pulse rise with the anxiety over what information the envelope could contain. He quickly glanced over the text; a thank you for a timely payment followed by a confirmation that his rent had been drawn from the account successfully, his dwindling gald balance following.

Only a few months left… Jude sighed, setting the letter aside and leaving the rest of the mail for later. Every month it was the same; the rent was pulled from account that Jude had no knowledge of save for its mention on the monthly notices. He had asked the lady down at the office at one point, only to have her shrug and say that the lessee had made a lump sum payment in lieu of a background check when he moved in some years back. But the amount was finite, and though Jude was doing his best to be conservative with water and electricity, the funds were drying up and he had no earthly way of affording such a luxurious place on his own.

It would be no small task to leave, financially, physically, and mentally. Though he had used the last two years of free rent to save every extra bit of gald he had, it was still only enough to cover the move and maybe a month or two of rent. Ludger had offered him a place to stay, but his apartment was a two bedroom shared between himself and his ailing brother; hardly enough space for a third person with a veritable library of materials he needed to keep. Leia offered as well, but the same issue arose.

The three had suggested finding a roommate to share the space; it was a nice apartment in a great part of town. He could easily split the cost and afford to keep it even on his researcher's budget. But Jude turned that idea down right off; moving out wasn't a desirable option, but having someone else live with him was just as bad. It wasn't that he didn't want to share the apartment; he'd probably enjoy having someone else's presence to drown out the silence. No, having someone else move in meant moving stuff out of the master bedroom. Stuff that wasn't his to move. Stuff that belonged to Alvin.

Since his return to the apartment, the bedroom had remained largely untouched. Every now and then Jude would dust the furniture, open the window to air out the room. The pillows were fluffed, the blankets and sheets changed in time with the seasons. On the nightstand, the brown and gold GHS, still unable to power on, the ports corroded beyond repair. Everything remained as it was when Alvin and he still shared the home.

Mary called it waiting. Balan called it a memorial.

Jude wandered into the bedroom, as he often did when lost in the thoughts of the man who turned his world on its head. He admired the many colorful scarves that were carefully hung inside his closet, ran his hands across the fine fabrics of the suit jackets of which Alvin had always been so proud. Jude paused at one near the back, familiar hues of violet and maroon, pulling it from the collection and into his arms.

Though the scent of the sea no longer lingered, Jude was never able to get the bloodstains out of the expensive fabric. They remained, outlining the punctures in the cloth, the burnt edges of holes. Every time Jude looked at that jacket, he wondered if it was really possible for Alvin to have survived such horrific injuries. Jude himself had been shot once, and that was enough to put him down for a good month, but Alvin… He had taken no less than three shells. It seemed impossible for either of them to have survived, but Jude had been saved, found wrapped in that very jacket.

But Alvin was long gone when Jude had been found. And the more time passed, the more difficult it was to believe the man would return at all.

Jude wanted to believe in his words that day, that Alvin would come back when he had settled whatever score with whoever he needed to, whether it'd be an enemy or himself. But to go so long with nothing, he found he was losing hope.

Jude pulled his GHS from his pocket, staring blankly at the screen. It had taken months to recover the phone numbers lost when his old handset was destroyed, and even now he was still missing some. At the top of the contact list was Alvin's name, the number obtained from Leia. It went to voicemail for the first few months, now only leading to a generic out of service message. Looking back, Jude wished he had recorded the message on the machine, if only he could hear his voice again. But even if it always led to nothing, Jude would still call the number every now and again on the off chance that he'd get an answer, that he'd hear the familiar chuckle followed by "Hey, kid".

It was fruitless, Jude knew, but he still tried even if it hurt. It was hard hanging on, but even harder to let go. And for all his optimism, as the days passed with no word, Jude knew eventually he'd have to come to terms with Alvin's death.

With a ragged sigh Jude laid upon the unused bed, curling up with the jacket held tightly to his chest. He knew he had work to do, reports to write, dinner to make, but at that moment he didn't feel like doing anything but to lay there and try not to cry.

Maybe it's time I let this place go… Maybe he… Really isn't coming back…

As a tear slipped down his face his phone buzzed in his hand, startling him out of his thoughts. Jude quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes as he looked at the display. A number he didn't recognize, and after hours too. Normally Jude would still answer regardless of the time; one never knew when he'd be needed at the lab. But right now Jude needed a moment to himself. He really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

The phone went silent again and Jude sighed, setting the device upon the nightstand to join Alvin's broken one. But no sooner had his fingers left the smooth plastic did it buzz once more, the display blinking '1 New Voice Message'.

Maybe there's something going on at the lab? Jude picked up his phone and dialed his voice mailbox, pressing the speaker to his ear.

"You have one unheard message. First unheard message."

There was no voice at first, only the sound of the wind and the distant murmurs of a crowd. Jude was beginning to think that perhaps it was a wrong number, a pocket dial message that would stretch until the timer was up. It wasn't the first time such a thing had occurred, nor was it likely the last.

But then there was a long, exasperated sigh, followed by a voice that stole Jude's breath from his lungs.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm glad your number is still the same."

Jude nearly dropped the phone in shock. Was that…? No, it can't be…!

"I know it's sudden but… I wanted to see you. I can't expect you to come after what I did, but…" A dry chuckle, another shaky sigh, as if the speaker had to swallow his own emotions before talking again. "I'm at the park near your old place. I know I can't ask your forgiveness but… I'll be waiting there."

Jude had his shoes on and was out the door before the message ended. He ran like a man possessed, pushing through the evening crowds without even so much as an apology to the people he ran into. His mind was spinning. The message, the words, the voice, his voice. Was it really him? Had he finally…?

His lungs burned, his legs hurt, he tripped no less than twice as he rushed from one end of the district to the other. But the pain was the furthest thing from his mind in that moment. Just a couple more blocks, a few short minutes and he'd be able to see with his own two eyes the man he had longed to see for the last two years. The man that he had begun to think was never going to return.

The sun had begun to set by the time he made it to the hill that led to his old apartment. His pace slowed, no longer able to ignore his fatigue as he approached the crest of the hill. Jude tried to catch his breath as the park came into view, the children having all gone home for the day, leaving the playground empty…

…Save for one man.

As Jude stood at the entrance fighting for breath, he laid eyes upon broad shoulders, sun-kissed skin, brunette locks that reached just past his collar. His eyes were tired, worn from countless days away from home. The smile that graced his lips was tentative at best, but still undoubtedly Alvin's.

It was him.

It was really him.

Alvin threw up a hand in a half-hearted wave, trying to appear confident but only managing to look more unsure of himself. "Long time, no see, huh?"

As Jude fought for his breath he couldn't help but stare in disbelief. After so long, the countless nights of loneliness, the endless what-ifs, the gradually fading hope that the man who had changed so many aspects of his life was even alive at all, would ever return… The sorrow, the anger, the grief, the wish just to hear the man's voice, to know he was all right, even if he never got to see him again…

All these emotions bubbled to the surface so swiftly that Jude did the first thing that came to mind.

He gritted his teeth, biting back tears as he rushed up to the man, fist raised.

"You bastard!" His fist collided with Alvin's cheek so swiftly that the man was knocked flat on his back with a surprised yelp.

Alvin laid there a moment, groaning as he sat up. "Okay, I probably deserved that."

Jude was on him before he had a chance to get to his feet, straddling his lap and holding him still with two fists tangled in his scarf. "You deserve a lot more than that!" He spat, trying so hard to keep his emotions in check but was quickly failing in that department. "Do you have any idea what you've put me through?! I spent all this time holding out hope that you'd come back, only to watch the months pass with no calls, no messages, no letters, nothing! Do you have any idea how much it hurt watching everyone give up on you? Feeling like I should give up too? You were dead, Alvin!"

"Jude, I…"

"Shut up!" Jude snapped, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to control his breathing. Don't cry, Mathis. Don't you dare cry right now! But even as his mind screamed not to, Jude was finding it hard to stave off the tears that were gathering in his eyes as he confessed all his pains from the last two years. "I saw how injured you were! The ship blew up! They didn't even recover Gilland's body! They kept saying you couldn't have survived, that you probably crawled back into the water to die alone like some animal that didn't deserve a burial. And I… I didn't want to believe they were right but…"

A thumb brushed across his eye, wiping the beginnings of a tear away. And when he opened his eyes all he saw was Alvin smiling sadly back at him and it was all Jude could do to keep from breaking down completely.

"I'm sorry, kid." He began, and for once Alvin didn't try to avoid his gaze. "I know I should have contacted you sooner. Bad on my part. I just…" He sighed, pressing his forehead against Jude's as his arms wrapped around the younger man's shoulders. "I couldn't. I just couldn't, knowing how much shit I put you through."

While Jude did not fight the embrace, he didn't reciprocate either. Instead he let his arms go limp, taking measured breaths to calm himself. "You think you were sparing me somehow? You thought I was better with you gone? Don't you remember what I said on the Zenethra?"

"But… That was before…"

"I said to stop assuming what I wanted!" He was shouting again, his voice getting away from him. "Maybe I am better off without you. Maybe I don't know what I'm getting into. But I'm making that decision, not you. And what I wanted was for you to come back safe!" Jude slowly wrapped his arms around Alvin's middle, hugging him tightly as if he was going to disappear at any moment, burying his face in his shoulder. "I wanted you to come back to me."

"Jude…" As Jude's shoulders shook, Alvin's embrace tightened around them. "After all I've done, the things I did... I lied to you, hurt you, I could have killed you… You know all this, but you still…" He sighed, shaking his head as if his own resolve was crumbling with each word. "Why wait for someone as low as me? Why sell yourself short like that?"

Jude took a slow, deep breath before lifting his head, pulling back just enough to meet Alvin's gaze. "There was something Presa told me… The night before the Zenethra…" This time it was Jude who pressed their foreheads together, hands resting against Alvin's chest. "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to." Alvin's breath hitched at the word love and he stared back at Jude in disbelief.

Jude could only smile in return. "And I trust you, Alvin."

There was the slightest quiver to Alvin's lip, a wavering in his expression. He quickly lowered his eyes, as if holding Jude's gaze was too much for him to handle in that moment. "You'd really want to be with a guy like me?"

"Let me decide that." And Jude smiled that same warm smile he had given to Alvin countless times before.

Alvin stared back, blinking slowly, leaning just the barest bit forward, pausing mere inches from Jude's lips, hesitant, unsure. It was Jude who closed the gap, pressing his lips against Alvin's own in a kiss that encompassed more than two years of yearning emotions and sleepless, lonely nights. Alvin responded slowly at first, then with fervor, holding Jude close as his own feelings poured from their contact.

They broke apart all too soon, Jude smiling even as his heart thundered in his ears. He rested his head against Alvin's shoulder, relishing the contact, the warmth of the man he had longed to see for the last two years.

"You're going to tell me everything." Jude demanded quietly. "Starting with what you've been doing all this time."

Alvin chuckled dryly, gently patting Jude on the back. "Aside from feeling lower than dirt and missing you?"

Jude reached up and gave Alvin a good knock on the back of the head. "Don't start. I'm being serious here."

"So am I." Alvin gently pushed at Jude's chest, coaxing him off his lap. Jude got to his feet and offered a hand to the older man, tugging him off the ground with only mild difficulty. Standing before the other, Alvin snorted, bringing a hand up over Jude's head. "Looks like you got taller…"

The younger man pouted, barely concealing a blush. He'd have to get used to Alvin's teasing again. "Two inches. It kind of snuck up on me."

"You make a proper armrest now." To accentuate this, Alvin draped his arm around Jude's shoulder, just as he had all those times before. "Ah, so much better on my back!"

"C-cut it out!" Jude playfully swatted at Alvin's chest, smiling wider than he had in years. Oh, how he missed this.

"Nope, I have two years of heckling you to make up for." As if to throw him off guard, Alvin leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Jude's cheek, chuckling as the younger man's face bloomed in a brilliant red. "I think I can get used to that shade on you…"

"Alvin!" Jude's face only grew redder with each touch. He'd have to get used to that, too. "Save it for when we get home."

Alvin quirked a brow, his smirk widening. "Oh? You got something planned for me when we get home?"

Jude sighed in exasperation and ducked out from under Alvin's arm. But instead of pulling away entirely, he reached for Alvin's hand. "You can find out when we get there." He offered with a smile, cheeks still burning from his previous attentions. But Jude was quickly finding that he didn't mind, because it was Alvin that was giving such loving gestures to him. It was Alvin's whose hand he held so gently, whose lips he kissed with joy that threatened to bubble over with each touch. It was Alvin, and Alvin was home, Alvin was his.

"Let's go home."

Alvin smiled back at him, twining his fingers with Jude's.

"You've changed, kid." He commented, allowing Jude to lead him down the steadily clearing streets. Jude glanced perplexedly up at him and Alvin chuckled. "You seem more sure of yourself now, like you found your purpose."

Jude's confusion faded to a contented smile, eyes falling to the brick-covered street. "I guess I have a bit. I don't feel so lost anymore, like I was before."

Alvin smiled wistfully, chuckling to himself. "I envy that. Once I decided to leave the mercenary life… I haven't really known what to do with myself."

"Lost?" Such a strange thing to hear from someone that always exuded confidence. Then again, the way Alvin was acting, how he was carrying himself… It was as if he was still wandering, lost without Gilland and Exodus to dictate his life. All the talk about wanting out, leaving his old life of lies and betrayal; was he still looking for a way out? Or was his next move still lost on him? "So you're still trying to find the person you want to be…"

Alvin stared at him, surprised at his perception. It quickly dissolved into a short laugh. "You kids these days… You're wiser than us adults, aren't you?" He sighed, turning his head up to the steadily darkening sky. "But… You're right. I still haven't quite gotten over my bad habits, or even my inability to keep people close… Maybe that's why it's taken me so long to work up the courage to see you."

"Are you planning to leave again?" Once again the questions Jude posed seem to throw him off. But this one was laced with deeper meaning, words that Jude was still too fearful to express. Are you planning on leaving me?

Alvin shook his head, giving Jude's hand a reassuring squeeze. "No, I think… I feel like having you at my back will help. It's because of you I saw how messed up things were, how messed up I still am."

"I won't be at your back, Alvin." Jude corrected him, his eyes filled with what could only be love. "And I don't want you at mine, either. Whatever it is we have to face, we're going to face it side by side. Even if things get rough, I won't run, and I don't want you to either."

"Jude…"

Jude stepped closer, holding onto Alvin's hand firmly as he gazed up at him, the setting sun haloing his hair. "So let's keep going, Alvin. Together."

Alvin smiled, clutching Jude's hand tightly, as if he too feared the boy would disappear if he let go. And Jude clutched just as tightly, leaning up on his toes to capture those smiling lips in his own, a touch that was eagerly returned.

Most people take a sabbatical after being involved in a terrorist attack, or getting wrapped up in a madman's scheme, or being forced to flee the country to escape harm. It had been offered, of course, but Jude steadfastly refused the time off. Jude claimed it was his commitment to the project, his determination driving him to keep going. But in truth it was his way of coping with the supposed death of the man he came to love in spite of all the hardships they had faced.

And now that man had returned to him, a little broken, a little lost. But together they could continue down the path of recovery, pursue the answers that they needed to finally find peace in themselves.

The road would be long, and they were sure to stumble, but Jude never felt more excited to start a journey as he did that day with Alvin at his side.

For side-stories and drabbles for this fic,visit my tumblr found in my profile. Thank you for reading!